Do you feel guilty afterwards?

Philippines
April 21, 2013 1:29am CST
I admit that sometimes, I lose my temper when it comes to my son. I used to scold him, and even worst, I spanked him.However, afterwards, I feel guilty especially when he goes to me and say he loves me and kiss me. One more thing that really broke my heart is when he will tell his mom that he doesn't love me anymore. I know that he doesn't mean what he said for he was just 2 years old. However, for a parent like me, it means something. How about you mylotters, do you feel the same like mine? Enjoy the rest of the weekends!
5 people like this
19 responses
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
21 Apr 13
I have never really had to yell at my son. hes not perfect, but I choose to scold him in different ways is all. If I take something away from him like his bike, or xbox thats teaches him to behave himself.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Yes, we know that they are just a kid and they are not perfect. same with us, we are also not perfect that there are times we loose our patience and we trend to scold or worst like me, spanked him.
• Mexico
25 Apr 13
I feel so bad a few minutes after, if I hit my son. Luckily hes never done anything I thought he needed to be spanked for. Not yet anyway.
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
same here. Although I did not want to see him that I am sorry for what I did becuase this is a bad thing for them. This will show that you are not consistent with what you are. It gives a bad impression of you.
• United States
21 Apr 13
I feel the same way. Especially how my son approaches me after he has been disciplined. He always apologizes with his sad voice and I feel bad. When he does I calmly talk to him and let him know how his actions caused the discipline in the first place. I do this repeatedly so I know that he knows how his actions brought about the discipline. I feel like we are making some progress. He is still young so he has a long way to come!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Apr 13
This is the thing I also did. I talked to him that he should not act that way. I tried to explain to him what he did is bad. I know that he doesn't understand what I am saying but as much as I can, I try to explain to him. Also, I tried to keep my patience long enough to understand him.
@quieley (316)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
I do. To my sister, when she didn't listen to me. But I it's not wrong to scold a love one as long as they committed mistakes. It should be, children obey your parents, not parents obey your children. So it's the parents responsibility to discipline their children.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
Yes, you got a point, but I think disciplining the kids should be also done properly. In my case, I used to do it but when I see my son thru his eyes which like saying sorry to me, I really feel guilty and just give him a big hug. I know that he did not mean what he say he doesn't love me anymore but for a parent like me, I really feel hurt.
@lady1993 (21412)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
yes, i also get impatient and short tempered with my parents sometimes.. especially if they as me tons of questions when i am busy.. I sometimes shout at my mom since she shuts at me too- but i know she doesn't mean it..she's just as short tempered as i am. so i just keep silent and calm down.
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
I can relate to your situation. I also have this attitude that when there are many things that needs to be finished, I don't want someone to disturb me or else I will really show them that I was irritated by what they are doing.
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
i know it hurts when your child says a thing a like that but these are just fleeting moments and this will soon pass away from their minds. you know how children are, especially two yr olds. don't worry, he doesn't really men it. you have to continue doing what you think is right for your baby. we cannot always give in to the wants of our children because not all of them are right. it is our duty as adults to teach them right and wrong.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
I think you are right, as parent I am the one who knows what is really good or bad and I should be the one that will guide my son to he should be. Yes, he doesn't mean it because he cannot fully understand what are the meaning of those words. But it really makes you think twice when you are in that situation.
@airasheila (5458)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
a pleasant day asdomencil, with reference to your post, there are times, i do feel the same whenever i need to do some discipline to my niece and nephew but what i am doing at my end is that, i am trying my best not to feel the guilt. instead, i would take time to talk to them and explain in simple words why i did those for them to know it well. although at some point, i know they can't comprehend as their age are quite young but, i am trying my best for them to understand things.
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
just like here. when I started to feel guilty, I used to talk to my son and tell him that I was acting like that because he was naughty or does something wrong. After that I will give him a big hug and kisses.
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Kids will not understand you if you just yell and spank them. You must take your time to explain to them why you are angry and what they should do. Young as they are but they understand you better talking than yelling.
• Philippines
29 Apr 13
I agree with you. However, there are still times that I lose my patient ending up yelling and spanking. I know that it will help him to have fear of me but I know it gave a worse effect especially if you are not consistent with what you act. After that, I really feel guilty and ask hi to come over and talk to him and try to explain about what happened.
• India
21 Apr 13
do not feel guilty, it is human to ERR, take care of situations wisely.
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
I just feel guilty because for a young age I did those things to him. Although I am not showing to him that I feel that way since from what I read, you should act that way since it will give them an impression that you are not consistent to what you did and they will just act worst.
@Paper_Doll (2375)
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
I can't share much about this kind of experience because I do not have a kid yet. My only experience with a toddler is those that I had with my husband's nephew. He gets what he wants and everyone seems to spoil him. I admit that there really are times that I wanted to scold him, especially when he would throw temper and would throw everything in reach. There was also a time that he spit on my husband because he was not able to give him what the child wanted. But I tried not to hurt him since he isn't my child. I just give him a cold treatment to make him realize that there is something about him that I do not like. Oftentimes, the child would look at me but I won't look at him. If he calls me, I won't look either. I think that silent treatment would also works for children. I know it is hard to be a parent especially if your children is on their terrible two. They say it is the hardest stage so you would really need to be very patient with your child.
