When "outgoing" isn't really you

@cahaya1983 (10038)
Malaysia
October 17, 2015 10:10pm CST
I've been following one forum thread on a website and people were sharing their opinion on how to be more confident and outgoing. Many people seem to think that you have to be outgoing to be socially accepted. I wonder why. I'm an introvert. I think a lot and don't talk much, but when I do, I try to make sure my words count. Does that make me any less confident than an extrovert? Of course not. I gain confidence in knowing that I say things that matter when I need to say them. Some say to be more outgoing you just have to fake it till you make it. But if outgoing isn't really your personality, I don't see the point of faking it at all. What are your thoughts? Are you an outgoing person?
18 people like this
22 responses
@LadyDuck (176993)
• Switzerland
18 Oct 15
Just like @valmnz I am in between. I try to socialize and people believe I am outgoing. In reality I am shy and I do not like to speak if I have nothing interesting to say.
3 people like this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
I don't mind socializing either, although I don't like to draw attention to myself. I can even get along well with people I've just met, but like you I also prefer not to talk much if I don't have interesting things to say.
1 person likes this
@valmnz (12744)
• New Zealand
18 Oct 15
I'm somewhere in between. I've definitely done my share of acting confident around people till I got there. It did help. People consider me more outgoing than I really am. What is important is to be yourself. If some don't like that, tough, there will be others who appreciate the true self.
2 people like this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 15
I totally agree. I think some people try too hard to wear a personality that they think would be pleasing to others. I believe that being yourself is much better.
2 people like this
@valmnz (12744)
• New Zealand
18 Oct 15
@cahaya1983 and a lot easier!
2 people like this
@xiaolisu (2428)
• China
18 Oct 15
no I am not a outgoing person .but I am confident .but I think sometime I made others feel be ignored .not so many hospitality .I cant change that .I want to let him know I do care about him
2 people like this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 15
It's easy to mistake someone who is shy and reserved as unfriendly and not caring. Don't worry, do your best and just be there when they need you. Eventually they would understand that you really do care for them.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
20 Oct 15
I switch between extroverted and introverted - at parties I sit quietly in the corner observing, chatting politely. At shows on the mic, my performance persona kicks in quite commandingly
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
20 Oct 15
That's interesting. My grand uncle was a radio presenter, he's a jovial and outgoing guy pretty much all the time. I've always assumed that it's just the nature of people working in that field, but apparently that's not true for everyone.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
20 Oct 15
@cahaya1983 I tend to be quite dry, deadpan and sardonic in my delivery on the air or with a live audience
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
20 Oct 15
@arthurchappell Does it have to do with the theme of the show though? Or you're like that in general.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
19 Oct 15
I don't talk a lot and tend to be shy. If I don't like to say anything, I wouldn't. I don't like to be fake too just to look okay for others. We don't talk too much doesn't mean we have less self confidence. It's just personality. Some people have more silence than other. The most important thing is we feel comfort with ourselves. And yes, we still socialize
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
Very true. People have different characters and personalities - that's a fact. I agree with you, being shy and quiet doesn't mean we don't like socializing and making conversation with others. Just as extroverts feel comfortable being themselves, introverts should feel the same.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
22 Oct 15
@cahaya1983 Sometimes only people in similar situation can feel this. I'm glad to find I'm not the only one
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
22 Oct 15
@redvakaurvaki Oh trust me there are many like that, we could probably form our own country, haha. But a whole country of introverts...hmm maybe that's not such a good idea.
• United States
18 Oct 15
i'm thinkin' those folks've their opinions 'n bein' popular - which from what'cha describe's their goal. there's a diff'rence 'twixt the two. i aint'n outgoin' kinda gal myself. i'd rather give careful thought 'fore speakin' 'n no desire to be popular. that fakin' it schtuff? fer the birds. i say to one own self be true.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
I think so too. I'm tired of seeing people forcing themselves to fit in the crowd. Even more sad when people consider those who are shy and quiet as unfriendly and anti-social. That's so not true.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Oct 15
@cahaya1983 folks tend to get into lots 'f predicaments tryin' to fit in. some e'en get depressed when their efforts don't come to fruition. they'd be best off jest bein' 'emselves 'n findin' their own self-worth. quiet folks 're typically deep thinkers 'n quite compassionate, my findin' 't least. those others're jest loud 'n attention seekin', which's unnervin' 't best.
