i am not a BANK.

@jazel_juan (15768)
Philippines
January 31, 2013 5:24pm CST
Note: this is me ranting. so early in the morning and it can be annoying when people go to you and borrow money as if i am a bank. What hurts more as these people are like my family. They know it was payday yesterday but grrr.. my salary is not in millions plus i got three kids!!! what hurts more is that sometimes they do forget to pay. and if you don't let them borrow they get mad or get upset on me even banks ran out of money they cry out Bankruptcy!!!
7 people like this
24 responses
• United States
31 Jan 13
I am so glad no one borrows money from me. I got to the point i just gave it to them. because looking to get it back made me stress out more.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
lucky you my friend.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
hi giftsandbagscom, can i borrow money from you? lol just kidding!! :)
3 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 13
I will feel lucky once I can save some money from all these beggers around me. I have to keep my money for me.
2 people like this
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
It is really hard to say "NO" to a friend or to your family. And I think this is the trait that we need to develop. Let them rant out and get upset. Just let them know your situation. You've got 3 kids to feed as well.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
that is something i really need to practice..saying no
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
Even me, i'm still trying to do that. :)
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
31 Jan 13
I understand the feeling so much you have no idea! When my husband got his settlement my parents asked us to borrow some money... They said it wasn't much that they needed so we agreed. Then they told us the amount and everything changed! They asked us if they could have $5,000!!! WHAT!?! We are not a bank and cannot afford to loan that kind of money to anyone... We knew they would be angry with us when we said we could not do it but we gave them what we could afford at the time and they had to get over it... We are not rich and because we helped so many people with his settlement we are broke and struggling now. Bad move on our part... Lesson learned. I understand how you feel and your just going to have to deal with people being mad about it. They will get over it in time. And if not, then they were not worth being in your life anyway.
2 people like this
@Renhard (3470)
• Jamaica
31 Jan 13
I have also learnt the hard way that even though you have money now, you might not have it in the future. I don't like to squander money, and I also am kind. But I don't see how I should take up my money even though I have a little extra now, and then starve couple of days down the road. It doesn't make sense.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
You guys are so both right, even if we have extra money, that mean we could just give it out and lend them right? i mean we never know when we need them in the future. plus i am have been keeping track of more savings for my family.
1 person likes this
@kourdapya (926)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
I can totally relate to you. I guess it's in our culture. If you have a job, people around us think we have extra money to lend them. They think we never run out of money since there's money coming regularly. I stopped lending them money first,because I don't have spare to lend them and if I do, I still won't lend some to them. Let them know that you don't work for them, that you have a family to prioritize, and it's not easy to earn money. If once you lent them and they never paid, never lend them again. If they pay you after a long time, let's say after two years or more, never lend them money again, ever! It's not that you don't want to help them, it's just that you have to let them understand that you are working for your family and not for them, they might as well work hard for themselves. If they expressed that they felt being ignored or not being helped at, just ignore. You know I just hate those people who are only nice to you when they want to borrow money, but when they've already got what they wanted, they'd suddenly ignore you as if you never exist at all. It's very common, that's one fact of life I hate the most. I borrow money too, and I pay it as soon as I have the money, and if circumstances prevent me to pay the money immediately I'd talk to the person whom I borrowed the money and explain my situation so they would understand. Oh, money really causes some tension between our relationship with people sometimes!
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
it does and you are right it is hard but then sometimes you really got to do it. i still didn't respond to the one borrowing money as i don't know how to put the words right.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 13
If it's the same people do this over and over again, it is time to put some distance between yourself and them and make it clear that the "bank" is now closed. That should be true whether they are "friends" or relatives. While a lot of people have had to turn to a friend or family member at some point for a loan to help get through a rough patch, these people are abusing your generosity.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
i could totally put the sign, the bank is closed permanently.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (8746)
• Legaspi, Philippines
1 Feb 13
This is one misconception of the people from our country. They thought that if you have job or would see you in office attire, you are already very rich and they can ask or borrow money from you anytime. I also have an experience wherein one of my neighbor who borrowed money did not pay back but it's okay, at lest now they don't come to me anymore to borrow again. Have a nice day!
