when to hit a child

Philippines
April 13, 2013 3:12am CST
i have a 4-year old nephew at home and i admit i hit him sometimes on the legs but never in the face or body, sometimes in the hands. my hits are just enough to stop what he's doing bad and start listening to me. my mom even tells me to hit him when he's really going overboard. i know a lot of people would say you should never hit a child because they don't know what they're doing, because they are just kids after all. but sometimes you have to assert authority over them. it's a good thing that they should be afraid of someone or something.
2 people like this
31 responses
@honor00 (186)
13 Apr 13
I don't agree with hitting, child or adult. It's especially bad if you're not the parent; talk about mixed messages! Why don't we hit adults? Cos they can hit back! Why do some men hit their wives? Bullying and control. Why don't we hit dogs? Dogs bite. But we hit kids. I don't agree with the being afraid bit either. Frighten children? I agree children are learning and we have a teaching duty, but actually what's being taught is 'I'm bigger and stronger than you, obey me or I'll hit you'; great lesson. Use a disapproving tone of voice, use time out, use I'll speak to you when you're calmer - and follow through.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Apr 13
as much as possible, i don't want to hit him. i love him. but there are times when i have to resort to hitting him because he doesn't stop what he's doing wrong though i have told him in a calmer and peaceful way.
@riempie9 (1026)
• South Africa
13 Apr 13
You should never hit a child. You work out what the problem is and help to resolve it. You are bigger than the child, right? And probably stronger too. Why would you pit yourself against a youngster? Hitting is born out of frustration. What can a child do to you that is so bad? Make your voice stern, and say no. Speak to the child. And don't embarrass the kid.
1 person likes this
@riempie9 (1026)
• South Africa
13 Apr 13
Don't you see what you are doing? I would not allow my brother or sister to lift his or her hand to my kids. Find a way to communicate. I can see that you mean well but it is just NO to raising your hand to solve a problem. You are also teaching the child that if he hits his siblings around the legs it is okay. It i not all right. You should stop it pronto. If my uncle or aunt were to hit me I would take it very personally and maybe not even go there again. Just find another way to communicate. That of course takes longer and why some people just take the easy way out and hit the kid.
• United States
13 Apr 13
A child should never be "afraid" of someone they love and trust. It is damaging to them in a variety of ways. You should treat a child, as an extension of "you" as an adult. You should set an example for him/her, and teach them that hitting is not appropriate behavior. After all, the last thing you would want, I am sure, is for that child or any child, to grow up hitting their spouse, mate, parent, or child of their own, because they too, went "overboard." There are many, less damaging and more positive ways, to discipline a child. Once they realize that you, as their trusted family member, only have their best interest at heart, they will normally do anything to please you. Hitting just represents "hurt" and why would anyone want to hurt a child?
• Philippines
14 Apr 13
well i don't really think the child is afraid of me or hates me. in fact, we're really close. whenever i hit him, it's for a reason and i tell him what he did wrong that i hit him.
• United States
14 Apr 13
Well, you actually said that "it is a good thing that a child be afraid of someone or something." I am really glad that you two are close, and children love unconditionally. I know that you would want to always be there for your nephew, but please keep in mind that this behavior could be considered as being criminal, especially these days. One last thought for you. Your nephew loves you and would never, ever hurt "you."
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
i'll take what you said. i see nothing wrong with that. i love my nephew. if ever i would hit him, it's because i just want him to be good.
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
As they have said hitting should not be used to solve anything and should never hit the child its considered certainly child abuse.But as for my point of view, you can hit your own child or nephews/nieces on the hand or bottom with an open hand as long as it doesn't leave any physical marks as you have said " you have to assert authority over them". If ever my nephews/nieces would do anything bad that they wont even listening to you then that's the time I would hit for them to feel afraid not to do it again...
• Kenya
13 Apr 13
Our parents used to beat us God knows how we survived. In our culture a child is disciplined that way; in fact there is a saying, 'spare the rod and spoil the child'. I have children and when they make mistakes i pinch them and explain the reason why i did it. In our environment its allowed as long as its not abused or hurts the child. I also think, talking too much trying to correct a mistake, the child will take the parent for granted. so reasonable hitting will alert the child on the expected discipline and respect of the parent.
• Philippines
14 Apr 13
i agree with hushgal. hitting is different from beating. what i do is hitting.
