if you see a 13 yr old girl kissing an guy in his 30s, would you tell the dad?

@dagami (1162)
Rome, Italy
April 20, 2013 6:11am CST
mu hubby painted the gate of my landlord's house last sunday. my landlord and his wife were there when he arrived but they left after an hour. when it was his time to go, my husband went to the other side of the house to store the painting tools and he saw my landlord's daughter kissing a guy who looks in his 30s. they didn't see him. according to my hubby, this guy seemed to be a tutor because there were books and other school stuff on the table beside near them. hubby and i gew up in conservative asia so we don't think this is normal. i don't know if the man is her BF but... 13 yr old girl for a man in his 30s? i think this is taking advantage, to say the least! should i tell my landlord about this? would it be meddling if i do? hubby thinks that i should mind my own business...
3 people like this
30 responses
• United States
20 Apr 13
A thirteen year old is still a child. What this man is doing is illegal. Tell the father what you saw. By doing so you may be saving this girl from much more than just kissing. If you had a thirteen year old daughter wouldn't you want someone to tell you?
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
if i had a 13 yr old daughter, i wouldn't leave her alone with a man. in my days, 13 yr olds were not into relationships. nowadays, this seems normal. i am really confused that is i value the responses that are being given here in mylot.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
erratum... that is why i value
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Apr 13
I agree, my daughter would not be left alone with a man. But you know what? That is not a relationship. It would not be accecptable in society. That's just a grown man taking advantage of a thirteen year old child. I know some girls think they are all grown up at thirteen but they are not. They have a long way to go. and it's the parents job to protect them from things like this. Tell the father so he can protect his child from this preditor.
2 people like this
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
20 Apr 13
Talk to the dad........Why did you not call the police to report what you say...........
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@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
a police report would be out of the question. there's no law against kissing. however, if my husband said they were more than kissing, wi would have told the parents at once. and i know my husband would have intervened.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Apr 13
I know that here it is against the law for a grown man to be kissing a child... that is called child molesting. They may have been only kissing at that time but what might they have already been doing in private. Tell the father or someone, don't let this continue.
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@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
20 Apr 13
I find it better to stay out of other people's lives and mind my own business most of the time. I seem to have fewer problems in life when I do this. While I don't agree with the actions taking place here, I would probably keep my mouth shut and not say anything. The only way I would say anything is if I knew I could trust the parents not to tell anyone that it was me who told them about what was going on. I would want my name left out of it completely...
2 people like this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
i usually don't mind other people's business too. i go on with my daily routine and i try to avoid getting involved in sticky situations. however, i have known of crimes averted because someone took the effort of warning the would-be victims. this is what bothers me... i'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of my future action on this matter.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Apr 13
I guess you should probably tell them, but if they are leaving their 13 yr old daughter alone with a male tutor, their may be other issues that need to be dealt with...issues like child neglect
2 people like this
• Serbia
20 Apr 13
My thought patterns are differend that the majority, differend than the norm. But id say do not get involved. I can not bring you nothing but trouble, to get involved. UNLESS it was not consentual. In that case yes get involved. I thought about it for a second... Personally i draw the line at 12years old, if she was younger, id tell you to do get involved. And the only reason my line is so low, is because of how i see society. It's like, i dont make the rules. So stay out of it. Good fences make good neighbours... :)
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@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
i was also thinking along this line. i mean, i've heard of girls going to bed with their bf at the age of 13 so what is the difference there? i'm 48 and during my time, girls at 13 were not into relationships. am i too old and conservative, maybe?
• Serbia
20 Apr 13
hehe oh believe it or not i understand. I am 23 and during my time (13) girls were not into relationships. Maybe a kiss if you're lucky, no tongue. hahaha you know...
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
I think the parents should know. The girl is a minor and if the guy is a tutor then he is breaking their trust. It is not right to just let things pass because what happened is something parents do not want to happen to their children. Yes, please tell the parents of the girl.
2 people like this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
yes, the man is breaking the trust of the girl's family. i'm afraid that i would also break my husband's trust if i tell my landlord about this. he was the one who saw them so they will definitely ask him about it.
• United States
20 Apr 13
No,that age difference is illegal. I would tell. No questions asked.
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@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
i don't think they have gone further than than kissing, at least this is what my husband saw. had they gone further, this would be against the law - statutory rape. i would really tell, if this was the case...
