She Has Been Gone 6 Years....

Australia
April 12, 2013 3:28am CST
On Sunday the 7th of April, was 6 years since my mum died. She died when I was 16 years old. I think about her a lot but obviously on the actual day, it makes me more sad thinking about how I found out. I was at my nan and pops house for the night and the phone rang. My nan answered and said "Hello Andrew." Andrew is my older brother. Then my nan was walking down the hallway and said "oh no. Ok yes I will get her for you." So my nan called my name and as I got to her she said "There is some sad news." I didn't like the look of her face. The only thing I could think of was someone was in a car accident. So I grabbed the phone and went to my room and said hello but Andrew didn't say anything. But in the background I heard my pop say "what happened?" And my nan said "Kim passed away." I just remembered I dropped the phone and screamed and started crying. My nan rushed back into my room and hugged me while pop grabbed the phone. Man it's making me cry right now thinking about it. I had never experienced such a loss. It was the worst feeling I've ever felt. Which I'm sure most people would agree that it's a very terrible feeling. It took me ages to fall asleep that night. When I woke up, that horrible feeling was still there. I was wishing that it was all a dream. It's really hard every time it's the 7th of April. Really hard on her birthday and when it is Mothers Day too. Or when I really want to talk to her and I can't. That hurts. I love her and miss her so much. But the strangest thing is, I know everyone grieves differently but it's been 6 years and I sometimes still think she will just pop up. Is it normal for me to still be in a bit of denial? Some days I know she is gone but other days I feel she could be alive. Like I think it's all a joke. Please feel free to share if you have lost a loved one. Happy MyLotting. ~AussieGal~
3 people like this
9 responses
mariaperalta
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
Sorry to hear that. I know how you feel. I lost my mom about one year ago now. I miss her every single day. Take care.
mariaperalta
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
Im doing fine these days. Busy, busy getting ready for the move to vegas in aug...
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
14 Apr 13
That's good to know. I guess it gets that little bit better each day. Wow that is so awesome! Are you excited? Is it for a job offer or just cause you wanted to move there?
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
13 Apr 13
Hello Maria! Thank you. I am very sorry for your loss. :( I really hope you take care of yourself too and coping well. Thank you very much for answering. :)
scorpiobabes
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
12 Apr 13
I lost my mom on March 20th-the first day of Spring. The 11th anniversary just passed. This was the first year I didn't break down and bawl all day. I was 30 when she passed. I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I was in the family room at home, watching the news and eating a bowl of cereal when the phone rang. I didn't want to answer it-it was only 6:30 AM, so I knew it couldn't be good. It was my dad-and he told me how he had gone to the hospital to see my mom (as was his custom), but her room was empty and her bed stripped. I guess one of the nurses told him. I remember hanging up or throwing the phone aside and screaming. I hadn't been to see her all week because my husband felt it wasn't right to bring our daughter (aged 8 and her only grandchild) every night and not be home until 9:00 PM. I can't forgive him for making such a demand (his grandmom was still alive), nor myself for letting him have that power. I have such guilt about it, but this year wasn't so bad. Both of my parents are gone now, and I divorced that motherhumper two years later. I miss both terribly-and I'm typing this with tears streaming down my face.
scorpiobabes
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
15 Apr 13
Finally-someone who sees my ex for what he is! Actually it was good that I cried-I had quite a bit of bad news (unrelated) earlier in the week that I didn't have a good cry about, so this one cleared my head. I don't know that I could say that I'm better off or happier now. It's just nice being with someone who understands and doesn't call me nasty names.
scorpiobabes
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
15 Apr 13
That was despicable! My ex called me some deragatory names (not the usual ones)- and some how, my daughter thought they were cute! Three months after my mom passed, my daughter and I lost it in the kitchen, and just wrapped our arms around each other crying. He stormed in, and said "Get over it!" like it was our favorite TV show had ended! We were in counseling a few weeks later, although when she ignored my requests for help and instead tried to "fix" our marriage. WTF-we're there for grief counseling, but you want me to work on my marriage?!?! As I think I said earlier-my ex has a martyr complex. He's decided to hurt our daughter emotionally, blackmailing her by telling her that his job is to take care of her, and to keep her entirely dependent on him by not helping her to get a drivers license.