1 person likes this
@joylol (148)
• Austin, Texas
18 Oct 15
I get unacceptable views since I'm an ambivert and apparently people say you can't be in between because if your in between your egoistical in that you can't pick a side or choose self. You apparently only think of how to get everyone's attention for personal advantages (Weird logic,right?) Often times, I don't really choose me. I mean, I suppose I choose me in the sense that if people were getting hurt for who they really are, I wouldn't judge them because I would think about putting myself in their shoes. However, if a person asked me to go against my beliefs to satisfy their needs or if I recognized that a person could bring out the worst in me because of rebellious acts, thats when I choose me. Because I get mixed views on my social status, I usually know when to choose me in the sense that I can repel and attract people with my reputation or by what others say about me and I use that to my advantage. If I realize that the person I hang around with can lead me to make really bad choices, I act antisocial to keep them away and it works. People tell me I'm too extroverted,too introverted,too shy, too much of a wallflower, too sociable,a lot of other views about my status are really mixed. But us ambiverts know how to choose ourselves at crucial times,LOL!
1 person likes this
@joylol (148)
• Austin, Texas
18 Oct 15
I also think that the reason why people mask their feelings now a days is because people force them to be outgoing. They don't want what's fake yet they say fake it till you make it. (Again,weird logic,) I don't follow society norms because they are ANNNOYYYING!!! For example, if a person had low self-esteem, disability, or mental illness some people limit their social interaction with them due to them not fulfilling the so-called standards of "normality." First off, a person's low self-esteem is awesome cause it's low like a pool. Just like how you would still get in a pool with low water level to cool off, low self-esteem people are still useful and a person's sensitivity is cool cause they are not afraid to show their big heart! It's low not burnt-out! Second off, disability. The word means "DON'T DISS MY ABILITY!" Third off, mental illness? Yeah, unique mentality to this carbon copy of normality. (Lol. Get it. Cause normality rhymes with mentality.) There are a lot of society norms I've heard and there's not one I like. Here's a list of the one's I've heard: 1. If your skinny, your anorexic 2. If you thick, your obese 3. If you quiet, your rude 4. If your friendly, your fake 5. If your sad, your attention seeking 6. If your angry, your gonna kill someone and are gonna be inconsiderate. People should recognize that you only know their names not their story and just because you can't relate to it doesn't mean you can't try to relate to it. Society norms are stupid. I'll follow my own personality norms. ^_^
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
Nice input! Come to think of it, I think the problem has less to do with someone being an introvert or extrovert or ambivert. I think it's more about people being judgmental just because we exhibit a certain type of personality or behave a certain way around others. I understand your point about "choosing yourself", and people often mistake that for selfishness which in my opinion is just not true. Social norms are very subjective, too. There's more than one right way to behave, and we can't possibly please everyone so I'd rather do what I'm comfortable with. I wish people would just learn to embrace differences and be happy. Thanks so much for sharing!
@simone10 (21647)
• Louisville, Kentucky
18 Oct 15
I used to be extremely shy but over the years, I have changed. I won't say that I am outgoing but I'm not complete introverted either.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
It change, yes. I know people who were very, very shy but are now more bold and outspoken. So I guess you're an ambivert, then.
1 person likes this
@simone10 (21647)
• Louisville, Kentucky
24 Oct 15
@cahaya1983 I guess so . The older I get, the bolder I get. I think that just comes with age.
1 person likes this
@kepweng (18654)
• Waikoloa, Hawaii
12 Oct 17
im introvert im staying at house all the time im not socializing to people how many friends you have?
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
12 Oct 17
Close friends...4. But two of them I meet more often than the others.
@troyburns (1428)
• New Zealand
2 Nov 15
Nope. Not at all. I'm not sure why as in my younger days I was quite a party animal.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
2 Nov 15
I don't know if it can change over time, but I know I've always been an introvert since I was in kindergarten.
