So I Went to Sport's Day............
By cynthiann
@cynthiann (18602)
Jamaica
March 27, 2013 1:36pm CST
I packed up lots of water, juices, and snacks and headed for the sports ground. To my delight my son made a three hour journey, stayed for three hours - time enough to see the children race- before dashing back to the city - another three hour drive. But the children were happy that he made it for even that length of time. My eldest 12 year old GD was there too so, this made it all so much easier.
I was greeted okay by my DIL and she was well behaved in front of everyone as my son had spoken to her. However, when we were alone, she made some barbed comments about my giving my GS a time out when he misbehaves. I assured her that I would continue the same punishment if he misbehaves and couldn't she see that he was playing one person off against the other? She did not answer, and no, being very polite, I did not remind her that her form of punishment was to beat him with a belt and surely a time out is a better form of punishment?
What hurt a little was the children did not run to hug or kiss me and appeared a bit shy. Then when my GD came to me and started to sit on my lap, she looked at her mother and then got off and went onto her mother's lap. It was as if she was doing something wrong by sitting on my lap.
My GS kept looking at us both but he was happy to see me. I left for my compulsory rest and when I returned their House had won and there was such excitement. My GS came to hug me but his mother kept calling him saying that they were leaving. He obeyed her but kept stopping and turning around to tell me the bits that I had missed and she got mad at him and dragged him off. They had done well as he received two gold medals and my GD received one silver medal. But I had stayed until their races were over.
On the whole, it went much better that I thought as at least she spoke to me with more civility than she has done for 5 months. I dodged some bullets when the others weren't around but I ignored all that. I made no response to the fact that according to her I had bought the wrong kind of T shirts for them to wear; she did not like how my GD's hair was styled; I should have just brought water and not juice and crapola like that. Not worth responding too.
I know that she is doing damage to them - but oh so subtley - and is all smiles in front of my son.
I am praying though that there will not be any behavioural issues with them when they return
But I will not question them at all but what their mother said about me - would you?
But I will not question them at all but what their mother said about me - would you?7 people like this
18 responses
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
27 Mar 13
I agree with katsmeow, but we won't go there. I am glad you went and that your grandchildren had a good time. I am sorry your daughter in law is still being what Dawn called her. As for questioning them, no I wouldn't and I would hope they wouldn't voluntarily say anything, because I am sure their mother doesn't say very nice things and you don't need to hear it. So hoe long before they return? I will continue to pray while they are away, that nothing serious distorts their love for you. 
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
27 Mar 13
"I was telling someone today that I taught my children how to moonwalk and have now taught my grands the same thing". You go girl
But I am sorry about them eventually telling you, I hope they don't or perhaps for some reason she said nothing.
But I am sorry about them eventually telling you, I hope they don't or perhaps for some reason she said nothing.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Mar 13
No Carmela - I am old but don;t think of myself as old. strange isn't it? I was telling someone today that I taught my children how to moonwalk and have now taught my grands the same thing.
No, I won't question them at all. Theyare sure to spill the beans, as it were, and reveal all eventually.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
28 Mar 13
Iam so glad u ignored her & went on to the event. That's exactly what u should have done. I know the children were very glad u were there & good for dad for coming to. She is a bit** , no doubt about it. Anyone who would treat their children as she has does not deserve to even get to see them.She needs a good a** whipping. U are a better lady than me. Don't think i could be around her & listen to the hateful things she says to u w/out slapping her in to tomorrow.She doesn't care about anyone but herself, that's very obvious.She does not love the children or she wouldn't have deserted them like she did.I'm afraid she is going to undo all the things u have accomplished w/them.It takes a sorry woman to do her children like she has done hers. I wish u the best as always. love ya!
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
28 Mar 13
YOU calls 'em...as you see's 'em, dearheart!
The cream always rises to the top...and "cynthiann" will prevail here, and sadly some of her GOOD work will be undone!
My real concern, here, dear Jo, is that this stress will take a toll on her health, as this witch of a DIL, has turned this into the worst "soap opera" ever...and we need to pray, each day for cynthiann's good health, as when this is over, she will have the grands' whom have just been on a roller-coaster ride from HE!!. Their little worlds turned completely upside down from mixed emotions, mixed messages...poor little souls! I can so surely relate...as I too, had a mentally deranged Mother, poppin in and out of my life! A horrendous emotional ride...for many years until I was old enough to discern her crazies!
LUV & HUGZ!1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
28 Mar 13
@shirley, u got that right. She's a first class bitc* to treat her cYNTHI & THE KIDS THE WAY SHE HAS. i KNOW it's not good for Cynthi's health. DIL could care less. I know about crazy mothers to.
@Cynthi, i'm still worried that she will take the children & leave the country. i'm sure the coniving B is up to alot. Take care.
LOVE U BOTH.
@Cynthi, i'm still worried that she will take the children & leave the country. i'm sure the coniving B is up to alot. Take care.
LOVE U BOTH.1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Mar 13
Love you both! I think that it will be better this time as at least they know that she will be leaving - but she is up to something but as yet I do not know what. But she has a plan .I could see it when she kept smirking at me.
