inlaws from hell anyone??????

Carlisle, Pennsylvania
August 5, 2015 10:33am CST
you have got to read this and please tell me what you think? i have been married for 12 years love my husband hate his parents but i have put those feeling aside we have 3 daughters together 12, 9 and 6 yrs old but now they are starting to hurt them like they have hurt us my father in law and my 12yr old were playing out side at a family gathering with bean bags and my daughter throw one and hit him in the back playing around but he got mad and decided to whip one at her as hard as he could and he did then at this gathering he started saying Fwords and cursing so loud everyone 15+ people heard it and all 3 of my girls were upset my inlaws wanted Apologies for my daughter throwing the bean bag which was a tiny square one that fits in your hand from me and my husband and because of want happend they didnt even bother with them on there birthdays which was a few weeks later no call card nothing and now these girls are so hurt advice please
10 people like this
12 responses
• Regina, Saskatchewan
5 Aug 15
Sit the girls down and explain to them that they are not responsible for the behaviour of their grandparents. That's important. Kids always think things like this is their fault even if they don't say so. Then explain to them that unhappy people behave badly and there is nothing they can do about it, because it is NOT THEIR FAULT. Reassure them how much you love them and that whether their grandparents are good to them or not should not bother them, as it is their loss not your children's. Hope this helps.
6 people like this
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
5 Aug 15
thanks so much its been tough to deal what cause they are hurting i hate seeing it.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
5 Aug 15
@armcandy As good parents we always hate to see our kids in any kind of pain. And the best therapy for this kind of thing is open communication. Talking things out always makes it better.......
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
7 Aug 15
i have talk to me girls i try to talk to them at their level but i just hope i saying they right things to them at their ages.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (88975)
• Marion, Kansas
5 Aug 15
You know @sparkofinsanity and@inertia4 have covered this pretty thoroughly. I would say that your girls are old enough to be told that you understand and that the grandparent misbehaved. Grown ups should act like grown ups. He maybe did not like getting hit by the bean bag, but come on, it was not like it was a real injury. The grandparents need to grow up. How did your husband turn out so well?
3 people like this
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
5 Aug 15
my husband has emotional problems and has alot of problems with his parents
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (88975)
• Marion, Kansas
6 Aug 15
@armcandy and you love him and are loyal to him anyway. You are in a rough spot, I think.
1 person likes this
@yukimori (8547)
• United States
6 Aug 15
@armcandy I'd suggest therapy for your husband. His parents sound like real peaches. Finding a good therapist can do wonders for a person who's raised in that sort of toxicity.
@inertia4 (26582)
• United States
5 Aug 15
One thing I would like to know. What did your husband say to his parents? Didn't he stand up for you and the kids? Now, you have to both tell your daughters that what took place is not their fault. They are the children and the others are adults and should have known better than to act like that. But you did not mention anything about your husband saying anything. That is troubling actually. If that were me, I would put my parents in their place. Without a doubt.
3 people like this
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
5 Aug 15
he wanted to say some thing when it happend but he know the out come would not turn out good if did but when his mother called later on that night cause her husband was whining about he let her have it boy i did too she was questioning our parenting saying we brain wash the girls its been 2 months since this happend and now they are asking to see them they always sweep things under the rug and this time they went way to far....
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (26582)
• United States
5 Aug 15
@armcandy Okay. But like I said, personally I would have started a war. That's not how I would have handled it. It would be a cold day in hell before I let something like that go.
@yukimori (8547)
• United States
6 Aug 15
You need to quit putting your feelings aside. You've rugswept whatever abuse your ILs have heaped on you in the past, and now your beautiful daughters have become targets of that abuse. Your FIL assaulted your child. He deliberately threw an object at her as hard as he could because she was being a child. Then, if that wasn't bad enough, he started verbally abusing her, too. And he wanted an apology? On what planet does that deserve an apology?! [a long line of deleted expletives goes here] What you do is cut those toxic [expletive deleted] off. Your FIL became physically violent and assaulted your daughter physically and verbally in front of a gathering of 15+ people. HE IS NOT A SAFE PERSON FOR YOUR FAMILY TO BE AROUND. Neither is your MIL, because she's going right along with his BS. And seriously, get yourself over to the DWIL Nation board on Babycenter. This is right up their alley, and I'm sure you'll get a bit more response from people who've been there, done that with toxic jerks.
Dealing With In-Laws and FOO (Family of Origins)
1 person likes this
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
7 Aug 15
thanks for your post i have tried to do my best but theses people think what they say and do in this life its all about them its all about protecting my kids all of these post really made me rethink this and yes that is assult to a child verbally and physically. cant beleive it
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Aug 15
Oh my gosh that sounds so much like my father, it's not even funny. My father would have reacted the same exact way-it's ridiculous. The harder thing for us is right now we are living with my parents-it is H*ll on us trust me. I would explain to your girls that they did nothing wrong, and even adults make mistakes. Some people really amaze me with the way they act. My children are going to have nothing but bad memories of their grandfather and it is HIS OWN fault.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Aug 15
One of my relatives is also exactly like this. He knows he has a problem though. He explained to me that he just gets really angry for some reason if anybody hits him, even just play hitting sends him over the edge. He does very good at controlling him self though. When we were all kids, he was a lot worse.
@cynthiann (18572)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
Your child was abused. Explain to her and the others that this was not acceptable behaviour and cannot be tolerated. How awful for you all.Blessings!
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36608)
• United States
5 Aug 15
I can't believe that your in-laws are being that petty about something that seems to have been an accident. That said, the way that your in-laws are reacting to that situation shows me that they really are immature. You are right that sometimes adults do make stupid mistakes but it is never right for them to treat children this way because it isn't teaching them to be responsible adults.
1 person likes this
@Anjanadi (28)
• Raurkela, India
6 Aug 15
hey.. I feel so sorry for what happened with your daughters. As a mom can feel the pain of your child. what your in laws did was so wrong. You can't say them anything but atleast your husband should have spoken something to them. Tell your husband to talk to his parents as he knows them better and just don't worry about your daughter. she will be fine.
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
7 Aug 15
yes she will be fine but i hope it dont effect her in the long run and i have two other small girl who saw the whole thing and was upset by it as well
• Raurkela, India
7 Aug 15
@armcandy yes , these type of thing affects childrens a lot. But time is best healer. They will soon recover from all of this.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
6 Aug 15
I am so sorry that you are hurting with the way that your father in law has acted towards your daughter. It's hard to change a person,but probably, doing the first move to talk to him to straighten up things would make it better for all of you. If this attempt fails, let time pass and just hope that the wound be healed.
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
6 Aug 15
im not so sure they have done so many things to us over and over again i can write a book that is how much when some one dose things that are hurtful just about everyother month for 12 years how can you forgive or move on and now my girls are hurt what is next my husband wants to cut them out of his life but i just dont know if that is a good idea cause the kind of people they are.
• Lakewood, Colorado
5 Aug 15
I feel for you friend. Yes they sound like very spiteful childish people. I am sorry that you now have this to deal with, it will put a strain on you and kids. Yes, I have had problems with many in laws, but now no more, I am no longer in that situation. I would never be able to deal with it anymore. Good Luck. Looks like Sparks has good ideas.
• Carlisle, Pennsylvania
6 Aug 15
they have done so much to us and we always forgive them but hurting young children is not the way to live. they act like children them selfs
@cherigucchi (3904)
• Philippines
7 Aug 15
That was inconceivable. I just hope that things will be fixed soon.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Aug 15
Sometimes you have to stop interacting with toxic people even if they are family.