We talked for about 4 hours.

United States
March 8, 2013 7:08pm CST
We sat in the car and talked about everything that we could think of. It was good to get out and talk about everything and I know how he feels about kay now and he knows how I feel about her as well. he feels she is using me till she goes back to the loser and he can't continue to see me go back and forth to the hospital over the stress. I told him if I go to the hospital this time it will be over him not her. I also told him I understand how he feels but I don't care about what she might be doing to me. I told him I feel bad because I left her home and went to his house and then got the call that he whooped my daughter near death. I said,I will forever feel bad about that and I know I can't go back and change it but it sits on my heart. I said,she was abused because I was not home with her. I also told him that I don't like being in my house feeling bad about how he feels about my daughter. he said again he is just not able to deal with her coming to my house when things go bad and running back to him when she feels like it. I had to remind him the child is not dealing with a grown mind. That she also has problems and it would not be right for the only person she has in the world to turn her out. He wants to just stay home till she changes and either stays with me of goes back. and he feels I should sit her down and tell her she either stays with me or goes back. I told him that will never happen because I will never send her back to that loser. if she goes back I will let her and live my life here alone. but,no way will I make her feel she has to make a choice. he feels if she changes and leaves him altogether that we could all live together. I don't think so,I told him he walked out on me one time too many and that I need to be here with her right now. I also told him how much better I feel knowing I am not stressed over him making me feel bad about her and I being in the living room laughing and having fun. he feels like something bad is going to happen to send me to the hospital. i told him he should just look and see how good I am doing and not bring stress to my life. he said,every time she leaves he is the one there to find me crying over where she is and what she is going through. I told him this time if anything happens I will not call to let him know an he said,he does not want to know about it either. I told him I will stand on my own two feet and deal with what ever comes with my daughter. I said,I don't go to anyone in my family any longer and I don't need to go to him either. I said,one day if I up and leave with my daughter I don't want to hear anyone calling me asking me any questions. I felt good over all talking to him. he took my house keys to go make a second copy in case I lose them I will have a spare. he also gave me the money to give the manager for the mail box. key and tomorrow we are going out somewhere. if I still have this migraine I am going to stay home. I don't know what the future holds but,I know I am sticking by my daughter no matter what. I told him I am willing to be alone forever if that means i have her in my life. he said,I am going to risk losing everyone and everything over her. if that is the case so what.
4 people like this
11 responses
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
9 Mar 13
Talking and him doing the right thing are 2 different things. If all works out and he comes back. What will he do the next time your kid needs you again? Make sure you make things clear for you there. Good luck. Wish you all the best.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Mar 13
Right now I want him to stay home and I let him know I will not be leaving my daughter to go shack up with him. he would have to come here to spend time with me. I left her once it will not happen again.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
How old is your daughter? I'm sorry to be asking you this (after a long time responding to your posts). It's tough to choose really between your kid and the one you love. But you can't be at two places at one time - you can't be a girlfriend and a mom (specially with a very challenging daughter at that). I feel sad that things cannot be simplier. But heck, that's life. Anyhow, it's good that you got a good talk with him. Now, all you need to do is to have a good talk with your daughter. People who are abused and repeatedly goes back will never change (unless they make a decision) to do so. You cannot protect someone who doesn't see that things needs to change. I have seen too many women who return to their ways unless they decide that it's enough or when they can find some venue to make themselves secure and confident (like a job or a good group). So, there you go, he has put his mind on your plate and you need to talk to her and remind her that you wouldn't be there forever. What will happen after? Good luck friend. Hoping for the best. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Mar 13
My daughter is 18 and will be 19 in may. she has adhd and bipolar disorder and is on no medication and not seeing a therapist. I tried to get her to one but I can't make her go anywhere. it seems like she is not stressed out these days. she is going to work and getting on the train to come back here. she once figured it was ok to stay with him so she would get to work from there. but,now she is making it on the train at night.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
Oh such an unstable age. I don't think it has something to do with the ADHD and the Bipolar because I have lots of friends with that and they're managing well with relationships. I guess she just found the wrong guy who take advantage of her. I do hope you'd have a good talk but knowing that age, they'd perhaps not listen. But I guess you're her mom, you know what to do. Lots of prayers and Luck!
