When Do You Stop Giving to Your Boyfriend?

Philippines
February 18, 2014 6:09am CST
He is just a boyfriend, there are no commitments yet, there is no engagement ring, no telling if you two will really end up in the altar in the end... I once put up a post here. My boyfriend's financial condition is terrible. His mom (who had stroke) was finally discharged from the hospital. He needed to file a loan just to get his mom out of the hospital (and the interest for lending is 20%), he had no other resources to turn to. He has already sold everything he's got. He has resigned from his job so that he could focus on taking care of his mom. (Actually, i feel like he feels guilty for not being there when his father died, he wasnt around when his father died and he couldnt bare the trauma of not being beside his mom when her time comes). HIs budget is coming low and may not able to sustain his mom's medications. I had given him financial assistance. Sometimes i even buy the medications for his mom. But i cant do this forever. He said he just wants his mom to get back on her feet so that he could focus on getting a job abroad. Ok fine... Work abroad, i say... but where will you get the money for the placement fee? From me? Again? I want to help him but i have my needs too... I have credit cards to pay... loans to pay... I told him i cant handle it anymore. And there is also this fear that he might just be ripping me off... Till when should i stop? A part of me feels guilty should i drop him like a hot potato, just when he needed me most. Honestly, there is also this part of me saying that "nah.. he doesnt need you. All he focuses on now is his sick mom, he just needs your money." If i do help him with that placement fee, i would really be back to scratch... and no telling if he would really come back to me when he works abroad. What if he is just using me? What if we really arent meant to be? I am risking my hard-earned money just for this? Is my boyfriend really worth it all? Should you reply... please be gentle ok... I am very open to your opinions...
3 people like this
4 responses
• Auckland, New Zealand
21 Feb 14
Keep Supporting him! Do whatever you can to help him out. It must be tough for everyone around him. Don't give him to much, give him as much as you can, and he ask's for.
1 person likes this
@Christoph56 (1508)
• Canada
21 Feb 14
I really wonder how close you two are, together... You say in the beginning that you're not married, not engaged, nothing like that... so how long have you two been together? Do you live together? How do you feel about him? Do you love him? Is he the greatest guy you've ever been with? The answers to these questions should give you the answer to your question. If you feel like he's really the one, then you should do everything to keep with him. The fact that he really loves his Mom and wants to help her out sounds really sweet, so with helping him out, he'll want to help you out, too. Of course, if the whole thing isn't so special, and not something you're so interested in, then move on. This isn't something that we can answer for you, so think about it. Weigh the pros and cons, and find out what would be the best thing for all of you.
• Philippines
21 Feb 14
thank you Christoph56. Would you believe... we've been in this relationship for 3 months. we are not living in together. i love him so much... i couldnt stand seeing him this devastated. Like all families, no one is really ready for such a confinement which cost him almost 2000USD. Thank you for your advice.... He means so much to me. Lately, he has been focusing on his mom and he seldom calls me. I understand, i dont expect him to call me everyday. I content myself with every once in a while. I couldnt demand much of his time and attention because he has a sick mother to take care of.
• Jiangxi, China
21 Feb 14
It's a very difficult choice .But i think the most important thing is not how you make a decision ,that is you can encourage him to pull himself together ang fing a job ,for his mum and you .
• Philippines
21 Feb 14
HI Tracy... He has been thinking of applying a job overseas either Taiwan or Singapore. That way, he would be able to pay his loans (and me) immediately. You are right, he cant stay long jobless.
• Belfast, Northern Ireland
21 Feb 14
add me