Enduring Another In-Law Outing

@much2say (35424)
United States
November 23, 2015 11:03am CST
This weekend we "celebrated" an early Thanksgiving with my in-laws. It was Sister in-law's idea to go to a museum and have lunch there. Mother in-law called in the morning to ask what time we were picking them up. Why would she think we were picking them up? We have no room in our car with the kids and their car seats. Besides, negative adult niece lives with her and drives Mother in-law's car all the time - and she was coming too. Mother in-law insisted that this was the plan from a week ago - well maybe in her mind, but no one had ever mentioned that to us. The museum itself was lovely. Hubby, the kids and I went extra early so we could explore the grounds on our own. We predicted it would be a quick run through with the family group, an overpriced lunch with uncomfortable conversation, but a short overall trip. And that's what it turned out to be. Sister in-law hurried us all along, as always. She always has "other plans" afterwards, as "beautiful people" do. Every moment she had she was on her phone gazing at the selfies and photos she had taken, most likely for Facebook. Her "cool and savvy" girlfriend was driving me nuts with her dumb remarks about the artwork we were seeing. The rich, spoiled brat in her came out as she disrespected the waiter over the unsatisfactory choices on the menu. Negative adult niece was her usual negative lovely self. How "appropriate" of her to drop a bomb on Grandma as we were walking . . . next semester of college she would need to take grandma's car for another full day. Grandma is already unhappy about their car situation, and oh she was not happy with this news. And the kicker. My 10 year old daughter told Daddy that while Mommy was talking to Grandma, Grandma interrupted a lot and changed the subject. Wow, kids do take notice without me saying anything about it! My little son tried to tell everyone his stories too, but no one paid attention, and if they did, they cut him off before he even finished. In terms of Thanksgiving, at lunch, Sister in-law went around the table to ask what we were all grateful for. For some reason, I have been skipped over once again, but that's ok. I was grateful I didn't have to be on the spot AND that this lunch would soon be over. I know it's not close enough to Christmas yet, but I say "Bah humbug". Do you have to "deal" with in-laws?
32 people like this
34 responses
@thesids (22453)
• Bhubaneswar, India
24 Nov 15
My in-laws are arriving soon... can be any day now and they are going to be around for real long (hope my wife never gets to read this)
6 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
@thesids Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Just how long is real long? Our outing was just a mere couple hours and I thought THAT was too long! My mother in law just (and negative niece) live about 10 minutes from us - not far at all, but we don't see each other much. Well, on my part I like to make it that way - ha ha. Thankfully sister in law is a much further drive from us - but even when she was around she preferred her friends over family so we rarely saw her (fine with me). Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I will think of you daily and hope for your survival!!!
4 people like this
@thesids (22453)
• Bhubaneswar, India
24 Nov 15
@much2say I dont know. They arrive tomorrow and hopefully will be here for at least 6 months. And if that is not scary enough, I am going to keep listening to - "You should not work so late", "You should not get up so late", "you should have breakfast by 9:00 am" (despite when you wake up at 10:30). I dont mind these coming my way once a while, but on a regular basis, I think I am going to need more of those medicines And worst... they speak in a completely different language - on 99% of days. My wife is a Bengali and I am not. Though I understand almost of their conversations, but still, it does never go good with me - when one in the group does not find it familiar, I think it is unmannerly to keep talking in that language. Oh, I should not be ranting... days are yet to come... and the countdown has begun
5 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
@thesids Half a year? Wow, that is LONG! Ah, parents will always try to act like parents no matter what age we are. Mother in law always has advice of some sort, even though we never asked - I think it's the elementary school teacher in her. I shake my head (inside) to her advice - and just nod my head. If you like, Hubby has some good earplugs he uses at work, I can send a pair to you! I can understand about the language barrier too. I don't have that with the inlaws (kinda wish I did ha ha). My dad is not comfortable speaking English - but Hubby and my sister's husband do not understand a lick of Japanese - if he continually speaks Japanese, one of us is sort of the translator - we communicate somehow. I remember one time Hubby and I went to the home of a friend who had a get together for the Chinese club in college. Well, we did not know Chinese, and everyone else did - they all spoke Cantonese to each other. Our friend got angry at his wife and friends for not showing better manners - that there were guests who did not speak Cantonese and it was only polite to speak in a language that all could understand. Rant away if you need to my friend! We are here for you if you need an ear (or ear plugs - ha ha!) I wish you luck in the following days, weeks, and months!