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
15 Apr 13
I know. I was really hurt when he told me that. I'm sorry that your daughter didn't really stick up for you. I mean, was she too young to understand that what he was saying was wrong? What the heck!? How dare he say something like that. What a cold hearted a--hole! And I can't believe she wanted you to work on your marriage, I am absolutely stunned! I would have lost it and screamed at her! Wow what a low life! I am so sorry for you and your daughter dealing with this man. He is the one who needs help and a lot of it!
littlefranciscan
@littlefranciscan (18327)
• United States
12 Apr 13
Losing one so close ..is always a very heart wrenching thing. I am sorry you have had to experience so much heart break at so young an age.. and to have to relive it over and over is like the first. I wonder, are you doing anything to try to cope with your feelings? Have you gotten any sort of guidance or counseling to help you work through the trauma of losing your mum. This is so very terrible. I can feel in your words the tears from your eyes.. Hope soon you will find some freedom from all the heartache..it's normal to cry and to miss her.. she is not in pain .. am sure she is wishing you were not in pain ..
littlefranciscan
@littlefranciscan (18327)
• United States
12 Apr 13
When one has a mental illness they are not in control of what they have done and so it is with those who have bi-polar disease it's not something that one can will away or wish away.. it's something that controls the person who has it when not properly controlled by medication.. am sure your mum is at peace..some day you will be when everything you need healing from is healed.. hang in there. .. BTW are you on f/b ? Take gentle care of yourself and go easy on you
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
12 Apr 13
Hello littlefranciscan! Thank you. I will be seeing someone soon to deal with the loss and other things going on in my life. I have seen a few people but it was a few years ago. I have heard a few people say that my mum is not in pain anymore. She did suffer from a mental illness. ( Bi-Polar ). I'm not too sure where she is exactly but if it is true that once you die you are at peace then that brings comfort to me. Thank you so very much for your answer. :)
1 person likes this
jennifer611
@jennifer611 (2514)
• United States
12 Apr 13
awww, I am so sorry. I know what your going through. I still have my mom but I lost my dad. April 7th is actually my dads birthday. so that day I shed lots of tears. I think about him every single day. He passed Aug. 30, 2001. and just like you, I was on the phone with my grandmother and her words were "ya know your dad passed away this morning". my dad was my whole world. I dropped the phone and fell down and just screamed and cried and kept saying that I want to go to! I want to go too!! that was the worst day of my life. I miss him so much. I also felt a lot like this just cant be real. he will wake up. and I would imagine him walking down the street or sitting at the kitchen table like he always did. but what helps me be able to get through the days and through the pain is that I know without a doubt that the last time I seen him wasn't the last time. I believe in God and I know my dad is in heaven right now and one day I get to go be with him again. and when I do it will be forever. so that comforts me. I miss him now but at least I have that to look forward to. and he isn't suffering any more. I'm sad that he has missed out on so much. I have children who he never got to meet and I wish he could have been around a little longer to be able to know them. but God had other plans so for now I will hold on tight to my memories of him and tell my kids about him and stare at his pictures and listen to music that reminds me of him. I pray you find things that comfort you until you can see your mother again. another thing I do on those really tough days is I pray and ask God to give my dad a hug for me and let him know I love him so much. :)
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
14 Apr 13
Hello Jennifer! Thank you. I am so sorry about your dad. :( Your response made me cry. Losing someone you love is such a terrible thing to experience but unfortunately we all have to go through it. To be honest, I don't really know how I feel about when I die and if I will see her again. I believe in ghosts / spirits but not totally sure about what I believe when we die and where we go exactly. I mean do we go to heaven, is there really a hell or do we stick around here on earth. Have no clue. Aww I know what you mean about your dad missing out. My brother has had a wedding, a daughter and having a son sometime this year and my mum was not around for any of this. It makes me so sad knowing my niece and nephew will never meet my mum. I think they would have loved her. I really wish you the very best. I appreciate your answer very much. Thank you so much for answering. :)
MandaLee
@MandaLee (3756)
• United States
12 Apr 13
Hi, I am so sorry about your Mom. My maternal grandparents passed away within six months of each other. My best friend passed away when I was only 13 years old. I think about my grandparents and my best friend every day. I still miss them all so much.