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
lol they don't but with my family, they do come back thinking it is fine.. which is hard, i really find it hard to say no as because i am the youngest and they know i really have that soft spot that i can't say no.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
Yeah I know how you feel. I do not have work as of yet because I'm still a student but my friends are somewhat like that. And what hurts the most is when they don't even make an effort to pay me back. Even if they pay me 1 peso, it would've been fine to me. But they don't. I'm afraid all we can do about this is be patient and hope that eventually they'll see how what they're doing to us hurts, especially to our pockets.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
it can be pretty tiring but sometimes all we can do is still understand, from my part, i really could see them struggling just that sometimes how i wish they would also be in my feet..and see my part of struggle.
@jenny1015 (13396)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
So, you're also a victim, huh? People close to us tends to think that since we have something in our pockets that it is our obligation to help them out every single time that they need us. And that should put to stop. We have our own families to take care of, which is the primary reason why we work.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
yes and it hurts us more because we deny it to them and they could not understand and they act as if it is fine. mind boggling sometimes. annoying too.
@tiffnkeat (1679)
• Singapore
1 Feb 13
Just state the truth to them as you state to us, and maybe in the process tell them after having said all these, that you NEED to borrow from them instead given the state you are in. Do it often, and I am sure they will drop you from their call list of "banks". The other way is to them you are indeed a bank....a bankrupt!!!!
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
or i could post a sign outside the door that says... bankrupt. lol.
@luisaR (452)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
it was ur fault somehow. They got used to you lending them. Change a bit... I know where ure coming from. U think of ur kids first, their needs. They get upset with u,they'll get over it. ;-)
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
somehow yes but there are also times when i know i should lend them especially if it is my mom asking for money.. they are family. it is hard very hard to say no.. i have a very soft spot for them.
@jugsjugs (13047)
31 Jan 13
I know this feeling oh so well.My children of all ages seem to think that I am either a bank, or that I have a money tree at the bottom of my garden. I like hear the words I want, I have got to have rare do I hear the words I need. Then I hear the words its only a tenner, only right each time they open their mouth the words its only, crazes me.If I say no, they moan, but a roof over our head is far more important than some game or points to buy a game that also cost only this tenner they keep saying.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
hopefully my own kids will not be that way.. it is hard huh.
@alberello (4758)
• Italy
31 Jan 13
Well, if I understand your question correctly, your pay day was supposed to be yesterday, you have not "seen" your money deposited into your bank account. Certainly it is not nice at all. I also seem to have realized that there are people around to you that you are asking for the loan, and you ... you're not sure of a bank to lend money at all, since you have borne three children from having to maintain! I know it's bad to say, but sometimes life has such unpleasant surprises.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
it sure is unpleasant sometimes but then again i need to learn to say no..
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
I can very much understand your sentiments, as i am also undergoing the same thing too. My salary was just yesterday and i have been trying to budget it for me to be able to save some extra for family savings. But the family of my husband is always running to us for some money, i know it is just small amounts but just the thought of it and the lack of consideration is what really irritates me. I have been working my butt off with no sleep at nights just to earn some and what with all the bills that i have to pay and like you i also have three small kids to feed and send to school? I mean can't they look for somewhere else to borrow money too? I mean come on! Its too much!
@chiyosan (29392)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
This is really sad when it is happening like this... People who lends money should be taken into consideration when it is time to pay.. when we let people borrow our money, it is almost always just a margin of extra cash we have.. and they should know that too. I hate it when someone borrows money from me and pretends as if it did not happen... like when i give them hints, they act as if they haven't heard anything about it. Sometimes the more you help them the more they are just abusing your kindness. When you tell them to pay, they would make it appear as though you do not understand them and their situation.. but they also have to understand your situation! hehe i think next time you will have to just turn them down... so they do not always have you in mind when they are short on cash. You have gotta stand up (they are family or relatives or close to you - they should understand that and not take it against you.
