Men crying....

@vandana7 (59082)
India
February 4, 2013 8:43am CST
My questions to ladies...(for no better reason than manners ..ladies first) a. Have you seen any close family member or friend (man/men) crying? b. What were your feelings when you saw a man cry? c. Would your reaction have been different had those tears been that of a person who was not a close family member or friend (man/men)? And now gentlemen a. When was the last time you all ever cried? b. Did the tears really roll down the cheeks, did you sob, did you feel choked like we women do? c. Did you feel ashamed of crying? d. Was the feeling as cathartic for you, as it is for us. Please be honest...no cheating. :)
9 people like this
18 responses
@nitinnair89 (2895)
• India
4 Feb 13
These answers for the women's questions. a) Yes i have seen all my family members cry and even those who are distant relatives. When? I saw them when i lost my dad. b) I have not seen any 'man' cry before me. c) Yes..because i have already experienced that in point a. For mens. a) I cried many times. When i was hurt badly in a relationship, when i was sad and maybe in childhood, many more occassions, i don't remember them now. But i did not cry when i lost my dad. b) Yes. I had my tears roll down sometimes. I would rather hold them in my eyes. c) No i didn't feel ashamed. In fact, people have asked me to cry to healy my pain. I prefer no gender inequality so answered all of your questions. This gives me satisfaction.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
4 Feb 13
Sweetie...I am so sorry...for reminding you of your pain... I do think you are very cute...and very nice and kind hearted person. The right one will come along ...dont worry. And you will be truly happy once again. My blessings.
@thesids (22448)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Feb 13
#vandana: "Sweetie" and the 3 emoticons... definitely reminds me of my (read our) dear friend Saphy... I miss her here
2 people like this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
4 Feb 13
sid..you just dont know how much I am missing her..and her whips.
@lampar (7597)
• United States
4 Feb 13
Yes, i have seen men cried before, there is nothing shameful out there for a man to cry publicly. If he can't keep his feeling of grief inside anymore , he should let it out and let the tear flow down the cheek, it is as natural and humane as it is, crying is not a sole right reserve for women only by our creator.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
4 Feb 13
Hey we women could sue you for patent rights violation, you know that?
@lampar (7597)
• United States
5 Feb 13
Sound like a great way to collect some large amount of punitive damages from 'crying' men, i will say go ahead and make my day!
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
5 Feb 13
Should I include your name in the list of people against whom I have to lodge a complaint?
@thesids (22448)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Feb 13
Hi vandana Yesterday. I did cry. I was watching that movie - Barfi - in case you dont know, it portrays the life of a deaf and dumb guy and to add to it there is a girl who is ill too. I am quite emotional and there are many times that I cry, I sob many more times and the chocking feeling happened many a times too. (Enough to prove that I am a human who has a heart, feelings and to me it proves that I am ruled by my heart)... No regrets, no chauvinism... Now... what is that "cathartic"... let me use the dictionary before continuing.... Hmm, yes, at times it (the crying) did help. Acted like a good antidote and I could relieve some of my sadness... but that has not been always the case.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
4 Feb 13
sid... I dont mean to say I want to see guys crying. I mean that would be very nasty of me. But when there is a situation when they do have those tears ...it would mean so human if they showed they cared. I have cried in many of Meena Kumari's movies, and in Mausam. Ironically, when I saw Kuch Kuch Hota hai the first couple of times, I did cry, but now it does not invoke such emotions in me, but Mausam still does..find it strange.. At times I am too stunned out of wits to cry...mind refusing to believe the truth...but eventually when the truth sinks in I do cry, it just keeps flowing...and it is a relief. Crying continuously and for several days can be depressing. It then becomes difficult to emerge. But crying when the feeling of sadness is overwhelming is alright and cathartic. Prefering to remember sad things, and remain in sad world is not good.
• Dhaka, Bangladesh
4 Feb 13
Hi Vandana, I am a gent and there are several times I have cried and I have seen others to cry, as well. I have lost my mother when I was 6, then I cried. Again, I lost my elder brother, when I was 15 and I lost my father, when I was 18. Every time I cried. I saw others, while they were crying after losing their close relatives. I have also cried, when my girl friends betrayed with me. have a very nice day.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
4 Feb 13
Thanks for being human being.
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
4 Feb 13
It seems to me that men believe the old 'real men don't cry' thing. Men do try to hide their feelings, but real men do cry. They just seem to be less emotional than women. I feel that a man who is not afraid to show emetion is a sensitive person.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
4 Feb 13
Me too...that vulnerability is so touching...I mean, I feel like going and giving a hug.
