How should I comfort her?

Indonesia
April 22, 2013 9:47am CST
This is actually the problem of my good friend. she suddenly told me that she want to die and almost did a suicide. And of course I tried to stop her over the phone. Luckily I can stop her. So her boyfriend (or should I say her fiancee, since they have already enganged and planned to marry this July). Her fiancee ceased all the contacts with her because she told her fiancee that she has lost her virginity with her old boyfriend, they did it just once (she's a good girl and not a naughty girl who make love with many men, in my country virginity is still really valued and her fiancee is a very religious Christian). I feel sorry for her, she's very depressed and blame herself, and I can understand her feeling. In my own opinion, her fiancee is a very narrow minded person, since looks like to me that he valued virginity more than her as herself. It seems to me that he doesn't really love her since he can't accept her condition. Is it wrong for me to feel that? What I told her first is not to blame herself, it's not her fault and if he doesn't forgive her past sin, I think he doesn't deserve her at all. It's better to break up now than regret it later after they have married. She still very depressed. She told me she want to beg to her fiancee to come back to her. I don't agree with her at all, because I don't want she to regret it after married him (seems like even if there is no issue about this thing, her fiancee is just too narrow minded in my opinion, he doesn't deserve her). How is your opinion? What should I tell her?
2 responses
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
Maybe we should also check what the real issue of the boyfriend is. Is it the losing of the virginity or the issue on not telling him earlier on (assuming that it happened before she got together with this boyfriend), because the latter is a matter of trust issue on telling the truth. If this happened while she was already in a relationship with her boyfriend, this is another issue. But if it happened way before, and your friend intends to be honest about it before they got married, this is now a test of true love. If she loses him, it is fine, because at least she knows that this guy is not just narrow minded as you have said, but also unforgiving. If it becomes an issue now, I guess it will be an issue eventually if they still go on with their marriage. But if the guy (for example) comes back to state his maturity over the matter, she must know if it's really love that binds them together.
• Indonesia
23 Apr 13
This is happened way before they got together. My friend tell her boyfriend now before they will get married because she intend to be honest to him. But it seems that this man doesn't even accept her condition. This is why I feel he is so narrow minded and like you have said, is unforgiving, he's not mature and should know enough. Yeah if he truly loves her, he should embrace her all even with her past.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
you are doing something right for her. by being by her side and listening to her, she needs to release all the insecurities and negative energies in her. you are right when you mentioned about her ex-boyfriend. it is not a real man if he only sees her virginity as the ultimate measurement of his love for her. when one loves, s/he loves with all his/her heart and embrace the person including his/her past.
• Indonesia
22 Apr 13
You are right. I will be on her side and try to make her feel better.