Why is it that wives are often blamed for the husband's infedility?

Philippines
March 12, 2013 2:21am CST
Most of the time, when someone heard that the husband is having an affair with someone else, they would ask the wife what happened and what did she do? I hate when people say that, "Maybe you didn't do this or that, that's why your husband went to see someone else". Why is it like that? Is it not that problems within the family should be taken cared of by the husband and wife and not an excuse for the husband to look for someone else. That will wreck the family. What's your opinion?
3 people like this
9 responses
@oindy54 (3446)
• India
12 Mar 13
This is the sad part of still being part of a patriarchal society despite this being the 21st century. Wives being blamed for what the husband does wrong is so very common here. This tendency to put the blame on the woman has been embedded and ingrained in the minds of men and even women from time immemorial, that if a problem occurs in the family, the woman must be directly or indirectly responsible. I do not know when or if at all this notion would be erased from the mindset of people. One who cheats will always cheat, no matter whether he has a loving wife or not. This flaw lies in the person's character and no matter how much his wife cares for him or loves him, he will end up cheating. Another instance of the sad reality. I really hate this as much as you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I agree. If a man or woman cheated, it was their choice because all matters involving the welfare of the family should be solved by talking to each other. I like the way you say things, that the flaw lies in the person's character.
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I agree. If a man or woman cheated, it was their choice because all matters involving the welfare of the family should be solved by talking to each other. I like the way you say things, that the flaw lies in the person's character.
• United States
13 Mar 13
That's sad that a lack of a man's character has to fall on the spouses shoulders. It is completely outdated way to look at a relationship and feel sorry that it is still thought about in your area. It has been ingrained in people but hopefully as generations carry on, this backwards way of thinking will come up to the 21st century.
@lampar (7597)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Only an idiot will ask the wife in such a manner, it is not the problem of the wife when the husband is unfaithful to her. It could be the problem of the husband or both, you have every right to get angry at someone who said stupid thing like this in front of you. Just tell him to go fly kite and stop talking nonsense in front of your face, if he still doesn't get it, give him a punch to knock his teeth off if you can or just kick his b*ll hard to silent him.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 13
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
you made me smile...
• United States
13 Mar 13
Sounds weird though but there is a fact which should be understood; any woman that tries as much to provide her husbands basic needs at home, including food and making him happy would have succeeded in doing everything and the man wouldn't have any reason for cheating.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 13
That wouldn't fly in my house. A man could cook, help clean and provide basic needs so his woman doesn't find another man as well.
• United States
13 Mar 13
No one is saying that a man shouldn't do those things, hell no! But i think its a reciprocal thing. A happy married couple always share responsibility and play while doing some domestic works together.
• Jacksonville, Florida
12 Mar 13
I think it is unfair for someone to be blamed when they did not do the cheating. The one that cheated did something wrong, not the other person. If someone wants to cheat they will do it, whether they have it perfect at home or not. Cheating is wrong and people should place the blame where it belongs-on the person who did it!
1 person likes this
@oindy54 (3446)
• India
12 Mar 13
You have voiced the words in my heart. So true. Women always tend to be blamed and in my country this is even more pronounced. Sad reality.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
I think we can't help but be bias, just like when we blame the other sibling when his/her sibling does something bad "Why didn't you watch him/her?". It's pretty normal to be blaming the husband or the wife when their partners have swayed their ways. I guess it's because we assume if we take good care of our partner, then they'll no longer need to find someone else. Though there are occasions when the wife is to be blamed, when she's too busy with her social life or the kids that she forgot the little boy in the man's body. However, it cannot be generalized with everyone. There are wives who you could compare as the "perfect wife" yet their husbands still look for another. Remember that we don't really know what's happening between them. We don't know their relationship as well as they do. I think they're the only ones who knows why those things happened. It's really sad when a relationship fails. I sincerely could relate to that. It's never fun to hear stories and situations when the husband regrets marrying the wife and the wife seems helpless about the whole circumstance. Whew!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
You have a point. We don't really know what's going on between them. But then, marriage is not a trial and error that when you find that you can't stand with your wife or husband, you will just file a divorce and find someone else. If this is the case, then maybe living together before getting married is probably right if couples want to experiment. Of course, they should also be ready with consequences. Its really sad to see relationships fail or come to an end after all the exchange of vows and i love you's.
1 person likes this
@squallming (1778)
• Malaysia
13 Mar 13
I have heard just the same thing happened to certain household. I think that in many cases, both the husband and wife are responsible for anything bad such as affair occurred in the middle of their relationship. Yet, the person who committed the affair should be even more guilty as he or she could have done better to save the marriage. If there is really no way to solve an issue, they should lawfully end their relationship before going out with someone else.
@kprofgames (3025)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Maybe that was thought about in the 1900's but we aren't living back then are we. I've heard people talk like that too and have to shake my head at it. When was it the woman's job to keep him interested in his own home? That is like a person trying to keep a toddler constantly entertained so they don't get bored I agree with you, it's no excuse.
1 person likes this
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
12 Mar 13
You are right whenever husband attract for other lady then everyone blames the wife may be you did or didnot do this etc etc.. I cant understand but really still most of the persons are not do the respect of women.
1 person likes this
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
12 Mar 13
I blame either side for infidelity. In a closed monogamous marriage, if the husband cheats then even I as a woman would think it had something to do with the wife because they were missing that something at home. If the wife cheats, then I would blame the husband. If they hadn't addressed the problems before this, then it is both of their faults. If they did and the other cheated then obviously the problem wasn't solved. Men seem to cheat more and so more people look at the wives in that situation.
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I respect your opinion, however, would it be right that if the husband is having a problem with his wife or vice versa, they should resolve it by explaining their views until they meet a compromise. For me, if any of them cheats, then the cheater should be blamed because he or she chose to cheat. In my opinion, issues in the marriage needs to be solved by both the husband and wife because they promised to love each other for better or for worst.