Reasons to dump your partner... #1
By Renhard
@Renhard (3471)
Jamaica
February 3, 2013 12:16pm CST
CHEATING
Once your partner cheats it really creates a weak foundation for a future relationship. There are times when a second chance would really fix the problem. Some people learn from their lesson but others don't. If he/she ruins their second chance then trust will start to fade. Can you believe him/her when he/she says that he/she has to work late/travel out of town on business/stay out a little later with the guys/girls? A tension will be created to the extent that every time as the situation in the bold occurs you start to worry.
4 people like this
14 responses
@vandana7 (98823)
• India
3 Feb 13
Which man would not want variety...and no other woman would allow that, so it is highly unlikely he will leave me for another woman..
So if he leaves me so what...I get to cry sob sob and get the whole world against him and the woman he is finally tying a knot with...and for a while the world does make him miserable...in the meanwhile I'd look for another guy who wants no secs but is happy with responsibilities..lol
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98823)
• India
3 Feb 13
Aw...there is a psychological game there...
Well...if my husband is philandering, the whole world would be sypathetic towards me, (the "Poor Thing" syndrome) and therefore, they would be around to help me as far as possible...remember Lady Diana? How bad everybody was feeling when Prince Charles was with Camilla...
There are advantages of portraying the "suffering" woman...
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@binaybbsr1 (375)
• India
3 Feb 13
instead of cheats, you could ve mention caught. Anyway, its not the matter of once or twice, it matters, how do one confess for his/her mistake. If he/she surrender completely, you can at least think of a better future, else, only excuses cant keep the other person tension free.
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@binaybbsr1 (375)
• India
3 Feb 13
Naturally, nobody can stop the thinking process. Even if your partner is not caught, if he/she is used to some un-natural activities, you can think in the same way, as if she is busy in some love relations etc. But you are to control your brain and better to go on asking whatever is in your mind. Act like a kid, ask all stupid questions, you have in your mind. Its the only solution for a patch up. Once there is a cut means, you can only stitch it, there is no guarantee of look, as it was before. After all life is an adjustment only.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
4 Feb 13
I would never give anyone a second chance as those are signs to stay away rather than get into a permanent relationship and then regret. When a person is in a relationship and has eyes on others it tells a long story!
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@vandana7 (98823)
• India
4 Feb 13
About 2 in 10 men are loyal...rest stray at sometime or the other. Sometimes the straying is at mental level, while at other times, it is at physical level. I think when they stray at mental level it is more dangerous because they stop feeling guilty about what they are doing, and go the whole length...to be free from existing spouses, manipulating several things. Physical level straying is often not serious...I would be alarmed if mental level straying occurs because it starts with showing irritation which keeps on increasing with each passing day.
Something when you watch at close quarters are really ugly..
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
3 Feb 13
It will surely be hard to keep my sanity if this would happen. And I think that if it will only make me think of negative things about the situation, might as well give up the relationship to have my peace of mind back.
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
3 Feb 13
Is cheating only called cheating if there is an other human in the picture (or should I say behind the screens)? Since I think there are many ways a partner can cheat. Also if it comes to money. I learned from it, if I find out or even would have the slightest idea of being cheated it's exit (forever).
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
3 Feb 13
My ex cheated on me by not paying his bills, debts to the bank. He lied said he did. I found out way too late. As I did so the bank said they would arrange it etc etc.. Well the bank was cheating too. For example my ex was never allowed to give a loan (because of his income) and although I had a high income I was never able to pay this off. The person working at the bank was suddenly gone. In the end the bank did nothing. I had to pay for years for the debts of my ex. There are also many "beggars" (scammers are beggars as well) who cry big tears, lie and cheat to make you feel pity, get money from you. There is cheating if it comes to playing games, gambling, the taxes, if it comes to an interview for a job, etc etc. For example: if my partner would cheat in his company and we were bankrupt (fooling me we are not still spending) it would be exit for me also. Exit also means I am not interested anymore. Also not willing to hear small excuses.
@marjivy80 (198)
• Philippines
3 Feb 13
been to that situation and all you said was the exact reasons he made. i gave him second chance but still he broke everything. so why stick to a cheating partner? for you to get hurt again? once is enough. twice is too much. why should you allow that person to hurt you when you don't deserve any of it. specially if during your relationship all you've done was to serve him right, attend to your children. why such? huh!
1 person likes this
@marjivy80 (198)
• Philippines
4 Feb 13
so true. i will not waste my time with him. i have a lot of things to do than crying over a spilled milk. huh!!!
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@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
3 Feb 13
Renhard, as much as I have tried in the past, I cannot seem to wrap my head, and my heart around being deceived...be it a lover, a friend, acquaintance or foe! I am honest to the point of it being a fault, (and it has a lot to do with my formative years)but I just have not been able to assemble the tools that would allow me "to forgive and forget!" I am aware that it is my foible, but I feel a relationship needs to be based on regard and respect...if you cheat on me, you have disregard and disrespect! My marraige of 14 years...went down in flames (the kind you are wearing..LOL!)for that reason!
I am sorry you took such a beating on that horrible discussion yesterday...but that is the kind of person I don't wish in my environment! Accolades to you for handling it so well!