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
12 Apr 13
Hello MandaLee! Thank you. I am extremely sorry for the loss you have experienced. :( Makes me really sad. It's really hard to say the right things when someone says such a sad story. I'm just very sorry. Not sure if it will help but some people talk out loud as if they were right there listening to you. I used to do it a lot to my mum and still sometimes do but I get a bit frustrated not getting a reply. Thank you so very much for answering. :)
AidanKay
@AidanKay (265)
• Australia
13 Apr 13
Hey I am very sorry that you lost your mum at such a young age. I can't say I have experienced a loss before so I don't know what it feels like but I imagine it would be horrible. Even reading your discussion, it made feel sad. Keep your chin up and try to be happy. Of course you miss her but like some MyLotters have said, your mum wouldn't want you to be sad. I'm sure you will see her someday. :)
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
13 Apr 13
Hello AidanKay! Thank you. I wish I could say that I hope you never experience it but it is life. We all have to at some point in our lives. MyLotters are right about that I know. I will try to keep my chin up about this situation. I will be seeing someone soon about the grief towards my mum so hopefully that will help me out. Thank you so very much for answering. :)
Archie0
@Archie0 (5636)
•
12 Apr 13
No loss is such big as the loss of our loved ones. I can just imagine how you must have felt. I am really very very sorry to hear and even i feel crying on this. I know how mothers are. No one is as gentle and humble they are. I too love my mother so much. Every day and night i am feared she is well at home because i stay away from my family. I don't like to stay here and i want to go back to my home and family. I know the loss which you have gone through is difficult to fill up with that mother love. But dear it's been 6 years, it is time to just move ahead. I am not saying that you should forget her, it is impossible i know. But you have to definitely overcome with the pain that your heart bears everytime you think of your mother. This is true that she is not happy looking at this condition of yours even today. If not physical at least your soul does meets her everyday in some way. Try to remember her in the way which brings smile on your face. Try to live with it, but do not hurt yourself with it. The loss of our loved ones is very hurting and the pain can only be understood by the one's who have gone through this dreadful situation. You are strong enough and i know you will overcome. Lots of Love.
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
13 Apr 13
Hello Archie0! Thank you very much. Why are you away from your family? If you don't mind me asking. I guess all you can do for now is check up on her with Facebook if she has it or phone calls. Sorry you are away from your I do agree with you. I often remember the good times I have had with her and I smile and sometimes laugh cause she was a fun person to hang out with. I will just need to work on this grief I feel for her. Thank you so very much for you answer. :)
Angelpink
@Angelpink (4035)
• Philippines
12 Apr 13
Hi ! I am feeling your pain there ! I can really fully described how was it to be there ! Same year and same week we are in same dilemma ! I lost the greatest man of my life , my dad 6 years ago , April 10 . Until now i still felt the pain and i missed him so much up to now. Yes that breaking of the news was a traumatic experienced . It was my aunt calling us in the middle of the night , there it came in my mind that something happened to my dad , because usually it was dad you calls us and i wonder why it is not dad who called us. There was a fire in our place and dad was the leader of the community . So while fire is going on , dad have to be there to check and help with the people then rushing to our home to save what must be saved. All the people in our home forgot that dad have a heart problem , even dad himself forgot it also. He kept running from here and there . The last moved he did was he went upstairs of our house to get the documents but unfortunately he wasn't able to finish the steps , seating down there my brother saw dad , grabbed dad and brought to the Hospital but dad was DOA already . He got cardiac arrest ! I can't accept and believed this for some weeks. I am in denial stage. I can't accept it because i have a feeling if guilt , i wasn't able to help dad , I am a nurse ! he needs me in that time , but even a water i wasn't able to give him . No one has helped dad. In my mind if only i am around , dad might not die because i will give him first aid and his medicines. I am dads favorite. Thanks God i have moved on , our family have move on . Dad id at peace and happy now like your mom too ! No one can ever replace them in our hearts .
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
18 Apr 13
Hello Angelpink! Very sorry that you lost your dad. :( That is sad. It seems your dad really tried and help as much as he could so he sounds like a wonderful person. I am sorry you couldn't have been there to try and help your dad but I really hope you don't think about this all the time. There was nothing you could have done where you were and I'm sure if you knew this was going to take place then you would have been there in a heartbeat. Take care and wishing you well. Thank you so very much for answering. :)
Laurenlynn
@Laurenlynn (715)
• Canada
12 Apr 13
Hi Aussie Gal My Mother passed away 5 years ago April 18th I know what you are going through step by step. Everything you are feeling is normal my heart goes out to you and it sounds to me like you are still too young to of lost your mother. It hurts at any age to lose our mother's I suppose because they brought us in to this world and they took care of us we just think they will be around forever. You will always miss her for me I take comfort knowing she is in a better place with loved ones who have passed on, some days this helps other days I have my friend to talk to grieving is one of the worst emotions of life but knowing too that other people have gone through the same thing helps. Try to remember how would your mom want you to be? She probably would not want to see you sad, or missing her, as hard as it is she would want you to keep going and be strong. I am not sure if you read the Bible but I really do find comfort in this I hope I have helped you some please take care and may God give you strength and comfort to continue. God bless you dear.
AussieGal13
@AussieGal13 (377)
• Australia
18 Apr 13
Hello Laurenlynn! I am very sorry for the loss of your mum. I'm glad you have some positive thoughts to think when you are down and you have your friend there to help you out. I do think how my mum would feel if she knew I feel sad a lot about her not being here. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Thank you so very much for answering. :)