That is a dilemma when it comes to money in a family

United States
January 27, 2013 12:00pm CST
My uncle, who is my mother's younger brother; he is recently in need of money to rebuild his house, since it is too old, and he doesn't want to abandon this house. So, he has a little bit of saving of his own, but that wasn't enough, far from enough I guess. Now, he comes to my mother asked for loan, and also my other uncles and aunts too. My mother would like to help, but she is no longer working, and we also have our plan which might need that money too. Sometimes, we try to help, but we also have consider our own situation. Now, we try to say "no", and explain our plan and situation to him, hopefully he understands. We also try to tell him that, why not look for an apartment house for purchase instead of rebuild this house, it might be a lot less to rebuild that house. He just won't consider the second option. So, my mother just hope that he would understand not like we won't willing to help, we just have our own plan too.
2 people like this
19 responses
• Indonesia
14 Mar 13
I hope your uncle could understand the situation of your family, well he must know that every family have their own plan and we all have our priority. Sometimes there some family who could understand and could accept the explanation if other family relatives could not afford a help, they think that the family where they asking for help not willing to help them. It happen to my dad years ago. One of my old cousin who have been living with us since she was a teen getting married, then she have 2 children then she and her husband decide to build their own house. They know that my dad have some big pine trees and they were asking my dad if my dad could give them 1 or 2 tress to be cut down as material for their new house. Unfortunately according to my dad explanation, the trees are not old enough and my dad offering them another type of trees but they only want the pine trees. My dad refuse and if they want it they have to wait for some more years, well I don't know anything about trees but my dad is not a stingy person and my cousin is just like her own daughter. After my dad refuse, my cousin and his husband stop talk to my dad and my mom, they never come to cisit us anymore like they always do.
@ARIES1973 (9539)
• Legaspi, Philippines
2 Feb 13
You don't need to explain anything to your uncle. He would surely understand. You are doing something not because you wanted him to suffer but you also have your own plan. Have a nice day!
• India
31 Jan 13
It becomes very difficult for a family member to make understand when it comes on money. How deep we make them understand of our own responsibilities and financial problems they will think that we do not want to help them. So try your best to make your uncle understand of the scenario and hope everyhting will be fine.
@kaltak (23)
• United States
28 Jan 13
It is very nice of your mother to consider helping out her brother. Helping out family as much as possible is a great thing to do. But in this situation it seems like her brother does not need the money any more than your mother, so I think your mother is right in gently turning him down. If he cares abouut his sister hopefully he won't be too upset. Maybe he can take on another family member in the house to share the costs.
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
I often think that we only have ourselves to rely on. Family members no longer are willing to extend a helping hand because they have their own families now, their own plans and so we only have ourselves to rely on. It is sad to think that even family members can no longer be of help to their own kin. Our own problems in life cause us to be away from our blood kin.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
28 Jan 13
While I do think that it is important to help our family and even our close friends when we can, I do think that they should always understand that there are times that we cannot help in the financial sense because it could mean devastation for our own families. With my family it has alternated between who is helping whom, but that is something that we always try to do for each other. Now one suggestion that might help your uncle would be to see if he might be able to secure a home improvemenr loan for his home.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
28 Jan 13
While I do think that it is important to help our family and even our close friends when we can, I do think that they should always understand that there are times that we cannot help in the financial sense because it could mean devastation for our own families. With my family it has alternated between who is helping whom, but that is something that we always try to do for each other. Now one suggestion that might help your uncle would be to see if he might be able to secure a home improvemenr loan for his home.
28 Jan 13
If you remember an adage "if you want to go further, start doing something for others first." But it does not apply to all cases especially when it comes to financial matters. Nowadays, you should establish your own or your family's financial status first before you can afford to help others. We may never know if the time comes when your family needed help and there's no one you can rely on. And the painful part is that the ones you have tried to get through such problem, are the ones who are ignoring you. But in reality, you can never expect anyone to do the same for you as what you have done for them. So , it is a wise decision on your part to get hold of your mother's savings for your near necessities.
@toyota4k (1212)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Sometimes we turn down other people for valid reasons. We may be incapable to help and others understand while others may not. But what can we do if we ourselves need help?
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
It is alright you had explained your side and he understand. You had suggested option for him to choose now it's up for him to do. We all have our priorities in life and sometimes it is hurting to disregard the request of our relatives but our resources is not in capacity. It will be another challenge for him to undergo and he can overcome it. For all we know at his age he may have much experienced of problems such as what he have now.
• China
28 Jan 13
Yes it is a really dilemma situation and I think this situation will be faced by so many ordinary people,because in this society,due to the higher commodity price and low income. So I think that every person in our society should be a frugal people and do more saving,then we can get through this kind of dilemma situation.
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
28 Jan 13
Just because someone is a family member, and an adult family member, doesn't mean that the rest of the family is obligated to financially help them. Your mother provided a very good alternative. That is all she need to offer to your uncle. If he is stubborn, then your mother doesn't need to give in and give him money. She will probably never see it again. The family could offer to help him move into an apartment house or help him find an apartment house. But the family probably needs to say NO to renovating an old house.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
That is the trouble with other people, be they family members or friends. If they know that you have money, then try to borrow from you and always hope that you would give in. But they never think that you would also be needing it. If we have extra money, our intention is to use it for our own needs in the future and not for others to loan, right?
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
27 Jan 13
You certainly need to look out for yourselves first. If he isn't working any longer it might take some time to get the money back if you did borrow it to him. He will understand...he might be disappointed but has to see you have needs too.
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
27 Jan 13
Sorry for your uncle but I would say no too. If you own a house you know it will cost money and you have to take care of it every day/year. Sounds to me your uncle did not do that. That he recently is in need of money is not true either. With a house he needs to renovate since it's so old(!) he could have saved for it longer ago. Say no because investing your money is a waste of it plus it will indeed give you no opportunity to make your own plans come true. Your uncle is responsible for his own property and life, so are you. Also ask yourself this question: if you give all your money to him... will he be able to help you out if you need it back? I don't think so.
• India
27 Jan 13
I also hope your uncle understand yours family needs and doesn't take it in a wrong way. Yes sometimes a person misunderstands the condition and thinks that the other person doesn't want to help him and that's why he is making excuses. Its very easy to get away with negative thoughts in these kind of situations. I know it must be very hard for your mother to say no to her brother but she also had to see her family needs so she is right at her position.
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
27 Jan 13
I understand that.. your mom needs to think about herself first... Take care there...
@jugsjugs (13045)
27 Jan 13
In the past I have helped a family member out with money, but that caused more problems for me, so now I would not lend anyone any money at all, family or friends. It is hard enough paying for the things that we all need and to try to save money is really hard, as there will always be things that need to be put right that have broken or other bills that have gone up that need to be paid for.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
27 Jan 13
It's perfectly understandable to stick to your own plan and still want to help out your Uncle. We have to remember to take care of ourselves and our own needs first so when we can we can help the others in our family. It would be ill advised for your mother to abandon her plans to help her brother and then have nothing left for herself and her family. It's nice to be able to help when and IF you can.