Bless you for your support.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Mar 13
As calm as you can manage under the circumstances...
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Mar 13
I am of the same opinion. As the Brits say (big thing whilst I was there) 'Keep Calm and Carry On'.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
27 Mar 13
I'm glad things went fairly well. I still want to smack her though!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Mar 13
hi katsmeow1213 oh good for you as I had thought of putting that down myself,. Maybe we both could have ganged up on her. me for her using a belt on her own little boy grrrrrrrr.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Mar 13
Life would not be the sae without the two of you as friends. I am glad that you are both in my corner. Thank you both. I still want to smack her silly too
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
28 Mar 13
I hope that the children get taken away from your ex DIL and that your son could get custody then you can see them more often. It is sad that the children are confused on how to act when they see you and it is your ex DIL's fault. I am glad that you went up there to see the grandchildren and that they did well. I studied Early Childhood Education (actually I have two Master's Degrees and a Bachelor's degree) and all the books say that time outs are effective provided that the kids are not near a video game or a television. Hitting a child with a belt shows them that violence is acceptable behavior and more than likely they will pass this on to their child and become abusive as well.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Mar 13
Thank you for confirming what I do as a punishment. What I am also doing now is discussing with them whatbtheir punishment shoudl be and it may be their bicycle taken away for half a day or something. No, in time out, neither of them has a book or anything to amuse themselves with
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
6 Apr 13
Yes, it was long but he did have a driver so could work and make calls both there and back.But he is a lovely father
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
29 Mar 13
Hi there Cynthiann,
Brace yourself...I can almost guarantee that there will be behavior issues when they return to you. Oh...that Bch! I would not say anything at all to them about their mother or question them. I'm sure that anything negative said by her is already tearing them apart. Don't be surprised if it just comes out gradually in moments that you share when the emotions die down after her visit. Be prepared to listen without showing reaction and you will feel a reaction, I'm sure. They may not understand all this now but they won't forget. As they get older, they will look back on this stuff and they will understand it and probably have some very mixed up emotions regarding her. They will see this for what it is without you saying a word. Hang in there.
I would not say anything at all to them about their mother or question them. I'm sure that anything negative said by her is already tearing them apart. Don't be surprised if it just comes out gradually in moments that you share when the emotions die down after her visit. Be prepared to listen without showing reaction and you will feel a reaction, I'm sure. They may not understand all this now but they won't forget. As they get older, they will look back on this stuff and they will understand it and probably have some very mixed up emotions regarding her. They will see this for what it is without you saying a word. Hang in there. @cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
29 Mar 13
My son and I were talking about the fallout this morning and we both agreed that they themselves will let out bits and pieces of what was said over the next few weeks but we will not question them at all. My son just took them extra clothes - which they don't need - but really as an excuse just to see them.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
28 Mar 13
Action speaks louder than words.
I am sure your GCS would see the differences especially when all of you have kept your WORDS about turning up LOVINGLY to support them and the medals are not only for them but for their FATHER and YOU!
Don't be mindful what was in the picnic basket, I mean who else in the venue had that invigorating juices and crapola (which replaces energy in case you forgot) to go along with water which is commonly available around. That's what makes you uniquely special! Don't you forget that! About that lap of yours, just make sure they know that they are the only ones entitled to sit on it - even if they weigh 200lbs.
I do not have a single doubts that they will feel VERY relieved when they return back to you. I am sure they can differentiate between heaven and hell, so you don't have to ask them. Make a difference and the lesson about not making them do what they do not like, will definitely take on a new meaning and impressionable.
Anyway, I am sure you know the saying about trash being trash and we should not be bothered using our hands. Not when we have better use with them (hands). I am sure your DIL is drowning with "You know what? Grandma's always this....always that..."
Stop and think for a moment, I don't think your DIL's bullets are from her dungeons. So, make the difference and if you are going to ask them - remind yourself that you are going to be no better than that occupant in hell namely your dreadful DIL.
I do not have a single doubts that they will feel VERY relieved when they return back to you. I am sure they can differentiate between heaven and hell, so you don't have to ask them. Make a difference and the lesson about not making them do what they do not like, will definitely take on a new meaning and impressionable.
Anyway, I am sure you know the saying about trash being trash and we should not be bothered using our hands. Not when we have better use with them (hands). I am sure your DIL is drowning with "You know what? Grandma's always this....always that..." Stop and think for a moment, I don't think your DIL's bullets are from her dungeons. So, make the difference and if you are going to ask them - remind yourself that you are going to be no better than that occupant in hell namely your dreadful DIL.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Mar 13
They do love their mommy and it doesn't have to be this way - if she would just change her attitude. But I know her being pleasant was just an act and I hate what she is doing to the children. Thank you for your very kind words - all the encouragement and support that I have received from my friends on mylot has been amazing and I am blessed by your words
@celticeagle (159030)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Mar 13
These poor child! They seem very confused. If she doesn't like the way her daughter's hair is styled why doesn't she take the children fulltime and do as she wished be done. Poor confused children. Hope they grow up without too many scars.
