Death - a rant

@dawnald (84124)
Shingle Springs, California
February 28, 2013 3:14pm CST
It's a part of life. Yeah, it is, but that doesn't make me feel any better when it was somebody I loved. It's a blessing that they weren't in a lot of pain. Yeah, it is, but I'd rather they didn't have to die at all. They're in a better place. Quite possibly, but I'd rather they were still here where I could see them, touch them, talk to them. People are really quite awkward when dealing with the death of someone else's loved one, aren't they? I think most of them mean well, but sometimes safest thing that you can say is "I'm sorry" or "my condolences" and "is there anything I can do?". I'm not sure I would find it comforting if somebody came around and said something that made it sound as if my loved one's death was a good thing. On the other hand, the person is hurting, and it is quite possibly that nothing anybody says will sound quite right to them. You just do your best. Just some random thoughts. .... For Tony
9 people like this
10 responses
@chiyosan (29389)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
Hi there, I know how this feels really for someone who has lost a loved one. Yes it is sensitive and we always would even find it hard to say anything because in reality there are nothing we can say that'll take the pain away. I have had friends whom they lost their loved ones and as much as I feel the hurt myself I just stay by their side and don't try to say anything. I am afraid I am going to say something wrong so I just wanted to be able to make them feel they b are not alone.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 13
Probably the best thing you can do.
@mythociate (13644)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
2 Mar 13
I understand; you're hypnotized into believing in momentary existence rather than eternity, but it's not your fault. (Just saying that, because it's about to sound like I'm calling you 'foolish' for being hypnotized ... but 'if you were raised thinking the world is flat/slightly-curved, no one will ever PROVE TO YOU that it's round.') Physicists believe that the universe is eternal---that all of the future & all of the past is equally-existent as the present is. So Tony IS in Heaven ... he gets to live all the perfect moments with you forever. That's the curse of life (for the living): we ALSO get all those perfect moments, but we have to experience all the flawed moments in-between the perfect ones. The perfect moments DON'T EXIST if we don't experience them living 'in the world,' but our loved ones insist on 'not forgetting the flawed moments in-between.' Luckily, the people do not control our minds as we sleep.
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Mar 13
No, that isn't it at all. I'm simply pointing out that a person who has lost a loved one is hurting. They may sincerely believe in eternal life, and that may be a comfort to them, but they are still hurting.
• United States
1 Mar 13
I know that we continue. I don't know all the details. I don't pretend to know them. And I'm with you on wanting people to stay right here with me. I hope that Tony had a chance to spend time with his father near the end.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Mar 13
yes, he did have a lot of time with him...
@katsmeow1213 (28715)
• United States
1 Mar 13
In my FIL's case, it was a blessing. He'd been suffering.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Mar 13
When you compare it to the illness, yeah, it probably is a blessing. If you start thinking why did they have to get the darn illness in the first place, not so much.
@GreenMoo (11842)
1 Mar 13
I think a hug is the best way of expressing sadness at someone's loss, but if you don't know someone well or you're expressing condolences in writing that's not always possible. It's really hard to know what to say, as what one person may find a comfort another will find a cliché, and what someone may find a comfort tomorrow may be too soon said today. Perhaps it's important to remember that people mean to be kind, even if that comes across as clumsy. So, for you and yours, a big hug across the miles.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4012)
• China
1 Mar 13
I can never accept people saying its for the best, in a better place or end of suffering. I am sorry but I feel otherwise. Fortunately, I do not express easily and my husband will usually step in when I have that empty look or the person will get the head chewed off. I am sorry but I take these to be insensitive and ignorant which does not bring a single comfort to the one receiving it. So, I would never say these words at all. I am usually the quiet one who will get everything poured onto me because friends find me to be a great listener and a very discreet one too.
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Mar 13
In a better place, OK, if you believe that, but it's for the best? That really does sound insensitive.
@AmbiePam (44626)
• United States
1 Mar 13
I don't say it's for the best, or they are in a better place. Because usually everyone already knows that, and you don't need to say it. Coming from a non family member, or a family member that is not close, it just sounds stupid and trite. I'm more inclined to say, this stinks (or this sucks depending on the type of person I'm talking to), let me know if I can do anything for you. Because although it may be great for the person out of pain and in Heaven, everyone left on earth is sufffering mightily.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Mar 13
that is exactly my point, that the people who are left behind suffer...
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
28 Feb 13
It is one topic that I rather not have any day. Thinking about it drives me crazy. I fear of dying, which of course, there is nothing I can do about. And seeing a loved one pass away tears me into pieces, but one has to accept reality no matter how much pain it can cause you.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Mar 13
Hm, I could probably come up with examples of people who never did accept reality about something. :D
@marguicha (76289)
• Chile
28 Feb 13
I think that all those polite words rather annoy me in times of pain and loss. But there are things that I like. A hug without saying anything is better for me when I think that there are no words to be said. Other close people say nothing but start helping out with serving coffee or doing things I don`t feel I`m capable of doing. Still, there is nothing that can lessen the painof loss and I have learnt to survive, but life has not been the same after it.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
No, I am sure it wouldn't be.
@bounce58 (17550)
• Canada
28 Feb 13
I'm sure that for the one hurting, for the people who just lost a loved one, not much can be said that would make them feel much better. As friends and/or family, all we could do is be there for them. So that they'd know and see that we share in the sadness too. My condolences...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
It was Tony's dad, long bout with cancer. Thanks...