When Lovers Stop Loving One Another

Photo taken by me – Valentine heart
Preston, England
November 30, 2015 3:27pm CST
Terribly sad to hear that two very good friends who have lived together in a long loving relationship have just recently split up with little hope of forgiveness or reconciliation. Who is to blame is unknown to me and the root causes of the conflict are lost on me – my regrets and condolences go to both of them. It seems to me that this happens way too often. Couples who seem inseparable and perfect for one another suddenly separate, even when you take their permanent love for granted while couples who seem to be trapped in a volatile and uneasy partnership stay together for years. It is a challenge for those who are friends to both partners in a disintegrating relationship, family or marriage. I just hope I don’t see other friends fall out like this round me ever again. Arthur Chappell
41 people like this
35 responses
@Namelesss (983)
• United States
30 Nov 15
I think we often expect too much from relationships. It's like older couples after the kids have flown the nest and they retire from their careers and jobs. They might both just be ready to move on in different directions. Personally I see nothing at all wrong with that. That is if they can do it amicably and still appreciate the time they had together. But yeah, I get you, it can be sad seeing long term relationships end. Especially when they are both your friend.
6 people like this
@Hatley (152289)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Dec 15
these all make me wonder what we did right as i was married for 33 years and only my hubbies fatal heart attack ended our marriages we loved unconditionally and we backed each othyer u p we could tell each other anything and I was never afraid to tellhim aything he loved me forever and I him. he was the love of m y life. we s upported each other and lotsof couples do not.
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (48172)
• Centralia, Missouri
1 Dec 15
sometimes who people are change, and their life goals change, the path just isn't the same anymore, I wish them well on their new directions. I hope they are able to heal too
5 people like this
@annavi23 (6302)
• Philippines
1 Dec 15
Very true indeed. people do change. Sometimes we just have to deal with it. Learn things and move on. It seems like if the person isn't compatible with your ideas or goals or anything there is, there can be change in treating each other and it's all up to you if you still want them to be part of their lives, and vice versa.
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
1 Dec 15
@annavi23 life goals can diverge and those can be breaking points for a couple, and honestly, is there really a point to keep on keeping on when both are miserable, you can compromise, but if things have diverged in opposite directions sometimes there simply is no middle ground
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
@Jessicalynnt I agree - if there seems no hope of improvement it is best to call it quits for both parties
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (55322)
• India
30 Nov 15
I think those who are in worse relationship do not walk out easily because they feel they can repair it, or they feel they would lose a whole chunk of their lives which is something rather hard for them to live with. Restarting is not easy at all. Some get scared at the thought itself.
5 people like this
@dpk262006 (52378)
• Delhi, India
1 Dec 15
2 people like this
@vandana7 (55322)
• India
1 Dec 15
@dpk262006 ..why deepu thank you for approving.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
the fear of reaction from family and friends to a separation problems too until things get really bad and a couple feel there is no choice but to part
@amadeo (42186)
• United States
30 Nov 15
Mike and I are still here with 45 years .How about that.Married for two.
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16886)
• Ireland
30 Nov 15
It's interesting about the volatile relationship lasting for longer, curious but true.
3 people like this
• Preston, England
30 Nov 15
yes my grandparents fought a lot but loved each other inseparably too
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16886)
• Ireland
30 Nov 15
@arthurchappell same with mine, but that's back in the days when being happy alone doesn't seem to be an option.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16886)
• Ireland
1 Dec 15
@Hatley Yep I think back in the days, it's all about "making it work".
@troyburns (1478)
• New Zealand
30 Nov 15
It's all too common these days, and I'm no longer surprised when an apparently inseparable partnership breaks down. Love is a good reason to get into a marriage, but it's not necessarily the one that will sustain it over the years.
3 people like this
@Hatley (152289)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Dec 15
yesbesdses love you need respect for each other ,friendship communications always and trust if you do not have trust its not goi8hg to wo rk at all and you do need to work at a good marriage also youmust be faityfu l to each other
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1478)
• New Zealand
1 Dec 15
@Hatley - You've nailed it. Communication, trust, friendship - as hard as it is for some of us to admit it, these things are what really matters in a relationship. Love is just the cherry on top.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (5967)
• Malaysia
1 Dec 15
That is sad, but it happens a lot these days and I'm not even talking about celebrities. I think what we see on the surface (how couples behave with each other when people are around and so on) doesn't tell us anything about the reality of their relationship. Who knows how long they had been trying to hold on to the relationship. I hope they both find happiness again.
2 people like this
@Susan2015 (17556)
• United States
30 Nov 15
It's always sad when a nice couple breaks up. You would think it would be the ones who fight nonstop and swear at each all the time. That would get very tiring.
