Molding Children

@Inlemay (16576)
South Africa
December 8, 2015 11:54pm CST
Many years ago when my children were in pre-grades before going to BIG SCHOOL, I met a woman who said she was grooming her daughter for greatness. It seems that she herself had missed greatness by default of her sister that actually got there, and the sour grapes were evident but the drive to succeed through her daughter was powerful. Almost 20 years later, after the daughter in question had progressed into becoming Head Girl in bother junior school and senior school and managed to have the best grades in the region - has flunked out of University due to a serious melt down and lack of interest in applying her mind to anything. She has taken to serve drinks in a bar (for now) until some light on a vocation strikes her like a lightening bolt. So the molding of children happens, but the eventual FINAL product will have to be the result of the passion that is of the child within. Some people place a lot of stress on children and at this time of the year, we hear of children achieving distinctions for studying but still deciding to Hang themselves, or overdose, as the thought of Success after school is a daunting thought. My eldest daughter received her results for her Advanced Diploma in Training Practices for Education and Training - Passed with Distinction, and I am very proud of her. She teaches Dance Studies at a Government school and now has advanced training for education purposes. Still waiting for my youngest results - fingers crossed. Our children will eventually come into their own, we should just allow them to follow their dreams and support them with motivation and of course in my case - a Whip!! he he he
21 people like this
22 responses
@MALUSE (40332)
• Germany
9 Dec 15
One can only pity children who have to fulfil their parents' dreams.
7 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
We see that often at the Ballet school - it is a shame
2 people like this
@WorDazza (10105)
• Manchester, England
9 Dec 15
Very well put @MALUSE
2 people like this
@nanette64 (17612)
• Fairfield, Texas
9 Dec 15
I couldn't have said that any better @MALUSE .
2 people like this
@flapiz (4155)
• Australia
9 Dec 15
I am not a child anymore but I still feel the parental pressure in the life decisions I'm making. I know they mean well but they are causing me too much stress and pressure sometimes that I try to avoid their calls.
4 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
the stress and pressure can be so destructive in your growing process I hope that you manage with your own choices.
2 people like this
@flapiz (4155)
• Australia
9 Dec 15
@Inlemay I feel exactly that. I tried to tell them that I am an adult now and I know what I'm doing but they won't listen. Sometimes I just cry out of frustration. It's making me depressed these days. This discussion is just so spot on.
4 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
@flapiz most parents are just trying to be helpful not knowing that they can be more harmful than ever. be brave and try and keep the peace with these kind of choices because some days a parent is still the most priceless person to take advice from.
3 people like this
@WorDazza (10105)
• Manchester, England
9 Dec 15
It's really prevalent in the UK in junior football. The number of fathers who push their sons to ridiculous lengths in the hope they will become the next David Beckham is just mad!! You can see it's removing any enjoyment the child may have been getting from playing!! It also used to lead to my son getting dog's abuse from parents when he was refereeing!!
4 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
I think thats just awful - some parents have no idea what they are doing to their children and their whole family life. As an ex Hockey umpire - i can relate to that kind of abuse
3 people like this
@WorDazza (10105)
• Manchester, England
9 Dec 15
@Inlemay Pass on my congratulations to your eldest daughter and my best wishes to your youngest daughter. Didn't want to use their names here, as you haven't! Not sure if you want their names plastered all over this place!!!!
2 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
@WorDazza thanks for that - no Im not doing their names here - those that know them by way of Bub can do so, but I am being a little more conservative this time. he he
2 people like this
@TheHorse (65992)
• Pleasant Hill, California
9 Dec 15
I think children learn a lot about values from modeling their parents. But children who are driven by their parents, and not allowed to discover what moves them, are destined for a fall.
3 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
11 Dec 15
sometimes parents are working so much, they are incognito - so then the children pick up bad habits from those they spend so much time with
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (65992)
• Pleasant Hill, California
11 Dec 15
@Inlemay I wonder what determines whether they stumble into positive or negative influences.
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
11 Dec 15
@TheHorse the character of the child which is molded in the first 5 years of their lives - all new mothers should stay home for that period of time.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (53964)
• United Kingdom
10 Dec 15
It's natural to want the best for our children, but pushy parents do their children no favours at all. Congrats to your older daughter, and I hope the younger one does well too.
3 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
10 Dec 15
Pushy parents are an embarrassment, especially when you see it on the child's face
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (157831)
• Switzerland
9 Dec 15
I know you are proud of your children Lany and you have all reason to be, congratulations to your daughter.
3 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
thank you Anna - another accolade to add to her resume.
