My boyfriend drives me crazy..what do I do?

United States
January 15, 2016 5:44am CST
I feel very confused. I want to stay in the relationship but he drives me crazy. I often feel like I can't have an opinion or suggest things. He criticizes everything. He tries not to, but he's such a judgmental person in general. He can be sort of controlling. He is narrowminded and doesn't respect opposing viewpoints, even after they've been well expounded on. He guilt trips me. I feel like just giving up, just to find some harmony. Should I shut this down? I am not good at "moving on". I am also almost 40, with very little romantic experience. I don't think there is much more hope for me out there.
8 people like this
7 responses
@marlina (72819)
• Canada
15 Jan 16
You CAN NOT change a person. You can only change yourself. My best advice: Drop him ASAP
2 people like this
@delyaj30 (615)
• Quezon City, Philippines
15 Jan 16
i agree with you @marlina
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 16
Thanks Marlina. I find it very difficult right now.
@jaboUK (53539)
• United Kingdom
15 Jan 16
Doesn't matter what age you are - this man is not for you. Get rid.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jan 16
Thanks Jabo. I had thought we were soulmates.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (53539)
• United Kingdom
15 Jan 16
@buttheadface932 Just remember a bad relationship is far worse than no relationship.
1 person likes this
@Mike197602 (13368)
• Worcester, England
15 Jan 16
You've said lots of negative stuff about him...what about the positive? Is there any and if so does it outweigh the negative. Also no matter how old you are I don't think it's a good idea to stay with someone through fear of the unknown or being left on the shelf.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 16
There is definitely a lot of good, he offers me the type of security that I've always wanted, even though he sometimes suffocates me. He is I think definitely the good person, but rather petty sometimes, and needlessly picky, and relentlessly critical. For example, it is literally *impossible* to have a discussion over anything with him unless it's a topic on which we both totally agree and we joke about. Why- because he will not make me feel supported. I can't even really tell him my deep feelings without him going off on an irrelevant tangent to disagree on a random point. (SUCH an INTJ.) Comedy is a good topic. But everything else? OMG.
1 person likes this
@Mike197602 (13368)
• Worcester, England
15 Jan 16
@buttheadface932 do you love him though? i've known loads of people that are in what I'd term as disfunctional relationships but they love each other and that one thing keeps them together. I'd say do some serious thinking and if the bad outweighs the good maybe think of moving on. You've not said much about practicalities such as do you live together as this often makes things more difficult. Relationships are a notoriously hard thing for third parties to give advice on as the dynamics are often hard to understand.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 16
@Mike197602 Yep! And of course his side isn't being told. But he lumps everything I say into "abuse" anyway..no discussion can be had really..because it's all, 100% my fault all the time.
@topffer (33798)
• France
15 Jan 16
It is difficult to tell, but maybe you are in a toxic relationship. You have to decide if he does this for your sake/well being, or if he is just manipulating you and makes you feel guilty.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 16
The more I think of it, I am not sure if he does anything for my sake. He just sort of expects a lot from me.
1 person likes this
@topffer (33798)
• France
15 Jan 16
@buttheadface932 It does not sounds good, but I read in one of your others comments that he has also some good points. You should weight the good and the bad, and discuss about it with him before taking a decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 16
@topffer if I still can..
1 person likes this
@UncleJoe (9753)
• Virginia Beach, Virginia
15 Jan 16
Hanging on to someone to avoid loneliness often prevents us from finding someone to share happiness with. Then again, perhaps the fertilizer he spews is good for your garden.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 16
This is a good point, Uncle Joe! However, I can't imagine there is anyone out there for me really. I do have a cat though....
@delyaj30 (615)
• Quezon City, Philippines
15 Jan 16
he don't deserve your love, you are only 40, and there's still man out there who will really give you importance
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 16
I am willing to make the decision to be #foreveralone, because I'd rather die alone than be miserable with having the benefits of having someone.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (40035)
• Greencastle, Indiana
15 Jan 16
Sugs I've been there so I KNOW a little something about this in relationships I would like to say don't give up just yet. but I'd like to know a few things if you don't mind me asking like for 1 how long you been with this person & do you have any kids with him & do you have more good times than bad with him? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The partner I'm with (husband of 30 yrs) we had the VERY same thing going on in our relationship when we 1st got together it took me some time to wake him up on just WHO I WAS but I finally got it through to him & changed it up. We're 13 ys apart in age him being OLDER than me, so that was a hit on the relationship at the start - yeah I know some say age has no barrier but it does. it took me over 4 yrs to get him to understand how & who I was as a person. So if you want this to work & want some advice please come talk to me as I don't want to make this into a topic on here but I can give you some advice. but in the MEAN TIME why not take time to watch this video on how the judge in divorce court describes this couple of something like your in.
Jervonne and Russell Thacker met 4 years ago through a phone chat line. Jervonne says things between the two of them were good for a while, but she soon beca...
1 person likes this