@wolfie34 (26877)
• United Kingdom
7 Feb 13
Sadly I was taught as a young child that boys should never cry, crying was a sign of weakness and unmacho thing to do. I can't remember the last time I cried to be honest, sometimes I wish I could cry, but tears are virtually impossible. I do feel ashamed of crying yes, because it's like I am feeling sorry for myself, and because of what I was taught from a young age about not crying in front of anyone. I actually need aids to help me cry like watching the film Titanic, but even then I don't weep buckets. Crying is very therapeutic.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
8 Feb 13
Oh wolfie.. Trust me there is nothing unmacho about it...provided you dont make a habit of it...as somebody put it ..no maudlin. It is mental conditioning then...from what I have read in all the responses. It is not something that you all cant, instead it is programmed into you all that you all should not. In olden days may be, it was important. I mean, women back then had to be protected, and unless men were brave and were able to hide their pain, women and children would panic. But in these days and times, such an attempt can only harm health ...lead to blood pressure and all sort of things. I hope you find your way out this.
1 person likes this
@ajithlal (14568)
• India
11 Feb 13
I also think that crying is therapeutic and it is always good to show your emotions and not to hide it.
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
5 Feb 13
I think man who cries is braver than who are not. I believe that when the men cry, it doesn't mean that they are weak, they are just strong enough to face their pain and heartaches and that the real man. I feel proud with them I guess.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
5 Feb 13
Me too. :)
@irene66 (1671)
• Philippines
5 Feb 13
Hello there, Crying I think is both for men and women. The last time I saw a man crying was 23 years ago. This was the time when I am breaking with my boyfriend. He cried for me saying how he wish to marry me but the situation seems not to favor it. His tears really rolled down his cheeks and I felt guilty Now we have our own life to live.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
6 Feb 13
Irene..that is what I wouldnt like...I mean...in that situation, I would find it as an excuse...it is the woman's prerogative to remain or be out in a relationship, not man. So if he was trying to walk out ...he should not have acted in that way...sissy...conning you. You let go of him very easily...but then, you are the best judge as to sincerity of such a guy.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 13
I felt special. My man cried in front of me and it meant he is comfortable to cry in front of me! I held him until he stopped. I felt loved.
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
8 Feb 13
Yes.....in some way, we feel more of women at that point of time may be? I mean, we feel may be we do have enough love and caring to help the desolate man up from here...its a different kind of power may be. In fact, you are the only one who came up with this feeling, and I thought more women would. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Feb 13
Wow! Really? I guess it is because I see men as people Not as this non emotional being. Men have feeling too! Why can't they cry too?
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
9 Feb 13
Yes..I too would like to believe so...I cant stand bionic man..lol
1 person likes this
@aejey322 (1006)
• Philippines
5 Feb 13
a. Yes. I have seen a male family member cried (my dad, my brother, my husband) b. It was actually a different feeling seeing a man cry... but later I realized that they are also human. they also have feelings and they are made to create tears for them to cry c. I am not sure... but maybe... especially if I do not know the reason why he is crying When I saw my husband cried (actually we were still bf/gf then), I was really touched... It doesn't take away any part of his being a man. I just see him that he is real to himself.
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
5 Feb 13
Dont I agree with that..."it doesn't take away any part of this being a man"...I think men who cant reach that level, have not cared for anybody in their lives. Not even themselves.
@aejey322 (1006)
• Philippines
7 Feb 13
yeah... maybe... men who doesn't cry are somebody who does not care at all... they are the insensitive ones.
@512771751 (1096)
• China
6 Apr 13
Ihave seen my ex boyfriend cry cry, to be honest, I just think he really needs my care.
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
10 Apr 13
Yeah...we women are always...oh baby..I am sorry...kind. :) And men think we will look down upon them if they cry...how funny..:)
@squallming (1777)
• Malaysia
4 Mar 13
What follows is my own opinion and experience. It does not reflect the rest of men. I am in campus life, the last time I cried was seeing my dad did nothing but support his girlfriend who said bad things and scolded me for some silly excuse. At the same time, I recalled about how my once complete family broke down to its present state and started crying myself in my room. Yes, my tears did roll down and I did sob and felt choked but I did all that quietly in my room. As for whether I felt ashamed of crying, I don't feel ashamed about it. It's a natural emotional reaction that is embedded in everyone. The only thing is that, we tend to not cry for small things and cry for the bigger ones that really breaks heart. Finally, it's cathartic too in some way, not sure if it is to the same degree or not.