@jdawg011 (505)
• Canada
9 Mar 13
Glad you guys got to talk. Your daughter really needs to stop being so dumb! I hate to say she is, but going back to that guy is hurting more than just her, it's hurting you and Adrian, and im sure many others as well. Best of luck
@jdawg011 (505)
• Canada
9 Mar 13
Also, keep standing up for what you believe, and don't let him get in between you and your daughter's relationship :)
@anuraa32 (2452)
• India
9 Mar 13
Maybe he has come to the end of his patience but sometimes some people take longer much longer to settle things in their life and sort their life out. I think as elders, we need to be there for them and yet give them the space to be able to do that. Be their strength not their confidence and morale breakers. I hope really for you, adrian and your daughter that she is able to get things right, even if she decides to part ways from the loser for ever.
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
9 Mar 13
This is like a whopping amount of hours sharing and caring for each other and i felt that you never felt bored and had your focus on whild talking
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
9 Mar 13
I really don't think that she is "using" you. She runs to you when her world gets too tough because you are her mom and she knows she can count on you to be there for her no matter what. A part of her probably does love that loser. I am sure that he is not ALWAYS bad to her and each time that he promises things will be better she believes him because she so wants to.
@dragon54u (31617)
• United States
9 Mar 13
Look, I know I don't know you very well or your history but children tend to repeat what they've seen and I don't know whether to think that you are in an abusive relationship or you've finally found someone that is trying to make you wake up and take control of your life. Your daughter needs help if she has stayed with her abuser for awhile. You need help if you let other people control you. That's all I can say on the matter. You all need some help, all three of you. God bless you.
@GardenGerty (99159)
• United States
9 Mar 13
I think having the nice long talk was good for you. It helps you sort things out by talking it through. No one can tell you what is right for you to do about your daughter. I hope all of you understand where you are coming from now.
• United States
9 Mar 13
I am glad that you and him had a long talk, but I really hope he meant everything he said and is not saying things just to make you happy. I do not see how he can say that you, he and Kay can all live together after saying that Kay needs to grow up and be on her own. That sounds very contraditing on his part. Kay has health issues that she needs to deal with and her issues are real. Adrian needs to realize that Kay needs help and that you are going to be the one to help Kay. Kay is your daughter and needs her mother. If Adrian truly loves you and her then he should be helping you both out. I would be careful.
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
9 Mar 13
When reading throughout your whole discussions, every time I saw you trying to plead for your daughter and saying why she is back in your life and why she is always going to be apart of your life. There is nothing but negativity that comes out of his mouth. When is Adrian ever going to grow up and just let it go. You are doing the right thing right now, by choosing your daughter. Yes it may be stressful and she may just leave and go back to the guy that abuses her and beats her, but right now if anything she needs her mom. And that is what you are doing being there for her and leaving the door open for her when ever she needs you and that is how it should be and if he can't understand that, then he don't need to be in your life. And that is basically how you put it. It sounds like with all his negativity, he's just showing you the negative sides to your decisions because he wants you to see all the hurt and trouble it could cause you if you were to keep her in your life. How about all the positive sides. Like leaving a safe haven for your daughter when she needs a place to run to. How about that one day she will leave that loser guy forever and have a better life with you in and there are so many other positive things that will happen because you let her come home. And I doubt because of your decision you will be left alone. You will always have some type of support whether it be from your family or a few friends. Stop letting him make you feel guilty because you're letting your daughter back in your life. Its time to show him that its no longer going to work. And good for you for not letting him back in and live with you.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
Your love for your daughter is above anything else. And he should have known this a long time ago. Kay is someone that needs to be given that attention coz if you wouldn't do that, I don't know how her life would be.