some women settle to being a mistress

@cherigucchi (14885)
Philippines
March 14, 2013 2:14am CST
I have heard some of my friends who had gone through a problem of discovering their partner of having a mistress. Their marriage was almost destroyed by this kind of woman whom I don't understand why they settle for less. They just can simply ignore the outcomes of wrecking a family and home.I cannot judge a particular woman for choosing this kind of settlement even when they know for a fact that the man they have relationship with is already married. There are some situations that only the person who experience it can relate and understand. why do you think there are some woman who seem to be okay with that kind of relationship?
4 people like this
34 responses
@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
14 Mar 13
I believe there are many reasons and justification to it. Some are victims of circumstances, some knew about it too late. Some fall for materialistic values. It seems men treat mistress better than their wives. Some is genuine family malfunction problems too. Only those parties involved in this situation knew the reason to it. If possible avoid being third party to a happily married family.
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
Sometimes we just cannot point fingers and confidingly say who is to blame. If there is a mischief, I guess this is on the part of the man. He should have not draw himself near temptation and never look comfort from the other woman. He should have settled the differences if there between her and him not doing the illicit affair while he is inside the marriage.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
I am not in any position to judge those women (it's their choice) I am sure they knew that they are destroying a relationship particularly marriage. I don't understand why they choose to become less (mistress) for whatever reason. Some choose for money reason ( they call it practicality- maybe) Pity are the wives who are betrayed nevertheless- the kids.
1 person likes this
• Valdosta, Georgia
24 Mar 13
I would never be able to sleep at night if I broke up a marriage like that. I would never be happy doing that to someone. I would feel so guilty and horrible about myself! I don't understand how anyone can live with themselves knowing they broke up a couple...If the man or woman isn't happy they should get help, like marriage counseling-NOT cheat!
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
Same with mine. I would never be happy knowing that someone else is unhappy because I made her feel that way. I never want that to happen to me either.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
They are selfish. They only think about falling in love with their man and being together with him. There is no excuse for cheating. They should just back away and prevent ruining families. The children suffers the most. I just hope those mistresses will get what is coming to them. I don't bother to understand them. What they should do is the right thing. No matter how much they think they love a man, that man is still married and has a family he needs to care for.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
I don't think it takes courage. Just selfishness. Maybe some naivety. I can't believe some women would go to lengths just to be with a cheater also known as a no good guy. And, indeed, they are weak, they still do this even when they know it is wrong. Some even fool themselves into thinking this is actually right and what they did is justifiable.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
Yes, I strongly agree with that. They are weak because they answer the call of evil and they are strong because I cannot understand the courage of living a life like that.
14 Mar 13
Some women believe they are saving the man from his wife.I mean that some of the cheating husbands lie about how bad their wives are and how depressed and unhappy their life is.So, this woman thinks she's doing a great job:saving an unhappy husband from the bad wife and finding love at the same time.Another reason is that woman competes with another woman, it's "I'm better than you" category.She loves to hear that she is more beautiful, intelligent,attractive than the poor wife is.This is what cheating husband often tells his mistress to keep her close.And then there is this type of women who love to take away something that belongs to other woman.I would call this type really evil.They actually have no interest in that man, they simply want to make that woman suffer by taking her man away. And the forth type would be women who just feel very lonely and stick with random married men because they know how to comfort them.
14 Mar 13
Thank you, it's based on what I saw around me in life.
• China
14 Mar 13
Good!I think you have done a good job.What you decribed is very good.
• Greece
14 Mar 13
I don't know anyone who would wilfully go for a married man, if I did I would make sure to keep out of her way. The reason they do it is because no one wants to marry them sio they take what they can from someone else.
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
I'd like to agree with you somehow.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
Let me quote one character from the movie trailer I saw...they are called mistress because they are very stressful. Some are quite desperate or maybe looking for a father-type figure. Some say some woman love those who are already tied up because they consider them better lovers.