1 person likes this
@EddieHands (37807)
• United States
25 Oct 15
It's strange I am an introvert in person. But online on my radio show I just love to talk talk talk! but I am mostly an introvert around people I don't know much. But yes why is a raven like a writing desk? I don't think we all need to be outgoing. I can be if I want, and after a few shots of whiskey !
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
25 Oct 15
Maybe it's the fact that the radio studio is your comfort zone and you feel slightly more extroverted in that kind of environment? And I agree, I don't feel the pressure to be outgoing at all. Oh, about the raven and writing desk thing - I think I'm just as clueless as Alice.
@Porcospino (18422)
• Denmark
22 Oct 15
I took a test some time ago, and 6 of my results belonged to the extroverted category and 9 of my results belonged to the introverted category. I agree with the results. I am more introverted than extroverted, but there are also extroverted parts in my personality. I enjoyed working in home health care where I talked to many people every day, but I am not always talkative.I am not nearly as shy as I used to be, but I am still quiet in large groups and I don't like to be the center of attention.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 15
So I guess you're an ambivert then. I've never taken any such test but I'm pretty sure there are certain extrovert characteristics in me, although that would depend a lot on who I'm with. As for being the center of attention, I've never liked it and it always makes me feel uncomfortable.
@Shellyann36 (11273)
• United States
21 Oct 15
I am somewhere in the middle of the row. When a discussion is aimed at something I am familiar at I can have a good conversation and not have any doubts or become shy. If it is something I don't know about I am happy to listen and let someone else take the conversation. When I am with people I know I can be a chatter bug, even if we are surrounded by strangers. When in a new group alone I am more on the shy side.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
22 Oct 15
Yes I also think the surroundings have an influence on our character, somehow. I'm generally quite shy, but you could never tell that I'm an introvert if I'm among family members and friends, sometimes.
• Philippines
19 Oct 15
I have to say i am also more of an introvert. Although if i am with my good friends, i am outgoing and comfortable. But if i am with people who i dont really know, i feel uncomfortable and i usually dont know how to approach or start discussions with them. Sometimes, i find it okay because i know that i do not need to please everyone. However, sometimes it is hard because i find that nowadays, you have to be outgoing to know more people which will be a big help to you especially in a workplace.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
That seems to be the expectation in the workplace and I understand why. But I think people should also accept diverse personalities at the workplace and not label people who are quiet as not approachable or anti-social. I agree with you, it's impossible to please everyone. I'm more comfortable being myself.
@marlina (78116)
• Canada
18 Oct 15
I think I am more of an introvert. It depends of the situations.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
That's true. I'm an introvert and I'm more comfortable speaking up when I'm with family and friends.
@allknowing (69508)
• India
18 Oct 15
It depends on who I am with. I am an extrovert of sorts but do know when and where i should be vociferous
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
Yes I believe our surroundings might have an influence too, to a certain extent. I'm more open and talkative around family and close friends, for sure.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Oct 15
I don't like crowds or large parties. Usually I try to find a quiet corner and not draw any attention to myself. I am okay with one-on-one situations, though. Thanks for the very interesting post. I would give it more than one thumbs up if I could. -Alan.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
Aw, thanks Alan! I'm not a fan of crowds myself, and yeah I try to avoid going to parties.
@boiboing (12881)
• Northampton, England
18 Oct 15
Confidence comes from accepting yourself for what you are. Only then do others accept you too.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 15
Totally agree! No point in putting on a mask and trying to be someone you're not.
@amnabas (10312)
• Karachi, Pakistan
18 Oct 15
I am an introvert just like you and i don't care what other says about me.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 15
I think that's one of the keys to being happy - stop thinking about what others would think of us.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Oct 15
These are the days where to be known, you have to keep blowing your own trumpet. and probably that is what is the trend and belief on that forum. Personally, I dont have any desire to be known or become famous. I am an introvert and am too happy about me being anonymous. At least my life is personal for good
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10038)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 15
My sentiments exactly. I'm just tired of people who think that you have to be extroverted to be cool. I've no desire to be famous either.
1 person likes this