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
16 Mar 13
Oh squallming I am truly sorry that it happened that way. Yes, it hurts, and it hurts real bad. But the good thing is, you let yourself be cured of it, rather than take it to your heart and hold it in there locked forever, making you a bitter and sadistic person in someway. I am glad you felt it was cathartic. Its ok...even if you do it in private, but never have ego attached to it. You will be more happier once you cry. Trust me, we women feel that way.
@ajithlal (14568)
• India
9 Feb 13
I am a man and I also cry when I get sad. I think most men thinks that it is weak to cry, but I do not think so. I also cry when I watch a movie that make me cry. I think it is normal to feel the emotions. I laugh and happy when sees cartoons and other jokes and I think it is good to feel the emotions and to show emotions.
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
11 Feb 13
Wow you are like me...I sob when I see some movies like Aashirwad ..in which Ashok Kumar, Sumitra Sanyal, and Sanjeev Kumar acted. Another one is Mausam..koshish, such movies make me sob sob sob...and even my nose leaks..eyes swell..lol I cried in Gai aur Gauri movie...that one in Jaya Bhaduri acted opposite Shatrughn Sinha. It bacame a big joke in our group. Recently when they showed the girl with acid attacks, and the little girl from nepal who was cheated and brought to Mumbai. That is another one...I sobbed. And yes, I had tears for the December 16th girl too. Though I avoided going in depth about the case, because I feel terrible reading or hearing such things.
@khithi17 (763)
• Philippines
5 Feb 13
Yes, I have recently seen my man crying. I always feel heavy inside when I see him cry. It's not a regular thing for him since he is a man. But when he cries I can feel his sincerity and that he's telling me the truth and when he's really sorry about something that he's done. I really see his heart and I can't help but cry with him and I feel so weak and I just want to give him my biggest hug to make him feel better.
@derek_a (10903)
5 Feb 13
I see nothing at all wrong with a man crying and as a therapist have seen this many times. In fact it was part of the therapy for the man to break down his barriers and let the tears flow. The subconscious mind harbours a lot of emotion along with the conditioning that many men have, that tears are not manly. Such blocked emotion is not a good thing and can lead to other problems. I was raised with the same conditioning that no matter what happened, crying about it would not make a difference. How wrong that was! No, it would not make a difference to the outer circumstances but it would have released a lot of blocked up tension and upset. My training for my work, broke down such barriers and I found myself crying. It wasn't easy, but I could experience directly how I had blocked things up in my nervous system. The conditioning not to cry is still there, but nowadays I can do so. It is sort of an intuitive thing now - I seem to know when something needs to be released. Crying can only be of benefit when appropriate and certainly will not cause harm to a man. _Derek
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
6 Feb 13
Yeah...reminds me of Enrique's Hero...I would rather he have cried in pain...that would have given him some relief, and some more moments to live perhaps. I wish more men would grow up and realize those notions are no longer of any use.
@Janurmas (641)
• Indonesia
5 Feb 13
I am a man. The firs time I cried is when I was 15 years old. But, after I grown up, I ever been cried but not chocked. Each time I cried, I only shed tears, no chocked. When I was crying, I was not ashamed, because I think that able to cry is a grace. A man who cannot cry is a hapless man. Just cry as long as you can cry. It is a human being attitude. But a man don't be maudlin. It is not good for a man to be maudlin.
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
6 Feb 13
I agree...crying is a relief, and maudlin is bad not only for a man, even for a woman.
• Philippines
5 Feb 13
I man, what wrong with crying? i cry when i get hurt, and for me crying is not a sign of weakness it is a sing of strength, as for me its more difficult holding on the tears to fall down, when we cry we fill relived. as i remember the last i cried and i cried to much when my ex broke me up without explaining what had happened, she just said that we should stop the relationship, that was 2007 and until now i wasn't able to move on because there is no closure on the relationship that we had. Honestly i sob really, good thing my best friend is around to comfort me. I'm not ashamed when i cry, for me it is more shameful if we pretend happy but deep inside your hurt and want to shout and cry.
@vandana7 (59082)
• India
6 Feb 13
I am inclined to agree there...while men may not pretend to be happy, they still do not cry...and that makes me feel ...if they are bottling up so much, it will surface sometime, somewhere, and what will come up will not be very nice. So let us all be natural, and give men the liberty to be themselves too. :)
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
5 Feb 13
I've seen a lot of men cry, I'm not the cause all the time okay, don't get me wrong, but i think its admirable of them to be themselves and show others what they really feel even if the people around them are usually not used to seeing them cry, they're humans too and they have feelings. God wouldn't give them lacrimal glands either way if he knew they wouldn't need them.