I can't take time for myself without thinking of the kids
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
February 21, 2013 5:29pm CST
Yesterday I took my own little day trip up to Cincinnati so that I could visit the cemetery where my father, grandparents and one of my uncles are buried. This was something that really was good for me because it has made me feel a lot better than I've felt in a while. After visiting the cemetery I went to get a sandwich at one of my favorite restaurants that is close to the cemetery and then I went and did a little bit of shopping. I was wanting to get a little something for myself, but I couldn't find anything that I really wanted, so I didn't get anything for me, so instead I ended up buying a shirt for Kathryn and a couple t-shirts for Paul. See, I can't even go for a few hours without thinking of my kids, even when I am away from them.
Do you find that something like this happens to you as well? Do you ever end up getting little gifts for your children when you are away from them?
4 people like this
19 responses
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
22 Feb 13
I would say that I do. I mean I have been shopping plenty of times and even on lunch dates with my husband, I tend to mention possibly picking something up for the kids. Just today I was supposed to get something for me and ended up buying my kids those little fake tattoos that kids wear sometimes, and two cups one with Spiderman and the other with Ironman. The most I bought for me was a sandwich but I don't seem to mind.
I keep hearing even from my hubby that I need to just take some time out for me and not worry about the kids. I think for a lot of mothers, it is hard to just not think of their kids even for a few hours.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
Being a mother, I think that it is impossible to not think about our children. I mean in the over ten years that I've been a mother, there have only been about four nights that I've been away from my daughter. I feel like there is a significant part of me missing when I am not with my children.
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
22 Feb 13
Yes, I know what you mean. I do buy gifts for my kids when I see something I think they'd want, or something they just mentioned in conversation. My one daughter just mentioned the other day about how she wanted to get an hardball egg slicer. There I was at Walmart and found one while I was shopping for myself.
I like doing stuff like that though, I find it fun even though they are adults. Moms are like that, ya know? 
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
My mother will also occasionally get me things that I've mentioned in conversation that I would really like to have. I think that even though we do eventually become adults, our parents desire to do something for us is something that never does go away.
@sminut13 (1783)
• Singapore
23 Feb 13
haha the life of all mothers:) it's the same for me, the small guilt when you get something for yourself and not for them. i don't even tend to enjoy going out by myself much without the kids. i always worry about them or rather than worry, keep wondering what they are doing, are they bothering their dad or the neighbours or anything.
but truthfully, we might complain that because of the kids, we can't get any time for ourselves, but when we do, it's us who can't let go of our kids.
@sminut13 (1783)
• Singapore
25 Feb 13
i agree with you, we need to have a good state of mind to be good to our children. if not, there's a high chance of us venting our frustrations out on them. i hope that by going out and by being here, you have refreshed a little and if you do need a listening ear, then you know that you can find us here on mylot. have good day.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Feb 13
Yeah, all of the time that I've been lucky enough to spend on mylot really has been something that is very good for me. You see before I discovered mylot there was a significant hole in my life because I didn't have enough adult interaction and now that I've been on mylot for quite a while now, that is definitely not something that is missing from my life.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 13
In most situations, I do have to say that I'm not able to let go of my children. However, with this particular journey, I do have to say that the reason that I left for a little while was so that I could try to clear my head so that I would be able to be a more effective mother for my children. It is hard to be right to your children when you are going through an extremely depressed stage in your life.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
Yeah me, too. I would be thinking of buying things for myself ones I get hold of some money. But when I already have the money in my hands, I no longer feel the urge to buy something for myself. And also ended up buying for my kids and husband instead.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 13
I really don't think that my children expect for me to bring something home to them every time that I leave the house. However, I do know that it does make me feel a little bit better about the fact that I'm not constantly able to devote all of my time to them.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
It is actually rare for me to get something for my husband, but I really don't think that I can leave my house without getting at least a little something for my children. They are all the reason for my being.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
I feel the same way as you do. And the kids also expect something every time I come home. Not necessarily buying them expensive toys. But just letting them know and feel that they are remembered each time,I do know that they feel that they are very much loved.
. I've done the same thing.@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
I really do have a good time getting things for my children, it is something that makes me feel good. However, I do also have to admit that there certainly are things that I need for myself that I never actually end up getting.
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
22 Feb 13
your a good mother to think of your kids even though you could not find something for your self but you got the me time so that counts as you get to clear your head and spend time alone
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
It was quite good for me to be able to spend some time alone and I do really like the fact that I was able to bring something home for my children so that they could see that I do think about them even when I am not at home.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 13
I do think that spending a lot of time with my children under constant consideration is one of the things that does make me a good parent. However, I also think that there are times that you are failing your children because of the fact that you don't take any time to think about yourself.
