You should have dinner with your ex, he said...

@dawnald (84129)
Shingle Springs, California
April 19, 2013 12:57pm CST
I will never stop being surprised by what people say and do! Tony doesn't like the ex, I've mentioned that before. The ex went off on me in front of him while I was moving, and it's like he lost his one and only chance. Since then, I've been discouraging the ex from doing things around my place, as it annoys Tony. I guess because it's Tony's job, and because he figures the ex is making excuses to be around me. Last night I had a long phone conversation with the ex, mostly about the kids, but also about the retirement accounts that are in litigation. I made sure he was very clear that he had to sign and mail a form immediately. When I got off the call, Tony said "if you're going to talk that long, you should just have dinner with him to catch up on what's going on with the kids". And I said, "I would have thought you would have a problem with something like that." He says, "no, not as long as it's about the children and not really socializing or whatever." Well, OK. Now I just have to figure out how I feel about the idea...
10 people like this
41 responses
@cynthiann (18572)
• Jamaica
19 Apr 13
You don't need to have dinner with the ex to talk about the children do you? I think thta Tony realises that R will always be part of yur life whilst the children live at home and he is recognising that fact or e;lse he was being ironic? I don't know. I am reeling from morning about what happened to me. I was taken by surprise too by what someone said. I'm not in a good place
4 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
Just because he said it doesn't mean I"m going out to have dinner with R every week, but a few times a year might make sense, especially if rusty was right, and tony just doesn't want to hear the conversations. What happened to you?
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18572)
• Jamaica
19 Apr 13
Rusty could be right. Hadn't thought of that. will pm you as I don't think that I can put it on mylot. But am going out tonight with the Unruly Women so that shold help me to cheer up.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
Or e-mail me... Get unruly!
@cupkitties (6696)
• United States
19 Apr 13
Hmm... He either trusts you or its a trap. You know? Like how one person in the couple might say "Oh I don't mind if you..." so the other person does whatever thinking its okay and then they other person ends up pi$$ed ff even though they said it wouldn't bother them.....?
3 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
19 Apr 13
My husband did that to me one time in the past. It was when I wanted to go somewhere with my sister. He said I don't care if you go. Then an hour later he was calling chewing me out for being out too long! What? We went to get breakfast and then my sister got her nails done and I went with her to keep her company. He said he didn't mind if I went so I did. Then he got mad with how long I was out...
2 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
you know, that's just the sort of manipulative thing my ex would have done, but Tony's a straight shooter, and I don't think it's a trap...
1 person likes this
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
27 Apr 13
lovemybabies that sounds like my husband. Yesterday was his day off and it happened to be a school day and our daughter was in school. I was helping my sister run errands because she doesn't have a car. I drove a short distance to where she lives and at the time when she gets out of school he calls me and say r u going to pick her up?? I told him no. How can I when I'm thirty min away? He KNOWS to pick her up. He does it all the time when he's not working because he hardly gets to see her. Now things are super crazy with us.
@Shellyann36 (7993)
• United States
19 Apr 13
I just can't stand my ex and I think the only way I could put up with him (if I had to) would be on the phone. We did recently see each other for 2 days when we both attended my 19 year old son's graduation from Army Basic Training. We were socialable and talked about the kids but nothing else. It ended up good but I was glad when it was over. Even if Tony is giving you the ok I think I would just keep it strictly over the phone. If there is a possiblity that the ex is hanging on to you for some reason dinner might give him the wrong idea. Just my thoughts.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
i can tolerate him, and sometimes even like him sort of...
• United States
20 Apr 13
LOL I still say that a phone relationship is best!
• United States
19 Apr 13
No one bad mouths you in Tony's presence! That is wonderful! Suggestion, make that dinner a coffee. You will do more talking and there will be no way anyone can misunderstand your meeting!
3 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
yeah, that could work...
