I wont sugar coat it for her
By 911Ricki
@911Ricki (13588)
Canada
April 2, 2013 9:25am CST
I met up with a friend for coffee, she started dating this guy about 5 months ago. He moved in with her, she threw ut everything she owned so he could bring his things.
Now he isnt working, they are living off her disability, he has had job offers and he keeps declining it. She's in her 50"s and he's 60's, she pays everything, while he sits at home. He wants her to move to the city, and tryiong so hard. I told her I wont drive to that part of the city, nor will her sister. So noone will be there, if something happens we are 2 hours away.
She has so many different injuries, now if they moved in together, she would loose her disbaility, or base it on his income. He isn't working, but collecting unempoyment so she wont loose hers.
I told her she worked so hard to get it, and if she had to go back to work. Think of if something happened, or he up and left you, she would have no income, and go to work causing more damage to her neck and back.
She sat there and goes your right, almost like someone smacked her in the face. She goes well Im not sure either. I told her if she isn't sure, don't let him push you into things you dont want.
She then goes we haven't had a real arguement (well this time iin a relationship is the make and break point). I told her he was evicted from his place, then lost his job, of course he is sucking up to you because he has no place to go. I saw this when I went to her place. He will leave for nights and hang out with his female friends, they call constantly and he will up and leave. He drinks constantly, as she just sits there and stares at the wall. She has told me this a number of times, and how he acts when drunk.
I asked her is she really happy, or is she making excuses because she is lonely. I think deep down, she wants something else but hanging on because she is afraid of being alone.
2 people like this
8 responses
@BarBaraPrz (45437)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
2 Apr 13
It's sad when a woman can't see the truth about a man. And this woman is twice your age, but seems to have half your wisdom.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
2 Apr 13
Ricki has a good head on her shoulders. That is for sure. She is not the usual 23 year old.
1 person likes this
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
2 Apr 13
*cough* 24 
(almost 25 
).
I have known her since I was 17. I got her to leave her last loser ex who made her pay the bills, say they were together while they lived with his wife.
I think she is just lonely and not working doesn't help. She sits at home and thinks about it constantly. She met this guy online 5 months ago, he moved in after 3 months. She threw out everything she had worked so hard for, and even things her grnadmother gave her for this guy.
He lives with her for free, while she pays it. He wants her to drop her life, and move to the city, if they move in together she will loose her disability (if he is working ), if not she gets a lot cut off.
She even said she wants to have her own place, she needs that security. I told her then stay in her own place. He can find his own place, and come visit. I told her no way would a man be moving into my place free after 3 months, she then said howhe paid his phone bill (that wouldn't fly with me).
I told her if she moves down to the city, if he kicks her out one night I am 2 hours away, her sister works midnights. Whereas in the town she is in, she has friends and people who would let her stay.
It's her choice but I told her how it is. I think she just wants that perfect relationship, the last guy she was with 25 years, lived with his wife, and she lived with them. He kept saying he would leave his wife when the debt was gone, well its been 5 years and he is still with his wife.
(almost 25 ).
I have known her since I was 17. I got her to leave her last loser ex who made her pay the bills, say they were together while they lived with his wife.
I think she is just lonely and not working doesn't help. She sits at home and thinks about it constantly. She met this guy online 5 months ago, he moved in after 3 months. She threw out everything she had worked so hard for, and even things her grnadmother gave her for this guy.
He lives with her for free, while she pays it. He wants her to drop her life, and move to the city, if they move in together she will loose her disability (if he is working ), if not she gets a lot cut off.
She even said she wants to have her own place, she needs that security. I told her then stay in her own place. He can find his own place, and come visit. I told her no way would a man be moving into my place free after 3 months, she then said howhe paid his phone bill (that wouldn't fly with me).
I told her if she moves down to the city, if he kicks her out one night I am 2 hours away, her sister works midnights. Whereas in the town she is in, she has friends and people who would let her stay.
It's her choice but I told her how it is. I think she just wants that perfect relationship, the last guy she was with 25 years, lived with his wife, and she lived with them. He kept saying he would leave his wife when the debt was gone, well its been 5 years and he is still with his wife.1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157494)
• United States
2 Apr 13
A lot of people do this. It seems it is more often women than it is men. I am not sure if I do this or not, but I am never really alone. I am good friends with my hubby and have not had to give up anything except space. She needs to stop and think and it is better to be alone than together in a mess.
1 person likes this
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
2 Apr 13
You do have to compromise in a relationship but not throw everything out. She had a handful of things that meant the world to her, and she threw them out because he said so. She has completely changed, even her sister has said the samething. I can see being married or together several years to have a relationship, but then also your own lives (say going out with friends or something you like doing), she has threw everything over for this guy, yet he wont do it for her.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
2 Apr 13
That woman needs a reality check! You did right to tell her how you felt. She is desperate. You are right. She would rather take abuse than to be alone. She is literally stupid to want to live that way.
1 person likes this
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
2 Apr 13
Her sister and I are the only ones who will tell her how it is. Her sister is well more nicer about it haha. The guy can be nice, but little things. Pros and Cons, she is a completely different person, nothing like she was. She plasters makeup on, pays $40 for her nails (she would never in her life do that), she stopped talking to a lot of people, he wanted a new cellphone (meanwhile his was fine), and she paid the $150 for his new phone.
She sat there and said the pros and cons, I told her she is the only one to decide. I told right to the guys face, if he laid a finger on her I would hunt him down. He laughted, but she goes you think she's joking.
But the fact he is trying to get her to move to the city, she is on the fence. She wants to be with him, but said to me she doesn't want to leave us here.
I know we are different and I would never allow a man to move in after 3 months and throw my things I worked so hard for out, and let him take over my place, and mooch off me.
1 person likes this
@devonavis (1854)
• Greece
2 Apr 13
It's good you are there to tell her what she has been sacrificing for nothing. It seems she really is just lonely or bored that she just wanted someone to distract her loneliness. You are a good friend, keep it up!
1 person likes this
@TLilly12 (1229)
• United States
2 Apr 13
Wow this friend of yours, really got problem, she is letting a man live off of her, and she doesn't nothing about it, I would never let some man, live off of my check because he is too lazy, to get a job let him be homeless, that is what he needs, this man is a complete bumb.
1 person likes this
@shorty08322 (1270)
• United States
2 Apr 13
this is what u should of asked her where did she meet this bum if she got him out of the goodwill that is a bad sing and she did all of that for a bum something must be wrong because if she think that he is going to help her will she have another problem i wouldn't do all that for him and she only knw him for 5 months she dnt want that money is the devil and if she can see what is going on she would pack him and out and move on find something else or someone else that have they own money dnt have give him urs and if he get drunk keep him out their tell the cops she dnt need no drunk hanging around because she meet him in 5 months movied him in that is nt right what do she see in him
@Sherryrob1 (126)
• United States
2 Apr 13
You nailed it. He's basically using her and it's good you let her know. Sometimes you need to hear it out loud from someone else. One of the worse things to do is to give up everything for another person. You lose yourself and usually wind up being unhappy. A person should add to your happiness. If not, then you don't need them in your life. Hopefully she will take your advice and get rid of him. Let her know that as long as he's in the picture there's no room for her to meet someone else.
