How to control sibling rivalry?

@cgalavia (1405)
Philippines
April 24, 2013 11:11pm CST
Sibling rivalry is inevitable to occur in every household in any two child family, like from my own experience when I was a young child.I still remember when my brother and I used to argue in so many territorial things like what's mine,what's theirs,my space,my privacy,fighting for silly things like bathrooms and stuff. He hates me because we used to compared and he also jealous.Does this thing also happen in the siblings of your family?How to control this,What are the factors that contribute sibling rivalry? And what should the parents do to help their kids get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways.?Please Share
2 people like this
14 responses
@rsa101 (13806)
• Quezon City, Philippines
25 Apr 13
Oh I do not think you can control them at all. It happens in a competitive household where there are two or more siblings vying for attention from parents and competing for anything that is around the house.
1 person likes this
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
26 Apr 13
Hi Rsa, Well, I think sibling rivalry can be controlled.Maybe not to the full extent but at least you can minimize it.Parents should help their kids to get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways like promoting sibling harmony instead of sibling rivalry.Set the children to cooperate rather than to compete.Teach them to get attention from each other,let them play, share their belongings.Set family activities that are fun for everyone and make sure each child has enough time and space of their own.And of most of all.Parents should have a fair share of time and attention to each child.Thank you rsa for the participation.
@rsa101 (13806)
• Quezon City, Philippines
29 Apr 13
Well that is the ideal setting there. I grew up with a sister who when we were young were really rivals back then. We would fight and my parents cannot control us back then. But as time goes we out grew that rivalry and became the best of friends as we matured over time. There is this situation about my wife's siblings, they were harmonious when they were young and they seldom fight each other. But now that they are adults and grown ups the rivalry started when they have their own families.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
First and fore most, parents should never take sides. They should let their kids realize that each of them in a unique individual. There is no one better than the other.
1 person likes this
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Very precise jenny.Each child is unique and special in his own ways.Thanks for the participation.
• Canada
25 Apr 13
I grew up with siblings and it is basically something that is unavoidable. All forms of conflict occur naturally in humans so the sibling confrontations are something that happen no matter what. In my opinion the only really solution is not playing favourites and treating them as equals. If one is bullying the other over something then side with the bully victim and joke that they are better at something the other isn't. Then simply laugh and say "who cares! We are all good at different things and as siblings, you should be working together instead of arguing and fighting all the time." I doubt this will work as most children don't listen in the first place half the time, but this was the best suggestion and advice I could come up with.
1 person likes this
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Your point is right diony.Don't play favorites, We should Try not to compare the children to one another.For example,don't say things like,Your sister gets good grades in English,why can't you?Let each child be who they are and appreciate each differences.Parents should remember that since they are preparing their children for life,treating them equally might not be a good solution since life does not treat people fairly and equally.As they grow older they get more privileges and more responsibilities.Children wants to be treated individually, not equally.
@missjahn (4578)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
it is very normal to have rivalry in the house among siblings but it can be avoided as well. your parents have something to do about it. if one is jealous, they should explain to the kids why a needs this, that next time it is your turn b to have a thing like it. or yet, they should stop comparing the kids from their attributes. if they do, both of the kids must be appraised no matter what. if the people is comparing the siblings, this might implant something bad that made one child to be envious and be downcast. he/she might bring this habit until it will become his/her behavior as they grow up. children are sensitive being. they become what they become depends on how the elders teach, modeled, guide, and etc.to them. we should be careful because what the children saw in her/his surroundings, in him/her it is accurate and would believe it's true. so the parents must be a good guidance for them :)
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
30 Apr 13
Hi missjahn,I do really agree with your thoughts here.All are well explained.Thank's for the response.
@Angelpink (4022)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Hi ! Sibling rivalry is but so normal .There is rivalry because each child will try best to be on top over the other so they can get approval and more affection from the parents. Trouble and conflict arise only when the parents interfere and taking sides already. Sibling rivalry can be controlled if parents would always be impartial to the children , no displaying of special affection to one child and everyone must be in equal footing in parents eyes.
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
30 Apr 13
This is true angel.Siblings can be controlled it depends the parents on how they can put it into action.Thank's angel for the response.
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
I have two kids and they do tend to to get jealous when they think one is favored more than the other. So, what i do is treat them equally. When i think of buying gifts, it's always for two. When they're bad, i reprimand them in the same way. I think it's effectively lessened their rivalry but i made them feel like a team. So much so that now they have formed an alliance of some sort to assist each other achieve things and sometimes, even hide things from my detection, like when they are naughty.
