Do you like relatives telling you what gifts to buy them?

United States
November 4, 2015 9:17am CST
We don't exchange gifts with our families...when we lived close to them it was different. We don't see them now, we don't know what they like or don't like anymore and it's easier this way for all of us. We do buy for my husband's grandson, who we've only seen once (he's 3). I like to decide what to buy for someone. I was 'allowed' to do that the first Christmas. After that I was given a 'wish list' and told to pick something from there. In other words, buy what the mom says to buy. I know some of you might think that's a wonderful idea, nothing wrong with it. That's because you don't know her. She is very pushy about certain things and she has no fear asking/telling you what she wants and how she wants it. I did as I was told. But I still spent the same amount of money that I planned to spend. In other words I didn't pick from the most expensive items she has on the wish list, I stayed within our budget. A gift card would be so much easier, then she could do the shopping! PS: I guess I just needed to get that off my chest since I just placed the 'wish list' order! Thanks for listening!
10 people like this
10 responses
• Canada
4 Nov 15
I understand your point completely! People have gotten very good, these days, about telling others how to behave and what to do in social situations. What is "allowed" and "not allowed" in terms of wedding gifts, baby gifts, holiday gifts, etc. What people seem to forget is that a gift is not an obligation... it's not required... and it should never be expected. It should be received with thanks and a little grace. I see nothing wrong with someone asking for or receiving suggestions on what to give if they are stumped for ideas (I do that with my daughters at Christmas because they are both post-secondary students and I try to give them things they really want or need) but I think it's crass when people prepare and hand out lists in advance and dictate that only what they have chosen is permitted
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Nov 15
You are now my best friend! Well put and thank you for understanding. Yes, I don't have to give gifts...you said it like I should have said it!
1 person likes this
• Canada
4 Nov 15
@AbbyGreenhill thank you!! I just find it mind boggling how people are behaving these days. Sending out letters billing friends and family for not attending a wedding or party... including notes with wedding invitations that "only money gifts are allowed"... that kind of thing. Gets my back up and pushes me quickly towards giving nothing
• United States
4 Nov 15
@thinkingoutloud Yes, it's me me me me me. I don't want to cause friction between my husband and his son so I just 'do as I'm told' as far as he knows...and I blow off steam where I can!
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (187565)
• Switzerland
4 Nov 15
I was going to say that I appreciate if relatives "suggest" which gifts they want, if the gifts are reasonably priced. I do not like to see items that costs $400 in the list. Anyway, those who ask too much will get nothing at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Nov 15
I wanted to buy a tri-cycle last year I was told 'no' but I could buy that for his birthday - guess what - I didn't buy it.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (187565)
• Switzerland
4 Nov 15
@AbbyGreenhill Well done, I did the same last year when people asked too much. I do not feel obliged to buy gifts, we are all adults.
@dodoazo (22039)
• Philippines
5 Nov 15
We seldom ask them on what to buy for them for a gift. We know already what are their favorites. And we never give them cards.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Nov 15
This is the opposite, being told what to buy. A 'suggestion' is one thing, being told is another
@Jessicalynnt (47879)
• Centralia, Missouri
4 Nov 15
We finally started asking everyone to make amazon wish lists, and put tons of cheap, medium, and pricier items on there, if nothing else, people could see what kind of things you liked. But ask for demanding people buy from that, seems super tacky
• United States
4 Nov 15
One or two were almost $100. I skipped over those!
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
4 Nov 15
@AbbyGreenhill I have a few of those on there, because sometimes family goes together and get 1 big present, but I certainly dont expect that, lol!
• United States
4 Nov 15
@Jessicalynnt This is for a 3 year old who has so much stuff now they have no place to put it - only child.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (105886)
• Chile
4 Nov 15
I would tell that lady that I was only giving out gift cards. She can do as she pleases with the money and the 3 year old will not know.
• United States
4 Nov 15
That's what I'm doing next year. She send out the list a month ago -I didn't rush into buying since I just did it this morning!
1 person likes this
@marguicha (105886)
• Chile
4 Nov 15
@AbbyGreenhill Nobody should tell you what to do. It takes all the pleasure out of buying a gift.
• United States
4 Nov 15
@marguicha It certainly does, even more so since we won't see him playing with them anyway.
@paigea (22673)
• Canada
13 Dec 15
My family used to put up Wish lists. We asked for things that were modestly priced and if we saw something we thought a recipient would like we ignored the list. So, that type of list I like. It is more of a fall back when I don't get a good idea of my own.
• United States
13 Dec 15
If I am buying a gift I would prefer not to be TOLD what to buy but a suggestion would be more appropriate.
1 person likes this
@paigea (22673)
• Canada
13 Dec 15
@AbbyGreenhill Absolutely. There is a big difference.
@vandana7 (68972)
• India
4 Nov 15
Well, I think by buying people things that they don't need or want, we unwittingly create demand for things that do not have sustainable demand, and in the process, the resources move towards that industry and industries linked to that product. A few years down the lane, we shift our focus to some other product, and what was once desirable is no longer desirable. This leads to that industry making loss, unemployment, etc., which is totally uncalled for. If we can shed our inhibitions and tell each other we intend to spend this much this Christmas on gifts, pool the funds of the family and buy somethings that everybody wants, Christmas would be more fun for everybody instead of everybody settling for another purse, or dress or scarf. The cards can remain on christmas tree, but the gifts can be distributed in the house of the eldest son or eldest family member, making the Christmas tree there as the most precious one.
• United States
4 Nov 15
Hum, I guess that would work in some places...not in this regard. The people I'm talking about we won't see.
1 person likes this
@amnabas (10549)
• Karachi, Pakistan
4 Nov 15
No if its a wedding gift we better ask what they need otherwise i surprise them.
• United States
4 Nov 15
I like surprises, especially from my husband, he comes up with some good ones.
@carexing25 (1819)
• Philippines
5 Nov 15
good decision, always stick to your budget, buy what you can afford for me, i don't like people being too pushy and telling me what to buy for them, it's my money and they're choice is just to accept my gift or not,..
@Rollo1 (16685)
• Boston, Massachusetts
4 Nov 15
I think it is alright to suggest if asked. That is, if someone wants to know what the child's interests are, or what toys they really want, etc. But it's a bit rude to send a list and expect to receive what is on it.