2 people like this
@hlfbldmom (743)
• Philippines
30 Nov 15
My parents go separate ways when I was 5 years old by then I dont understand why and I dont like the idea of having a broken family but when I grow up I now understand that what they done is for our best interest and so for them too. They still love each other until now especially my father to my mother. They both dont re-marry and they still care for each other but there are things they cant agree with always and end up fighting so they decided to parted ways. Its sad but if you see it on a positive ways it is the best thing to do rather than hurting each other and the people involve.
2 people like this
@Katlynn (378)
• United States
1 Dec 15
It is sad to see couples break up that once seemed so perfect for each other. Some couples shouldn't be together, but the ones who worked well together, you can't comprehend what caused the breakdown.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
I agree - unless they tell everyone there is no way to be sure what went wrong
1 person likes this
@Katlynn (378)
• United States
1 Dec 15
@arthurchappell And even if you are the one involved in a relationship that ends, sometimes you are confused as to why your partner broke up with you.
@jaboUK (48828)
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 15
I hope that neither of them expects you to take their side against the other - that could be awkward.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
I would make my neutrality very clear to them if necessary
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (48828)
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 15
@arthurchappell That's much the best thing to do.
@annavi23 (6302)
• Philippines
1 Dec 15
This goes with the saying "nothing lasts forever". It is really saddening to be int hat kind of situation. But that's life. It's reality. It's unfair but we do learned from things happening around us. every single person that comes in our lives, leave us lessons or blessings. We just have to be thankful in every single person that comes in and even out of our lives. Accept reality and move on...
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
we should be grateful for the good times even from a relationship that later turns sour - it must have been happy to get started in the first place. If the couple can recover that magic there may even be hope of reconciliation.
@annavi23 (6302)
• Philippines
2 Dec 15
@arthurchappell yes, both parties should agree upon reconciliation and fix things out. They should help themselves figure out what's wrong and what is there to think things through, for them to understand each other, they should be open and listen to each other's views. :)
@dpk262006 (52378)
• Delhi, India
1 Dec 15
We are sorry to hear that two of your close friends separated unexpectedly. Nothing happens without reasons and there might be some (hidden) reasons for the marital discord between them. It may be that something was simmering between both of them for years together and suddenly that reached its boiling point, which led to their separation. I do not think so that some couples who appear a perfect match separate suddenly, if this is the case then either those kinds of couples are too smart to look perfect to others or there is something wrong in our reading. On the other hand some couples who seem to us as unstable, stay together because they learn to accommodate each other with the passage of time and probably they also apprehend that separation is not the solution to their married life problems.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
yes, some relationships seem doomed from day one but other people seem destined to be together forever but it is strange when they seem to buck the trend and a long standing marriage disintegrates
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (52378)
• Delhi, India
2 Dec 15
@arthurchappell Yes, whom you believe are made for each other and suddenly one day you hear the news that they have separated gives you a severe shock. But what to do - it is their decision after all, they know what is best for them.
@LeaPea2417 (12703)
• Toccoa, Georgia
1 Dec 15
It is very sad. I know three cases of this. These three couples seemed rock solid in their marriages. It was shocking when I heard in the past year or so that these three different couples were divorcing!
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
rather sad how often it happens - it must put many couples off marriage in case it happens to them too
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 15
Our friends have just announced a separation today funnily enough after being together for 24 years, it's a real shock and right now I'm having trouble thinking how I'll even relate to these people as separate friends rather than the 'Charlotte and Adam' couple
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Dec 15
This is terrible. We do not know what is going on inside of a relationship, only what the couple shows us. My sister and her husband have been together for seven years with three beautiful children. We have had two recent deaths in the family a month apart and instead of bringing them closer it has torn them apart. It saddens me that during such a difficult time they found the way to ease their pain is to pain one another.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
That is awful @casieannable they have enough stress and hurting anyway without that
• Portugal
1 Dec 15
so sorry that your friends got separated. you know i think that the biggest problem is that sometimes people are together for so long that their life becomes a routine. thats why i think is always good to do different things with your lover. so the relation wont become a routine. we need new things everyday.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
1 Dec 15
yes people can just fall out of love as easily as falling in love sadly - relationships need to change rather than turning routine or they get stale
• India
1 Dec 15
Real Love is always PAINFULL
1 person likes this
@yalul070 (1764)
• Manila, Philippines
1 Dec 15
Oh dear. I hope they are still friends. But it happens. People do fall out of love that's why I really admire couples who stay in love despite old age.
1 person likes this
@Wordly1 (486)
• Kingston, New Hampshire
1 Dec 15
Many times, what is mistaken for 'love' is an infatuation that can last various amounts of time. It's a shame when such relationships fall apart after the arrival of children. Love is the real long lasting relationship that will withstand anything...except, perhaps...treason.
1 person likes this