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15643)
• Puerto Rico
20 Apr 13
Well the way I see it if this was my thirteen old daughter and someone saw this type of behavior happening behind my back I would want them to tell me. I'm sure the parents are not aware of this. If she is only thirteen years old I can't imagine leaving her with a tutor or anyone for that matter especially a male figure. I would have to tell the parents and right away. He is no good if he is kissing this child and he is in his 30's.
2 people like this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
she doesn't look like a child. she is taller than me and she sometimes wears make up (just normal for teenagers here). what if she had been kissing a teenage boy? would you think this is normal? this is one thing that bothers me. i don't want to judge the guy, i don't know his intentions. i don't want to put him in a bad light just because he's older than her.
1 person likes this
@Angelpink (4022)
• Philippines
20 Apr 13
Hi ! I will really tell the dad about it ! The world is so dirty nowadays , we need to be cautious , we need to anticipate things and we need to prevent horrible things to happen. We really don't know what is going on the mind of that 30 when being kissed by 13 years . This gesture must be stop because temptation is around and it is better to be safe always though might be the man have pure intentions of his heart , that the kissing was nothing but a goodbye kiss. It maybe a kiss out of respect but safe first of the child must be adopted.
2 people like this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
the fact that he may have pure intentions is what stops me from talking to the parents. how do i judge this if i do not know him? this is a hard decision for me to make. i can't say that it was a kiss out of respect. a kiss on the lips would mean something else.
1 person likes this
20 Apr 13
She's a minor. He's an adult. It's illegal. Yes, you should tell the parents... and probably the police, too.
1 person likes this
20 Apr 13
(OK, so it's not illegal to kiss... but you know what I mean.)
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@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
what if they have a normal relationship? i mean, what if they really like each other? it's like persecuting the guy just because he's older. had she been kissing a boy her age we would have thought differently... what do you think?
• India
20 Apr 13
This relationship cannot be called ''Normal'' even if the girl thinks its normal.The child involved in this case is likely to have medical and psychological effects which can be very damaging.
1 person likes this
@Zer0Stats (1316)
• India
20 Apr 13
What kind of parents are they leaving their young girl alone with a strange man? Yes you should tell them what he is tutoring their daughter when they are not home.
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@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
i live in a relatively peaceful community where almost everyone knows their neighbors. maybe the parents left for groceries, it's just a few minutes away, i don't know... maybe they trus the guy and they consider him safe enough to leave him alone with their daughter. how do you suggest i go about telling them? i mean, i don't even know how to open the subject...
@Zer0Stats (1316)
• India
21 Apr 13
Just tell what you saw that day.Tell them you saw their daughter kissing that guy when they were not home.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
it wasn't even me who saw this. it was my husband and if i tell them, they will ask him and he doesn't want to get involved.
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
Omigosh! There really is a thing such as corruption of minors! I'd definitely tell her parents to look after the welfare of their daughter. This is a serious and sensitive matter so I guess you have to find a way to convey your main reason why you have to tell her parents what your husband witnessed in a way that won't cause alarm. This better be tackled privately so if they don't believe you, they can opt to discover it for themselves. And this tutor or whoever he is has no business of exploiting the young innocent age of this child and he has no business being in his profession. Parents should really be vigilant especially these days that no matter how educated we all are, there are still people who can't help to do things that are improper and ruins the welfare of others.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
yes, i agree that this is really a sensitive matter. should i decide to finally tell them, i wouldn't even know how to start about it. my husband would be very mad at me too. unfortunately, most of the time, the values lacking in this man cannot be learned in school. it should have been the parents and his family who should have taught him these.
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
you could come up with an idea from all the comments posted here. but if i'd be in your shoes, i'd start by asking how long have they known this person, his reputation and so on. from there they'll get an idea where you want to lead your conversations to. they must have known and trusted him much for them to be able to leave their daughter alone with this fiend!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Apr 13
wow this is a really hard thing to decide what is the right thing to do it. i saw in a few other posts where you mentioned talking to the daughter since you take her to school everyday. i know you say your not that close but i think that is the best choice is for you to talk to her first. maybe you can get the full story before confronting her dad. may i ask why your husband is forbiding you to get involved?
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@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
my husband says it's not our business. he said that he saw that the girl wasn't forced so it means she likes him too. he also told me that it's the parents' fault that they left their daughter alone with him. i will really have to think hard before i make a move.
