My Daughter

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My daughter was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck several times. She was full term and until she got into school there were no problems. There was a slight learning disability because of the lack of oxygen when she was born. She was a good kid, very active and hard to keep up with at times. She loved cats from a very young age. I love her so and thought she was beautiful. I thought she had model potential but later she didn't care for the idea. Almost immediately the kindergarten teacher saw signs of what they called hyperactivity. Now it is ADHD. Back in the late seventies and early 80's they didn't know what they do now. So my daughter went through a series of tests and the doctor gave me an option. He said I could either put her on Ritalin or eliminate from her diet all foods with preservatives in them. I chose the latter. At that time I was very apposed to any prescriptions drugs. And she was only six years old. So fast forward to about 12 or 13 and school was beginning to be a problem. She got into some trouble and I was not sure what to do. I took her to a mental facility here and her seen by a well know psychiatrist in town. She was kept for several days and what I came away with was not all positive. There were actually two psychiatrists. One was very nice and seemed like a competent doctor. The other had gotten some new equipment and was all excited about it. He was also one of those kind of men that doesn't look you in the eye when he is talking to but has this interest in a woman's décolletage. The diagnosis was narcissism. It wasn't until about six years later that she was diagnosed correctly. And that wasn't until her children were taken away from her. She was living with a fellow who was not present in the relationship either physically or mentally. They got into a big fight one day and after he stocked out she mistreated the two babies she had by that time and a neighbor saw it and reported it. She and I were estranged at that time. Her lies, stealing, etc. had had its toll on me and she and I were estranged until the kids were taken and I came back into the picture at that time. She began to have supervised visits with the two kids who had been put into foster care. I began taking her to visits. I had bonded with her daughter but not with the son she had. So a few months in someone made a comment one day that stuck with me and I started looking into it. A relative could get guardianship and was advised to start trying to get foster care licensing. Then I found out I could get all the paper work and actually get guardianship myself. So I went to a law shop, got the paper work and did it all myself. My daughter saw a psychiatrist which was a part of the list of things she had to complete before she could get through all of this who correctly diagnosed her with the bi-polar disorder. It took several years to get her on the right medications and she tried many. During this time the social workers at Health and Welfare were giving my daughter her options. The guardian ship was on the table but, I realized immediately that I could not take both the kids. I had bonded with her daughter and not her son. I had never taken care of a boy. I had scarcely been around him at all. I just knew that I could not take care of two kids. So, a subject was brought up that was rather scary but the further we got into and found out more about it it really began to sound like a viable option. Open adoption. At first my daughter was very hateful toward me and expected me to take both of her children. I wished I could have but I did not feel that realistically I could take on two kids and still hold down a full-time job. I was also battling depression and so I really didn't think I could care for both kids. She and I went through what probably was the worst time of our lives during that time. She finally did come around and understood and has now put that behind her. Several couples were introduced and my daughter was able to pick the one she wanted for her son. As it turned the couple who adopted him, if you didn't know, looked so much like him you would have thought they were his bio parents if you didn't know differently. There were a couple of visits between us and it all went well for awhile. Then his counselor began to feel that it would be best that he didn't see us until he was able to understand why his mother(and remember there is a father here too)couldn't keep him. We have never seen him since then and that was about twenty years ago. The way the family worked our communication was such that they first gave us a number of a relative where we could call to set up meetings and see how he was doing. Then that number was changed and we were never able to locate them again. There also became a time when my daughter had dealt with the adoption and was able to cope with it and I think it was better for her not to see him. I was in a position where I let it go that way and knew he was in a good place and I knew my daughter was in a good place and so I let it go. I often wonder and would enjoy seeing him and know how he is but I feel like unless my daughter brings it up I won't broach the subject. I think that it is something only the mother can fully understand and if she is able to move on and be okay with the way things are then who am I to rustle up something. I went before a judge and was complimented on my guardianship paperwork by the judge which made me feel good. I received guardianship and had my granddaughter from the age of about 3 until she was 15. My next account will be about her.