5 people like this
• United States
23 Nov 15
Sounds like quite the outing to say the least. You must be more woman then me, cause I would have simply refused to take part in it at all. My ex in laws, was pretty much the way you described yours. My in-laws I have now, I simply love and adorable them to pieces. I couldn't ask for better in-laws then the ones I have now.
6 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
@TexanTornado How wonderful to hear you have in laws that you simply adore! My in laws are good people, but they all have their not-so-cool quirks that drive me nuts. Hubby knows how I feel and pretty much agrees - but, it is his family whom he loves - so we keep the peace however we can. My mom tolerated a whole lot more with her in-laws - I know what she went through to "tolerate", so I guess I picked up that trait from her (only she did not have the support from her husband (my dad) like I do).
6 people like this
• United States
24 Nov 15
@much2say I know exactly what you mean. I also understand the fact it makes a difference if your spouse supports you are not. I was worried when I met my present hubby, cause we met online, so I didn't know the in-laws til I moved to Texas, and I was reluctant at 1st to have much to do with them. I am just grateful that it turned out the way it did. They are some great people. The thing is they would do more for me, then my hubby.
5 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
26 Nov 15
@TexanTornado Sounds like you have very welcoming in-laws - it all worked out for the best. My in-laws have always welcomed me but it's not like I always felt included if that makes any sense. And then they make assumptions that I don't want to be included - I can't win!!
4 people like this
• Otis Orchards, Washington
24 Nov 15
Bah-humbug indeed, especially if you have to deal with your in-laws at Christmas, too.
4 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
Oh yes, Christmas is always "fun" too. The good thing is their gatherings are never too long - I just have to endure it all for at least a couple hours.
4 people like this
• Otis Orchards, Washington
24 Nov 15
@much2say I'm glad they are not all day long. I wouldn't want to see you "blow a cork."
4 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
@RichardMeister Ha ha! Believe me, sometimes I feel like I could blow a cork and hope that the cork lands on an intended target!
4 people like this
@zebra2222 (4895)
• United States
25 Nov 15
Doesn't sound like the most pleasant way to celebrate at all.
4 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
26 Nov 15
Well, we did enjoy the museum and the food, perhaps not exactly the company.
@lokisdad (4306)
• United States
14 Dec 15
It almost made me wish i was there I would have spilled a drink on the one taking selfies lol its mean but she sounds like a real piece of work.
@sishy7 (27365)
• Australia
23 Nov 15
My sister keeps reminding me how lucky I am for living overseas and do not have to deal with in-laws like she has to. I think she's very jealous of me.
4 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
23 Nov 15
@sishy7 Ok, that's it, we are going to have to move to Australia!
4 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
23 Nov 15
Thank God I do not have to deal with in laws. My mother in law and my husband do not speak and haven't for around 9 years now. My father in law passed away 7 years ago. I like not having in laws to deal with, most of the time it is not fun. My mother in law is not a nice person so I am so glad she is not in my life at all!
3 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
23 Nov 15
It's HARD with in laws! You are fortunate to not have to deal with them. The things other families do clashes with the family culture we know - I'm not used to family members constantly interrupting each other, not listening nor being a bit more thoughtful. Hubby loves his mom and sisters, but for sure they drive him nuts.
3 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
23 Nov 15
@much2say My own parents are enough for me! I don't need in laws on top of it.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
23 Nov 15
@LovingMyBabies Yep, and then there are our own family dramas!
1 person likes this
• China
24 Nov 15
This Thanksgiving seems to be non-event,getting together with people that don't get along well in normal times,much more so many things that dampened your spirits and kids took a back seat to adult there .
3 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
I just wanted to be done with that part of the day! Actually we get along, but only because I don't open my mouth about it - just biting my lip to endure. Perhaps this was better than last year when we all ate a busy restaurant with sister in law sitting on the other side of the table with all her friends - that group basically ignored us. It was as impersonal as Thanksgiving was going to get!! My kids take notice to these things - I see they are more observant than I had thought.
