When the Past Comes Calling

@Raelove (17745)
Saco, Maine
December 24, 2015 6:18am CST
The last thing I expected to find in my email Inbox this morning was a short message from a woman I knew many years ago. I haven't seen her in almost 30 years, and have never had any intention to, as my past interactions with her were almost always stressful. Back then, she was a very needy person, and she always covered this up with lots of chatter and loud laughter that could, at times, be embarassing. And from what I later heard through the grapevine about her was that she had deteriorated even further. There was a time when we'd been close, to the point where she married my ex's uncle. So that made her "family" for awhile, until they divorced. After that, I grew tired of her loud boorish behavior, and it also happened that my own life changed at about the same time. I went off to college and then moved away from the area, while she continued to live the same old life. A few months ago, I noticed a strange email in my Inbox that was accompanied by a phone number. It was from her, and she explained how she'd just gotten a new phone and was learning how to email with it. She went on about how she'd made a big change in her life, had joined a new church, was playing guitar in a small band and that she really wanted to reconnect with me. I replied politely that I was happy for her, and that I was busy with a new life, too, and thanked her for the invitation. True to form, she replied, several times over the course of several days, with her trademark pushiness about how I should do this and do that. I can't recall how I responded to this now, but she popped back up this morning to ask me why I am "angry." Well, I wasn't before, but I am started to get annoyed now. I deleted this email without responding and will wait and see what comes of it. I live a very quiet life now and have all the friends I need and want, and who respect my boundaries as I do theirs. If this woman comes back at me again, I fear that I will have to put her in her place once and for all by telling her that, "No, I wasn't angry before I got your message, but I am now, as I do not like to be pressured in any way." Apparently she is still as needy as she was 30 years ago, and it is not anything I want in my life considering that my kids and grandkids give me all the excitement I need by way of the drama in their lives. It might sound crude and callous to not want anything to do with her. But I know this woman well enough to know that she one of those individuals who would take my life over again if I gave her the chance. I hope my silence to her is, as another old friend put it to me once, my "loudest answer." (Public Domain Image)
11 people like this
11 responses
@marlina (80526)
• Canada
24 Dec 15
I totally agree with the way you are handling this "nuisance". I do the same with "certain people" that want to suck the blood out of me.
2 people like this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
After I parted ways with this woman, I met and worked with her daughter-in-law who told me a lot about how far she'd sunk. It's one thing if our presence in someone's life makes a difference. But when the same old behaviors resurface after 30 years, you know it makes no difference at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 15
Is there a way to block her? Maybe by not responding to her she will get the message.
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
Yes, there is, and I may have to do that if she doesn't get the hint.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 15
@Raelove After all these years how did she get your e-mail addy?
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
@AbbyGreenhill It's listed at the end of the column I write for a local newspaper. It has been since I started writing the column in 2010, and I've never had a problem till now, that is.
@fishtiger58 (30317)
• Momence, Illinois
24 Dec 15
No matter what people say, they really don't change. Circumstances change, but usually not that base personality.
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
So true. And sometimes, people are in our lives for a purpose and when that purpose has been served, they move on. Nothing wrong with that.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (30317)
• Momence, Illinois
24 Dec 15
@Raelove No nothing wrong with that. It's our choice after all to be friends or not. We can't like everyone who crosses our path.
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
@fishtiger58 Some people can't let go of the past. I can. I've moved on many times in my life, and my real friends have respected that.
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (14731)
• United Kingdom
25 Dec 15
Good lord well what a rude callous woman. No you definitely do not need her bombing your life. I would block her emails if I were you so they go straight into the delete box. Cheeky mare!
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
25 Dec 15
LOL, yes, she is. Hasn't changed in 30 years. Gotten worse, in fact. I don't need it in my life.
@pgiblett (6576)
• Canada
24 Dec 15
I think the best response would have been to delete the email from the outset (plus take the steps of making sure they go to your spam folder). Sadly these type of people rarely change.
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
I didn't respond this time and don't plan to. If she tries again, this time I will block her.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (55159)
• United Kingdom
24 Dec 15
That's a great way of putting things - silence is the loudest answer. Perhaps she will realise and leave you alone.
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
I hope so, but I know her too well and know she won't leave it alone until I get blunt with her. I'm not in the habit of making enemies or insulting people to get them to leave me alone. But this might be what it takes. I sure hope not, for both our sakes.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 15
I think we all know someone like this. The silent treatment should work. Let's hope she doesn't find your phone number. *be blessed*
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
I don't make my phone number public in any way. The silent treatment hasn't usually worked with her. She can be annoyingly persistent, and that's the neediness speaking. She simply no longer "fits" my quiet lifestyle, and my ways would not fit her life either. So I'm trying to do us both a favor here.
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24741)
• Singapore
24 Dec 15
Yes, i can understand how you feel. I have some "friends" who were problematic too. It is a waste of time and energy to deal with them. I do not need to get into the emotional traps that they use to catch hold of their victims. I am as happy and contented as can be. I do not need such people around.
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
I, too, am happier in many ways than I've been in a very long time. I'm not going to get dragged back down after 30 years by a woman who insists she has the secret to happiness when nothing could be further from the truth.
@Juliaacv (35203)
• Canada
24 Dec 15
I don't blame you, I don't like that personality type either. I hope that she gets the drift sooner then later.
1 person likes this
@Raelove (17745)
• Saco, Maine
24 Dec 15
She never did. And if she doesn't get it this time, then I will have to block her.
1 person likes this
@amadeo (78301)
• United States
24 Dec 15
Never had any experience with this.I love most people .
1 person likes this
@PatZAnthony (13257)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
24 Dec 15
You know how short life is-Why fill space with people who upset us? Yes, your silence will be heard!