@caopaopao (1044)
• China
13 Apr 13
Maybe some boys are naughty, I know some parents hit their son whey they go to far. In my opinion, parents had better reduce the times of hitting the children even they are naughty, they had better bring out the facts and reasons. I have a daughty, she is lovely and never does something undue, sometimes she will make mistakes, but when I tell her what she should do or what she shouldn't do, she will correct it. So I never hit her, now she is 8 years old and she is a sensible girl, I like that .
@caopaopao (1044)
• China
13 Apr 13
I have a daughter
• Philippines
14 Apr 13
well you're lucky with having such an obedient daughter. but trust me, whenever i hit him, it's not really the hit that i would give an older person. it's just enough to stop him from what he's doing wrong.
@jenny1015 (13391)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
I really try not to hit my kids when they are getting to be mischievous. But if they are doing too much and would not listen even after two warnings, I do give them a one hit on their butt for them to realize that enough is enough.
@riempie9 (1026)
• South Africa
13 Apr 13
Brave Jenny, a little patience goes a long way; that is why some parents do not really want to do it. A wallop on the bum is a quick fix, but it is not good for the child. It serves no one, especially not the kid. And it is reportable.
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
i have the same case as jenny. but riempie9, i think with jenny's case, she exercised good patience. i don't think a hit on the butt would really hurt that much. it's enough to call the children's attention to stop what he's doing wrong.
@lady1993 (16213)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
yeah, that is what i am about to say too- never hit a child.. especially not to the point where he or she would be hurt.. since it is better that a child will listen to you out of respect and love but not out of fear. There's a tendency for them to be rebellious in the future.
• Philippines
19 Apr 13
well, i'm aware of your concerns. i don't really want to scare my nephew but for him to respect and listen to me.
@marguicha (83870)
• Chile
17 Apr 13
I have spanked my two daughters when they were little and only once I spanked my granddaughter. But I don`t think that I would feel I have the right to spank a niece or a nephew. But then, I have never had one of them living at my house.
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
my sister with her family at our house. sometimes i get to watch over the child.
• India
17 Apr 13
I have 2 sons, i too hit them if they are doing unwanted things and giving trouble to us based on their unwanted activity. Most of the time i control my anger, as i don't want to beat them, some times i beat them due to extreme anger, but we must avoid this kind of anger, as we know they are kids and don't know what is good and what is bad, so we must avoid our anger and guide them ina kind way. Convey my regards to your nephew
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
i'm scared of what you might do if you have reached your boiling point. please try to control it because it's not only dangerous for you but also for the kids.
@Paper_Doll (2376)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
I don't have kids yet but I had experience having a kid at home because my husband's nephew is just a few walks away from our home. The kid is 3 years old now and is very demanding. He would hit you, spit on you, or throw your things like cellphone or even hit your television, if he does not get what he wants. Well, my husband is such a spoiler and wouldn't really correct the child. He would just say no baby don't do that then will give what the kid wants. I have never hit the child since he isn't my child and I do not know what my sister in law would feel if I do that. What I did is I put a distance with this child and I have to make sure he knows that I do not like what he is doing or the way he behaves. Everytime he will fake his cries to get what he wants, I just look at him straight then he would stop. If we are on the table and eating and he doesn't want to finish his food instead wants to have dessert already, I would tell him ONCE to finish his food first. Usually he won't listen and would star to cry. But lately, he knew already that I won't give in so when I told him to finish his food first, he left the table in instant. I was kind of disappointed to see a child behave that way. I didn't give him a look and continued with eating. He has to learn that leaving that leaving the table like that and not finishing your food is not good, and you can't use that method to get what he wants. After I am done eating, I set aside all the left over food including the food and cleaned the table. I know he is looking at me and wanted to have dessert but I tried not to look at him. After that incident, whenever I told him to finish his food first before asking for dessert or sweets, he would try his best to finish it first. I think that at his age, he should learn already that there are things that you can't do or have. Unlike before that they can have all what they want.
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
well, my nephew has never gone that far with spitting and throwing things. my dad seems to spoil him and he cries and cries. i admire the way you disciplined your nephew without resorting to hitting him.
@lifes97 (885)
• United Arab Emirates
16 Apr 13
it is not easy to decide it but it happen by it self, i mean it is on the situation and the choid reaction or if boy or girl are age old or no, so you need to see if this children do the mistakes all again. or so.