2 people like this
@mom210 (6761)
• Atlanta, Georgia
9 Dec 15
I think it is okay to push them a little, but I agree not to out tons of pressure on them. Childhood is such a short time in our lives, they need to feel loved and have fun.
3 people like this
@ison_1 (1252)
9 Dec 15
Whoop whoop! GO INGE!!! (she doesn't speak to me any more :( But I still think she's great :)) Good morning Lany
2 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
Hello there John - its complicated and she doesnt do anything that causes complications anymore. She did well and I am very proud of her.
2 people like this
@ison_1 (1252)
9 Dec 15
@Inlemay That's understandable, and you are right to be very proud of her. How are you? Still being deprived sleep by the heat? (I'm being vindictive and using that to assuage my resentment of your summer sun!)
2 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
@ison_1 Oh today was a PERFECT summer day - just around 33* with a slight breeze and a few clouds in the sky. I had some High tea with a friend - but that is in my next writings.
2 people like this
@poehere (17700)
• French Polynesia
9 Dec 15
Too much pressure on children is so bad. You can see this in film after film of true stories. I think that people should allow their children to achieve on their own. My niece has an older sister and she is just one that always gets top grade but she does work hard on this one. Poor thing was always compared to her older sister because it seemed she always had to follow behind. In middle school she refused to go to the same middle school as her older sister. Well in doing this she really shined and did well. Now in high school she will graduate soon and she has outstanding grade. It take a different way to teach each child. I like the idea of encouraging them but let them advance at their own speed.
2 people like this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
11 Dec 15
that is great that we identify each childs needs and work on their individual capabilities - that is something many parents miss.
@Jessicalynnt (47895)
• Centralia, Missouri
9 Dec 15
it could also be that all that pressure created the breakdown as well.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (123432)
• Bunbury, Australia
9 Dec 15
It is absolutely the worst thing to live your life through your children. I don't think it ever works. And well done to your daughter.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30338)
• Momence, Illinois
10 Dec 15
I so agree and each kid is so different even when they have the same parents. My oldest struggled in school. My youngest is getting his PhD in Astro Physics. One time when they were both pretty young in middle school around 5th and 6th grade, my youngest asked why I made such a big deal about my older sons C's and didn't make as much of a big deal about his straight A's. I told him that his brother worked 10 times harder to get his C than you will ever work to get your A. I don't think he understood completely at the time, but he does now. He never had to work hard to get his excellent grades until he we to grad school. Now he is working.
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
10 Dec 15
that sounds all to familiar - my dad never noticed my A's but always made a fuss of my sisters D's even - which were borderline failing. I know why today - but never said anything - just thought what your son asked!
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (77758)
• Banks, Oregon
9 Dec 15
Congratulations to your daughter, that's awesome.
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (16576)
• South Africa
9 Dec 15
I thought it was pretty awesome too - adult learning is not as easy as people think
• Jacksonville, Florida
9 Dec 15
My sister expects perfection from her children with school work, sports and chores. It worries me for the children because they already feel stressed at 7 & 8 years old! My kids have chores but it's not a lot, their expected to get school work done but I don't demand perfection from them. I just hope I am doing enough for them and I hope her kids don't get pushed to their breaking point.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (17612)
• Fairfield, Texas
9 Dec 15
You are exactly right @Inlemay . There are a lot of adults (kids) out there that are being 'forced' into being a doctor, lawyer or whatever; that they don't really want to be. The Beauty Pageant thing is one that really makes me mad. Some parents actually have facial surgery done to their kids so they can be Miss Beauty Queen.
1 person likes this
@marijuana (576)
• Tel Aviv, Israel
9 Dec 15
congratulations on your children's achievements . You are right, Parents should guide and motivate their children but not giving them too much to handle.
1 person likes this
@shshiju (10492)
• Cochin, India
9 Dec 15
Congrats for your daughter, and you are absolutely a lovable mother to your daughters.
1 person likes this
@Platespinner (16522)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
9 Dec 15
A "well done" to you daughter, and a "well done" to you for not trying to make up for your own short comings by pushing your kids. I'm a firm believer in letting kids find their own paths.I see it as my job to encourage not to push unnecessarily.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (31174)
• Philippines
9 Dec 15
i think the same thing happened to a relative of mine. everyone, including she, felt the board exam (for licensure) would be a breeze, but she failed. although they're allowed to retake it, she applied instead for work in a totally different but lucrative field, poured all her energies there and has been successful every since.
1 person likes this
@hiru84 (956)
• Malaysia
9 Dec 15
@ Inlemay Glad to heard that your eldest daughter passed her examination.congratulations.