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
23 Feb 13
when you spend more time thinking of your kids rthen your self make you a good parent in my book
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
25 Feb 13
I do that with my nieces and nephews ll the time, even when I don't have money to do this. I'm working on not doing that, as much. When I have kids I expect it will be the same.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Feb 13
I think that it is definitely something that people will do for their nieces and nephews if they don't have children of their own.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 13
I have noticed that both my mother and my mother-in-law seem to constantly be getting a little something for the grandchildren, so yes, I don't think that this is going to be something that is ever going to change for me.
@shorty08322 (1270)
• United States
22 Feb 13
yes u can when u are out think of ur self that is the time to do for ur self
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
Honestly, I can't think of myself because in the ten years that I've been a parent, I've become a person that doesn't believe that the world can revolve around me, even for a minute. The needs and desires of my children is always the thing that comes first in my life.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Feb 13
Always, especially when they were smaller...
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
I really don't think that this is something that is going to change a whole lot as they continue to grow up. My children really are spoiled.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
23 Feb 13
I did that when my children were small, but about 10 years or older, they started not liking anything I picked out for them. Now that they are in their 50's they again enjoy any little thing I get them that reminds them I am always thinking of them. It's part of love.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 13
Well, my daughter is at that 10 years or older stage and there are times that I have a difficult time picking things out for her (in fact that is the reason that she got clothing IOUs for Christmas instead of outfits that I'd picked out for her). However, when it comes to picking out school clothes, they wear a uniform, she really isn't as picky about those.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
22 Feb 13
I think it's common for parents.
Me too. I have a few stuff which are really, really old. I couldn't get myself to buy new ones because my first thought would be for the kids. I'd rather buy something for my sons.
And if I ever do buy something for myself, I'd feel a little guilty about it. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it sometimes.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only parent in the world that does feel guilty when I end up buying something for myself because that is definitely the way that I am.
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
2 Mar 13
Hi,
I can understand your feelings. My son was away from us for 7 years due to his studies and job.. we missed him very much. But we don't have any option for sending him away. We were living in a small city where there was no scope for his studies and job. But now we are together.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
4 Mar 13
I couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like to be away from my children for that long, whether it is while they are still young or if it is when they are grown and starting families of their own. I don't really think that I will ever be able to stand being away from my children.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
22 Feb 13
Sorry to hear of all those passes. Great you are feeling good now . I understand thinking of kids all the time, as they are our pride in joys. Take care there. Have fun with the kids..
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
I always try to have fun with my children in some way. You see, I honestly believe that if it wasn't for my children that I really would be nothing. I can't begin to imagine what my life would be like if they were for some reason taken away from me.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
22 Feb 13
I used to have a ritual, he would bring my son some treat or really cheap toy everyday after work when I went to pick him up.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
We never had anything like that when we were growing up, however, I do remember that whenever my parents had an evening away from home and we had a babysitter, they would always have some kind of a small gift for us when they got home in the evening.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
22 Feb 13
yes and when im with them. when they were babies if i got away for a couple hours, id feel like i left something important because it was weird not carrying the baby around
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
And now that mine are older than babies, it is difficult on me because I am completely not used to not hearing someone say "Mommy" all the time.
@joliefille (3690)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
My parents are like that too. Even though we are earning and chip in with the family costs they still find themselves buying something for us even when it's not needed. But we appreciate it because it is the thought that counts. I am like that with my 4-year-old niece as well. If I pass by the mall or a restaurant before going home I make sure to get her something which I think she might enjoy.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
Now I do have three nieces that I love dearly, but I do have to admit that I don't impulsively buy things for them nearly as often as I make impulse purchases for my own children.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
22 Feb 13
I totally understand and have been there. My girls are grown now and we live far away from each other. However, when they were growing up I always brought for them before I would buy a thing for myself. Its like I always felt they needed somethings more then I did. Even when working I would go on my lunch hour on payday and buy something for them. No matter how little or big just because I knew they needed it. Love my girls and now I love shopping for my three grandkids even though they are far away. I put a box together and mail them stuff or go online and send things that way. Then when they receive the packages we get to skype while they open the gifts.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
That is neat that you are able to see your grandchildren open the gifts that you've gotten for them. For me, when I was growing up, my grandparents lived in another state and every time that we went up to visit them, they had a little gift that they'd gotten for us and they were always so happy to give those gifts to us when we went to visit.
@Raine38 (12257)
• United States
22 Feb 13
I do not have kids yet, but yes I can understand what you mean. You may be physically separated from your kids but they will never be separated from your very being. My mom said that kids can even forsake their own mothers, but it will be near to impossible for a mother to have the heart to even think of abandoning their own kids. That's just how strong mother's love is.
Well, at least you did manage to have a couple of hours' you time.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
You know before I was a mother, I never thought that it was possible to have someone that you loved so much that you would be able to forgive each and every thing that they'd done wrong. However now that I am a mother, I definitely can see that there is not a way that you will ever quit loving your children.