@neelia27 (896)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Racing a child requires a lot of patience now a days children is so acitive and hard headed so us parents should find a way to discipline them.. I also admit that I shouted a lot of times on my son and a few times I spanked him and I feel guilty also but we should let them know what is right and wrong I am not saying that spanking is good to discipline but there are situations that needs it and also we should also explain to our child why we do it and the reason behind it..
• United States
22 Apr 13
I can't imagine spanking a two year old. I would need the spanking if I were to do that. We are the adults. We should be able to control ourselves and not respond in anger to our babies. I was hit and kicked a lot as a child. My father was a wonderful man but being an abused child, himself, he corrected his kids the way he was corrected. Unfortunately, we carried the bruises from it. My earliest memory of my dad taking a belt to me was 4 years old. I grew up with a love/hate relationship with him. My father hit us because he didn't know a better way. He resorted to violence. He expected us to be little adults. We were children! This is how i can relate to your son. It may not be correct, but it feels this way to me when i read your post. Your son doesn't like to be hit. It hurts his feelings. This is why he says he doesn't love you. He wants to hurt you the only way he can-with his words. He doesn't mean it, but when he hurts he expresses his emotional pain that way. My memories of a 4 year old little girl had many of the same thoughts. I was powerless to a grown up who couldn't tolerate a child being a child. I made a decision that I would not hit my child because I knew what it was like being on the receiving end. I did hit her once when she wet her bed at 6 years old. I felt terrible. My daughter had no reason to be hit. I don't say spanked, I say hit...because that's what it is. I didn't want to ever turn into my father, so I made a decision then to never hit my daughter. I'm sure you do feel bad for hearing those words. I bet you even feel bad for getting angry and hitting him. I hope that your son will be your best friend when he grows up. I hope you have a lifetime of wonderful memories. I have some, but I also have a lot of not so good ones. Have a great week!
@arpazia (191)
• United States
22 Apr 13
I did. back in the day! He is 8 now and from time to time when I punish him he says "I hate you" or "I don't love you" I don't care, I don't need you to love me, I need to love you, and make sure you have all you need for life. Youre not doing your job unless they hate you, that's what my mom says
@ARIES1973 (9537)
• Legaspi, Philippines
22 Apr 13
Sometimes I feel like I have my own talk show and got 3 listeners at the house. My husband and my two children who are already teenagers. I complain about this and that. Sometimes I get so tired so I talk non stop. I know my children are the one that feel guilty because they can see who their mother work from the time she wake up until evening. They knew it. So when I am in bad mood because of something that they have done or left undone, they would come near me and tell me, you want me to massage you mom? That's all my anger will vanish. Then I will say Oh, maybe mom was just too tired. Please understand your mom. Then everything will be fine. I know that I am a very soft spoken and kind person. But just like anybody, there are times that I lose temper. Have a wonderful day!
@Kathy1981 (157)
• United States
22 Apr 13
I have three kids and it is very easy to lose your temper with children. They get a mind of their own and will not listen to you. I walk away from mine and go back when I calm down and have a talk with them. I always tell them that I love them but not what they do sometime.
22 Apr 13
yes, when I've done something out of emotions and later I realized I've done it so bad. They said when you feel bad after or guilty you've done it wrong
@cherigucchi (4935)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
I think all of us parents feel guilty about hurting our children. But sometimes we should also be firm in imposing discipline on them. It is also better that we do some explanations why we did what we did. I do also feel guilty at times especially when my children ask me to do something for them and I was not able to because I feel lazy doing so other than the old alibi of being busy most of the time.
@tinayu (214)
• China
22 Apr 13
hi,if i was a father, i would control my temper, i would not scold him even spank him.i think that a 2 years old child is sensitive .he loves you means he really loves you.vice versa.your feeling guilty afterwards can't repair anything.cos you have hurted your son's heart.so, don't scold or spank him, just encourage and help him.it's not difficult, isn't it?
@yanzalong (10161)
• Indonesia
22 Apr 13
Definitely. As human beings, we sometimes cannot control anger get mad at our kids ao easily. It is good if we soon feel fuilty about it and say sorry for having been angry.
@joizee (502)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Hi Asdomencil! I am a parent, too. My daughter's turning 3 this July ;) I feel guilty and regretful when I sometimes hurt or shout at my daughter whenever I try to discipline her. I sometimes say sorry, too. But my daughter knows if she made a mistake so she says sorry but often times repeat that wrong action because she thinks it's a joke. I am still trying to use reasoning and a little threatening so I wouldn't result to spanking and shouting. But can't help the shouting yet. It's effective especially when I get surprised on her actions and knew immediately it's wrong. Happy mylotting ;)