Why all the questions, Once their gone...?

United States
September 22, 2015 7:11am CST
Death...Such a small word, with the biggest pain behind it. You never really get over losing someone, you just learn to cope without them and you learn to go through your every day life with them in your heart just out of reach. When you lose someone, they leave so many questions behind. Ones that will never have an answer. Are they proud of me? Have I made them happy? What would they do? Whyd they have to leave us? What if im not ready? How do I go on without you? How do I make you proud? Why didnt I spend more time with them? Why didnt we get along better? Why wasnt I there? I could go on forever about the questions I ask myself everyday. My grandma and my grandpa took care of me everyday from when I was a baby. When their baby had a baby they never stopped. They took care of my angels and made sure we were all okay. When I lost my grandpa it was like th whole world stopped moving. I wish I had done more. The phone call killed me...but I knew it was coming. He was a great man, who even tho he was older just feels like he was taken to soon. It made it easier because I took care of my grandma. She raised me and it was my time to take care of her to. She was an amazing woman. She fought just as long as she could. We didnt always get along but she was always there. Though she thought I was there with her, I was way to far away. She took care of us, made sure we always had what we needed. The phone call killed me and I didnt know what to do. I was with family but it didnt help. I know I never really made her proud while she was here. So, how do I know I am now that she is gone? How do you really get the answers to the unanswered questions? It seems death leaves more questions than answers. ...Having a really hard day today. I miss them so much. Sorry guys..I didnt know where else to go to let it out....
4 people like this
3 responses
@Marcyaz (36699)
• United States
22 Sep 15
This has made me realize how much I still miss my husband who passed away in 2011. I miss him more and more every day. There are so many feelings to deal with when a loved one passes on like first is denial, then anger at them for leaving you, than the bargaining come back to me and I will (whatever it is), then the depression sets in and finally you come to accept what has happened.
2 people like this
@kevin1877uk (35567)
23 Sep 15
Sorry to hear about your husband.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 15
@marcyaz i am really sorry to hear about your husband. I know the feeling all so well. It seems the pain and the emptiness gets worse with each passing day. I agree with you on the process and at this point I guess I still get depressed about it.
@kevin1877uk (35567)
23 Sep 15
It's good place to let go, I done that here myself. hope you have a better day tomorrow.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 15
It really is and I am glad there are places like this where we are able to just let it out and not hold it in so much.
@marlina (49032)
• Canada
27 Sep 15
Losing someone close to you is the hardest thing that can happen to someone. Only time will help to attenuate the pain. The questions will never be answered.