I don't like it when he kisses me.

@AmbiePam (50444)
United States
March 15, 2013 2:16pm CST
I'm pretty sure most of you would just tell me to tell the guy to cut it out. Here's the issue. There is a man in our church that every time he sees me, he comes up and puts his hands on my face and then kisses my face, on each cheek. I hate that. He actually did that the first time I met him, which was not at church. He's about 65 years old, and a nice man. But I really cannot stand it when he does that. I don't mind hugs. I was raised around hugs. But I've never had anyone do that other than maybe my grandmother. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm pretty sure my dad would rather me just not say anything. And he's not really hurting anything. I just get this dread in the pit of my stomach every time I see him. And I see him more outside of church than inside of church because my dad throws work his way (he's a mechanic, and my dad always recommends him to his friends who need work done on their cars.) Am I going to have to just come out and say I don't like it? Or should I just let it go and accept that he doesn't mean any harm, and I can just keep my thoughts to myself?
5 people like this
28 responses
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
15 Mar 13
I always told my children to go with their gut feeling with people.- especially my daughter. I would say that he is attracted to you and enjoys the kiss that he gives on your cheek but as he hasn't been suggestive in any way and out of respect he probably would not attempt any vulgarity, the ball is in your court. A very bdifficult decision to make as either way it can cause hurt. I don't have an answer really. Sorry
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (50444)
• United States
16 Mar 13
You really think he's attracted to me? That seems so unlikely. But I did leave out something cynthiann because I wasn't sure if it was relevant. He fixes cars, and when I first met him, he'd give me things he found in other people's cars. That they didn't want anymore. He quit that thank good ness because the stuff was trash. I mean an old blanket. I saved the vase he gave me because I was always afraid he'd ask about it and I didn't want to lie. I know I still have it somewhere, I just don't use it.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 13
You need to set boundaries with this guy. What he is doing is inappropriate, and it is making you uncomfortable. You have every right to guard your personal space against invasion. Be polite but firm about setting your boundaries. If he persists in invading your space, be less polite.
3 people like this
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
Hi there! I just want to ask a question first about this guy you're talking about. Does he do what he does to others as well or does he do that to only you? If he is kissing only you that way, then may be you should tell him not to do that, that you are actually more of a hugger than kisser or something like that. But, since he's 65 years old, maybe you should try to say it in a nice way especially since he is also friends with your dad.. On the other hand, if he does that to everybody, I guess you could try to understand that maybe, he was raised that way. I've read somewhere that kissing on both cheeks is more of a custom practiced by Italians. Maybe he was raised from an Italian family? Still, if you feel uncomfortable, the next time he tries to kiss you on both cheeks, maybe you should initiate the hugging instead. Hope this helps.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (50444)
• United States
16 Mar 13
That's a good question. No, I'm the only one I've ever seen him do that too. If he does it to someone else I've just never seen it. He's not Italian, although you're right, it seems Italians do that. It seems like the French do to, doesn't it?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
I'm not sure if the French do that too, but I've seen and read that Italians would greet almost everyone that way. If it seems that he's only doing that to you, then maybe you should try telling him that you're a bit uncomfortable. I'm not sure though how you'd say it. I guess he would understand.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Mar 13
I wouldn't be shy about it. I think you should tell him straight up that you don't want him to kiss you, that it makes you uncomfortable. I know you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but if you don't like it you shouldn't have to put up with it.
2 people like this
• India
16 Mar 13
Hey Ambie, When you are not feeling comfortable with the behavior of any person, then unless you communicate with that person the area which is making uncomfortable. Till then he will not understand. And I recommend you to have a conversation with him and let him know your feelings but in an attempt to convey the message do not hurt him.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
16 Mar 13
Myself, I would probably just put up with it but if it really bothers you a lot then why not be straight up and honest with him? I'm sure that you could put it in a way that would not be offensive to him. Just tell him that you perfer a quick hug. Of course, if it has been going on for a long while then he is going to wonder why you never said anything prior to this. Still, if you tell him then he will know and I bet he would appreciate your honesty. Just assure him that you KNOW that he means no harm but that you just are not accustomed to such a greeting and that you are uncomfortable with it.
2 people like this
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
16 Mar 13
Oh.. this is tough. Perhaps you should tell your dad and see what he said. Maybe you may just avoid him as much as possible. Hope someone here can advise you. Since I am an Asian, we hardly practice kiss on the cheek.
2 people like this
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
Wow, he is comfortable in doing it with you? Was he not afraid that you may slap him once he does that to you? You should tell it to your father and you are not happy with what he is doing. It is awkward that someone is kissing you without any relation or feelings to him.
2 people like this
@MandaLee (3741)
• United States
15 Mar 13
Hi Amber, I would tell him in a kind and thoughtful way that you feel uncomfortable with being kissed. Since you were raised around hugs, would you feel better if he hugged you? Please do whatever is the most comfortable for you.
2 people like this
@marguicha (106254)
• Chile
15 Mar 13
If I were you, I would try to find a way to tell him that you don`t feel comfortable with that, because you were raised otherwise. Don`t make it an issue bwtween him and you, but rather a matter of raising. I have put both my arms in front of people when I felt they were getting more close that I wished. Ususlly they understand then and no words are said.
