Another Theoretical Music Question
By Four Walls
January 17, 2016 12:11pm CST
No, this isn't music theory! Instead, it's a theoretical question regarding music. If you were given the power to eradicate ONE SONG from existence, what song would it be? (I suppose a more basic way of phrasing the question is "what is your most loathed song ever?") Here are the rules: NO answers of "everything by....". The question isn't who's your least favorite singer, it's what is your ONE least favorite song, a song you hate so much you want the memory of it erased from the earth. My answer would be "Little Rosa" by Red Sovine, but mercifully most people -- even die-hard Sovine fans (both of them ) -- have forgotten that smarmy, disgusting piece of cow dung. So, thankfully, that one more or less has been erased from the collective consciousness of country music fans. (I don't have to worry about the rock fans, y'all don't have a clue who he was!). Since that one is in the archives (and take this friendly piece of advice, DO NOT go looking for it...if you do and start throwing up, don't say I didn't warn you! ), I would have to list "H*ney" by Bobby Goldsboro as the song I wish never existed. "H*ney" (sorry, this song disgusts me so I can't even type its name out!) is the biggest pile of dung in a dung pile genre of songs known as the "dead girl songs" (Steve Goodman coined that term, giving credit where it's due). From the teenage tragedy songs of the late 50's and early 60's ("Last Kiss," "Teen Angel," ad nauseum) to the late 60's/early 70's songs with the same theme: "hey, let's write a song about a guy who's deeply in love with his wife then she dies!" It's not Bobby Goldsboro (I love his song "1432 Franklini Park Circle Hero"), and it's not even the song's author, Bobby Russell (who wrote and recorded a song I adore, "Saturday Morning Confusion, and also wrote "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia," a hit for his then-wife Vicky Lawrence). It's this smarmy, artificially-toying-with-your-emotions crap. There are other equally horrid songs about the dying spouse/boy/girlfriend ("Billy, Don't Be a Hero," "Run Joey Run," "Rocky"), but the notion of the "dead/dying spouse" hit rock bottom with this horrid piece of trash. I wish there was a button that I could push and chop the tree, how big it's grown, down, along with this stomach-turning waste of material and man hours that it took to create. How about you? What song do you wish could be put in a cosmic garbage disposal?
• Cambridge, England
17 Jan 16
I can mention a few, like the Birdy song but I think I would nominate Agadoo.