Shocking News today

@GardenGerty (99286)
United States
November 24, 2015 7:28am CST
Yesterday was my daughter's birthday. She got a surprise e-mail from a "new aunt". My first husband had four brothers. His biological dad also lived with other women on a frequent basis, finally divorcing my mother-in-law and living permanently with his significant other for many years. I guess we never knew there was a child. He was alone and semi-homeless when he died. So, this half sister to my first husband has a daughter who is in to genealogy. They have tracked the surviving brothers all down. She is "so sorry she never knew Larry". I am having a hard time with this because these brothers, and their wives basically cut me off within a year of my husband dying. They always talked a good fight about being a close knit family, but I did not count and neither did my kids for quite a while, yet they are embracing this person with open arms. I am feeling like she is a stalker. She lives near where my first husband is buried, and she visits his grave!!! I learned about this person after Bob left for the day. So here I am, making a discussion about this long lost relative. My daughter has not told her I live nearby but my daughter may try to meet her when they are in Kansas in December. Have you ever run into something like that?
19 people like this
16 responses
• Jacksonville, Florida
24 Nov 15
Not exactly but my older sister hurt my parents some time ago when she called her biological father-after he signed his rights over to my father in order to not have to pay child support when she was 3 years old! So when my sister went to visit him it hurt my parents a LOT.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
24 Nov 15
I can see how that would hurt her, but I also see how she would have wanted to at least meet him as an adult. This person was within a short driving distance of us for all the time we have been in Kansas, but we just now learned of her. It would have been nice for my husband to meet her. He always wanted a sister.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
@RasmaSandra Words are easy, putting the action behind them is not. It makes people like you and I somehow feel unwanted or of less a priority. This new "half sister" seems more interested in a relationship than the brothers ever did.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 15
I think all families have some secret skeletons in the closet...I know mine does.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
24 Nov 15
yeah, mine does too. And then my dad does a bit of genealogy and so I find that about a few of them.
• United States
24 Nov 15
@GardenGerty My family has double cousins who married double cousins and weird things like that.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
@AbbyGreenhill My younger sister married into a family with lots of double cousins.
1 person likes this
@simone10 (21657)
• Louisville, Kentucky
24 Nov 15
No, I never really knew my father's side of the family so anyone could probably appear at any time. I do know that he didn't have any other children besides me and my sister.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
24 Nov 15
Thanks, you know talking with people here really helps me put things in perspective.
2 people like this
@simone10 (21657)
• Louisville, Kentucky
27 Nov 15
@GardenGerty I agree that it does help to be able to talk with people here. Mylot is such a loving family.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (47872)
• Centralia, Missouri
24 Nov 15
I wouldnt judge until you meet, but deff be cautious
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
It is entirely possible I will meet with her during this Christmas season.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Nov 15
Oh that sounds a very upsetting kind of situation GG. I am sorry it has come to your door. No I have not been in that kind of situation.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
She has responded to my e mail, seems to have a big need to find family. I am actually more open to her than to the brothers who know me and know where I live.
@LadyDuck (157285)
• Switzerland
24 Nov 15
No, I never run in something like this, but I am pretty sure that most families have something to hide.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
Oh, definitely we are not unique in this.
1 person likes this
@moondebi (1213)
• Bangalore, India
24 Nov 15
Relationships here are easy and free flowing. If any complication is there, people will avoid that.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
24 Nov 15
I will e mail this lady,I do not know if I will plan to meet her.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (67068)
• Roseburg, Oregon
24 Nov 15
No and I barely knew my parents family until I was 15 years old and my Dad retired from the servic.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
24 Nov 15
I know part of this is that it is bringing up emotions about my first husband dying.
2 people like this
@allknowing (65087)
• India
26 Nov 15
Curiosity killed a cat or was it a rat? Nothing like trying to find out more about this 'Aunt' Good luck with your research.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
Oh, she is like an open book, has told me tons of stuff in her response to my e mail. I do not know if I want to be as forthcoming as she is.
@allknowing (65087)
• India
1 Dec 15
@GardenGerty What she has told you may not be the truth. Nothing like getting help from a cid (lol)
@PainsOnSlate (20254)
• Canada
25 Nov 15
I would be hurt and or angry too, for a little while at least. On the other hand, you might learn some interesting things from this woman or she might be a nice person that you enjoy knowing.....maybe she is lonely and just wants to know about her family.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
I emailed her. It went to her junk mail, but she found it before it was deleted. Yes, she has a lot of gaps in her life she would like filled. The dad that she and my husband shared was one who abandoned people. I do not know if that kind of a hole in your heart can ever be filled.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Dec 15
@GardenGerty I'm glad you contacted her.
