Is Divorce Necessary

@Ladypeace (2071)
Singapore
January 19, 2016 2:58am CST
My dad got hold of my mom's hard earned savings through their joint account and squandered away the sum of money away over recent years. We have tried supporting him through his gambling addiction by offering to take him to counseling etc. Unfortunately, he did not turn up for any of the counseling sessions and is still adamantly involved with the vice. To be honest, my mom, brother and I are at our wits end with my dad's unresponsiveness. My mom has contemplated about getting a divorce. I really don't know what I should say or do at this point.
18 people like this
24 responses
@owlwings (38416)
• Cambridge, England
19 Jan 16
It sounds as though divorce may be the only option left in this case. There is only so much help that anyone can offer a person and if they won't accept it, then you have to take stronger action, especially where money is involved.
7 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
You were the first to respond to my first post ever on Mylot. When I started this particular post, I would've never imagined the kind and intelligent responses that I would receive on here. I have confided this problem of mine in real life to 3 people. 2 of 3 of them advised me to continue helping my dad out of his gambling addiction. I'm relieved and glad to know that there are others out there who would pursue divorce as the better option.
4 people like this
@owlwings (38416)
• Cambridge, England
20 Jan 16
@Ladypeace Unfortunately, a gambling addiction can be very strong and often changes a person's sense of responsibility, reasoning and feelings of self-worth. @Berniezeitler is someone you may want to contact because he has been through this (and now spends some time helping others, I believe). Sometimes, the only way back for people with this addiction starts with a very strong 'kick in the backside' and just the start of divorce proceedings may be what your father needs.
4 people like this
• United States
20 Jan 16
@Ladypeace I sent you a PM. Let me know if I can be of service. I am a recovering compulsive gambler and to answer your question... Everything is an option because it is important for the people who are family of the gambler to protect themselves! Oddly I was the one to file for divorce and it turned out to be the best thing for all concerned. Thanks for bringing this to my attention @owlwings
4 people like this
• Dayton, Ohio
19 Jan 16
Just be there for your mother, she has a very tough decision to make. One which none of us ever want to have to make. My sister has a gambling addiction, so I can relate to how painful it is. My country is only just now setting up a hotline for gambling addictions, and the resources are still small. Most people have to use private insurance, but if you gamble your money away that wont last long. Something has to sour gambling for him, but that might not happen. They say you can take a horse to water, but you can not make him drink. They also say, you can make him drink if you give him salt.
7 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
My country has social safeguards in place to prevent vulnerable persons from entering casinos. My dad for one has been permanently barred by law from entering the casino as of end 2015. Having said that, he still participates in other channels of gambling such as football betting and quick picks etc. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me, it helps a lot.
4 people like this
• Dayton, Ohio
20 Jan 16
@Ladypeace They do that here now as well. But, you have to submit yourself to be banned. Many people are reluctant to make the jump. There is always those other kinds of gambling. Your welcome. Be strong.
3 people like this
@TRBRocks420 (66917)
• Banks, Oregon
19 Jan 16
I am sorry to hear he did that, my Dad is also a gambler.
7 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
Sad to know there are others out there with a similar issue.
3 people like this
@cherriefic (4303)
• Baguio, Philippines
19 Jan 16
If your he cannot help himself already when you're all around, how can he do it on his own? But sometimes people needs a stronger wake up call.
6 people like this
• United States
19 Jan 16
He is the only person that CAN do it, and he needs to do it by himself. Of course, if he is doing the work, then he can have the love and support of his family. However, he is the one that has to make the effort and choose to do it.
4 people like this
@sugartoes (36620)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Jan 16
@cherriefic you took the answer right out of my mouth thank you some people just don't understand what their doing till it's too late. once you take the $ source away from them then they will either get the help they need or fall on hard times & become homeless.
3 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
Seeing the development of things, my dad wouldn't be stopping his gambling habit anytime in the near future until his finances completely dwindle. I know this because it has been lasting over a period of 5 years now. Appreciate the frank and useful advice given.
4 people like this
• Philippines
19 Jan 16
She should have divorced him in the first place, It was never ever fair from the rest of your Family! those hardwork earnings spent on gambling shows his total disrespect through your mothers blood and sweat to the family. why support some one who is unresponsive, let him rot and see his mistake. not fair at all!
5 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
There are further facts to my issue that I did not elaborate on here. My dad lied to my mother that he would put their money to good use that's why he got hold of it but it turned out to be a big ugly lie. Things has reached a stage where he doesn't deserve our support anymore. You are absolutely right to say that it is unfair. I couldn't agree more.
3 people like this
@Auntylou (4351)
• Oxford, England
20 Jan 16
@Ladypeace addicts tend to be totally self centred and careless of those around them. Sorry for your poor mum
2 people like this
• Philippines
20 Jan 16
@Ladypeace well, don't let him suck the life out of your family any longer because in the end you the children suffers even more.
3 people like this
@topffer (31850)
• France
19 Jan 16
You do not talk about the matrimonial regime of your parents. The least your mother has to do is to ask a separation as to property to not be responsible for the debts of your father... well, new debts, as she is probably responsible together with him for his actual debts. If he refuses a change in their matrimonial regime, divorce is the only option left.
5 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
19 Jan 16
I am grateful that she will not be responsible for his debts according to my country's matrimonial law. Your thoughtful replies have given me much needed resolve to support my mother through her imminent separation and divorce proceedings.
4 people like this
@topffer (31850)
• France
19 Jan 16
@Ladypeace You have a good law. In my country, without a marriage contract each spouse is responsible for the debts made during the marriage by the other.