3 people like this
• China
25 Nov 15
@much2say Some people tend to be not that much considerate and act as if no one was nearby ,not to speak of the phubbers (ones that always gaze at phone ).
3 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
25 Nov 15
@changjiangzhibin89 I think it's so rude that my sister in law pays more attention to her friends than any of us when we are there. And yes, she does tend to check her phone quite a bit. She likes to take pictures of herself and friends all the time to get constant approval from her Facebook audience.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84156)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Nov 15
Actually, I rather miss my former in-laws.
3 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
I remember you said you did along with them really well. Do you keep in touch with them at all?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84156)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Nov 15
@much2say I have his sister on Facebook, his mom and I talk (and see each other) occasionally, one brother gets a text on his birthday, the other brother doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
29 Nov 15
@dawnald Ah, well it's good you are in contact with them and they are still in your life this way at least (sorry about the one). That's probably more communication than what I have with my inlaws!
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (13484)
• Malaysia
24 Nov 15
Sorry to hear that. That sounds like an unpleasant outing to me. Glad that at least you and your family went early to explore on your own. I'd be really frustrated if someone kept commenting on the work I am looking at, especially when we are in the museum. It sounds like your children didn't have good experience that day too. I am fine with my parents-in-law. They are quite nice, and we don't stay together, so no arguments most of the time. We have some disagreements when it comes to how we treat our children, but I'm glad at least they respect us as we are the parents. Hope your Christmas gathering will be more relaxing and cheerful.
3 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
By now we know what to expect, so that helps. That's why we went a bit earlier to the museum and stayed a little longer afterwards. The kids are already irked by them, but family is family so we gotta do what we gotta do to keep the peace. Christmas usually means the sister in law will not be there - and that's fine with me - but I will have to deal with the negative niece being the focus - bleh. You are fortunate to have nice in laws!!
@Gabugs (1789)
• United States
10 Dec 15
@much2say Nice meeting you here. Ha-ha! That indeed was a humorous description for family Thanksgiving gathering. Nope, we don't have to deal with in-laws as we are in-laws ourselves! Don't be too surprised when I say that we are indeed very fortunate to get along very well with both our daughters-in-law. We are one big happy family of 10! Wonder WHY your sister-in-law would act this way?
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
10 Dec 15
Nice to meet you too @Gabugs ! Ah, humorous except when actually having to be around these people ! Wow - you are a big family - and how wonderful you all get along great! We "get along" but only because I bite my lip. Well, knowing how she grew up, I can see why she is the way she is - that is her. I think she just doesn't "think" sometimes and isn't always self aware. I think she finds comfort in her friends for some reason - she left home at a very young age (I can't believe her parents allowed her to do so).
2 people like this
@Gabugs (1789)
• United States
11 Dec 15
@much2say I;m sorry what you have to endure. Family members are supposed to love and create good memories for each other. "Biting your lip" must be so discomforting for you and your family. Perhaps, she had an unhappy childhood. Sorry. Keep your chin up and just s-m-i-l-e slowly and steadily when she upsets you. It might send her a message not to mess with you.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
11 Dec 15
@Gabugs That's what I aim for - at least I do not let her know that she can get to me. Her parents were always aware she had middle child syndrome - and that may be true - I suppose she has tried her entire life to make happier memories for herself outside of family. Oh well, that is her life and I cannot change it - I just focus on my own family.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Nov 15
My mother-in-law and father-in-law I get along with just fine. I also get along very well with his father's side of the family. His mother's side of the family, on the other hand, is absolutely horrid. I used to suffer through family gatherings with them, because I think that family is important. However, I also feel that family is not necessarily who you share DNA with but who you feel connected with, and I certainly never felt connected with them. Finally, I just stopped making him go to the gatherings ... yes, I was stupid enough to make him go (he never wanted to) in hopes that eventually we would all be able to get along. Since I have stopped making him go, though, I am now being accused of being the reason we do not go, when I was the only reason we ever went in the first place.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
7 Dec 15
@purplealabaster I guess that's why I bite my lip too - I think family is important - and I do it because I know Hubby loves his family even if they annoy him too. I want the kids to know who their family is too but well, looks like they really are getting to know who they are all on their own. We get along ok - I mean, no fighting or arguing, but you said the word I was looking for - "connection" - I don't feel connected to them. I also put up with these gatherings because it's not like we get together a whole lot during the rest of the year even though we don't live too far from each other. I guess I'd rather deal with "this" than have to visit them all the time - now that would drive me insane. I know - some things are just damned if you do, damned if you don't!