@celticeagle (159030)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Mar 13
Yep. And they will understand better as they grow older and will see who is who if you see what I mean.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Mar 13
I know and believe you me, I really want them to have a great relationship with their mother but if she carries on the same way then, when they become teenagers, they will sadly reject her
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Mar 13
So do I my friend - so do I. All I can do is love them and keep o a timetable as thye do better knowing exactly what is coming next. My GS is slightly OCD so routine is important to him.
1 person likes this
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
28 Mar 13
I wouldn't know what she told your grand daughter but you shouldn't worry about it. It might get stuck in your mind and this might start something unnecessary in the future. Just be cool about everything and have fun, especially when your grand daughter sees you so that she'll recognize you as a cool person.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Mar 13
Oh yes, I agree - I am trying to be positive and cool about everything
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
5 Apr 13
Well, first off, I'm glad that you went.
And I'm glad that you had the resolve to ignore the 'crapola' being dished out, while celebrating the sports day with the kids.
But your DIL's behavior makes me worry. Or I guess your grand kid's behavior when she's around makes me worry. I could just imagine what she's saying when your not around. Some sort of brain washing-process.
I think you should continue not-questioning them. But I hope your grand kids realize the difference so that they grow up to be better people.
And I'm glad that you had the resolve to ignore the 'crapola' being dished out, while celebrating the sports day with the kids.
But your DIL's behavior makes me worry. Or I guess your grand kid's behavior when she's around makes me worry. I could just imagine what she's saying when your not around. Some sort of brain washing-process.
I think you should continue not-questioning them. But I hope your grand kids realize the difference so that they grow up to be better people.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
6 Apr 13
I think that they will understand better when they are older. She has decided to stay another two weeks but wants me to collect them from her mother's house daily and take them to school and pick them up afterwards. She has yet to ask me but told my son this is what she wants. And yes, I will do it as I will get to see them for twenty minutes to and from school. I expect that she is poisoning them again but that is out of my control.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
6 Apr 13
hi dear Cynthiann, your DIL must be a person from hell, First leaving the kids in your care for months and years when they were very young, and now again, so she can do what she likes and behave like a single person without children and then she comes takes the kids by nighttime and criticizes you for what you did and what should have been her responsibility all the time, raising the children, that is.
I would not ask them what she said about you cause it cant be anything positive anyways so I would not bother with what she thinks.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
6 Apr 13
I am an adult dear friend, and can take it, but they are children and are affected by her behaviour and this is what hurts as she should not mess with their minds
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
27 Mar 13
You will not have t question them, they will eventually tell you. It will either be to get a rise out of you or because they are honestly confused, or to see how consistent you are. I think you are holding up well and they have had the best of all days as they had three interested adults at their sports day.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Mar 13
Yes, they were basically happy to see us all together. They love their big sister too and she was there to give adivce (You don't have any friends when you run!) and cheer them on. It went better than I had anticipated buit Oh Lord - the house is so tidy and quiet
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Mar 13
hi cynthiann I am glad you did go and that your son helped you by being there too. I am so sorry that the mom is still so
'hostile. I want to call her a brat even if she is a grown up woman.I just hope these two weeks do not do too much harm to all that you accomplished with them. If that mom is beating her son with a belt that should figure in damned well in the judges decision for custody. I do hope when it all done she loses custody as she
appears to me an unfit mother in a lot of ways.,Hearing she beat her son with a belt makeds me really dislike her so much and wish I could meet her and tell her to her face she should be ashamed of neating any child for plaything.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Mar 13
It went better than I had hoped and I am mentally prepared for the flak which I will get when she leaves again. She is just pretending to be nice. I am convinced that she will bring forth a number of witnesses who will lie to their back teeth for her to prove a point.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
27 Mar 13
im sorry to tell you right now, she sounds like my mom told me when i was 6yrs old, "dont run and hug your dad in court. they will think you want to stay with him and they will take you away from me" thats what she told me on court day and my dad told me years later, it cut him to the heart. kids can be told things like that and are not able to say or figure what is right.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Mar 13
I am so sorry that you experienced this horror. What a dreadful thing to have done to you. This is why I believe that my son will let her have them as he would never put his children in a position where they have to choose who to live with
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
28 Mar 13
That was great that your son was able to make the trip. As for the DIL I'm sure she is saying bad things about you to your grandkids. For the kids to behave in the manner that they were, by being shy, its a given. She is doing so much damage to these kids. This goes to show how inmature she is and needs alot of help herself mentally. When an adult puts kids in between parents, grandparents, ex's etc... they do not realize or comprehend the damage they are doing. I don't know why people can't just get along for the sake of the kids? I feel so bad for you and what you have to deal with when it comes to the DIL.I think I would want to know what she says about me, so I think I might ask. Who's knows maybe they will volunteer the info before you have to ask. Especially if they are not happy.
I don't know why people can't just get along for the sake of the kids? I feel so bad for you and what you have to deal with when it comes to the DIL.I think I would want to know what she says about me, so I think I might ask. Who's knows maybe they will volunteer the info before you have to ask. Especially if they are not happy.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Mar 13
They are kids and can't keep secrets form us - especially their Daddy. So either of us will eventually hear of it. I am so sorry for them and feel in my Irish bones that she will get custody of them