• United States
15 Mar 13
Not every woman Wants to marry. Not every married man tells the mistress he Is married. So boy meets girl and love starts but he has a wife at home. if the mistress finds out , many do leave him. But there is the rare case that remains. Why? Because of the connection. I know I Never want to be married or have babies so if my guy wanted them, I would step aside so he could have them with someone else. Now if after the wedding and the kids he finds that he still loves me, I would be his mistress. Why? Because I love him. The wife and kids are his business not mine. Not all mistresses are out the break up the marriage, they just want to spend time with the man they love.sad but true.
@TriciaW (2441)
• United States
14 Mar 13
I think that women that do this have low self esteem and do not think they can get someone that is totally committed to them. It is sad that the men do not get more of the stigma then the women do. It is the man that is married and cheating. I feel bad for both women in these situations because the man is the one that is destroying them both. I know I have had a few men that have approached me and started flirting and such. Even going as far as asking me out only later to find out they are married. I quickly tell them that I do not do anything with married men. You would be amazed at the stories I hear then about how bad their marriages are and so on. My answer is always ... then I suggest you get a divorce and end it before bringing someone into your life and hurting everyone involved. They don't like that answer but it is the one I stick to. I know if a man would cheat on his wife then he will cheat on any other woman he finds.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
I have also those kind of experience, man flirting and trying to woo you. These men are weak and also need to prove something. I cannot help thinking if my man does that so on my part I tell those flirting married man right away that I am uncomfortable with what they are doing and I do not go for something like that.
@JamesKYTan (1605)
• Malaysia
15 Mar 13
Temptations, loneliness and some unexplainable reasons may leads to this situations. Recently I heard one true story about a girl who is an employee of the boss. She knew her boss was married yet she go ahead after her another male colleague encouraged her. I could not believe it. Why this man encourage her? So I asked this man why? He answered me, "Why not, the boss is rich. Sh can has good life!"
@ally12 (1202)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
There are many reasons, some may be selfish reason, while others for financial purpose or just because they fall to a person that already belongs to someone else. You are right they only can understand well of their own actions. And if we are not in a cheated wife's shoes we can easily understand them or even feel sorry for them but Im sure if any woman try to ruin my marriage I can never give any understanding. I will definitely despise her.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
This very true. I am not even sure what to do if I ever find my man cheating on me. I can never find understanding on this because as far as I know I am doing my very best like any other wives do in their marriage. Something like this is quite unforgivable.
@Mintlin (322)
• China
16 Mar 13
In my previous company,one of my co-worker,she is a designer in our office,pretty young,23yrs old,she is the mistress of our boss.our boss is 13 yrs old than her,of course,my boss already married and has a very cute boy. I do not know why my coworker wanted to be his mistress,actually she is young,looks pretty.we are guessing the reasons are 1) for money,my boss gave her 10 thousand dollars per year and bought a apartment for her,we've heared that her family conidition is not good 2) age gap,she thinks our boss is charming and mature,he is a successful business man 3)we are wondering is this hereditary ? lol because we heard that her mom has been cheated on her father many times . anyway,these are from ours. recently,i got from my previous coworker that she already left our company and married with a lawer ,that lawer is from another place and he has no idea about the mistress story. i think she is pretty lucky,she got the money and house from my previous boss then she found her mr. right.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
Very clever, huh? She didnt ruin any marriage in that story and at least she was able to rise above her miserable situation being a mistress all her life. But the cheating is still there that we cannot deny took place on the part of the husband.
• Indonesia
14 Mar 13
i think it's because somehow they are jelous that they could not find free man to become their partner, and some are for financial matter, and may be some reason because they are trully love the man. Last week a was shock when I was watching TV, ther was a certain celebrity from my country who boldly revealed that she prefers to be a home wrecker and grab another woman's husband than became mistress of the man She has so many scandal and famous because of her scandal, and it not surprise me if someday she will be humilliated in public.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
I have also heard that some women claim that all the good men are already unavailable so they try to steal them from their wives.