4 people like this
@bluesa (13443)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Jan 16
Sad to say, but, divorce may be the only option, as you have all tried to help your Dad, but he does not seem to want that help.
5 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
He sure isn't responding to our help. A good number of rows and arguments have resulted. For a period of 3-4 years he stays out without even returning home until the next morning hanging out at the 24 hour casino.
2 people like this
@boiboing (12248)
• Northampton, England
19 Jan 16
I'd say she should have divorced him a long time ago to avoid getting saddled with all his gambling debt.
4 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
In the initial years my mom loved my dad too much to see the truth, but as time goes by, she began to realize that the man she used to trust and had built a life with is just a big liar and a jerk.
2 people like this
@paigea (21336)
• Canada
19 Jan 16
I am sorry you have to go through this. I would want a divorce.
4 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
Comforts me to know that others share the same sentiment as I do.
3 people like this
@maezee (29585)
• United States
19 Jan 16
I feel like it depends on the situation, the two parties involved....Divorce might not be right for everyone, but certainly in some situations it seems necessary. Best of luck to you - I know that's a hard position to be in.
4 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
Thank you for empathizing with my situation. I know we will be fine getting out of this.
2 people like this
@trivia79 (7922)
• El Segundo, California
20 Jan 16
with your situation, don't think about it twice! JUST DO IT! Divorce is necessary for that case.
3 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
26 Jan 16
Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it!
2 people like this
@trivia79 (7922)
• El Segundo, California
26 Jan 16
@Ladypeace so what actions have you and your mother taken now?
1 person likes this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
27 Jan 16
@trivia79 Saving up to move out of course.
1 person likes this
@youless (87704)
• Guangzhou, China
20 Jan 16
I am sorry to hear that. Actually your mom has already given your dad chances to get rid of gambling. But nothing changes. And he even took away the money. I can imagine how it broke your mom's heart. So if your mom wants to have a divorce, that's fine. After all, it is a legally way to get rid of someone from life. I hope she will feel happy again.
3 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
26 Jan 16
Thank you so very much, indeed my mom is the one who is most hurt in this situation. But she is a very positive lady and we will come out of this adversity for sure.
2 people like this
@youless (87704)
• Guangzhou, China
27 Jan 16
@Ladypeace Try to support your mom and everything will be better.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 16
It must be very hard for your mom living with someone who is addicted to gambling and refuses to get help. I don't know if divorce is the answer but it might be
3 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
Yes it has been really hard on my mom who has to cope with a gambler in her life. It pains my brother and I to see her go through it, and we are saving up money hopefully to help her get through her divorce.
3 people like this
@jaboUK (51766)
• United Kingdom
19 Jan 16
This is a horrible situation for your family to be in, and probably the only solution is to sever ties with your father.
3 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
Indeed with his stubbornness I can't see otherwise.
3 people like this
@Auntylou (4351)
• Oxford, England
19 Jan 16
Sorry for you all, but if it were me and he would not try to stop, I would divorce him
2 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
26 Jan 16
Yeap, if only he would stop! It's vexing as my dad does not have the best temper around. I'm real sick of the heated arguments and minor physical altercations.
1 person likes this
@Auntylou (4351)
• Oxford, England
26 Jan 16
@Ladypeace Encourage your mother to stand up for herself, you will all be happier
1 person likes this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
26 Jan 16
@Auntylou I've already done so and she is standing up for herself now!
@DianneN (66784)
• United States
19 Jan 16
You know that gambling is a disease, I'm sure. Only he can help himself. How sad for your family. I hope he decides to get help.
2 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
He did gave empty promises that he would accept help. Too bad they were just lies to allow him to slip under the radar. He abused our concern and trust.
3 people like this
@DianneN (66784)
• United States
20 Jan 16
@Ladypeace Divorce may be they eye opener for him.
2 people like this
@jstory07 (61196)
• Roseburg, Oregon
22 Jan 16
It is a decesion that your mother has to make by herself.
2 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
26 Jan 16
Of course, in this case she has made up her mind since my dad isn't budging.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 16
If counseling has been avoided by your father and your mom is at her wits end with nothing left but her good moral integrity, support in a divorce as honestly he does NOT deserve any of you . . . but that is just my personal and professional opinion
2 people like this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
20 Jan 16
My mom is kind of a push over in their marital relationship despite making her own income to the extend where she loses her sense of self worth. Well said words there.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (108320)
• Bunbury, Australia
6 Feb 16
This is very tough for your family and very sad. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. In a way your father is ruining all your lives. I hope you find a solution.
1 person likes this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
7 Feb 16
He has affected our lives but we refuse to give him that privilege in saying that he had ruined our lives. To the best of our knowledge, he is still a gambler. By the beginning of next year, we will leave him.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (108320)
• Bunbury, Australia
7 Feb 16
@Ladypeace Perhaps that will be the catalyst he needs to seek help.
1 person likes this
@srisahara (4161)
• Indonesia
20 Jan 16
I know it is difficult for you to face this problem. I think it is okay, your mother propose divorce if she can't accept your father attitude. Your mother needs live in happiness. You do not know, maybe divorce is the best way to realize your father from his bad way.
1 person likes this
@Ladypeace (2071)
• Singapore
26 Jan 16
You are so right to say my mother needs to live in happiness. She of all deserves it the most after working so hard to bring us all up.
1 person likes this
@srisahara (4161)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 16
@Ladypeace I hope your family will find the best way to cope the problem. Don't worry...God will help you...Thank you...Have a nice day!
1 person likes this