DELIMMA: I'm in love with my very close friend but she doesn't know

@andak2007 (3230)
Philippines
January 28, 2013 2:29pm CST
Been crying and sad for this past two months because i have this feeling for one of my closest friend and yet i'm afraid to tell her and i do not want to loose the friendship that we have. Secondly, we are both married with kids and i know that she only sees me as a friend, recently she came over for a visit and i really missed her that much and we had a very good time catching up with our lives and all the things that have happened to us and our family. I really want this feeling to just melt away because it is much easier that way, i don't wanna ruin the friendship, i don't wanna hurt her and her family, i don't wanna hurt my family too. Lastly, i do not know if she will love me back, i do not know how to handle this feeling and there are no signs of her loving me back the way i love her. I'm scared of this feeling and i really really hope and pray that this will go away! She will be going away in two days and it might be years before she will come back again but we have constant communication through internet. For now i really want to tell her how i feel but i am scared..just scared to ruin everything. Help!
3 people like this
11 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
28 Jan 13
Since she is leaving there is not much to loose or? So how about telling her by a letter you close in with a small present which you give to her at the moment she is leaving? This way she has time to read it, to think it over and hopefully for you respond in a positive way. The thing is.. you can keep silence for the rest of your life or open up and wait and see what will happen.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
for now it is best for me the keep it to myself, in that way i am the only one hurting and everybody is safe, and i know i could not offer her anything, and i know she is happy with her life and i do not want to ruin her life or her family.
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
28 Jan 13
In the end we Always regret what we not did.. we seldom regret what we did. Might be something to think over.
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@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
i will have to wait longer, and besides i am also afraid of her answer, i will not able to handle it if she says yes to me...my world will turn upside down.
1 person likes this
@Renhard (3480)
• Jamaica
28 Jan 13
Base on what I see, there is nothing good that can come out if she loving you back. You can tell her if you want but you should know if she feels the same way for you, there is a possible too families will be broken because of you. As long as she is married and you are as well, then I don't see why you would want to risk it. I do not believe it would end your friendly relationship with her though because you told her that, but what do you wish to accomplish with her knowing that? I mean the best thing that can happen is she is aware of that and still treat you the same way. The worst thing that I see can happen is that she feels the same way for you and the love become so strong, where you end up divorcing the ones you love to marry each other. To me that isn't good. That is just destruction of two families.
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@Renhard (3480)
• Jamaica
28 Jan 13
But seriously if you really love her you can tell her. I know if I was in the situation I would still tell her.
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@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
you are right it will ruin everything, that is why i want to keep it for myself for now and hope that this feeling will just go away if i do nothing about it. And i am afraid that if i will tell her, she won't talk to me anymore, i could not risk our friendhip at all. That is more important.
@Renhard (3480)
• Jamaica
28 Jan 13
Ok do that. It is better to be safe than sorry. I know you will really miss her though. Hope she comes back sooner than you think.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
That is not good because both of you are married--unless both of you have problems with your present marriage, then I think you can pursue that feeling. But if only one is not happily married, then it is useless to try to make that feeling grow. I suggest you convince yourself to forget her and focus on your real family. Things like this do happen and if you are able to use your logic and correct reasoning then you might be able to save both your marriages.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
i will keep this in mind, many thanks for the advise.
@jagjit273 (1740)
• India
28 Jan 13
Just say how you feel straight forward. The worst thing would be that she will refuse your thought's and may be you. But you will be relived from this delima. As its very dangerous for you. But if she accepted. Then you will be more happy. So go and talk to her.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
hahahaha easier said than done! i wish things are just as simple as that but it is very complicated as it is...i hope to feel better in coming days when she is away from me but i will call her tomorrow before she leaves just to say goodbye.
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
28 Jan 13
If you see that she may not have the same feelings for you as you do for her. Then I think that maybe you should just leave it. Plus as you have mentioned, the two of you are married and she is probably very much in love with her spouse. Why ruin that for her or ruin your friendship, by telling her how you feel. She is leaving anyway. I mean you can remain friends with her and all but maybe put a bit of distance between the both of you, but not much. So that nothing would develop more. I'm just saying this too, because first you don't know how she feels, she's not showing any signs of interest in you, she is married and plus you don't want to hurt her family or your own family. So that is the only thing that I could advise you to do. Hopefully you make the right decision. And I think that because of the distance that you have between the both of you by location and plus by the distance that you between the both of you, then hopefully the feelings that you develop for her, will fade away.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
this is what i really plan to do...it is best that i keep it to myself and be hurting inside rather than hurt the people around us.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
If you were both single, I would definitely suggest that you let her know about it. But since, both are you are married, I don't see any reason why you should entertain your thoughts about loving your friend more than what friends should. You need to teach yourself to forget about the love that you have for her. You are actually being unfaithful to your wife just by loving another girl that way. I feel that you have a great relationship with your wife, so why not focus more on that relationship than spend time thinking about your feelings for your friend?
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
thank you..good suggestion i am thinking that way too in that direction.
@mariaperalta (19097)
• Mexico
28 Jan 13
Better do something fast... Its all in your hands there. Your choice. Only you know if its right or not...
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
i am afraid i have to take things slowly now, don't wanna hurt anybody.
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
28 Jan 13
Do you realize that you wrote the whole post and never mentioned your wife? You are cherishing a friendship which could ruin the lives of many people, and you have no problem with this? I'm wondering if she knows what kind of a person you really are? I don't believe you care about her family, any more than you care about yours. Its just about your own lusts and pleasures isn't it? God bless your wife and kids!
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
were you not reading the whole post? i even said that i will keep it to myself? can you ever control feelings towards other human being? i prayed hard and hard not to fall inot temptation and its a good thing she is going away and can you imagine how much it hurts? I love my spouse, i love my family, i am keeping quite because of them.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
If there are no signs that she feels the same way too then better forget it. You both have your own family and kids so there is no way there is something good that can come out of that.
1 person likes this
@pomwango (1355)
• Kenya
29 Jan 13
you are both married so that's where you should see the STOP sign.It may be just a crush that you are going through.there is something lacking in your marriage that's why you are having this feelings for her.find out if its how she looks take your wife for a makeover treat,or is it her personality? don't spoil a good friendship over a crush and i think you need to avoid her so that you re-focus on your marriage.Find time to spend with your wife and try set up a romantic date with her to banish what you are going through,i believe its a crush that will go away when she is out of your life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
this is really a heartbreaking story. i can relate to this because my closest guy friend is in love with me and when he confessed his feelings to me, we avoided each other and i think our friendship is already ruined by that fu**ing feelings of him. I think you should use your mind in this situation more than your heart because both of you already have a family and you have the responsibility and obligation to take care of your family. It's not good that you are feeling that way, I mean if she loves you back and if you both decided to be together, you will be hurting your families. So just think of your loved ones not only yourself and accept you fate, perhaps you are not destined for each other. have a good day!
1 person likes this