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
3 Feb 13
Please don't get me wrong...If you are a better person than I am, and can TRULY forgive and forget...accolades! But for me, that event always remained buried deep...and it surfaced far too often...ate away at me, eroded my character, and then I only gave part of me, and not always the best part! A gnawing fear that it would re-occur!
Phew, I should have read my previous post...sorry, lots of errors (should have read; disregarded and disrespected me!)
Yes, I did find some new...for a period of 10 years, but "thank goodness" it is "yesterday." too!
@Renhard (3471)
• Jamaica
3 Feb 13
I was agreeing with you actually. To be quite honest when it comes to love I am like you. I also find it hard to forgive and forget. I am just too afraid the same thing will happen again. I always thought that there is someone for everyone in the world so maybe if she is unfaithful. Maybe she is meant for someone else you know. Maybe she will fall in love with someone else that she will stay faithful with. And maybe my dream girl is in a next country just waiting for us to meet.
1 person likes this
@Renhard (3471)
• Jamaica
3 Feb 13
I understand what you are saying. May I ask did you find anyone new.
In honesty in my opinion I believe the first cheating should end a relationship at that point. Go no further. I only said give a second chance because I wanted to be more open in the discussion. But more over, cheating should mean break up.
After a while I realized yesterday wasn't worth the energy.
1 person likes this
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
24 Feb 13
hi,
for me i have two reason why should i need to dump my partner and yes you are right,number is cheating because a man who will cheat is an untrusted man because they will only play with you,and my number two reason is a user,a user that will get some benefits from you such as money,luxury and of course your body.
@Renhard (3471)
• Jamaica
24 Feb 13
I like that number two one you added. I hate that as well I like when a partner is independent. If both of us are independent, then that will make the relationship work for me. I mean we would share money, luxury and body but at least that wouldn't be the reason for the relationship.
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
4 Feb 13
this is more like cheating and breaking up and fading away eventually nothing more than that for sure,normal perception
@BigMoney25 (1286)
• Philippines
4 Feb 13
I agree, cheating is not a mistake, it's a choice. Dump him/her no matter how much you love that person. Cheating person means he may do it again to you.
@Renhard (3471)
• Jamaica
4 Feb 13
That is true there is a great possibility that he/she might just repeat that so called mistake.
But let us think outside the box for a while. What about if he/she was drunk when he/she did it, what if he/she wasn't thinking properly because of how drunk they are. Would you give them a second chance?
@RiverLight (240)
• Romania
4 Feb 13
Hi Renhard,
I'm really glad you opened this subject, because i have many things to say about it. I believe there are so many questions as answers...i never caught me ex-partner cheating on me, although i had doubts concerning his fidelity at some point because he was acting different.We broke up but cheating wasn't the reason, i didn't trust him anymore and there were some other reasons too.
I guess people cheat because they see this as a liberation..personally i can't be with someone if i'm not in love, so i don't understand this behaviour.
If you like someone else why on earth are you keeping the relationship? Just to be among the world? Or just to prove yourself you can be with more than a partner?
Also it's important how much you trust your partner.If he already cheated on you, you may forgive him, but the relationship won't be the same again.It's said that love is blind...well it is, but not so blind to accept everything from your partner! I will surely dump him, no reason will regain my trust.
We are responsible for our facts, we can't come with the excuse "i was a fool, i wasn't thinking clearly" or "but i love you, can't you forgive me?"
If he/she really loved you he/she would never even thought about cheating on you.
@RiverLight (240)
• Romania
4 Feb 13
You have right, some people that you hang with can have bad influence. I think he refused because he was super drunk and in that moment his beliefs were speaking for him. I also believe that people are more honest when they are drunk.
But what if he wasn't super drunk and the girl wasn't his girlfriend?? Drinking can mess up our thinking process, it's true but i think that you have to be super drunk and feeling miserable in the same time to do such thing.
@RiverLight (240)
• Romania
4 Feb 13
* feel miserable.
I don't like this "way" to find out that your girlfiend/boyfiend is honest with you.I also don't like this stupid idea to put someone to call/go out with your partner to see if he/she will cheat on you.
@andrewbarclave (485)
• Ireland
4 Feb 13
This is very true but everyone's definition of cheating can be so different.
@Renhard (3471)
• Jamaica
4 Feb 13
Okay so what is your definition of cheating.
My definition of cheating will involve being unfaithful in anyway. I know alot of people will say flirting is not cheating and i agree but not absolutely. I just think of it as a minor level of cheating. But not the cheating where I would break up with my partner for. But something I would still get upset over and proclaim to her that it is wrong.
@RiverLight (240)
• Romania
4 Feb 13
Yes, flirting is a minor lever of cheating as long as it remains just flirting, just to ease the tension. But if he/she will continue to flirt with the same person i think in the end will lead to cheating.
@theselan (74)
• Malaysia
4 Feb 13
Cheating in relationship is quite hurting and very hard to forgive them. Our trust toward them will be decrease time to time and we will suspect something is wrong if he/she is late from work. You are right. Understanding and tolerating each and other is the key for relationships and if you don't have the key just forget about having relationships with the same person. No cheating in relationship, why you must cheat when your partner is doing her job right and understanding you? I can't understand today's love and relationships. Take care my friend.