2 people like this
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
19 Apr 13
wow. my husband would be total opposite there lol. I have an ex husband who I will just say is a real piece of work. I couldn't imagine going to dinner with him, lol. I don't even want to see his face. people send me messages from him and it just makes me mad. I feel like he made his decisions in life and chose to take my children and I out of his life. I was always the type to say I would NEVER stop the kids' dad from seeing them but he has done so many things and even ended up in prison from a certain situation that I feel if I allow my kids in his life they are going to think its ok to be like him and it is not. I wish we could have that friendship or at least be able to communicate and the kids be in his life but its not possible until he makes some real big changes. my kids deserve better. and when I did try to let them be around him in the beginning he wasn't even worried about spending time with them he would just make comments to me about how good I looked or some other comments trying to hit on me. just made me sick lol. it can be really tough to have kids with someone your no longer with and try to make things work.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
I had to get away from my ex for a while, couldn't stand being in the same room with him and hearing the sound of his breathing, you know? But we're on pretty decent terms now, and the main reason I'm keeping my distance is out of respect for Tony.
1 person likes this
@Ixodoi (445)
• Israel
20 Apr 13
This is very good since he obviously doesn't trust the ex, so that means he has a complete trust in you.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 13
I think so...
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (88785)
• Marion, Kansas
22 Apr 13
I am glad that at least some people can see what your discussion is about. Ixodoi, you are right, it is about trust.
1 person likes this
@Ixodoi (445)
• Israel
23 Apr 13
@GardenGerty - I think everyone understand it. It just that some people are trying to get their attention by writing hurtful comments on purpose (i.e trolling)
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (16797)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
19 Apr 13
Like talking with yuor mouth full, it's probably not a good idea...
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (16797)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
19 Apr 13
Your... your mouth...
2 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
(at the sentiment, not the typo)
1 person likes this
@much2say (33515)
• United States
19 Apr 13
If Tony is truly cool with it (and from your comments it sounds like Tony is), then yah, I'm all for meeting up with "the ex" in person. I focus on the conversation better when it's in person - and I need to see the reaction of the other person so I know I was heard - but that's me. And if it's about something important that the ex needs to sign and return asap, I want to make sure I pound it in (I would better at that, again, in person). Sounds like Tony is trusting that it would be "business" and not some romantic date.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
"romantic date"?
1 person likes this
@much2say (33515)
• United States
19 Apr 13
Sorry if I grossed you out!
• United States
19 Apr 13
Dinner with the ex... Would you really want to suffer through such a thing? Maybe, a coffee shop and go armed with notes on everything you need to address? It may be more expedient than the telephone.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
ice cream
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
19 Apr 13
Judging by your previous discussions about Tony, I reckon he's totally sound my friend, and it's a welcome sign from him that he trusts you! I don't think many men would be happy, but Tony knows the score and he knows you, so should take it as a green light.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
yeah, one that I might not want to go through lol
@Hatley (154719)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Apr 13
hi dawn well thats really sweet of tony but ultimately it all comes down to what you really want to do. Really this is something you should give some thought to as now you have got unbhitched you do not want to go back to him.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
go back? bite your tongue!
@katsmeow1213 (28707)
• United States
19 Apr 13
Interesting.. guess he's starting to trust the situation.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
I think so.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
20 Apr 13
You could ask your ex to write to you, a typed letter that will explain the retirement accounts or go to a lawyer and have him take care of it all. You could also write to your ex requesting the information rather then a phone call. You could also meet with him along with Tony some place public, and do the business there. You have to give Tony the idea that you and your ex are not doing any hanky panky.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 13
I do write, via e-mail, and I call if it's more urgent. Tony wouldn't want to come with us, and I'm not in a big hurry to rush off and have a "business meeting" with him anyway.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
21 Apr 13
Best to just correspond by mail. It would not look right if you have a 'business meeting' with your ex. Is he trying to win you back?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 13
I have no idea, but this wasn't his idea anyway, it was my boyfriend's. And I'm not rushing out to do it, but maybe I might in future if I have something major to discuss with him.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
22 Apr 13
I think Tony is wonderful, not many men would make a suggestion like that. and I agree, though I wonder, would R be able to keep the topic on the children only? Perhaps you need a back up system, you know like Tony (or someone who is a little intimidating) on speed dial in case your ex decides to make it more than it is..
