asking permission

@SIMPLYD (80391)
Philippines
April 1, 2013 4:17am CST
Usually , my husband and I have a different opinion or answer when our now 22- year old daughter asks permission from us for a group outing whenever their classes ends. She lives in a dorm in the far city where she’s taking up Medicine now going on her 3rd year proper. She’s a full scholar and has a boyfriend who is his classmate, decent and God fearing man. Thus, I am confident that they will not do something that can break our hearts. However, when it comes to outings in a far place, my husband would always say no because they might meet accident. But as for me, I give my permission, because they are now old enough to take care of themselves. Thus when this happens, my daughter is annoyed. Hence as of the latest, she asked my permission but not his father. I said yes. At least, I know where they would be for their outing and is supportive of it. Anyway, I will just tell my husband, once it’s over.
2 people like this
10 responses
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
1 Apr 13
You should tell your daughter her limitations. You have an agreement between her so that it will not curse her father and your husband. We (men) are concern about the welfare of any female related to the family especially if we are bad guy before and made many bad things related to several ladies. That's my feelings especially to my sisters. I don't want her to be a victim like I did to some of my girlfriends before
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Well, i trust my daughter and her boyfriend. My daughter's goal in being a full scholar on her Medical studies, is one big motivation for her to be good. So, i just keep praying for her to be able to do it until she becomes a doctor.
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
1 Apr 13
Your trust should have a limitation. So that it won't lead to frustrations or disappointments
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Yes, i know July. So, i always tell her about it.
• United States
1 Apr 13
She's an adult. Why would she be asking your permission to go places? Hopefully, your daughter soon figures out that she can live her own life without always having to worry about what you and her father think about her every little move. Otherwise, what a miserable way to live.
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Yes, she's already 22 and that's what i keep telling his father. But he said that as long as she's still relying on us for her allowance and all, we should always be asked for permission. He is just being protective, but i find it too much.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 13
Hopefully, she gets a job soon and claims her independence. You need to remind your husband that the two of you have raised her right according to your set of beliefs. She has had your values and ethics instilled in her for more than two decades now. If you've done a good job, she's going to remember what her family's core values are even when she is not with you.
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
3 Apr 13
Yes, that's true. We instill in her mind too, that having a profession will be our legacy to her. That's why she's so bent in becoming a doctor. My prayer is for her success in life.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
Your daughter is lucky to have you as a mom. At least you allow her. While I di not enjoy much with my friends when I was single. It was a no from dad and a no from dad.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
oopsss, what I mean was "a no from dad and a no from mom."
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
My parents are in the same situation as me and my husband. My father is strict and disciplinarian. But when i was already having my job, he mellowed although would always remind me to be behave well.
• China
2 Apr 13
It seems that You two have different way to love your daughter.I fall in with your views.They have already grown up and It will do them good to see life and stand its tests.
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
That's what i was always telling my husband because anyway she's already 22 and have graduated and now taking up Medicine proper. She is already grown up and has a mind of her won. However, her father loves her dearly so i can understand his over protectiveness, always treating her as his little girl.
• China
3 Apr 13
I can understand what your husband thought of. You both regard your daughter as the apple of your eyes,only love her in different ways.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
9 Apr 13
This is where I would say that I'm lucky to have boys! I think that if I had daughters, I would behave exactly like your husband. I would trust my own kid, but knowing how I was when I was young, I wouldn't be surprised if something did happen. I hope it all went fine!
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
10 Apr 13
Actually, it always worked fine bounce. With my daughter simple and smart, she knows our boundaries.
• India
2 Apr 13
Thanks for this discussion,in such matters I differ with Kalyani, she trusts all blindly, but I cant, here many bad incidents have happened, girls have been mass raped by the would be husband's friends.. However as a mom you know your daughter well, just keep touch with them, it is good to be cautious.
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
3 Apr 13
Yes, just like Kalyni, i permit my daughter but with caution and some restriction. And you are just like my husband, professor.
• Canada
1 Apr 13
Hi Simplyd Well first of all I have always been honest with my husband and would never hide anything from him especially when it involves out son. I know I do not have a daughter but my mother was the same as she would always let my father know about everything. I do not think this is a good idea (hiding things from your husband) this can not be good for your marriage. I know your daughter is old enough my son is now 30 and married with a son himself and we have a good relationship with him to this day, I do not want to sound like I am harsh but please always be honest with your husband. It sounds to me like your husband is only concerned of your daughter's well being.
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Well. i do that because sometimes i think he is being over protective of our daughter who is already 22 year old and a graduate of a course already. I don't actually hide it from him totally because i would eventually tell him anyway.
• India
1 Apr 13
Every parents trust their child. But we (womens) take decision emotionally. Even I ask my mom first then tell my dad when its over. Because I know mom will never say 'No'. Dad is also right from his side. Sometimes even I feel bad that I am not asking for his permission. Somtimes its ok if we dont ask for the permission.
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
I can understand my husband. She loves her so much and he is just protective of her. Maybe he will not get hurt not being asked for permission, if our daughter is already on her own or has her own job. But as of now that we still provide for her, i think it is just but proper for her to ask our permission on such matters.
@srisahara (4147)
• Indonesia
1 Apr 13
Yes, sometimes we have different opinion with our husband about our children. Yes, I think a man and a woman has different perspective when assess something about habit of young people. I think, it is a good idea if we realize that the different will encourage us to get the best way for our children. Have a nice day.
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Sometimes as mothers , we have to weigh things for our daughter's benefits. The husbands can be a lot strict which is way too much for our children though. So we have to be on the neutral.
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Yeah, I did that with my grandparents as I lived with them when I was a kid. My grandpa was the strictest person I have ever met. I haven't even opened my mouth yet and I could already hear his strong "no". So I would always go to my grandmother first. If she says "no" then I was sure her husband would say a million times "no". Sometimes my grandma is part of the conspiracy telling us not to tell our grandfather anymore if she said yes to some delicate matters.:)
@SIMPLYD (80391)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
That's what my daughter and i do. We make a pact about it, and would afterwards tell my husband. Of course he will get angry, but it's already done.