I am hurting deep down in my soul.

United States
March 28, 2013 11:09am CST
I know I can't do anything about my daughter and her situation. That I don;t need to hear or even that she needs to change. I know all that and I also know I need to change. Right now I am sitting here wondering what on earth could I possibly do to get my daughter to stay home. I did something I should not have but I had no other choice I was desperate. I called my daughter's boss to ask for one more chance. I explained the situation and he has seen the scars from her abuse. he is going to speak to the head boss about her situation. he also promised to be discreet about what I shared with him. I feel helpless right now an I need to get something in my head that will make a difference. People say to pray and pray but goodness what needs to happen for me to get some kind of answers.
5 people like this
11 responses
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Mar 13
gifts what you need is all our hugs then have us start a prayer chain from all your mylot friends praying that your sweet Kay will finally realize she must get away from the loser and start a new wonderful happy life with her loving mom and perhaps sooner or later she will meet that one decent man that is meant just for KayKay. hugs from hatley. fellow mylottes join me and pray that Kay finally wakes up and leaves the loser forever to s ay for now with her mom.come on all who can join me as mylot prayers are really very powerful indeed.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
28 Mar 13
Joining you, Hatley. Great idea!
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Mar 13
thanks sid
• United States
28 Mar 13
I am siting here with my head just spinning with worry. I can't do anything to help this girl. I know she got her check today so the loser will be good to her till he spends up all her money. I need to try to call her to if she paid her phone bill. I am sure she could not spare the $50 for that either. Thanks so much for everything.
• United States
28 Mar 13
PointlessQuestions has summed it up here, and she and I have both told you before what we think regarding the situation. Sorry, Gifts, but if you don't change your life, how can you expect that your daughter is going to change hers?
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 13
Change does not happen over night. I have made changes in my life for the better my daughter is not making any. I don;t need to do anything for my daughter to do what she needs to do. she does not have to follow me. she just needs to love herself enough to get out of that hell of a relationship she is in. No matter what I go through I ma not in her situation so I am fine. she needs to save herself and leave this man before she not only loses a job but her life and freedom.
• United States
28 Mar 13
You have the same unhealthy relationship patterns. She's never seen you in a healthy relationship, so she thinks that being with someone who treats her badly is normal. Adrian may not hit you, but he does other things. As has been pointed out before, he uses your weaknesses against you... to control you. He doesn't treat you with respect, and he certainly doesn't act as though he is in a partnership with you. Your daughter had low self-esteem before she got involved with that creep. She has grown up in such a way that she believes that violence is normal. So, where is all of this "loving herself" stuff going to come from? Sadly, the only way that things will possibly get better is if she is arrested and goes away for a while. Otherwise, she will just keep repeating the same dance, because that is what she knows.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 13
I was beat before for a long time. I woke up one day and said it was the last day I would see that man. I made it so that I was never with him again. even to the point where I stopped going place he knew I would be. that is how I got away from mike. if kay wants to get out the police already told her they would help her. so,that is all the help she needs plus,she knows she can come here and I would let her stay with me. she just does not want to follow rules living here so she leaves all the time. Kay has seen me in healthy relationships so much so that she was the happiest child in the world. I was even with someone who loved her so much he told people she was his child. he made one big mistake and he was out of my life and hers. kay got older and put herself in bad spots and hung around bad people and her life went down hill. adrain was so good to her and she knew it. she was disrespectful to him one time too many and he washed his hands of her. that was not the only person. no one in my family will have any part of her any longer all because she won't leave the loser alone. she told me last week that she does not want to stay with him. she said,she stays with him because when I kicked her out he was there for her. I asked her what happened to her when he kicked her out and tossed all her stuff on the street and I had to come get her and she could not answer. She told me he is getting evicted and she will sleep on the street with him if she has to. so,there is nothing more I can do. as for adrain he is not the best man in the world but he is mine. and I will be with him for ever if god sees it that way. that man has been by my side when no one else was there. so I am going to be right here and do what I have to to get my life better with him. if that is what she learned from me than more power to her. but,that man was good to her.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
28 Mar 13
what needs to happen is both of you need to change and neither one of you want to so nothing will change,
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 13
I don;t think there are any changes I need to make in order for her to get out of that relationship. all I need to do is be here to support her and provide a roof over her head so that she would feel like she did not have to go back and that I can do. I even went as far as not mentioning that loser to her at all. and when she mentioned him I did not say anything bad in my response. that was change enough for me. she needs support and that she gets all the time. what else do i need to do to make her leave an abuser? I know it will not be anything with adrain because she is not dating him I am and she has nothing to do with him at all. all she needs to do is focus onher life and getting something positive going in it.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
30 Mar 13
we talked about this before, you are an enabler. That means you make it so that she doesn't have to change because she knows when it gets to rough with the loser she can come back to you. That means you are making it so that she never has to change, She has to change and so do you. You have to stop being an enabler or frankly she will never have to change all her life. She will be 50 and still like a child running back to her 70 year old mother.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 13
That is change your right about I thought it was something else. I need to get there and it is hard because telling her no has always made me feel bad ever since her father and I split up. I never wanted to be the bad guy. that will take some time for me.