2 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
15 Mar 13
I'd have to tell him that it makes me uncomfortable, if it were me. I'd call him aside, not say that in front of anyone so as not to cause him any more embarassment but I think it's something you really should say to him. He'll continue to do it unless and until he knows that it bothers you and you are allowed to have your comfort zone like anyone else. If you want to meet him part way, tell him that it's okay if he does it in church but you don't like him doing it everywhere. Or, tell him that you wouldn't mind it if he just wanted to give you a hug but you're uneasy about the kisses on the cheeks.
• Lenox, Georgia
15 Mar 13
If it makes you uncomfortable then just tell him I know you mean well but I really don't like when people do that. Just let him know your not comfortable with it. I would just be nice since he's not trying to be rude or anything. =)
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (29043)
• United States
15 Mar 13
I wouldn't like it either! I'm sure there is some sort of polite way you can ask him to stop.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Mar 13
Hi Amber, I think you need to find a way to tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable. How about when he comes to grab your face you step back and smile and tell him that you appreciate his friendship but you really don't like being kissed. Oh gosh! I can just image a wet sloppy kiss on my cheeks. Not a good feeling at all.
2 people like this
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
15 Mar 13
I don't mind hug and kisses, although I'd rather not get any if I can help it but nobody ever put their hands on my face before kissing If it happens to me I will probably push his hands away and tell him as is it's nothing to do with harm. if I mind it, I mind it. It is my face after all I won't be rude or loud, but I will say it
2 people like this
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Mar 13
oh thats a hard one AmbiePam as he has done this as a habit sort of, I guess maybe you will have to talk to him and be gentle and just tell him it really bothers you and that its your own odd ways. I know you do not want to hurt his feelings. Sometimes it seems that the best way is the direct wa y after all.I mean make it that its you not him and hopefully he will understand what you are feeling. I have had this same feeling and finally hgd to say something myself.
• Canada
15 Mar 13
Hi Ambie I say go with your gut feeling, this man is getting too close to your safety zone, if it is making you feel uneasy just turn your head when he goes to kiss you (so maybe he can just kiss the side of your face).
2 people like this
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
16 Mar 13
Um... no, that's a violation on so many levels. You are not a dog, you are woman. You have more value than merely letting a man kiss you when you don't want it. There are several ways I would handle this in your position. First, I'd sic my husband on him. I would even sic my boy friend on him... IF you plan to marry the boy. Don't be sending out some play date. Second, I would tell your father straight up, please tell your buddy to stop. I don't like it, tell him no hard feelings, but stop. Third, if option 1 and 2 both fail, I would become very bold... not a jerk, but firm. "Don't kiss me anymore. Thanks". This is hard thing generally because too often you come across as a jerk, or you go to the other extreme of being too soft, and then he doesn't think you mean it. Then you have to learn to not say anything afterwards, because the old man is going to be hurt by this. If you trya and smooth it over, you'll reduce the impact of your point, which will get you in trouble later. Just say you are not mad at him, no harm done, but the kissing thing is over. Honestly, it would be better for the men in your life to stand up. It would be good for them, as well as you, to learn to be the protector. But if they wimp out, and "oh he's just an old man who means well" then you have to do it yourself. And I would very much recommend you fix this. It isn't right. If you were ok with it yourself, then that's fine, but if it's violating something in your conscience, then you need to knock this problem down, one way or another.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50444)
• United States
17 Mar 13
It would be great if I had boyfriend. I could make him do the dirty work! lol I like your suggestions. My dad wouldn't do it though. I guess I just need to "woman up" and say something to him.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
17 Mar 13
Well I'm available. I can be your rent-a-bf, and I'll have no problem telling him to keep his lips to himself.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50444)
• United States
18 Mar 13
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
16 Mar 13
DEArest Ambie...I only know what I would do...when he stepped towards me, I would step back, both hands up...and say:"No, please, I am harboring a (bug) cold, flu (whatever) and I would continue to keep a distance! After 4 or 5 times of doing this..it is possible he will get the message! If not..I would politely tell him, I do not wish to be touched! Expand if need be! I know I seem harsh, but I would be uncomfortable in your situation too! Good luck! HUGZ
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50444)
• United States
17 Mar 13
I like that idea! And considering there is always something wrong with me, I wouldn't be lying.
1 person likes this
• Canada
17 Mar 13
Seriously, Ambie..I at a time in my life, had a Greek gentleman, doing absolutely the same...I did the same as above, after several times of my opposition, he asked; "you no like" and I said; "seriously, I do not like to be kissed...a hug is fine." After that, he complied!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Apr 13
For some reason, I just perceived this guy as a nice old man. Honestly, if it's just cheeks he's kissing anyway, I would think it's okay. But if he's doing other, creepy things, then I'd move away from him. If he goes around doing that to other people, then it's even more okay, because it means it's just his personal habit. But if he's singled you out or he's kissing just YOUR cheeks, then I would steer clear.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50444)
• United States
9 Apr 13
That's very good advice.
1 person likes this