Selfish Mom?

Have you taught them how to do their own laundry? Once they learn that, they're ready to leave the nest! lol

I can understand how you feel since I too have grown children and I would love to have them around me at least for some time if not all the time. However, I agree that they need to shoulder part of the responsibilities , which is good for them as well ..I wouldn't bother too much about what others have to say about your sons staying with you ..it is between you and your children !

They are still young. I just don't get this thing of children leaving the home - honestly I don't. Let them stay as long as they want to as long as they pay their own way and do their laundry etc. Families should stick together - I just don't get it! Leave for college or a job but your home is still with me anytime you want to come home. One came home two weeks ago as his wife kicked him out of their home in the USA. Nobody out here thinks it odd that he came home to me. We are family. Okay people - go ahead and crucify me! lol

I made a rule when my kids were young. You can stay with me after you become an adult, only if you help out with the bills and chores or you are going to school and doing your chores. When my eldest son thought acting bad and sleeping all day while not helping out in any way was how he should be, I sent him on his way to be a grown up some where else. I still help the boys out with food and such when they need it but I have younger, medically fragile kids that need me more.

Hello sishy My opinion - Being Independent never means that they leave you or you send them out. Being independent means to be enabled to understand what is right and what is wrong, take your own decisions. And for this no one needs to move away from home, parents at their age. [Agreed, my views may be reflective of my being traditional Indian, but yes, I stand by it as I know what can go wrong if things are done before the right time approaches]. And the discussion does tell me - you are not selfish, you are protective and caring for your kids like all other wonderful moms on the planet.

My own dad's policy was that we were able to live free at home if we were going to school. If not, we were expected to pay for room and board so that we would understand that adults have responsibilities and that every adult living in a household must contribute in some way. He didn't want any of us to think that we could live at home so we could have a lazy life. He expected us to work and pay our fair share. I never paid room and board because I went straight from college to marriage. My brother stayed at home for many years until Dad asked him to leave because he would not follow the house rules and that was disturbing my parents' ability to live the way they wanted to in their own home.

It is your choice ; you are a mother, an adult who is the mother of adult children and will have their interests primarily at heart. It is wonderful that you are doing this. Continue to do this; if your children did not like ti they would have said so.They will definitely be independent if you have instilled a proper sense of values to them. No self-respecting individual is going to sponge off a mother. As they grow up, they will need some personal space and i am sure you are mature enough o give that to them. Is your sister staying alone?

What other think about you and your family is none of your concern. They are free to make any opinion. It is your family and your sons. As long as you all are happy, staying together, others should not have any problem. There are some people, who keep judging and keep offering unsolicited advice and we need to ignore such persons.

I don't see how you're being selfish. Now, if you had them locked up in their rooms...

My youngest Son lives with me cause i am on a fixed income, but even though he is 30, i make sure he pays half the bills. He mows the lawn without asking and its Hot, humid texas so i am proud he does that. If your Sons are ready to move out and know how to cope on their own, then it is their choice..not something you should do unless they take advantage of you..

I think my kids will fly out the nest as soon as they possibly can - ha ha! But I know - I would never force them out either. My parents never forced us out - in fact, I stayed a long time simply because I thought my dad would disapprove of me moving out - but that's another story.

My eldest son, 21 is also still living with us and I don't know when he would decide to live on his own. But in our country this practice is just but normal.

In our country, everyone lives in the same house for a very long period of time, far longer than yours.

Selfish? Of-course your not, I would love too if you'll be my Mom, very understanding, and it is also a good thing for kids actually teenagers to live their own life to be more open minded and for them to appreciate life, to learn that life is not easy at all but of-course you are still there to guide them.

There is a situation like that in my family. Secretly both sides are comfortable although ostensibly the mother shows concern and wants her son to be independent!!

Your sister must surely be joking. You are not a selfish mom, rather you are a loving and a caring mom. This is the reason why your kids are still with you. It shows that they love you and are happy to be with you. It is never easy for a mom to let her children stay away from home, but for the sake of higher studies and career they have to let their children free. Enjoy the time they are with you and make the most of it.

Is it considered a bad tradition to live with your children in the place you live? I am 25 and still live with my Mom. I don't want to make her feel alone.. :(

To me it sounds as if you are a caring mom. No parent truly wants their babies to grow up and leave the nest.. it's great that you are letting them stay until they are ready to leave.

they should learn some basic lessons of life before leaving the nest.

My mom and dad keep saying that they are gonna kick me out of their house once I can make money and live on my own.Will that ture?I do not think if you keep your sons with you means you are selfish at all.