@marguicha (94728)
• Chile
28 Mar 13
From what you tell me, she will never be able to escape unless ahe is helped by an institution that takes care of abused women and hide them until measures are taken against the abuser. But that is a step your daughter will have to take even if you help her. Now she is too young and too scared to be able to do much.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 13
That is the bottom line for sure and I also tried to get her to get in a shelter and she refused. the police even tried to get her in one too.
@marguicha (94728)
• Chile
28 Mar 13
I saw a terrible movie starred by Jennifer Lopez about an abused woman who fought back. But one can also see that the power belongs to the abuser
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 13
I saw that movie as well and it was very good how she was able to get herself strong enough to stand up and fight him back. a very good movie for sure.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
28 Mar 13
I would try to find someone else for her to date...anyone for now that has a well meaning intention for her, if that is possible? I know I'm probably not helping as I'm in a abusive situation with a family member or two, also in different ways but that is different, she is chosing who to be with as in a man. I think deep down she wants to leave him but doesn't know how. Did she loose her job over this? That is sad. Her job is more important than him.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 13
My daughter told me she does not want to be with him. yet she told me if he sleeps on the stress she will sleep with him. what a load of bull crap.
• Philippines
28 Mar 13
Just don't nag her and just give her a space. Maybe this time she can't decide about the right things for her life now because her mind is more focused to her boyfriend. As much as possible, don't talk about the issue about her boyfriend. Just let her be the first to open that topic. All she needs for now is your support and of course pray. Don't force her to do such thing. She will only avoid you. Maybe that's what happened to me last year.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 13
I try to do this all the time and she comes to me all the time with her problems. all of which this man is abusing her and I don;t know how she expects me to live with this.
@honor00 (186)
28 Mar 13
As the mum of a grown up too you have my support and understanding. You've posted many times about the abuse Kay has suffered and how much you suffer too. Kay has been hit all her life. I bet you smacked her as a child I know I smacked, she'll think those in authority smack hence taking the beatings ................. f............... In my opinion you need to find what she's done right, even putting up with the loser, praise praise look for the positive forget him, you miss her come home, help me cope OK you don't need it, but WTF?
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 13
Thanks
@echoforever (5192)
• United States
28 Mar 13
Sometimes there is nothing you can do and we went through this with my sister as well. Its horribly worrisome and hard on us because we love them so much and hate to see them hurting. God doesn't always move the way we think He should but know He does hear us and He IS moving. Trust and be still, though I know that is not easy! I don't have much advice to try to ease your worry, a mother's love includes the cares and worries. So my best word is to stay in prayer and keep your mind busy while you wait for God to work it out for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 13
I am trying to work it all out now. I am just full of anger and stress right now. thanks so much.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
29 Mar 13
I am so sorry that you are still hurting. Apparently, it is impossible for her to leave the guy completely. I hope she clears her mind and think of her future rather than be living with him. I hope you don't mind me saying this but that guy is pulling your daughter down. I just wonder what kind of hold he has on her that she refuses to just get away from that relationship.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
29 Mar 13
You have to be mindful of what you are praying for.. check your prayers...you know for a fact that God answers pray so don't stop praying...Just make sure you are praying for the right thing...
@alpha9180 (301)
• Malaysia
29 Mar 13
I am sorry to hear that your daughter's ordeal in her life with the loser. Looks like the loser is taking control over Kay's life. As long as kay keeps going back to the loser, nothing will help as long as she is tied up with that loser. Neither you nor Adrain could help them unless a positive measure to be taken to prevent the loser getting close to Kay. If you are attending any church meetings, perhaps you could get some help from the church members to introduce/help Kay to secure another job far away from the loser. As long as she is blinded to live with loser, the same problem will recur from time to time and there will be no ending. I really hope that you will not only pray for her but commit her into the hands of God as no amount of your efforts could retain kay to stay home. Kay has to grow up and take responsibility for her life.
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
29 Mar 13
You have no idea how much I wish I lived near you to help you with your daughter. The best thing now would be for her to get the job back. Adrian can't knock some sense into her? I just don't understant any girl putting up with this loser. Does she not see what he is using her. She can't be that in love with this loser? I'm so disappointed in her going back to him. I thought for sure when she wait back to you that it was for good. Does she not realize she deserves a good man in her life? Not a jerk who is using her for her money while seeing other girls. Her grandmother can't talk to her either? I'm truly afraid that this has been going on for so long that one day you are going to get that dreaded call from the police. I don't want to say the word but you know what I'm talking about. Maybe you should go to the police and explain everything to them. Maybe they can pay him a visit and threaten him. If not, I know if this was my daugher and I've been going through this for so long. I would get someone to give this guy a beaten and threaten him to never to come near my daughter again or else. I'm sure Adrian knows someone. Something has to be done before its to late.