He Got Married

@AmbiePam (48123)
United States
January 7, 2016 7:25pm CST
A lot of you know me from way back in the "golden years" of mylot. Some of you know me from the now defunct Bubblews. If you don't, here's a quick fill in: my mom developed dementia at the age of 46. She died May 4th at the age of 55. My dad took care of her the whole time even though he still worked. I helped out as much as possible. Now, my dad just got married. He was 59 when my mom died, but he recently turned 60. His now wife just turned 62. Yep, she's older. You see a lot of older guys go for younger women, but I knew my dad wouldn't go that road. We actually knew her from church youth camp, way back when. She lives about an hour and a half from us, so we didn't see her often. I think it was six years ago she and her best friend visited our church and until recently that was the last time my parents or I had seen her. At that time my mom still could come to church if we watched her. Diane, my dad's new wife, remembers hugging her after church and my mom just crying so hard about it. By that time my mom couldn't control many emotions. I've met her once. I don't remember her from camp because I don't remember camp, really. I do remember my mom talking about Diane, and her best friend, Hazel. So the one time I met her it was because I told my dad I was not going to just meet her on Christmas with the rest of his extended family. So he arranged (she still worked, and like I said, lives an hour and a half away, has grandchildren...) for us to have lunch. She's great. She's very lovable. My dad doesn't have a guide book, but I thought he'd be a little more considerate. A lot of people knew he was getting married before I did. He didn't know why I would want to come to the wedding (to be fair, she said the same thing to her kids), and he actually asked my sister to help pick out the ring. Which my sister did, but secretly resented it, and I only found that out because my brother-in-law told me. Anyway, I'm happy if he's happy. I just wish he'd handled it a tad better. Those of you who know the whole story understand. I mean it's all so complicated, and one post doesn't really explain everything. But this one is already too long. Sorry...
32 people like this
28 responses
• United States
8 Jan 16
I am so sorry to hear that your mom has passed. I remember you talking to us about her. I know that she's much better now and has her full faculities back. I don't think your father intended to keep it a secret and it hurt you. I Imagine he wasn't sure how to go about telling his children, especially with it not being too terribly long after your mother's passing. I can understand how your sister would resent picking out the ring but it sounds to me as if your new step mother is not trying to take away from the memories your family has with your mother, nor is she trying to replace her in anyway. I hope one day your sister will come to understand that.
6 people like this
@paigea (21755)
• Canada
8 Jan 16
I am sorry things weren't handled well. I hope it can work out. Take care. I am sorry for the loss of your mom.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
23 Feb 16
I think she will too, thanks.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (53406)
• United Kingdom
8 Jan 16
It sounds as if he was worried what your reaction would be to his getting married again. I'm glad that you like her, and hope that you can become good friends. Your Dad deserves some happiness after looking after your Mom for so long.
6 people like this
@jaboUK (53406)
• United Kingdom
9 Jan 16
@AmbiePam You may be repeating, but I'm pleased to be reminded as i'm interested.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (147228)
• Switzerland
8 Jan 16
I am glad that his new wife is a lovely woman, but I agree that your Dad should have handled this a tad better. I am sorry that your mother passed away so young.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
23 Feb 16
I wonder how a son would have reacted?
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 16
Your dad shouldn't have been so secretive about this. You are his daughter and deserve a bit more respect than that. Now, you being his daughter, need to just let it go and try to keep on keeping on. Big hugs to you.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
23 Feb 16
Thanks. I think you are exactly right. I'm going to do that.
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (73707)
• Banks, Oregon
8 Jan 16
Well hopefully he's happy and, yeah should have handled it better. I'm sorry about your mom and, I remember you from Bubblews.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
23 Feb 16
You're my sports guy.
• Indonesia
8 Jan 16
Yes, I remember you from that golden years I especially recognized you from your profile picture, many of "old" mylotter did not change their profile pictures that I still recognized them by that. I'm glad your dad is happy with someone now, and as fellow mylotters I'm proud of you that you count your dad happiness above all.
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
9 Jan 16
Thank you. I really appreciate that.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117155)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jan 16
Sorry to hear of your mom's passing. I remember you from "the Golden Years of Mylot". I think that what happens sometimes is that people get pulled along and they don't want to hurt people's feelings and so forth and so things happen. But, when others look into the situation they find it hard to understand why things were done the way they were. If your dad's happy don't sweat the small stuff. Life's too short. Right?
