does depression cause problems in your relationship/marriage?

United States
April 4, 2013 10:02pm CST
Has anyone had issues in their relationships because of depression? I find that most of the time the person I'm involved with only makes me feel worse (why didn't you answer the phone? why don't you wanna see me? you act like you don't care about me. you don't look happy to see me. ...yada, yada, yada). I find it easier to just withdraw so I can avoid the extra "weight" on top of the elephant already sitting on me! Has anyone else dealt with this in a relationship? What is your experience with depression and relationships?
11 responses
@alpha9180 (301)
• Malaysia
5 Apr 13
There are many forms and degrees of emotional disturbance that come under the heading of depression and it is difficult to separate them into clear-cut categories. Grief, unhappiness and anxiety over loss or stressful situations are part of normal living without being patho-logical and there is considerable variation in the way different people respond. If your husband is suffering from manic-depressive illness, he will probably need medication. Manic-depressive illness is successfully treated with time-limited antidepressant medication for acute depressions and with the anti-manic medication for acute depressions and with the anti-manic medication lithium carbonate to maintain mood stability, such as hallucinations or delusions, he may also receive one of the major tranquilizer.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Apr 13
Hey Alpha. I guess you misunderstood the post. It's me that has the episodes of depression. As for medication, I've tried a few over the years and didn't like taking them. So now, I've learned how to take care of myself and for me that generally means time alone allowing myself to BE depressed until I'm not. I may read, go for walks, play computer games, eat whatever I want...just generally pamper myself for awhile. Generally after a few days or maybe even a couple of weeks, I'm able to get back into the swing of things. I'm able to bounce back a lot quicker when I don't have to deal with someone else's response to my depression - getting angry, sending me on guilt trips, etc. Thanks for posting.
• India
7 Apr 13
we go under depression with problems and fails in our life.. like losing the one who we love, separation, financial problems, lonliness and ... and a person who is in depression may behave in that way cause she or he needs attention and care and love... that is it..
• United States
7 Apr 13
"...a person who is in depression may behave in that way cause she or he needs attention and care and love...that is it..." Aah, such a sweet thought. I think you're right...attention, care and love not ridicule, guilt and anger. Thanks. That touched me.
@r0ck_r0ck (1952)
• India
5 Apr 13
Depression is a problem that causes problem in everything, be it in relationships, or daily routine. You don't feel like doing anything, you feel frustrated and then you start living your life in a weird way. Depression also tends to mess with your social activities and that is when relationships tends to get messy.
• United States
7 Apr 13
Absolutely. Unless you're involved with a very understanding, insightful and patient person it can get messy. But that being said, that's asking a lot of anyone.
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
5 Apr 13
When my first severe depression started my ex-boyfriend and I were still together. It created serious problems in our relationship, because he didn't understand what was going on with me and he thought that I was just lazy. We had many, many arguments during that time and he didn't understand that I couldn't do the same things as before when I had two jobs and worked almost every day. That relationship ended in 2007 and one year later I met my husband. My husband is much, much more understanding and supportive than my ex-boyfriend. He is a big help for me in the periods where I am ill.
• United States
7 Apr 13
That's the kind of thing I'm talking about. When you're depressed the last thing you need is someone telling you that you're just lazy. That only makes you feel worse! The silliest thing anyone ever said to me about being depressed was from my grandma. She said "you're too pretty to be depressed!" That actually did make me feel a little better though, lol. But it also shows how difficult it is sometimes even for people who love you to understand the depth of what you're dealing with. I'm glad for you that your husband is supportive and understanding. That can make a big difference.
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
5 Apr 13
I think it is best to just ask people to give you your space. I've told people directly that I don't want to speak. I say speak, end of sentence. I don't add - to them, I don't say why, I don't put a lot of drama into it. Later, because I've said this, I will remember to say to that person that I am feeling better now or something. I don't feel obligated to apologize because I want some free time but I do take other people's feelings into consideration by letting them know later. If they press me to talk to them at the time, I don't. Depression is best traveled alone. Just not for too long. That's how I think anyway. Am I happy to see them or talk to them, actually no.
• United States
7 Apr 13
I agree, "Depression is best traveled alone." At least that's the best way I've found to deal with it so far. But I think on the other hand, if you have a partner who is secure enough to let you go through it while being supportive, then that can be helpful too. I've just never had that experience though. It always gets so complicated and they think it's about them.
• United States
5 Apr 13
I'd have to say i agree with the majority of everyone elses posts here. I know it's easier said than done but it is definitely better to get your issues together before involving someone else. If you're already involved in with someone you should try to let them know what's going on with you so they can actually understand and not be so upset when you need your space. Hope everything works out.
• United States
7 Apr 13
Hi JMC! Thanks for your post. That's my frustration. Even when I try to be upfront about what's going on they don't get it and act offended if I need space. People need space sometime even if they're not dealing with any major issues. It takes a mature, secure person to be able to understand that though.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
8 Apr 13
Negative personalities are the worst to be around when going through depression. Give yourself a break sometimes and distance yourself from such things.
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
5 Apr 13
I think someone who has had this experience of depression must do his best to go with positive and confident people. In looking for someone special, he or she must be a happy person, someone with a positive outlook in life. That way, he or she will be able to help you move on to a normal state of life. If the relationship strains you, then let go of it because it is not good for you.
• United States
7 Apr 13
Thanks for the comment Cutie. Good advice
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
8 Apr 13
It does, first we must be sure the other person do loves us because not only depression but any disease is something we might have to go through and if our partner, husband loves us they'll not give up. Now depression can be a burden, imagine the sadness that even with so much work cannot go away, if we love someone it's so sad to see them sad.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
5 Apr 13
Possessiveness is big problem in relationships.That happens when your partner does not understand you well,so the solution can be explanation and discussion,even if you have to be rude.
• United States
7 Apr 13
That's the problem. You don't want to be rude but when the person doesn't get it you almost have to get selfish and think of yourself first no matter what they think. You can try to explain but if you try explaining to someone that your boat is sinking and they wanna argue about it you got to (as cruel as it may sound) through them outta the boat and keep peddling. Of course you can always go back and pick them up later, lol. But seriously, depression can take so much out of you that you just don't have anything left to give to someone else at that moment. Thanks for your comment.
@amundy8 (58)
5 Apr 13
Usually people dealing with depression turn their problems around towards others..especially those closest to them. Have you suggested counseling to them? Sometimes it seems that way with those I'm closest to (I've received some of those same comments from my loved one), but I don't feel as threatened because of my several year sabbatical away from a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. I don't pay as much attention it until I realized other people had similar experiences. However, the subtle things I noticed in this relationship are a far cry from the bad one I was in & makes me appreciate my present relationship since the good outweigh the bad. If that is all you are dealing with right now, which is one too many, then you may suggest what I mentioned earlier. If they're not willing to go through with counseling, then you have done all you can. That person has to want help themselves, not an enabler. Hope this helps.