pain of the past

Philippines
March 11, 2013 10:40am CST
i just want to share this story, the story that changed my life and my husband's... few years back my relationship with my hubby is on the rock already, he became very cold, he didn't talk to me that much, he easily get angry, I cry most of the time. trying to kill my self to work... then I learned that he is having an affair with a girl thousand miles away from where we live. We fought... broke up... I almost killed his mistress if she's only near to my area. I lose all my hope of bringing him back to me. he still lives in our house that time. we still share the same bed, we still make love. until then he realized the I'm the one he really loves... its been 2 years now. but i don't understand why do still feel the pain whenever I'm alone...
4 people like this
17 responses
@ally12 (1205)
• Philippines
11 Mar 13
Maybe trust wasnt yet restored. I got dishonesty issues also with my husband about two years ago. It wasnt as serious case as yours but trust were ruined I felt betrayed and I wasnt prepared. One year after the fact was a total mess. I dont trust him anymore not his single word at all but I realized why I still stick with him if Ill just make both our lives miserable. Fixing trust issues is should be two way commitment if your husband is now trying to earn your trust again then try also to learn how to give it back to him. It wont be fast and easy I know, have an open communication with your husband, only you two can fix what was broken in your marriage.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Mar 13
after what happened to us... he did everything he could just to gain my trust again. were not yet married that time when those things happened, then after 2 years he really strive hard just to win my heart and trust again. he asked me to marry him... knowing him. as far as I know he doesn't have any plans of marrying me. but to my surprise he did.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Mar 13
Hi sheilla, This happened to a very dear friend of mine only for her the mistress was her best friend. Her and her husband stayed married for many years, she had many moments where the hurt would come back. They are still together many years later and are happier than ever. She had told me that in time she, was able to forgive him and when she did that she was able to go forward.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 13
You can still feel the pain because it leave a scar in your heart. A scar never fades. You might already forgive your husband, but I'm guessing you still didnt forget what he did. What he did to you in the past was very painful. If that happens to me too, I will feel the same way.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Mar 13
Only times can heal the pain. We can't we-write the past nor can easily forget what it's alway linger in our mind till the the time passes by and be hardly remembered for reason the many things that yet to come. Enjoy life, life i beautiful, don't be a slave of your feelins nor to somebody do because you want and be responsible.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9036)
• United States
11 Mar 13
Because he betrayed your trust. Because he cheated on you just like that. It is good thing though that your husband never actually moved and traveled the miles to be with the other woman. It is bad enough that he is all flirty and lovey with another woman. Thank goodness that you guys manage to save your marriage and try again. I know it would take some time before you fully trust your husband again. But you can help him win your trust back. Talk to him and tell him how. Help him how to show complete remorse to what he did and support him whenever he thinks all is in vain.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (82623)
• Chile
11 Mar 13
I had the fortune that my husband never cheated on me. But it seems that that is not usual. Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel now that he has realised how much he loves you.
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
its normal that we still feel the pain from past, even though we exert effort to just forget the past, still we cannot deny the fact that, past is connected to the present, and i think will also affect the future if we allow it. For me i think you still suffer the pain of the past because, you are not fully recovered that affects you from the past, but in due time it will heal. Just don't think the past and let go of the past.
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
yup you are right if i keep on holding on to the past it might affect our future. so the best thing that I would do is be strong and not to think of the past.
@Frederick42 (2020)
• Canada
15 Apr 13
The past need not be painful. Past is painful because we go on continously thinking about the past. When we are totally in the present moment, the pain of the past does not afect us. The present moment is tremendously powerful and it strengthens us when we are totally in it and it sees that no pai can ever come near us.
@squallming (1778)
• Malaysia
12 Mar 13
Such painful memories will never go away. Although it seems that you guys are doing fine now, but what happened will forever be there and it is like a scar that will never heal. You will have to live with this painful memory and may it be a reminder to you that makes you stronger. If anything does happen to your relationship again, you will be better prepared for it and will be able to live on and move on.
@machatago (385)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
Well, I guess it was just the lust of the flesh, he is feeling, that's why he had an affair. He thought he was happy with her, then he instantly realized he is in love with you all along. I know that really hurts so much til now. I know that feeling, I have been betrayed before, but not only once, but more like 2-3 times in the past. And let me tell you, I can still feel the pain up to now. We are still together, but I always remember those times and it really makes me cry. But as I see him now, I know he is still a good man, and he has been faithful to me ever since those times. Just hold on, I know it hurts but that is the past, we can't change that. All we have to do is forgive and be happy for the future.
@Bhebelen14 (4561)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
I think you still feel the pain because up now you can not forget and forgive your husband completely. I know this is hard but sometimes when were alone we can't avoid think about the past that happened in our life especially if its really caused too much pain in our heart, it really happens and normal. Also, I think when you feel alone better to go out or meet you friends were you can avoid to think about the past and never feel the pain again.
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
12 Mar 13
You probably still worry that he is being unfaithful. I hope that he isn't cheating on you still. It would be awful to have to go through all of that again. Especially if he travels for work it would be hard to think about whether or not he is being honest.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
I guess the pain does linger more than we know even if you have forgiven him for hurting you before, still, it can bother you sometimes. Do you feel or think that maybe he is still doing it behind your back? Not that you do not trust him now but because, trust, once tainted, is really hard to build again. But Do help yourself not to think of the past. It might just make you go crazy and might affect your relationship now.
• Indonesia
12 Mar 13
I don't know what to say about your situation. I don't know how you can still live in the same house when you found hi cheating on you. May be I will scream and yelled to my BF if I have to see him everyday in house after found he is cheating on me. I hope he will never cheating on you again and it's good thing that he realize that you are the one he love. Goodluck.
@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
When I went to a friend (she is married) about my situation before about my boyfriend cheating on me, she gave me the best advice that i have heard at that time. She told me that if i decide to go back to him, i should forget what he did, accept him and accept that he committed a mistake, make him prove that i am the one he chooses and will change forever. When you love and accept that person, you should let go as well of all the hurts he has done to you. Only then you would be able to feel that you are no longer bonded to the act that he did that hurt you. We all commit mistakes, he did. But there was no healing process. You allowed him to stay in the house with you - you did not make yourself and himself realize each other's importance and to reflect on the issues that tear you down. And so you stayed together, (your reasons are your own) but the root of the problem and the pain is still there. So each time you won't be able to let if out of your mind and it will haunt you like a ghost. You had better find ways for you to let go of what has happened, and you had to talk to him, get out all that made you angry, whatever you felt, just pour it out to him and he too must do the same and you know you will be better right after. re: me and my ex, we broke up already. I am unable to forgive him completely and i would only think of all the things he did, the lies, and the cheating so i can't get it out of my head so i know that i would only break whatever good was left between us.
@Paper_Doll (2376)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
It is really hard to forget that one time in the past, the person whom you trusted the most, the one you expect to be with you no matter what, that one whom you given all your trust, has betrayed you. They always say that trust is like a glass that when broken, cannot be returned to its original state. You can try repairing those broken pieces but you cannot return it to how it looks like before it was broken. It is easy to forgive, but will be very hard to forget.
@Hatley (161721)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Mar 13
hi sheila second time must copy I think when we have weathered a bad spell in marriage or in other parts of life and come out on top' we often do get those memories flashing at us when we are all alone. I just whack mine on the head and tell them to get lost as I am not going there., then it fades, I think in time you will not have that so much., I am glad your husband realized he still loves you.Just shake a pretend stick at those miserable memories and tell them to get lost. lol