Loyalty in a relationship

@GreenMoo (11842)
March 4, 2013 12:55pm CST
Part of being in a relationship, for me, is being seen to be supportive of the other person. So I try very hard not to complain about my partner or say anything negative about him. I´d hope he would do the same for me. Yes, he annoys the hell out of me from time to time, just as I´m sure everyone´s partners do. Yes, I´d really like to vent and just complain about him. But I just don´t think it´s right. Do you feel the same way? Is myLot a ´safe´ place to moan about your other half because you can remain slightly anonymous here? Or do you feel free to let rip about our partner´s failings whenever the urge takes you?
6 people like this
18 responses
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
4 Mar 13
I think everyone needs an outlet, someone to complain to. But the internet is not the place to do it if you don't want the subject to see. Once it's here, it's here forever. I think it would be just therapeutic to write it down then burn it, or confide in a close friend. The number one rule of putting anything on the internet should be that it's nothing you wouldn't mind anyone seeing, especially the subject of the rant!
2 people like this
@GreenMoo (11842)
6 Mar 13
I'm finding that my newly begun journal is as good a place as any to vent. It just allows me to empty rubbish from my head and start afresh. Well, that's the theory at least!
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Mar 13
I think it's OK if 1) you do it anonymously and 2) you're not doing it out of meannness, but to get some advice, or just blow off steam. It's not OK if you do it where it can get back to him, and especially if you're being mean about it. I blew off a lot of steam here when I was going through marriage counseling, etc., prior to my divorce, and it was mostly because I just needed to hear what other people thought about the events that were happening, sort of to get a measure of whether my take on things was on or off base.
2 people like this
@GreenMoo (11842)
5 Mar 13
Although it's pretty anonymous here, I'd still feel bad about saying anything I'd not be happy for him to read. It's a good place to see how other's perception matches your own, as you've discovered, and I wish I cold bring myself to write more some days.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
4 Mar 13
I complain about my husband and our relationship problems sometimes. Probably more than I should.. but certainly not as much as I could!!
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11842)
5 Mar 13
I've never noticed you say anything that I think 'ouch' at actually, and the fact that your relationship is hugely important to you shines through.
• United States
5 Mar 13
Now that I think of it.. I actually haven't complained. I've started typing it all out before.. but as I type it I think about how others may respond with things like "give him a break" or "that's just typical guy stuff for you" or point out how I've contributed to the problem. It's almost as if typing it out is enough to vent my frustration and I don't need to see the comments anymore.
@GreenMoo (11842)
6 Mar 13
That's a good point. I complain to the journal I've started recently. The idea is that it just gets it out of my head and allows me to move on.
@peavey (16856)
• United States
4 Mar 13
I don't have a partner and I'm not in the market, but it embarrasses me sometimes when I see women talking about their husbands. It does seem disloyal to me. I wouldn't want my husband to talk about me like that, even in private (although he did... I'm divorced. ). Anyway, I don't think it's right. For one thing, the more you talk about things sometimes, the worse they can seem. If you just shut up and think it through yourself, it isn't nearly as big a deal.
1 person likes this
@alberello (4755)
• Italy
4 Mar 13
Well, this your thread, find me a little unprepared. I say this because I, although the ripe age of almost 38 years, I have never been involved in a romantic relationship. However, I want to express my opinion. Yes, you are right in saying, it takes loyalty in a relationship. Sometimes it happens that you do not go completely agree, sometimes arguing, but to make sure that things are in the best possible way, sometimes we must, in my view, also accept the shortcomings of the partner. I know that sometimes it can be annoying, but in the world, nobody is perfect! I say this, but keep in mind the fact (as mentioned at the beginning of the comment) that I am not and probably never will be involved in any romantic relationship! Why? Choice of life!
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
4 Mar 13
I think mostly/mainly women find their partner annoying and they have to give in a lot and give up their own dreams/goals, swalling every insulting remark, find it "normal" to be humulated and thing everything is because they are not good enough. Men seldom think they are the reason of all problems but for sure they do complain a lot (mainly about their wife who does not understand their needs etc). I am not loyal if it comes to my relationship but I am if it comes to me. Since I have to live with me. I payed a very high price to be free once so I won't let any man humilate or molest me ever anymore. If my husband is not supportive to me I do not see any need to be supportive to him.
@GreenMoo (11842)
5 Mar 13
My partner IS supportive to me, and I repay that favour. But I really appreciate what you just said about having to live with yourself. Many of us, myself included, don't always value ourselves enough.
@nyssa102 (748)
• United States
6 Mar 13
This is a tuffy, actually. In my personal opinion, I will let my soul mate know exactly where I am going and what I am doing on the net and off the net. I like the idea of sharing a life, and so will give him all the accounts that I have that involve social networking, that way, he will know I am not talking about him behind his back or anything. I want to give him that form of security in our relationship. But, to each there own, in a case like this, there is no one right answer, just answers for each specific situation.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
6 Mar 13
I think myLot is exactly that 'safe' place where we can complain about not only people we are in a relationship with, but with everybody. Of course the levels that we treat this complaints varies from one person to another. There are some who are just happy writing it all down, and sending it out in the interweb! Some say it's therapeutic.