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
30 Apr 13
Hi nett, I think kids are really just like that they always jealous and compete for them to get your attention and what you did of making them feel like a team is a good step.This help them to cooperate and help each other and to have bond also.Thank you for dropping by.
@Kmz059 (654)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Same thing happens to me, sinced we are a kids we always argue simple things. My brother is my mortal enemy But I loved him I think the parents should take both sides for them not to fell jealous, and always talk to the siblings about good manner, I think eating together and bonding can help.
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
26 Apr 13
Your right kms setting an activity that are fun for everyone will help a lot to each child to be more connected and if kids have a good experience together.It act as a buffer when they come into conflict.Its easier to work it out with someone you share warm memories with.Thanks for the participation.
@efeng186 (20)
• China
25 Apr 13
yes,the same things happened to us when we were childhood,my yonger brother,we often fought for some petty thing, when we were together,when our father or mother bought some cake or other fruits,and brought those to home,we would divide those cake or fruit immediately,but now,we have grown up,sometimes,when we think our childhood,feeling pretty good.if we could have gone back to the childhood,we would value it...
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
26 Apr 13
Yup,This is very normal in any household.Thank's efeng for the response
@Angel3yes (455)
• United States
25 Apr 13
I agree that sibling rilvary will definately happen within a family where there is more than one child but parents need to be concious not to cultivate it. My brother and I were so far apart in age that it wasnt an issue with toys and who has what when but my mom was always comparing us and it really made the rilvary occur. I always felt like she thought he was so much better than me, I never got thr praise even when he had done many things I tried not to do, I had never been arrested, finished college and done well but it was always that he was a better child than me.
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Hi Angel, As we know children should not be compared because each child are unique and different in his own way,Comparing siblings may also the basis for feelings of inferiority which encourage undesirable behavior.Children should praise for accomplishment in relation to herself and not in comparison to a sibling.As jenny's response in above discussion there is no one better than the other because every individuals has a varieties of attitudes,behavior,skills,talent.No one is alike.Every individual is unique.Thank's angel for the participation.
@cherigucchi (4795)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
As for my personal experience with my siblings, I did not have any problem with that at least on my end. But my other siblings had that issue with me. I guess, it's quite normal being the youngest in the brood of 10 considering that I was sickly way back hen, my parents' attention was always on me. I also see that in my children. I have actually three and when I buy stuff, i need to buy each of them one so to avoid jealousy. When one celebrates a birthday and we have to give someone a present, we also buy for the other two but we explain to them that the birthday girl, or boy should have more privilege and they should wait for their turn. Even then, no matter how I deal with it, there is always some thing that the other children find an issue about. I think this is quite pretty normaal and then later on, kids will realize that parents always want to give them the best.
@cgalavia (1405)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Hicheri, I'm glad to know that you don't have at least a problem in rivalry with your children.It seems you are being fair to them but of course not the same as being equal.Yes, you are right no matter how good we are in dealing with them there are still be times when they feel as if they are not getting a fair share of attention, discipline or responsiveness with you. Every parents must anticipate this and be prepared to explain the decisions you have made,just always reassure our kids that we do our best to meet each of their unique needs. Thank's for the participation cheri.
• India
30 Apr 13
Hi friend, during my childhood days i too have a lot of fight with my siblings, as you mentioned sibling rivalry is quite common in every family and it is really hard to control this kind of silly fights. After getting matured the siblings will stop to fight each other and realize their mistakes
• Philippines
26 Apr 13
we cannot stop this every sibling in a family has its own dispute but to lessen this issues lets understand each other, love others what he had, treat fairly, and live happy as one family hehehe god bless us
25 Apr 13
Give some activities that but can share their knowledge and task should be motivating each other so that u control siblings rivalry
@Mavic123456 (9871)
• Thailand
25 Apr 13
it is normal as long as it will not be carry on during adulthood I remember my father was so angry with my brother and sister.. they were enemies of the lifetime when were kids. so he asked them to hug each other... as in.. hug each other so we were all secretly laughing... because my father would get angry if he sees us laughing... but we will mock them while they were hugging each other... we will pass in front of them and look at them.. then we will grin hehehe... Now that we are all adult we still fight of course we have differences and own opinion based on experiences... but what is good in us... we forgive and understand each other now... we let go and move on after the fight. The fight won't last a day. so funny and so happy. by the way we were best friends now.. we go out together and watch movies together like usual friends do.