Sherlock doesn't like the answer

@dawnald (84126)
Shingle Springs, California
February 9, 2013 11:24am CST
So I wrote my cousin and asked her if I had offended her in any way. This morning I got an e-mail from here, and I really did not like the answer. In fact, it totally floored me. She told me that she had had a big blow up with some of her family last summer, and that it had gotten back to her that I had started the whole thing. I had supposedly told them that she had treated her mother, my aunt, badly when she was living with her. Well.. No. I did ask my aunt if anything happened when she moved out of there, and she told me no. But I certainly never went running around telling people stuff like that. Why on earth would I? I guess one of my other cousins had a guilty conscience, and mentioned my name, I don't know. I guess I'll have to go and ask them. Or not. I'm not quite sure if I should. So anyway, I have some damage control to do with my cousin. Bla.
8 people like this
23 responses
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
9 Feb 13
So why didn't she ask you about it when it happened? So silly really and then it has been talked and discussed behind your back and you are now to blame. Let her talk it out and between you both an understanding can hopefully be breached. But she should ask the person who told her the lie why they did it
4 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
yeah, she should have, but it's a big mess of a situation, and she's feeling persecuted or something. At any rate, we've somewhat smoothed it out, so we'll see where it goes.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90157)
• Marion, Kansas
9 Feb 13
Just because she is treated badly does not give her an excuse to treat you badly. I hope things do settle down for you.
• United States
9 Feb 13
Aren't relatives fun? I'm glad that none of my relatives live near me, and we don't actually stay in contact. It makes things so much... quieter.
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (17271)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
9 Feb 13
Nice, isn't it?
3 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 13
Given that some of them are assorted pecans and walnuts--especially when it comes to religion and politics--I find that distance and lack of communication makes things so much easier. I have one relative who has literally thumped the Bible at me.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
Usually I manage to get along with all of them. But there are a couple of feuds going on. I try to stay out of the middle.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
9 Feb 13
Your family sounds just as dysfunctional as mine! Welcome.... er..... NOT! I feel for you!! I really do!! My husband and I, after all we've done and continued to do which is A LOT, were put in a mess that wasn't our doing and yet we were treated as if we did all the wrong. What it was, my nephew accused my husband of getting in his face over what my nephew had done which was a lie. My brother believes his son because "he's never lied to him before".... oh BS!! Every child has lied to their parents at one point or another! My brother is so naive! Even after our dad had told him that it didn't happen because he was there, my brother still didn't believe us or our dad! Eventually it was swept under the rug.... at least for the time being because our parents health was declining really fast. It never got cleared up but yet my brother wants to talk over the different things that went on and "explain why he did what he did when he did it" but I honestly don't want to hear it because it sounds like he'll just continue to defend his actions which is wrong and I won't stand for it because no matter what, right is right and wrong is wrong and I will not tolerate wrong doing to anybody especially one that's done so much right for so long (my husband) and didn't get the credit he deserves. Yeah, a huge mess but until my nephew and my brother admit their wrong doings, I'm not up to hearing what either have to say about the situations. The pain in my heart will continue to be there. I wish you the best of luck in straightening this mess out. It won't be easy so stay strong!
3 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
She didn't actually apologize. She said she was sorry I was falsely accused, but she was just going on what she was told. Didn't apologize for treating me that way, or add me back or anything. But at least I've cleared the air somewhat.
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
9 Feb 13
It's a start so don't knock it just yet. And another thought, at least you got that. My husband didn't and that hurts me because I've seen all he's done and didn't deserve to get knocked down even if he had gotten into my nephews face because he stands up for the right and down the wrong. Who knows, maybe one day we'll get that peace but I doubt it. My heart has been hurt way too many times to let it go but I can be civil when I need to be. Give her time, she'll come around (we hope!) If not then it's her loss, not yours!
3 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
Yeah, it's a start.
@GreenMoo (11842)
9 Feb 13
Send your cousin back an email which states your case, then leave alone. I don't think you can ever win if you get involved in a family argument.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
I did, and she responded back that she was just going on what she was told, and that she was sorry I was falsely accused. She didn't apologize for treating me that way though, and no Facebook invitation yet. lol
2 people like this
@GreenMoo (11842)
9 Feb 13
At least she's talking and you've made your point. Maybe next time she'll not believe everything she's told until she verifies it. Does she have anything so overwhelmingly interesting to say on Facebook that no invite is a major bummer?
3 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
I just like keeping in touch with family, but if she doesn't add me back, no biggie. It will have to come from her.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (17271)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
9 Feb 13
And all that happened on FB... why am I not surprised? Today's version of Broken Telephone.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
ah haha, yeah....