@poehere (17700)
• French Polynesia
25 Nov 15
This one is very hard. 2 years back I was faced with a ghost from the past looking for my daughter. it was her dad who had abounded her when she was 13 months.old. He tracked me down when she was 12 to try and talk with her. She hung up on him. Now it is 36 years later and he comes calling again. He wants to see his daughter. God what was this guy thinking. He married and had 2 kids and divorced his second wife. Now he wants to marry again and bring his daughter into his life. I got a phone number and told him I would talk with her. I sat on this number for a few days and finally called her. I basically left it up to her what to do. Why not she is 37 at the time and she knew wht was best for her life. I guess in the end it has worked out good and she now has a dad she never new for 36 years. It is hard to make a decision as to what to do. Should you call this person or not. Reaching out can mean problems and if you don't you have to worry about your daughter doing this one. I faced this and called the number i had for him. We had a long talk on the phone. I almost didn't tell her anything about him because of how he was blaming me for his problems. I never talked abuot him or bad mouth him ever to her. I basically told him if I gave her the info he had better not say anything about us if he wanted to be her dad because her and I are very close and he can't make her see me in a bad light.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
I have a response from her in the e mail. We have not been close to my first husband's family since he passed. She was abandoned as they were by the dad. It is strange for me. She wants to have so much in common with us, but I do not have a lot of care and respect for the surviving brothers myself.
@poehere (17700)
• French Polynesia
2 Dec 15
@GardenGerty I can see this one after what they did to you. I think that this one is wrong but I have seen it in the past here on the islands too. Some people can be cruel and then after years come to regret what they did and now want you to forgive them. Hard to do this when you basically don't care anymore.
@dorianna (512)
• United States
24 Nov 15
I was placed in an orphanage along with 2 brothers borne from my Mother and Father after an abuse by my mother's boyfriend abused us (parents were divorced). Mom and Dad went on to remarry and both had a second family with new mates. My brothers and I sort of got lost in the shuffle. My heart has many pains that rear up now and then and brings tears. It took years and I do not pretend that there is not hurt, but there is no longer resentment. Dad & Mom have passed away. Today I have a good relationship with my stepmother and my half sisters and brothers. I have forgiven everyone. As a result I enjoy them and have their love. My stepmother is my best friend. The emotional pain of being left out of what was rightfully mine will always be there wanting to make accusation and cause anger. I push it away. It serves no beneficial purpose. Having been a mother I understand we all do the best we can and we all make mistakes. We all do wrong things as well that we may later regret. I would embrace the chance to meet. Get to know her. Then I could determine her motives. I would tell her I was hurt. My stepmother and I talk about how I was abandoned. Ill feelings are brought to light and can mend. Maybe she was afraid she would not be accepted. Now she has a change of heart. Perhaps she will say she is sorry. I would want to hear what she had to say.
1 person likes this
@dorianna (512)
• United States
1 Dec 15
@GardenGerty No it will be a challenge..go slow. Take time to repair the hurt. Hopefully it will turn out a blessing for you
@birjudanak (7227)
• India
24 Nov 15
some people make relation just for money and till doing everything like normal and try to keep happy but suddenly something like this kind of thing happened they changed and behave like we are nothing and try to make us fell guilty and may be remove from house.so they changed quickly and show their true character.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
She has nothing to gain financially from me, or from her brothers. It is a sense of belonging that she is looking for. I do not know if I have the energy to give her that.
@LeaPea2417 (20413)
• Toccoa, Georgia
24 Nov 15
Something like that has never happened in my family. I hope it never does. I am sorry you are going through it.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
It would be great if each family could just be perfect, loving, and caring and no children were ever abandoned or hurt.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 15
Never experienced this directly but have heard similar stories. Sadly, both of you have been given an unconventional situation. Be very cautious of this because it is not always as it seems. That said she may be genuine regardless of the way your brother in laws treated you and your kids.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
The brothers are more guilty of sins of omission than commission and I am honestly not that easy to get to know.
1 person likes this
@gudheart (12752)
24 Nov 15
It is something to be vary about.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
1 Dec 15
I am thinking it over. It would not hurt me to meet her, except to wake up some feelings about how much I miss my first husband.