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
Well, I do have a fair share of experiences like that too. What I do is just a simple things. I approach such kind of dilemma in a very unemotional manner. If I do have money to be lent I will lend them up without any reactions or with the I don't care that much attitude in letting them borrow. Also, when I have no money and they want to borrow, I don't feel guilty enough to not be able to lend them some. Being unemotional to such situations help get rid of not wanting them to get upset. I just show them that I don't have money to lend them out so a firm no is given out. Your problem roots to the emotions os you better cut it out so you can solve the issue.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
you are right, i do tend to put some emotions into it. With family, i have no choice but be emotional with it as they knw what i am going through and vice versa. most of this is with family actually, it is very rare that i have friends who borrow..
• Philippines
3 Feb 13
Yep, it really is hard to control emotions when it comes to family. But being firm at times has its benefits and this is one of them. Either you get carried away or not. Also, if they are family, they should be able to understand the situation perfectly. However, if they only think of themselves and never get to think of your situation, then it is more likely a not so family thing.
@Renhard (3470)
• Jamaica
31 Jan 13
I know the feeling. I use to have friends like that, and family as well. It felt as if they are using me and the worst part of it sometimes they don't know to pay back which they have borrowed. Until it reached a point where I got upset and just kept saying no, even if I had it or not. I didn't care again if they called me mean or such but I couldn't take it. I had concerns of my own that I needed to make. And if they dont have the audacity to recognize that I have a life of my own as well then I don't see why I should lend them the money in the first place. It really got to me. I kinda know how you feel. You need to explain to them that you have a life as well. That is the only way. And start to tell them know, they need to understand that you are serious.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
It is hard to explain especially to you family.. i am struggling just thinking about it right now. i received another text message from that person again and i don't know how to say no. I have extra but then those are what i save for rainy days. We never know when we need them.
1 person likes this
@Renhard (3470)
• Jamaica
31 Jan 13
Exactly there might come a time when you really need that money. If you are finding it hard to explain. Then just tell them you need the money that you have now to take care of business. Don't let them force you to do anything you don't want to.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
This happened to em when I was schooling. I was regarded as rich and my classmates who had money problems would often ask me for a small loan when they are tough position. One even asked me to cover her tuition fee. Anyway, this kinda happens too with my family. but it is always connected to the household expenses. My aunt would say that I should pay it first and she will reimbursed it alter. But the irritating factor is that when I am asking her to reimburse me, she pulls out the 'duty' card. Would have been ideal is everybody has own magic money tree.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
i have to agree similar things happened to me too, mom would ask me to pay some bills even tho i have given my share..and so on and then it still stays the same. lol no reimbursement.
@Cutie18f (9565)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
When I was into teaching, I used to do cash advances if I ran out of money. Now that I am no longer connected with any establishment, I have to do it on my own, I do not go to anyone to borrow because that can be embarrassing. I have a sister who I know has money but I avoid borrowing if I fall short. I don't know but I guess God just provides if you ask Him. If someone comes to me to borrow money, I am sure that my answer would be negative because as you said, we don't have that much cash.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (140162)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Feb 13
hi jazel juan Thats awful when people come begging just cause they know you got paid yesterday. I do not blame you for thinking that think you are the First united Bank of So and So.Perhaps you can pretend you are bankrupt so they will have to find another person willing to lend them that money. I caan imagine if they do not payback what they have already borrowedt definitely you are going to close the Jazel Juan bank.
@vandana7 (51361)
• India
1 Feb 13
You gotta reverse the roles...I have been there and done that...you start asking them loans, and forget to repay them.... Or if you prefer, borrow from banks, and repay installments. When anybody approaches you, tell them you have to clear loans. This is the method I have adopted. It is quite successful if you do not have a father who believes in lending to get praises. :)
1 person likes this