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 13
I'm not exactly rushing out to make a date....
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Apr 13
I am sure you are not in a rush...lol You know, another option would instead of a dinner, because that seems too intimate, what about just a coffee and write down everything you need to say, make the atmosphere more like a business meeting, because that is what it is, business about the children and finances..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 13
ice cream or pie :)
1 person likes this
@mariaperalta (19097)
• Mexico
19 Apr 13
I can understand you need to have a somewhat relationship with the kids. but, I also can see Tonys point as well. Hope all works out for you guys there.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 13
a somewhat relationship?
• Mexico
20 Apr 13
As in talking only.... like me and mine. And do it over the phone. Ha ha ha
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 13
Oh, you mean with the ex about the kids...
@alberello (4756)
• Italy
19 Apr 13
Well, if I understand correctly, you and Tony, are separated. The most important thing is that there are children (that would be your sons). Maybe Tony meant that all you can not clarify with a long phone call. To better assess the situation and decide how to act accordingly, should you and Tony, met somewhere and discuss face to face on things to do. Usually the phone is said to only the essentials and nothing more. At least I see it personally in this way. Maybe I'm wrong?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 13
Nope, Tony is my boyfriend. I have 3 children, 2 girls and a boy, with my ex husband.
@alberello (4756)
• Italy
19 Apr 13
Ah, i see. As usual, I misunderstood. Damn my poor English! I think that at least you can understand me!
@cynthiann (18572)
• Jamaica
19 Apr 13
Your English is very good and will improve as you practice more
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
22 Apr 13
Perhaps coffee or tea instead? Or heck whilst grocery shopping?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 13
I vote for ice cream!
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
22 Apr 13
sounds good to me!
• United States
23 Apr 13
CHOCOLATE!!!
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
21 Apr 13
Why dinner? What's wrong with the phone? Or just meeting in a public place over a coffee? I feel that actually having dinner in order to have these sort of discussions is a bit much when a simple coffee shop over tea or coffee would do if anything. Tony sounds very reasonable and patient. I still think dinner at this point, regardless of what discussions need to take place, is just too much. Not a good idea. Keep it way more simple. After all he may be the father of your children but he is your ex. Best to you and your family.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 13
Ice cream, I could do ice cream... :)
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
21 Apr 13
There you go! What a great idea. Why didn't I think of that :D Best to you.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 13
:d
@allknowing (54665)
• India
20 Apr 13
These sort of things are quite common. One needs to meet when things need to be sorted out. Why should a dinner be associated with socialising? I could call it a 'business' dinner. Probably you could collect that form that your ex needs to sign, personally. You are not missing your ex. Are you?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 13
I don't miss him romantically, but I sometimes miss him as a friend.
@allknowing (54665)
• India
20 Apr 13
What's that? How far is romance from friendship dawnald. And what if your ex is romantically inclined?
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 13
That will bother me, and I won't do meet ups with him any more
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
20 Apr 13
I have gone out to lunch with my ex a few times when it had something to do with the kids. Tony may think that your ex has other motives but it clearly shows that he trusts you and that is so important. I think it is sweet. It is also good for you and your ex to have that sort of relationship for the sake of the kids. I don't see a problem with it. My ex wanted to get back together even knowing that the odds in that were zero. I found it was more comfortable to meet for coffee or lunch as opposed dinner. Oh and then we had sporting events out of town with the kids and it only made sense to ride together ...eat together etc. It was not anything romantic or anything.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 13
ice cream... :)
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
21 Apr 13
Perfect!!