January 4, 2016 7:13am CST
Twenty five years ago next month my husband and I had a beautiful baby girl. Usually in the weeks leading up to a birthday I plan and I find something special for that person who will be celebrating. We cannot do that for this birthday. Our little girl, who was born with congenital heart disease, passed away from her bad heart just a couple of weeks after she was born. Instead of picking out something that my daughter would like to open as a gift, my heart cries out with the pain and loneliness that it feels after having carried a child and then never got to love her as long as my heart was ready to. My arms feel so empty, my heart feels so cheated. Its a lifetime, 25 years, of not having. Not having any mother-daughter, or father-daughter or brother-sister stories to share, except for a few from her brief life with us. I absolutely hate this time of the year, the pain feels as fresh as it did a quarter of a century ago. So forgive me if I'm quiet, or not my usual self. I am going thru a lot, and this year seems to be worse, perhaps its the milestone of realizing that its been so long without, and yet so long with.
26 people like this
8 Jan 16
I am sending you a hug back. Our daughter's birthday would have been February 16th, isn't that something that they had such close birthdays? I'm glad that you have the wonderful grandsons that you do, so that you can have that special bond that you didn't get to have with Daniel. That is what I miss about losing our little girl when she was so young. I only took her out shopping once with me.
• Portland, Connecticut
8 Jan 16
@Juliaacv There are quite a few people who have lost a child among our BB friends. One of my grandsons is named Daniel and so is my great grandson. Yes the grandsons are wonderful but I will always wonder what my Daniel would have been like, I nver got to see him they didn't let the mothers hold stillborns in those days!! The doctor told me he was perfect. Sorry I am tearing up, yes it is something that their birthdays were so close.
• Momence, Illinois
4 Jan 16
I am so sorry for your loss, even though it was so long ago she was your child and you will never forget. My sister had her first child and the sweet baby girl lived 11 minutes in my sister's arms. That was at least 25 years ago. It's still and always will break her heart. I hope you and your loved ones get through this painful time.
• United States
5 Jan 16
It is never easy to lose someone you loved, especially a child and I know how you feel. I too lost my son when he was 7 1/2 wks old and what made that worse is that his identical twin brother is still with us 31 yrs later and I always wonder what it would have been like with them both. All you can do is keep her in your heart and cherish the memories you have. Hugs to you
4 Jan 16
Thank you. Its a double edged sword, you grieve the child you lost and you grieve the child that never got to grow up and give you the joys that children give to us thru the years. All of our hopes and dreams for her were vanished and we're left with just her sweet memory.
4 Jan 16
Thanks, and I feel close to our son's girlfriend, and I find that the more that her and I do together the more I realize how much I missed out on after we lost Brittany. And when I see my hubby and our son doing things together, even just sitting in the family room and having a lively conversation, it tugs at my heart strings. But one day I know that we'll be reunited and never separated again, and she will not be in heart failure.
• New Delhi, India
5 Jan 16
The mother loves her children so much ,as she does every thing what they want , what they wish in their life .The baby girl looks so cute, loving, beautiful and charming . I feel the sorrow of a mother who has lost her baby it is very difficult to survive without your baby,your dream to love it .
• Quezon City, Philippines
5 Jan 16
Tears fall from my eyes as I read your post. I cannot imagine the pain a parent, especially a mother, feels when her child is taken from her. Time will heal the pain but the scar will forever be there. Your precious angel is now looking at you, hugging you whenever she can, and praying for you to be strong each day. She's in a better place, and one day you will see her again.