it's normal to have arguments over money?
By alina
@swissheart (6482)
Romania
January 14, 2016 2:33pm CST
we moved together last year in march and up until now we haven't had any problem when it comes to money now I don;t understand what the hell is wrong with my boyfriend but he's acting all weird. he expects me to do all the shopping for food and stuff and this night I got really angry and I told him it's not like I work in a bank or something and I don't understand what he's spending his money on because he always complains about not having money
14 people like this
19 responses
@MALUSE (69416)
• Germany
14 Jan 16
You must have a serious conversation about this. Write down how much the things cost which you share like rent, electricity, gas, water and food. These costs MUST be divided by two. Your boyfriend can spend the rest on is hobbies.
If he doesn't agree, don't buy food for him. Let him buy his own food at least for a month so that he sees how much it costs.
6 people like this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
we share the payment for electricity, gas, water and generally when it came to food we would cook one day me and one day him and the one who's turn was to cook would also buy all that it's needed. but lately seems like he expects me to buy all the food
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
14 Jan 16
Thank God my husband and I never had a problem like this. He was usually the bread winner for most of our marriage and relationship-and he believes it is "OUR" money regardless.
5 people like this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
I like to work and I wouldn't expect him to provide me with anything. but I wouldn't like it either to be the one who supports the house
3 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
15 Jan 16
@swissheart I always stayed home with our children, and took care of the house, and babysat. My husband has always felt what I do is work too.
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
14 Jan 16
You need to know what he is doing with is money and can't expect you to pay for things now you've moved into together.
Maybe worth looking at all the monthly outing, seeing what money you need to pay. From that you could do 50% each then that way what left he can do what he wants. The out goings/bills and so on will be covered and you won't paying for everything.
3 people like this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
14 Jan 16
@vandana7 Western's lol, it's fair if both are working.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
14 Jan 16
He should pay for his share of the living expenses.
2 people like this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
15 Jan 16
@swissheart To which point? Does he earn more than you or less?
2 people like this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
@kevin1877uk he does that to a certain point
3 people like this
@softbabe44 (5816)
• Vancouver, Washington
15 Jan 16
Could he be spending it on hobbies gambling or owe someone else money for a habit or even blowing it things need to be talked about.
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
he intends to raise money to buy himself a car. but is this a reason to support him financially?
2 people like this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
16 Jan 16
@softbabe44 there are moments when I also ask myself this question
1 person likes this
@softbabe44 (5816)
• Vancouver, Washington
16 Jan 16
@swissheart Does he really care about how you feel about things
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
@shshiju that's an interesting point of view. I will take it into consideration
2 people like this
@shshiju (10342)
• Cochin, India
15 Jan 16
@swissheart I like it you divert it like a boomerang Lol
OK
I will arrange the all systematically
At first Discussion and hearing his side
second Agreement
Or If he denies
the Last solution - Battle
Lol 
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (47038)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
15 Jan 16
He should be helping you with the expenses. As much as my husband and I may disagree a little sometimes, we both share the responsibility of paying bills and such. What helps is that we consider it our money. Yes, he's the one working, while I stay at home, but it's still our money. It's our responsibility to take of things, not just his or mine.
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (47038)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
15 Jan 16
@swissheart my husband and I don't have a joint account. We each have our own accounts.. You are entitled to your account. I guess my point is that the responsibility shouldn't just fall on you or him. Especially since you guys are living together. You are entitled to the money you earn, but he can't expect you to pay for everything.
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
I would never agree to make a join account. my money is mine and I'm the one working for them
2 people like this
@maezee (41997)
• United States
14 Jan 16
That's a tough place to be......I do think it's normal -- but it seems unfair that he is not trying to buy any groceries or do any of the shopping - THAT adds up! My sister and her husband seem to have a decent system --- they split everything completely down the middle. I think that's the best way to go. Hopefully your man gets on board soon.
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
we used to do that to a certain extent. but it seems that lately he expects me to pay for the food and I don't think its' normal
1 person likes this
@cherriefic (10400)
• Philippines
15 Jan 16
Argument about money is really sensitive between partners. But you have to talk about it as that's the reason why you're partners. You can't just shoulder everything on your own.
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
I wouldn't want to take responsability of all the bills either. plus I don't think it's fair
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
I will try to talk to him about it because it seems like we desperately need it
1 person likes this
@poehere (15126)
• French Polynesia
14 Jan 16
I think in this situation you should have a joint account only for household bills and food. Each one of you adds so much each payday to the account. You pay for food and all bills out of this account. That way there is no more need for fights. Or just do like I had to do one time before we started this. I decided to stop eating at home. I would stop on the way home and grab a bite to eat. Then at night when it came to cooking and cleaning I would say oh sorry I was hungry and I ate. Just go ahead and make what you want and be sure to clean up after yourself. When there is nothing left in the home to cook they will either be forced to buy food or go hungry.
1 person likes this
@poehere (15126)
• French Polynesia
15 Jan 16
@swissheart Good for you. Then you still have your money, he has his and there is enough in the account to pay all the bills and buy food.
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
@kevin1877uk I don't think he gambles knowing the way I know him but it's true that people bring you the most un-wanted surprises.he's the one loaning money to his firends so I don't think he owes anyone money
2 people like this
@deilkiller3 (53)
• Delhi, India
15 Jan 16
yeah the same i am facing and thats the reason we are running on to such websites right?
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24650)
• Singapore
15 Jan 16
I think he is seriously in debt, and the debt has gotten out of hand.
I think you have to get him to tell you how bad his situation is.
Ask for his credit card statement, bank statement, and not just rely on his words.
I just hope that he is not looking for an excuse to breakup with you.
@BigMoney25 (1286)
• Philippines
16 Jan 16
yeah it's normal because you have to agree on when and where you both are spending your money and both just want the best out of the money they earn for the sake of themselves. don't worry much, it's a given thing I can say.
@skysnap (20154)
•
16 Jan 16
@swissheart Time and patience. These two are solution to almost every problem. It's just that while these two are at work we have to adjust and handle our ego.
@Beatburn (4287)
• Philippines
18 Jan 16
I made a deal with my wife not to argue about money. It's a challenge and once in a while a question is asked about it, that turns into a misunderstanding. Good thing we always get to patch things up after. We will never have enough money but at least we know arguing about it will not make it grow.
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
15 Jan 16
he doesn't do any gambling or at least I don't think so.He;s trying to raise money to buy a car but he can't expect me to support him financially because of that. it's not like we're married
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
16 Jan 16
@lokisdad and what if I contribute too to a good that he buys on his name and the following month he decides to leave me?
1 person likes this
@lokisdad (4226)
• United States
16 Jan 16
@swissheart does having a car not benefit you as well? Married or not that is part of a relationship you support the other person and carry them especially when they are attempting to do something that will benefit you both. My wife has supported me and I her no keeping tabs and whats hers is mines and mines is hers. If you can't do this now then you two will never be able to do so as a married couple. Its a piece of paper that gives you legal rights and benefits nothing more. If you look at it as you are two separate entities then you won't do well as a married couple either because when you couple up its you two joining and working as one. Its no longer you and I its us and we. Its hard to do but its just how it is.