3 people like this
@LoriAMoore (4853)
• United States
8 Jan 16
I'm glad you like her and that your Dad is happy.
3 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (29029)
• United States
8 Jan 16
I know that your father loved your mother. I also know he's gone through a lot over the past few years trying to take care of her. I'm glad he found someone who might make him happy. He deserves it after all this time, and I'm glad you're happy for him.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 16
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Mother Ambie. I am also happy for your Dad, but yes, it may be bit of the long way round he went about it. I hope this lady is good to him and you.
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (36963)
• Portland, Connecticut
8 Jan 16
I think you are doing amazingly well. I am not quite so understanding I am afraid. I think waiting a year is the minimum and even that is a little short . I know life is short and I think it is a tribute to your mom that he wants to get married again, obviously she made him happy when she could. We all want our loved ones to be happy and I am sure your mom would want that too.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
9 Jan 16
She would. And she hadn't been my mom in years. It was watching a body walk. She couldn't speak but a few words, she walked into walls..it may sound insensitive, but that is the plain truth: it was like babysitting a body that no longer had a real person in it. We treated her like gold, but it was just amazing how quickly she was essentially gone.
3 people like this
@bunnybon7 (35524)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Jan 16
@AmbiePam yes I have always heard that when a man has had a happy marriage he longs for that again.
@BelleStarr (36963)
• Portland, Connecticut
9 Jan 16
@AmbiePam My mom has dementia too so I know exactly what you are talking about.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164755)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 16
Maybe he was nervous that you might not l ike her or you might be upset that he was remarryingr
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
9 Jan 16
It IS difficult sometimes to read him.
• Jacksonville, Florida
8 Jan 16
I think he jumped in really fast to a new marriage but then again your mom was probably not herself for a while before she passed so he probably already felt like he emotionally moved on-which is sad no matter how you look at it too. =(
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
9 Jan 16
Yes, that's true. It had been years since she had any of her faculties.
1 person likes this
@gr8nana6 (2207)
• United States
20 Jan 16
Sorry for the loss of your Mom, I hope you can forgive him for the way he handled things. Everybody needs someone and be happy.
2 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (19068)
• Toccoa, Georgia
19 Jan 16
I am sorry for the loss of your Mom. I do send good wishes to your Dad and his new wife.
2 people like this
@Mbalie (321)
• South Africa
8 Jan 16
I am so sorry about your loss. Your mom is in a better place now. Your dad could have handled the situation better, but I am glad you are happy for him. He needs companionship at this stage in his life. Glad you also like his partner. Hope you work through your situation and be in a positive space with your dad.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (9029)
• United States
8 Jan 16
I admit that I do not know the whole story here. But I am with you when you said that as long as he is happy, then that is the important thing. Hope whatever issue there is behind this will be resolved soon.
2 people like this
@patgalca (14257)
• Orangeville, Ontario
8 Jan 16
I don't know the whole back story but family secrets drive me crazy. Being the baby of the family I was kept out of the loop quite a bit when I was younger, and still am to a certain extent. I had people yelling me at Christmas that my mother shouldn't have coffee because she wouldn't sleep at night. What else is new? No, apparently she would leave the residence setting off the alarm. Did anyone bother to tell me this? No big deal except that everyone was yelling at me (and I wasn't the one serving the coffee!) but it is just one of many little things that have been kept from me over the years, or the secrets I have been told to keep. I kind of refused to do that. Sorry for carrying on but family secrets are a very sore subject with me.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
9 Jan 16
That IS so frustrating. You're doing the best you can, but then they criticize you for something you weren't informed about.
@jstory07 (65331)
• Roseburg, Oregon
30 Jan 16
All you can do now is wish the two of them happiness. They deserve to be happy.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (30379)
• Momence, Illinois
8 Jan 16
I can understand the way you feel. It's a help that she is a very nice lady. I don't know if you think it's too soon for him to marry and it may well be, but he was without a wife for a long time even though your mom was still here. Sounds like you need to talk to your dad a bit more, but it probably won't change much I don't know.
1 person likes this