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (50715)
• United Kingdom
25 Nov 15
Oh my, they sound like the family from hell. Will you have it all to do again at Christmas?
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
I know others have it worse than I do, but this is sad enough for me. Not sure what we will do for Christmas - but I know Sister in law will not be there, so one less in law in the mix. And then the focus will be on the negative niece, so I'll have to get ready for that one.
@paigea (21209)
• Canada
24 Nov 15
I have my share of difficult family members.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
I'm sorry to hear that - you must be able to relate to the difficulties I have.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (21654)
• United States
24 Nov 15
At least it is over and you don't have to be with them on Thanksgiving Day.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
Yes - it was nice to just spend time with my family and not have to run over to the inlaws house afterwards!
@marlina (62365)
• Canada
23 Nov 15
My in-laws were okay when they were still alive. No problem there.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
You were fortunate! I suppose things could be much worse, but ohhhh, they sure annoy me at times.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (12524)
• Northampton, England
23 Nov 15
Sounds more like 'Thank goodness that's over' than Thanksgiving.
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
24 Nov 15
Ha ha!! THAT'S basically it! The good thing is I only had to tolerate it for a couple hours - it's always short - so thank goodness for that too!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 15
Back in the old days I had to deal with in law drama. Once I got divorced all the holidays that followed were pleasant. Guess you were grateful that your day was short and hopefully you don't have to spend Christmas with them too??
2 people like this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
23 Nov 15
Most likely we will have to - but at least it will only be for a short time. I know Sister in-law will not be there, she always skips out on Christmas to be with her friends. But then I will have to deal with negative niece who is particularly extra negative on Christmas. Oh, the drama I could so live without!
2 people like this
@rebelann (32431)
• El Paso, Texas
8 Dec 15
I hear ya, in my case it's my very own wonderful sibling .... yeah, right, so wonderful............
1 person likes this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
8 Dec 15
Believe me, there have been incidents with my own sister too but I guess I am a little more understanding with her - much more than with the inlaws
1 person likes this
@rebelann (32431)
• El Paso, Texas
8 Dec 15
I used to be but after being dumped on and bullied for so long I finally "divorced" that part of the family @much2say sometimes it's the only thing you can do.
1 person likes this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
10 Dec 15
@rebelann Sometimes I wish we lived on a deserted island - that would make some things easier
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
28 Nov 15
sounds like my family but on a good day - glad the museum was worth visiting for you
1 person likes this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
Well, we are a family of artists - so we love museums. And that's what we kept the focus on - not so much the non-Thanksgiving part of it with the company we had - otherwise I would be bananas!!
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
28 Nov 15
@much2say I prefer to visit galleries alone - my family would just want the café, bar, toilets and gift shop
1 person likes this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
@arthurchappell I know the feeling. Everyone has their own pacing of how they see art. It can be hard for Hubby and I too because the kids have their own pacing as they are still young to be interesting in all of it - but we always manage. It gets harder when others get into the mix. My sister in law and friend seemed more interested in going through the motions quickly just to say we were there - and then eat and run.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (55810)
• India
28 Nov 15
And you call this thanksgiving I sometimes feel why we have to put up with in laws
1 person likes this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
Right? Ok, I should be grateful and give thanks that I have people to spend a holiday with. Or at least put up with during a holiday - ha ha.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (55810)
• India
28 Nov 15
@much2say Something is better than nothing is what you feel. Seems reasonable
1 person likes this
@much2say (35424)
• United States
28 Nov 15
@allknowing It may be reasonable, but it means to endure rather than enjoy.