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
I am also wondering with those who are in a relationship, that why they can stand to cheat with partners. Is it hard to tell that they are not happy anymore and they love somebody else? Well, I guess those women wants attention from a guy. They want to be loved back and they find it with those committed man. I guess, in some point they are selfish.
@pomwango (1353)
• Kenya
14 Mar 13
i always believe women who agree to be mistresses have an unresolved issue.either they are not confident enough and jump on the first man who comes their way even if he is married,some are just opportunist who want a settled man with money and is not out looking for a better girl than his wife and her.i think if women believed in themselves they would learn to be patient for their prince charming.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
I agree. These women has problems which are impossible to resolve and sort to find confidence in stealing others' property.
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
15 Mar 13
I dont think that this is a good thing at all. It is terrible that the two would carry on this way and still have the wife keeping the marriage vow intact. I know a girl that has been in a relationship with a married man for years and thats what she is keeping as her relationship. And then I have another close friend that has a marriage where her husband has had a relationship outside of their marriage for years and she just stays married to him. That kind of thing would not work for me either way. I like my guy to be all mine as I am all his.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Mar 13
Being a woman myself, I really don't understand why there are other women that are willing to settle for being a mistress when they know that the situation that they are in is something that could break up a family. However, I do think that one of the reasons that a woman is willing to deal with this in their lives is because of the fact that they don't have to have the same level of being committed to someone as they would have if they were a man's only one.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
I used to not understand the whole thing about a woman wanting to get into a relationship with a married man. But after seeing what had happened to my friend, although I didn't really approve of her relationship, I somewhat understand how she can accept to be just the second best thing. It is hard to be involved with a married man, yes, but sometimes, two people meet and find that they can love each other more than they can love any one. The guy didn't really love the woman he married. He got her pregnant and felt responsible. He thought he can make himself love the woman but after several years of unstable relationship, he just couldn't make himself love the woman. And then he met my friend, and they feel in love. I have told my friend that it is one big problem if she falls in love completely. She only tells me that he was worth loving. If things wouldn't work for them, she'd back out without creating a scene. The guy is planning to file an annulment, but I am not sure how his wife would react to that nw that they have 3 kids. I feel sorry for my friend coz it seems that her happiness is hanging on a cliff. I tied convincing her to stay away and find for somebody that she deserves, but it is hard to teach a heart to fall out of love.
@Raine38 (12258)
• United States
14 Mar 13
It is really hard to tell. BUt they always say they only did it for love. Like it would make them feel any less guilty. Anyway there are some who are lead to believe that the guy they are involved with is single and available. They are also victims just like the wife and kids of the guy. And yet there are some who even with the knowledge that the guy they are involved with is already committed still go on with the relationship. Even though they know it is wrong, they would still get involved because, of love, as they say. And I don't think it's love at all. They're just blinded by lust, attraction, and the fear of being left alone. If it is love, then they wouldn't be selfish. Love, after all, is not selfish. I wonder how they can do that knowing that they are stealing that guy away from his own family. And it's not just the mistress' fault. The guy himself is also to blame. He knows fully well that he's already taken, he's already got a family. He shouldn't have let any woman get in between them and break what their family.
@Angelpink (4035)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
HI Che ! Only the person involved knew the reason why she's such relationship. She may have the reason which others will never understand. We have no right to condemn her because we never knew what she undergoes and we we are not there when she's in middle of the battle. You are lucky because you are not in her situation , for sure being there is so difficult ! the least we can do is not even to understand her but to accept .
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
Possible for attention or some find it attracting. For some women, it adds a little "spice" in their life, it's another way of showing off that they can attract any guy be it single or married. That's how over confident they are. For some, they don't care. They are easily swoon by the man' words. Some of those problems are partially the man's fault because they tend to sweet talk their mistress into thinking that they love them more than their wife and that he will leave his wife for her. Stupid,selfish and self-centered is the only thing I could say for women who are willing to become the mistress of that idiotic husband.