It seems that no one wants MY advice!

United States
February 21, 2013 9:03pm CST
Once again, someone that I considered to be a friend misunderstood what I said. This is a woman that I've considered to be a good friend for some time, but she recently asked a number of people for advice regarding an ongoing family situation. I tried to give her some advice and suggestions on how to change her situation, citing examples from what I've gone through, but she just responded back angrily. I'm so tired of giving advice when it's asked for-I don't do the unsolicited advice thing because I know I don't like receiving it myself. This is the second time it has happened-the first person that resented it, I stopped speaking to them entirely (they still have yet to figure it out). I think I'm just going to quietly bow out, and let this other woman fight her battles on her terms. This is why I really don't like too many people any more-DON'T ask for advice and then act like a child when it isn't to your liking!
3 people like this
13 responses
@deazil (4546)
• United States
22 Feb 13
Hi scorp! You know, you gave me advice and I took it. I appreciated it. A lot. You're my friend. You always showed me that. Not everybody knows how to deal with good advice when they get it. I don't understand that. I've gotten advice in the past from well meaning friends. I understood why they gave the advice they did. It just wasn't the right thing for me. But I didn't get upset with them. I'm sorry you've had that kind of experience. Because, having received advice from you myself, I know you were genuinely trying to help. And I suspect it was very good advice, too. I would give anything to have a friend like you near me. Someone I could visit and talk to. Someone that would help me and that I could help out, too. Even if it was only by talking with each other. But I guess you just never know about some people. I thought it was a sign when I got a notification of this post. I don't get many notifications these days, haven't in a while. So it was kind of strange that I would get one for this particular discussion, seeing as how I've been a recipient of your advice. And was very grateful for it. I'm tempted to say maybe you should be more choosy about who you give advice to but when you're under the impression that someone is your good friend it's kind of hard to imagine that they would take that kind of attitude. I don't really know what to say about it. But I know if I ever need advice on any number of things I could ask you. I admire you a lot.
• United States
22 Feb 13
I'm so glad to hear from you! I've missed you so much-I haven't been getting as many notifications since I took two weeks off when I was sick. I've taken advice in the past-and it turned out not to be so good-and it really got my back up about unsolicited advice. But if I ASK for the advice, I take it with a grain of salt-there's no point in getting angry at someone for offering me some, especially if I've asked for it! But things are starting to look up for me and my boyfriend Jim-he received money from the house getting broken into, and we had to use a good portion to fix the car. But we've also spent some of the money on ourselves too-he got me some clothes and some new shoes. I won a great all-inclusive vacation to Cancun! And Jim just got the best news-someone is going to put an offer in on his home; we just are keeping our fingers crossed that the bank accepts it. And he's willing to consider moving to a more affordable area, so we're going to drive down one weekend and take a look around. I've never had anyone tell me that they admire me before-I feel special. Most of the time, the comments I've heard are things like, You're so funny, or You're so beautiful-stop being so insecure, or my least favorite, You're so lazy. But I can tell that you mean it-and now I've got to live up to that. I'm going to try. How are you doing these days? It's been so long since we chatted-I believe the last time was shortly after your fall.
@deazil (4546)
• United States
22 Feb 13
Of course I mean it! Wow! A lot's been happening with you. I can't believe a vacation in Cancun! All-inclusive. I'm excited for you. And all the other good news. I'm really happy that things finally seem to be going your way. It's about time. And you are funny. And beautiful, I think. It's hard to tell by your avatar. You look kind of like a dog but I guess the picture's not a real good one. Lazy??? You??? Oh, brother. Whoever said that never met me. I haven't been in here a whole lot lately. I cruise through every so often and take a quick look around. Post a little here and there. It takes too much time from other stuff. I can make about $125 a month on the internet. I may be starting to get a little more. Other than that everything's about the same. I filed for SS but they're not getting back to me, naturally. Morons. We had 2 feet of snow last week. Or whenever that storm was. I can't keep track of time anymore. The days just kind of blend in together. They're all the same. But I'm so glad you've had some good luck. It's great to hear that. When are you going to Cancun? And how's Yoda? Give him a pat for me and a hug, too.
