So sad she can't understand our situation.

@lynboobsy11 (11346)
Philippines
March 3, 2013 5:16am CST
My daughter is graduating this coming March, and she wanted to continued her college in the city. Everbody knows here that I'm a single mom I can give her good education and I can enroll her here in my town which also have good schools and the careers she wants. But she still want to go to the metro city I know as her mother I have faith on her and I trust her but the bad things is I can't afford the place and the daily allownces where she will stay. Her older sister will help me to her tuition fees other than that I will be the one who will provide the rest. I don't want to rely on his father that only give us hope and nothing in action. Here she can have everything she want nice clothes,nice house and food that she wanted to eat that I know I can't give to her when she insist to go to the city. I already told this to her and I hope she can make up her mind where she can have a nice future. I hope she can think and choose the right decision. I'm so sad that she did not understand our situation, she is so lucky that she can go to college not like other students who wants to pursue but have to provide for them selves and have to find a job just to study.
2 people like this
16 responses
@celticeagle (121073)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Mar 13
She should be happy that you have helped her as much as you have. It is her situation and she is old enough she should understand. Let it be a learning situation for her. Sometimes its just the way it is and has to be seen as that. I think it is great of her older sister to pitch in too.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
She is only going to 16 this coming july and as I can see to her that she is irresponsible the way she acted and that action is not suitable to have life in the city with a very hectic lifestyle. Your right celticeagle maybe this is the way for her to learn for her own life I just wish that we will not regret this decision in the future.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (121073)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Mar 13
That is very young to be in the city by herself. I think eighteen would be better.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
5 Mar 13
I believe that this will be something that your daughter will come to understand in time, but I really don't think that it is something that she can understand right now and might likely not be something that she will be able to understand for quite some time. You see, I was the daughter of a single mother (although my mother was single for a different reason) and when I first graduated from high school, I really did believe that my mother had an endless supply of money. It really wasn't until I started to have responsibilities of my own that I realized that this was something that could never be the case.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
7 Mar 13
I feel for her too I know for some reason she really wants to be also with her old friends where we lived before that's why I already solved our problem. I talked to her dad seriously and we both agree that she can stay with him and hopefully he can also protect her like the way I took care of her.
@Angelpink (4022)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
Hi there ! Good to be practical the to be buried in debt. Some parents gives what the daughter wanted in life , so in return not only her daughter or her suffer but the whole family. So your decision is so good though i know your hearts ache and i know deep inside you also wanted your child to be in good reputable school in the city but financial matters you are also considering..You moved was so practical and foe everyone's good . Tell daughter that if budget allows you who knows one day she stil can enroll in the city but for now , she has to be in that school and do good , because at present life is never very hard nad tell her it is not only your family who is in financial crisis but it is everyone else ..
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
I already told her the things I have to make her realize our situation and I know that I can also convince her but I also understand she wants like I do before when I'm also in her shoes today. I don't want to make this as an excuse for her not to be good in her studies. I think it's time for me to consult her father and her sister about this.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
FOr now she will not be able to understand it, i was that way too way back that age.. it was hard for me to see things their way. Let us justpray she will eventually see it before it is too late.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
Me too, that's why I also understand her I just hope if we decided to let her go to the city I hope she will be better on her studies.
@drannhh (15241)
• United States
4 Mar 13
It is nice that you offer to help her. My parents did not give me any help with school, but I was highly motivated and paid my own way, working along the way. It is in some ways better to be able to go to school full-time without having to work on school days. On the other hand, I did learn as much from some of my college jobs as from the classes, and also made friends and contacts at work. Good luck to you and your daughter.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
That's what I told her many unfortunate children loves to go to school but they have to find their own way just to support their studies and she is so lucky that she don't have to do that me and her sister will support her. So far I'm still waiting for her sister comment on this.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
3 Mar 13
Maybe going without would be a good lesson for her. When they are young sometimes they don't understand the whole picture...let her go and find out how nice she has it at home....
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
That's what I'm also thinking jill I know she only wants to prove one thing that she can take care of her self even without me. But of course we know what's the difficulties and danger outside, I'm now hoping that she will make a right decision for own sake.
@Raine38 (9193)
• United States
3 Mar 13
That is sad. I hope you sit down and have a serious talk to her armed with actual figures to show her the real picture. Show to her the costs and the real financial situation of the family. If she will still insist on her plans, you have to be tough to tell her then she needs to find a job to help you. And make her realize that between the job and her studies and the crappy food, is it still worth it to go to college in the city than have the same quality of education that she can get right at home? Also, try to make her open up what's really the deal with the city college, what is its appeal to her. Maybe she is being pressured by her peers to attend the same college, for example. College is important, but it doesn't necessarily have to burden the whole family when there's other options to avoid it.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
Thanks raine your right I will have to talk to her again maybe together with her sister when she get her son this coming Saturday. And if she will stick to her plan on going to the city I think I need to tell her father and go to stay on him, I'm not sure but this is the only right thing for now to do.
