The people who can hurt you the most are those who you trust the most

Davao, Philippines
February 27, 2013 3:20pm CST
Since I really don’t know what to write, I’m making this as I go along. I wanted to write something with some sense. But found my brain blank of anything useful to say. Again, I am plagued with a wall that prevents me to making a good message out of this discussion. What can I say? I am deeply confused and troubled now. If I trap myself into my fantasy for the moment which I already did by the way, I’m afraid I’ll go mad—madder that I am in reality. Just this afternoon I found a family secret that chilled me to the bone. You don’t have to worry it’s not anything like murder or something—yet. It’s just that more than one family member is just betrayed and one is abused. And the person responsible for all the mess, is family as well--at least treated like one until he did the unthinkable. I don’t really know what emotion I felt then. I felt numb but at the same time ready to pounce on the person responsible and I fear I won’t feel anything even if I killed him with my own hands—that is if I can with my puny strength. It was then the saying that I've learned before came to mind, “The people who can hurt you the most are those who you trust the most.” It came up more than once on certain occasion where it really applied. Aside for the situation I just mentioned, it applied to the situation where a mother can no longer be reconciled with her children due to many secrets separating them over the years. Well, what can I say? They’re stubborn lot and unfortunately so are my family. We just compete of who’s more pig-headed than who. Unfortunately, the mom gave up before starting. She’s been in deep depression for so long. And her sons, well, I would pity their future partners because they’ll be carrying with them a very heavy baggage that won’t go away for having no closure with their mom. And this I knew first hand.
2 people like this
8 responses
@inertia4 (27582)
• United States
1 Mar 13
Family secrets can really damage a family. I know. There were many things that were never said in my family, on both sides, my mothers and my fathers. But some of it came out as I got older. I was able to deal with it because they were not devastatingly bad. But damaging they were. It is true that the people close to you can hurt you worse then anything. But look at it in a way that whatever the family or a family member or even a close family friend did, it has nothing to do with you personally. I know how these feelings can be.
1 person likes this
• Davao, Philippines
2 Mar 13
Sometimes I envy families that are open to each other, where a child can openly express her experience and thoughts to her parents without fear of being condemned and where the parents can tell their child/children their own problems as well. There was this one family who can tell each other almost anything. The parents having problems with money, told and showed their child the situation and the child helped formulate the solution in her own way. Anyways, she's a smart girl--she was in grade school--so her education is not a problem thanks to her taking up scholarship. That's a big help in their finances. They were able to pay debts sooner and was finally able to save up money. It was then that I've learned that there's nothing wrong with showing a child one's income statement. Instead, to make problems understandable to a child, I noticed that it is best to show them the proof you usually show to the adults. They'll realize the extent of the problem and can help provide visible solution more than telling them, "Son/daughter, we have problems." or if it's about money, "Son/daughter, we don't have any money." And you go ahead and pull out your new model of cellphone calling or texting someone. Seriously, that's contradicting to a child's point of view.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27582)
• United States
3 Mar 13
Well, I always tell my kids where I stand financially. I also tell them that their mother, my evil ex, has the money. She took my money and inherited money from her rich uncle. So she has it but never spends it. She claims she is broke. LOL. What a joke that is. Anyway, they know where I stand. And they know what happened between me the the evil ex. I find no reason to lie to my children. I was never one for lies.
• Davao, Philippines
4 Mar 13
Good for you. My father always tells us that he has no money ever since young. He never had money, he says until I found out a little while later when I was able to handle some accounts that I found out that he has some savings. But for where he uses it, is a mystery to me because when asked about it, he said that he no longer has them. I couldn't care anymore because I don't want it to become a problem. But if money problem arises again in my family, I'll just have that bit of info to ask about--until he spill the beans. Right now, I'd rather focus on solutions. People over here focus more on their problems that's they just end up going around in circles instead.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
3 Mar 13
Sadly that's more often true than not in some cases. There are many cases when it's the most trusted family member that have hurt us. And to be betrayed by the person who we put our trust to is very painful and hurtful. And for believing that person who has hurt us is very hard. Trust is like glass, once broken it won't be like before anymore and can't be fixed anymore.
• Davao, Philippines
4 Mar 13
Indeed. It's one component that unites people together more than love. I mean, it's possible to love someone but not trust them. It's happening between my parents now but that's not a problem for me. I understand their situation, I just hope my siblings can too as they grow older. Anyways, I just found out that I was a number one suspect in one case that had happened over to my uncle's years ago. That time, my cousin's cellphone went missing. All the family is in attendance in their house because that's a family gathering. Funny thing was, I prefer being holed in my room than going out. And I am the type who hates these cellular phones that have (I love computers though). Well, back to the story,my uncle had voiced me out as his suspect when he had a meeting the elders of the family--so that includes my mom there. I can understand him considering that he does not know me well. But that accusation had hurt my mom deeply. Hurting my mom means hurting me so despite my understanding I felt a bit betrayed. It would have been nothing of importance to me but because my mom affected, it affects me. It's strange how people can easily hurt another but difficult to please someone, at least that's how I see it. So, my mom...being my mom...defended me to my uncle. Pointing out that cellular phones in our home is scattered everywhere and none of them disappears mysteriously. She also pointed out my lack of enthusiasm in even using them and my abhorrence of leaving my room. So there's no way I will steal one to sell them. Because the one--the only one--who frequently gets out of the house is my mom. In the end, it turned out to be that their helper is the one who took my cousin's phone and sold it to a pawnshop. Although the case is solved, it is saddening to see how lacking my family is in trusting one another and would readily trust a stranger more than family. I mean, isn't that a betrayal of sorts?
• United States
27 Feb 13
This is sad but true in life for most of us. I know first hand how this an ruin a person if it is not handles properly. I make sure I do the best I can to protect myself but that can also fail me.
• Davao, Philippines
27 Feb 13
Indeed, all we can do is do our best. But how will we know that the choices we make are the best? I would have love to interfere with my relatives' lives right now and knock some sense into them. Had they not been far from the city I live in and had I been more older than they are, I would have already done so. But sadly I can't, I wonder what is the best thing I can do to help them. I know I can help them but I don't know how.
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
2 Mar 13
The people who betrays our trust and love is 100x more painful than being done by just an acquaintance. In this situation, we just hope and pray that we will all have a peaceful heart and mind in time.
@choconut (298)
• Philippines
1 Mar 13
sorry... it must've hurt so so much =( its true that those who we trust and love so much are the ones that hurts us the most because they are the ones we chose to be the most vulnerable with.
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
28 Feb 13
It seems that we who have had a normal family life are lucky .
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Feb 13
That's true, and that is why we can never be too sure with whomever we trust. Doesn't matter if we are related to them, or we have been friends with them for a long time, all it takes is the right motivation, what's in it for them, for them to turn the other way and betray us. It is sad that some people would disregard all moral values for their own selfish reasons.
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
27 Feb 13
I agree with you 100%, thats what has always happened to me over the years.