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90157)
• Marion, Kansas
9 Feb 13
You know, this is the second discussion in as many days where people have hung blame on others when there was no truth at all in the statements. It is a wild world out there. I heard when I got back from vacation that I had turned someone into the state for abuse. . . I was not even here, I was on vacation. It is just real interesting what creative minds will come up with.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
She is married to a control freak who doesn't appreciate her, and she is trying to live up to impossible standards, and she is desperately unhappy. But she still shouldn't have treated me that way.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Feb 13
Well that's quite a response. I say you should but tentatively as it seems tempers might flare and finger pointing might start.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
It's all settled for now. The friend request just came in. lol
• United States
9 Feb 13
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
9 Feb 13
Looks like I Would talk right to her dont say aything to others about it as it does look like they want you to take the blame for the whole thing.JUst settle it between you 2 good luck
2 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
I did talk to her, but I also talked to the others. It's blown over now, and I guess I will never know who that one started with.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
9 Feb 13
so glad it has blown over and things are back to normal
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
9 Feb 13
The good news is she did answer you and told you what happened, at least what happened according to her. Now you know more you can think over what to do/say next. Give that some time. Wish you luck.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
I just replied that I hadn't done it, she said she was sorry I was falsely accused, and we left it at that. If she adds me back on Facebook, I'll accept her, but I'm not going to ask her.
• United States
9 Feb 13
Omg! I have to say that in offended she didn't ask me about it and just assume I'm a troublemaker. That just burns me up.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Feb 13
Yes, I wish she had just come out and told me what she heard, and asked if it was true.
@julyteen (13265)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Feb 13
It's hard to argue people who are narrow minded. Sometimes, we need to remain silent to keep the things right and to stable the situation.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 13
She listened to me and we are talking again.
@julyteen (13265)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Feb 13
Better she listen to you, so it means it easier to clear things with you both
@allknowing (55107)
• India
10 Feb 13
Good to know that you guys are still in touch with each other. Not like my family who only meet at functions where no one discusses what goes on each other's life but perhaps discuss news. I would rather have someone blame me than have this indifferent attitude.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 13
Yeah but I didn't even know about it until months after it happened.
@allknowing (55107)
• India
10 Feb 13
Those little hurts, those little misunderstandings are a part of staying connected.
1 person likes this
@fannitia (2172)
• Bulgaria
11 Feb 13
Family... This can bring you a tough situation. I didn't think it was possible, years ago, but now we are strangers with the sister of my late husband. It's not a big deal for me but my daughter was harmed. If I'm guilty for... anything, why is the former dear niece? Finally I decided to ignore the case. For you it's not so easy, she's your cousin. But you can try to wait and see what will happen. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Feb 13
We worked it out. It's not nice when people involved in family disputes put the children in the middle of it.
• China
11 Feb 13
Here, we say even an upright official finds it hard to settle a family quarrel.I reckon the reason why your aunt told you nothing had happened was that "wash her dirty linen at home."
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Feb 13
Yes, I'm sure that's true, she's not one for gossiping.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
10 Feb 13
Dang....family. Sometimes that does happen though....hopefully you'll get is straightened out!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Feb 13
Yup, we did.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
10 Feb 13
Well at least you got an answer. Right or wrong doesn't matter, you need to fix it now. For whatever reason families can be a great challenge.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 13
Thank goodness my siblings don't feud. But I got in the middle of this one somehow...
@lokicni (33)
• India
10 Feb 13
You are right but life is always compromising when come to relationships its very hard but we will never know until its hurts. think once.
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 13
Yes, it would be nice if people would think before reacting, and would talk to people when stuff like this happens.
@p1kef1sh (45647)
10 Feb 13
I have three living blood relatives now. Both my very elderly patents and my sister. We get on thank heavens. Must be a nightmare for you. The truth is out now. Let's hope that peace can settle again.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 13
I have 9 aunts and uncles (not counting the ones by marriage), and something like 32 cousins, plus their children. Also 3 siblings, 3 siblings-in-law and their children. And then there are future step-children and grandchildren. Plus my dad, my ex's mom, my step-mom and her family. There are only two little old feuds going on, both on the east coast, but somehow I have managed to get myself inserted into both of them just by trying to be nice to everybody. Sigh.
• United States
10 Feb 13
I hate family disputes they always end up bad especially if you the one involved and not the one that get to watch and judge, i really don't like that when you help your family members and you t he one end up to be in the fire of a blame i hate that, you know, you try and try and try and you the one gets burned at the end. well i hope everything turned out great.
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 13
We worked it out.
@redredrose (1107)
• United States
10 Feb 13
I agree send her an email stating your case and telling her what she said to you in hers hurt your feelings. Then leave it alone because being in a family argument is not good.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 13
We worked it out after a bit of e-mailing. No idea who told her that, or if she just misunderstood something...