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
hi lyn, I understand you your daughter is lucky that despite of your situation you still find way to put her in college if she really insist what she wants well she must also find a way for it like having a job while studying. Metro life is not that easy as we know besides it's just the two of you now why leave you if she can get everything she wants there. Finished college and after that start living in the metro maybe you can talk to her again about the situation. happy mylotting
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
Hi bhaby, Now I'm thinking of an option to let her stay with her dad I think it is time for him to take care of her daughter. But still I need to know the real reason of why she wants to go there to take her college. Thanks
@louievill (20373)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
These kids ought to know, understand and be grateful to their parents and as to the extent of what best we could provide for them, especially with the tight fix our country and economy is in right now, she will learn when it's her time to be a parent like us.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
That's what I told her I've been in her position also and now I understand my parents. I'm still hoping for her change of mind.
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
3 Mar 13
all you can do is sit down with her and show her the costs. Figure out what you could afford and show her. Housing = $$ School = $$ Allowance = $ and then show under the allowance that food and clothes must be covered - as in, maybe $5 for a week - for all her food or whatever...
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
Yhea your right Eli right now I'm still giving her a chance to think and maybe after graduation I will talk to her and make a decision.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31635)
• United States
3 Mar 13
I remember that feeling of wanting to leave home for college and go far away. I was so anxious to be independent and be away from my mother. Even though I could lead my own life, I felt constrained just being in the same area as her, as if she would be looking over my shoulder and judging. Of course that was not true but that's how I felt when I was 18. I think it's a matter of freedom and independence, not lack of love or consideration for you.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
I also understand the feeling I was in her position also when I wanted to study in the city but also my parents can't afford that's why I just stayed here and I also admit that I did not get concentrate with my studies and I ended up having a family at the age of 19. I also don't want to happen this to her that's why I still want her to make a decision if she really can do it alone. I do trust her but still not sure if she can, she is not like me and even her sister that has a good instinct and alertness. Metro city is the very dangerous place here in my country most of the crimes are there that's why I decided to go back here 5 years ago because of the growing crimes. I'm just praying that this is not only an impulse that's why she is eager to have her freedom. Her future depends on her decision.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
3 Mar 13
Now is the time for straight talk. Do not try to make it easier on her, tell her right out that there is not enough money for her to go to the school she wants unless she can get a job to help out. True this may mean her education will take longer but that will be her choice. It's time for her to grow up and realize that though her family trys it's best to help she must also make choices that are within reason for the family. Be very clear, don't try to make her feel better, you do her no favor when you keep the facts of life from her or try to soften them. Blessings and stay strong.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
Thanks savypat, I already told her about everything I could just to make her realize and now I just leave her to make a decision. I also told her is she really want try to support herself the only thing that I can help her is for her studies other than that is her responsibility.
@AmbiePam (50446)
• United States
3 Mar 13
I hope she understands too. Because you've obviously gone to great lengths to make sure she gets what she needs. And hopefully, she'll realize that and be greatful.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
Thanks Ambie, and that's what I'm praying for but incase that she still want I must think of an option that can be good for her and I will also ask for her sister's opinion.
@danix1982 (593)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
i understand your feelings as a mother like yours,that sometimes our children dont understand what we want to tell them. try to talk to your daughter personally, explain to her the difficult situation you have and i know you daughter will understand, but i think she want to explore more in the city and she want to experience on how to live in the city. help her to change her decision and explain to her as long as you can and she realize what you want to tell her.goodluck! :)
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
Hi danix, she was born from the city and grew up until she graduated from elementary. We just move here in my town when I decided to leave her father because I can't stand our situation that's why she took her high school here. I do understand her only the thing is our financial situation but I'm making an option now to tell this to her father and let her stay with him.
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
that's a good option, but her father should take care of her the way you do, because youth in today's generation is really different you know what i mean.. Godbless in your decision. :)
@bvleus (18)
• Philippines
7 Mar 13
I feel for you. If I was in your place, I'll be sad too. Young people nowadays are different. Different in terms of opinion and thinking. I wish she'd understand that what you offer is what you think is best for her. Try talking to her and explain your side, or maybe ask her why she wants to go somewhere else to study. Have an open communication especially that your role as a mom, and a dad is hard and challenging. Good luck to you!
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
7 Mar 13
Thanks we already solved the problem she can stay at her father's house and can go to school that offers low tuition fees with the help of her sister and I.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I know how you feel. I am also a mother and we always want what we think is best for our kids. it could also be a frustration on our part not being able to give everything that our kids want. But, in situations like these, children should understand that they should take advantage of what is available for them and be thankful for having it.