• United States
22 Feb 13
That's my last dog-Floyd. I loved him so much, but health problems forced me to give him up. I miss him so badly-I had to surrender him in late March/early April 2008. Filing for SS does take a lot of time-and often they deny you the first time. I was denied because I didn't have enough work credits (and had a heated discussion with them about that stupid rule!). Now I've got the credits, but I lost all of my former records in my move, and don't have a doctor. You must share with me in a private message about how to make so much on the internet-I'm looking out for myself. And if I could make that much, I could start paying my student loans! I lose track of what day it is-the only way I know is when Jim's home and tells me, or I ask around. Not sure when we'll get to Cancun-I just resent the paperwork back to the station, and that takes about a week. Then it'll take a month or more for passports.
@celticeagle (119060)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Feb 13
Are you sure the person you gave the advice to responded angrily? Or was it forcefully in the eye of what you responded with? And if this person is a friend why would you take a negative stance on what they said? You put forth an effort on their behalf and they responded back. What more can you do or they do? It seems like you are overly sensitive. I feel the same way. I don't like many people anymore either. They take such strange stances on things. And responding to your reply honestly is not acting like a child. But being overly sensitive might be something to work on. I used to be that way and even would double think things and really get hurt feelings. Now I just take their reply as that-- their reply. ANd they have a right to it. Doesn't have to be totally taken to heart.
@celticeagle (119060)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Feb 13
People that are living through this sort of thing are quite often in denial or have such self esteem problems they don't think they deserve better. Each time these things happen he is telling her it will never happen again, that he loves AND WOULD NEVER HURT HER, and some bizarre things like this. It is amazing that they continue to let these men abuse and hurt them but they do. I feel strongly about domestic violence too. It isn't that this woman isn't smart she is just in denial and has a self esteem problem. ANd these men that women like this choose are very charming and manipulative. Being over sensitive isn't a crime but it can sure make you hurt alot sometimes. I was just being honest and hope you understand and appreciate that.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Feb 13
You know I have found that some people say they want our advice but really they just want people to agree with them at all times. Then if you don't agree with them they get really annoyed. My advice would be, don't give them advice anymore if they get angry with your true thoughts or feelings...
• United States
22 Feb 13
That's what I'm going to do-not give them (or anyone else) advice. It just seems funny that the three times in the last few months that the only people I've said anything to have decided to get upset with me. What-do I have bad breath or body odor or something?
• Jacksonville, Florida
24 Feb 13
I'm sorry scorpiobabes. I have been there before and it hurts. You end up feeling like why did I bother? I am sure you don't smell or have bad breath!
@p1kef1sh (45640)
22 Feb 13
There is a saying that you can ask for advice but you do not have two take it. Of course if we give advice we enjoy the flattery of people telling us that it is just what they want to hear. But I suppose that sometimes our advice doesn't fit their problem. However, there is no need for people to get angry. Sometimes advice conflicts directly with what they would like to do. But hearts ruling heads can lead to disaster!
• United States
22 Feb 13
Remember a few years back, when I was asking for a lot of advice regarding my then-boyfriend? I took it with a grain of salt, didn't always but I DID listen. Eventually, I did take everyone's advice, and ended that relationship. But I don't think that I was hateful to anyone for offering it since, after all, I did ask for the advice. But this is just another example of my life where I've only offered advice after it was requested of me-and was b1tch slapped in return! This is probably the reason that I don't have many female friends!
@p1kef1sh (45640)
22 Feb 13
So does the fact that I have lots of female friends mean that I'm a pushover? LOL.
@KrauseHome (35529)
• United States
25 Feb 13
I have seen and experienced this one many times, and it makes you wonder. I have seen it in real life, here from time to time, and especially on Facebook. Too many times you see people asking for advice on something, and when you offer them advice that is not what they are expecting than they get mad, and feel offended. It is often interesting, and you wonder why they ask in the first place if they cannot accept something someone might have suggested?
• United States
25 Feb 13
I am just working to put this behind me. I'm just glad that she moved her family out of here so quickly; it was getting hard to avoid her without giving away how I really felt. I am thinking that I'm done with opening my mouth when someone asks for advice, nor will I be asking for any myself.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Feb 13
Stupid. If she asked for advice, she should at least listen to it respectfully. She doesn't have to agree with it, she doesn't have to follow it, but she has no cause getting angry just because she doesn't like it. It would be different if it was unsolicited.