• United States
21 Apr 13
i can understand where he is coming from about her not being forced or anything and i can also see what he means by it being the parents fault but at the same time the parents cant stop something they know nothing about. yes you will have to think long and hard about what to do because i know you really want to help this girl but at the same time you need to worry about you and your husbands relationship. you dont want things to go wrong and him be mad at you because you didnt listen that is asking for more arguements and things like that. just try and follow your heart and do what you think is right. a 13 year old cant really make the right decisions like they should be able to and even if she likes him and it is consentual it doesnt change the fact that she is a minor and really doesnt know what she is doing to herself. its a lot to think about but i can almost bet that you will make the right choice with this :)
1 person likes this
@honor00 (186)
20 Apr 13
I think we're leaping to a negative conclusion here on no evidence aside from dagami's hearsay. I'm with hubby here; keep out unless you have stronger evidence of abuse.
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@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
20 Apr 13
yes, you also have a point. my hubby said she didn't look as if she was being forced. how do we draw the line between abuse and a normal relationship? if the guy was about her age, we would think this is normal. is it really bad that the man is years older than her?
@honor00 (186)
20 Apr 13
That's exactly what I mean, I kiss kids all the time and give them hugs and I'm a grandma, doesn't it depend? Oh yeh and I've been investigated. A friend who is a male cello teacher was accused of abuse because he opened his légs to demonstrate how a cello is held. OTT?
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
I think it is better you talk to the girl first and if she doesn't listen tell her that you're going to inform her parents about it. Well, it maybe sounds scaring the little girl- but at least you could have saved her from worst scenario.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
23 Apr 13
she might get defensive and tell tales to her parents. and for sure her parents will believe her. i don't want to risk getting ejected from the apartment.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
I can feel your concern towards the young girl, however, you are not in the position to meddle. If the young girl was a relative, then you have the right to inform her parents.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
22 Apr 13
yes, if she was my relative, it would be easier for us. my husband would have intervened at once! however, we are foreigners here in italy and establishing trust and confidence takes a long time.
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
22 Apr 13
Am 13 year old is a child in a woman's body. The parents need to be alerted about what you saw. Even if the man is a family member, the father needs to know what is happening while he is away. Ask your husband how he would feel if it were his daughter.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
22 Apr 13
he would be furious if she was our daughter. however, if we have a 13 yr old daughter, we would never leave her with a man alone.
@Paper_Doll (2375)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
Personally, if I were in your positiion I would tell the dad of the girl about what my husband saw. The thing is the girl is only 13 years old and the guy is taking advantage her because of her young age. I think that I can not just keep whatever I know and just wait for the situation to worsen. It is for the future of this young girl.
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
22 Apr 13
this is easier said than done. my landlord and i are friends but we don't talk about personal matters. privacy is very important. besides, i don't want my husband to get mad at me.
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
21 Apr 13
It depends greatly on the relationship of your husband to the land lord. And I mean very very very very important. If you don't have the relationship, if the land lord and your husband, do not have a close relationship, where there is mutual trust and respect... Then what could happen is the land lord could think he was spying on his girl. We both know that is not true, but that is what he might think. In this case, it's not your deal, stay out of it. Now on the other hand, if your husband does have a close relationship, and there is a level of trust, then I would extremely privately, one on one, no one else around, no one near by, no one to overhear, mention very cautiously that you don't know what the deal is, but as he was leaving, he saw this guys daughter kissing a man. It could be nothing, it could be something, you don't know, but there it is. But again, only if you have a level of trust. Only if there is a good relation there. Otherwise, I'd stay out of it.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
we're friends but we're not close and we don't talk about personal things. i also thought along these lines. they might not believe my husband. although i see no reason why they would ever doubt him, it is still a possibility.
@anil02 (3405)
• India
21 Apr 13
It is not good thing. A tutor is equal to father. A 13 yr old girl is innocent and unmature. It is time for study and making carrier. You must be stop then from doing so.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
yes, when the parents hired the tutor, they put their trust on him. he is there to do a specific job and not in kissing the girl. he has abused their trust and this is very wrong. however, since i am an outsider, it isn't easy to intervene.
@daDaize (215)
• Austria
21 Apr 13
Isn't that ILLEGAL? I mean a guy in his 30s kissing a girl who is only 13. I have no clue where you are from but if people find out about this in my country then police will come visit him and label the guy as a pedophile even if it was consensual. If you are too shy to open the subject with the landlord or even face him directly or you are afraid to lose face..then try sending the landlord a letter with NO NAME enclosed. Write what you saw, when you saw that happening, your concern, etc. This way you will let the landlord know without directly speaking to him
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
it's illegal in all countries. i have to talk with my husband again before i do anything. i don't want this to cause a rift between us. i don't want to betray his trust.