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
well, it's not like you just hit a child. of course it's for a valid reason.
@ShyBear88 (16919)
• United States
15 Apr 13
I don't like hitting or spanking its almost never done in my house. A tap is the last of all other ate ps. First me or my husband will tell our daughter to stop or no if she doesn't listen then 2 more warnings then a time out. If timeout fails then we go to a tap which my daughter hates, she is starting to not like it when you count to her because she knows she is in trouble when we reach three which them means time out. Time out always seems to work so we don't really have to go past that.
• Philippines
16 Apr 13
i think it's good that it works for you. i have also tried that way of disciplining but it never worked.
@gljcleeve (147)
15 Apr 13
I've read a few of the replies here and, as usual with this topic, there are a large number of people telling you how wrong it is to hit a child and that you should reason with them. This is very much the modern way of doing things. But has anyone seriously looked at the way the young act these days? When I grew up, if I did things wrong I got a slapping from my father or mother for it and I thought twice next time. If I was doing something wrong around the village, somebody else slapped me, told my parents and I got another when I got home. As a result, I learnt to respect my elders and to behave myself. It's now largely against the law to do this and the kids know it and act as if they are above the law (which it seems they are.) It would be interesting if someone was to do a proper survey as to the relationship between the decline in spanking and the rise in junenile street crime. You should never beat anyone up and cause actual harm, but a well placed, correctly timed slap often works wonders. But be very, very careful with a 4 year old.
• Philippines
16 Apr 13
don't worry. it's not like i'm gonna beat up my nephew. i'm glad we're on the same side of the fence.
@dismalgrin (2470)
• United States
14 Apr 13
It is never okay to hit a child to show them who is boss or to make them afraid of you. If that is the reason to be hitting a child then the child should not ever be around the person doing the hitting. some people choose this form of punishment to show the child that when you do something wrong, something wrong, then something bad will happen from it. In this case a controled person can administer this type of correction. My father was not very controled and went too far all the time. Because of that I would be afraid that I would be to easy to do the same. So, I don't go there.
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
point taken. don't worry i won't go that far. i actually don't want the child to be afraid of me.
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
14 Apr 13
My father spanked me. At the time, of course I didn't like it. But in retrospect, I deserved nearly every one of those spankings, and when I've seen how undisciplined kids turned out, I see that I am a better person today because of what my father did.
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
well you're one person who proves that hitting a child is not really bad. it can really work for the better.
14 Apr 13
Yeah,u r right,we shoud do something when they are naughty.
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
and that's my way of teaching him he should behave.
• India
14 Apr 13
My nephew is twelve and a half years old and I don't remember hitting him ever. My sister would often say that she had to hit him because he wasn't listening to her or because he misbehaved with her etc, etc... I would always preach my sister not to hit him for any given reason, but to talk to him and explain him his mistake and ask him not to repeat it. I would handle him without any problem. He never disrespected me and would always listen to whatever I would say. I had a firm belief in what I preached until three years back. I began giving tuition three years back. My very first student was a stubborn girl of ten years. She would just not listen to what I would tell her. Would never complete her assignments. Would always back answer me. It was after 4 months of tuition that I first gave her a tight slap because she was just going beyond limits. I felt really guilty that day thinking I failed in practicing what I used to preach my sister. But honestly speaking, I realized that sometimes it becomes extremely important to make the children understand that they are expected to behave in a certain manner and sometimes giving a tight slap becomes a necessity. But it shouldn't be put in a daily practice, otherwise children will not fear that and will become aggressive.
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
well,i agree with your points. i believe i'm really patient with my nephew. as much as possible, i don't want to hit him. it's just that sometimes they don't listen.
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
14 Apr 13
When I was still a kid, I cannot count how many times I got beaten with my parents. I think it helped in some ways because I was being disciplined but as I looked back the scars on my leg , I asked them for their cruelty with me before.
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
my hits with my nephew never produced wounds. i think what you experienced in beating. that's different from hitting.
14 Apr 13
i have a 7-year old nephew at home. my hits are just enough to stop him from what he doing wrong things and don't listen to mom !! and i don't even like to hit .. but have to do for him to come right path.
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
that's also what i do. i hit him but i control the power of my hits.