@Raine38 (9195)
• United States
22 Feb 13
If she's a good friend, she will soon realize that you are just doing what she requested you to do: advise her on something. She can always take your advice or not. It is not after all, a must-do. Maybe you hit a nerve with what you told her. And even though that doesn't warrant her to unleash her frustrations on you, just give her time to calm down and sort things out. Her life may be a mess right now and she needs all the support that she can get. Give her some time, and see what her next move is. When she has finally decided to approach you, you can always ask her why she felt like that, and you can even explain to her what you really meant. Who knows, maybe she can give you something to learn about giving advices. And by the way, I approve your resolution, of not giving unsolicited advices. Some people just don't need it, and instead of helping them, it just might make them feel worse.
@jhaidro (879)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
I have been is situations like this a couple of times already. It truly is sad if our efforts to help is not really appreciated. It even hurts somehow if the things that we say makes them angry of worse if they just ignore it. I think that people who does this has social issues. It is healthy if we express our emotions that is why people have conversations about problems. It is just rude if the things we share to make them feel better becomes unrecognized by them. The thing that I do to avoid this is I do not really give out advises. I just share my opinion of the things that I would do if I was in the situation and I let them decide if they would agree on it or not.
• United States
22 Feb 13
You're right-maybe I'll just share my opinion instead. Of course, my boyfriend likes to tell me that I'm really opinionated, but that was how I was raised.
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
Just ignore her. Maybe she's so confused now. Let her fight with her own battles. She shouldn't be angry at you because you're just giving your advice. She asked for it so she should respect your thoughts. You were just concerned about her. Maybe she'll realize her mistake. Relax. Forget about what happened.
• United States
22 Feb 13
Thank you. I'm feeling better-all I did was try to help. I'm just sorry that she felt so hurt by the truth, but I tend to call it as I see it.
22 Feb 13
please don't act like children here...thats my advice to both of you
• United States
22 Feb 13
I'm not. I immediately apologized for whatever it was that she took offense to, and walked away.
@danix1982 (593)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
dont be angry.. maybe she's just wanted some opinions from others also and comparing which can help her a lot. :)
@GardenGerty (101613)
• United States
22 Feb 13
Perfect solution, if they ask for advice, smile sweetly and say "What do you think you should do?" most people, when they ask for advice really just want you to tell them what they have already made up their mind to be the right approach. I can understand why you are angry, and it is very frustrating, I agree.
• United States
22 Feb 13
Actually, I think I'm just going to keep out of other people's business. But it is quite frustrating when you are listening to them, can hear the pain in their voice, and they lash out at you in frustration.
@Metatronik (5911)
• Pasay, Philippines
22 Feb 13
As you also said I don't like unsolicited advise too and rather I really hate it because most people who are giving unsolicited advises are the ones who don't really analyze the real situation, not a good listener, arrogant to the extent that they just want to feel good about themselves, most of the time they are not sincere hence they just want to project who they are. First of all how did you really respond when you gave advise? Because sometimes what makes others angry is the way, and approach on how you were able to deliver your advises. Sometimes I find strange when others are giving advise it can be unsolicited or being asked but the way it has projected is different like blaming them because it is their fault, the tone of your voice can be also included, and at times they find disrespectful. For the topic itself that you have posted which is NO ONE WANTS my advise as I understand it seems that there are other people aside from your friend who doesn't like your advise at all. Just analyze the situation and try to feel if you are really credible enough.
• United States
22 Feb 13
Without going into too much detail, it was a situation that she has brought up a number of times, but now it was about having professionals take her seriously. I suggested that she ask for them to make a personal visit, as well as relating my experience regarding a similar situation. While she ignored the suggestion of personal visit by professionals to treat her family member, she focused in on some of my experiences and jumped all over me. My title is referring to my personal experiences in offering advice that has been requested; perhaps I will rethink offering it, and just stay out of everyone's business instead. I guess because I don't give that much advice, it's taken wrong-thank you for bringing that to my attention.