• Indonesia
6 Mar 13
well, I choose to be honest in relationship. I always complain all things I want to complain about him. My husband is very "open" person and we talk each other honestly. He said I'm one the most lazy woman, I fight back each time he said that because I had do my best as wife, and sometimes it's seems like hard to appreciate it. sometimes the honest word make a war in your relationship, but it have been a usual thing for me -even sometimes, yes, I'm very tired! mylot is the latest place I want to share my anger if I don't find peace after the cold war, but usually I choose to not share something that close to "very privacy" thing in mylot. I just want to share the good thing here. but there's nothing wrong to share anything in myot, you will find solution and advice here :)
• China
6 Mar 13
Over here I haven't complained about my other half.Not that we disagree about nothing or there is no annoying thing between us or wash our dirty linen at home,but that I think it is not worthwhile wasting time on those trivial matters.But there again,It takes two to make a quarrel.I like the saying here"Gold can't be pure and man can't be perfect."
@p1kef1sh (45640)
5 Mar 13
The Boss often asks me "What's it like being perfect all the time" so clearly she would never wish to air my shortcomings!! LOL. As we are all technically anonymous does it matter a jot what we say here? We can unload, receive the views of 'friends' and strangers alike and our partners need never know. On the other hand is it fair that we reveal our thoughts about something so intimate as our relationships in a forum? We all need an outlet and often our real life friends are just too close to enable us to do that with confidence. So we either clam up and seethe, or let go in a 'safe' place like here. Rip away.
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
5 Mar 13
only if they are not here...
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
4 Mar 13
Umm..no, actually even mylot is not safe. I have a friend in real life and also a student here, so if I "share" everything through my discussions, these people would know and maybe, although the chance is very very slim, they would share my discussions with other people. Fortunately, my friend and student aren't such kind of people. However, for some reasons, this is also a safe place to share things because of the reasons you have mentioned: we are quite anonymous here. I have shared some concerns about my guy friends, but now since I have a boyfriend, I try not to share a lot of things about him because I love him. He also annoys me sometimes, but so far, there's nothing bad to share about him.
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
4 Mar 13
It was being able to rant about my partner that kept me sane on here when I was stuck in the abusive relationship, Mylot was my therapy, my escapism and fortunately my partner was computer illiterate and I knew what I posted was 100% safe from prying eyes, shame it couldn't be said for my personal journals which were written and yes, found and read by my partner!! I had absolutely NO compunction about letting rip, they deserved it, and more. Usually I am 100% loyal and loyalty comes hand in hand with trust and honesty in a relationship but with my ex I made the exception.
@Raine38 (9193)
• United States
4 Mar 13
In a relationship, getting into each other's nerves is common. We are after all, not perfect. But as long as we are not trapped in a loveless and cruel one, and the relationship still brings out the best in both couples, then no issue or problem cannot be talked about and fixed. I am one of the lucky ones to have a pretty good relationship. My husband is a hardworking man, he is nice and polite, a good provider and trustworthy. He has never given me any reason to lose my respect and trust in him. He have issues, of course, like he can be pretty stubborn, but nothing that we cannot fix. And I am sure he also thinks of the same for me. Sometimes though, when we are on that verge of extreme anger, we tend to be so emotional and we cannot think of the good, only the bad reasons why we're hurt and why we're mad. And there are things that are better left unsaid. I would rather vent out and rant first before we talk. There is nothing good that will come out of shouting and accusations. Before it can get pretty nasty, we take a break first and resume our talk whenever we're calmed down. We never want to say something that we will regret later on, or worse, something that is hard to take back.
• United States
4 Mar 13
I'm the luckiest woman on the planet. My guy Loves me and I love him. And.. we Like each other too. Meaning I don't have to vent! It is amazing! I'm as amazed as you are!
• Pamplona, Spain
4 Mar 13
Hiya GM, For as much I can get annoyed with the one I live with I would feel pretty bad about saying anything really profound about him. I know you are not going that deep at all. You just want to say "men" and what woman does not sometimes I have had one of those days too. I feed the Dog here as they give him all sorts of rubbish and I give him just the right amount I make him get away from the dinner table they allow him and protest if I shoo him away and make him lie down somewhere else. But the Dog will only follow me and eat what I give to him and this annoys them and they start distracting him and I have to lose my rag a bit as I am training this very naughty dog to drop such bad habits. Bit by bit I am getting there but they taunt me sometimes and especially one of the sons too. The way I am going about it is less work for me in the finish he does not go running off outside till I feed him. Would´nt you be annoyed too I bet you would as it is their Dog after all they wanted him and should not make him gorge too much bad food. I do not feel bad about venting about this annoyance I have with him at the moment as this kind of thing should be shared and not dump the dog chores on to me and expect me to grin all over my face which I am not doing. At the same time I love the Dog to bits and he knows it you see lol. Men where would we be without them? Or where would we be with them lol. Just kidding fellas me and my Dog are signing off woof.xxx
@BarBaraPrz (20542)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
4 Mar 13
Venting about one's partner on myLot once in a while may serve a purpose, but if it becomes a habit, then the venter should have a serious look at the partnership.