Is this normal?

@maezee (29511)
United States
January 19, 2016 8:31am CST
I have been working pretty closely with this guy at my volunteer place for the past 7 (ish) months and I think he is the sweetest guy ever. He seems to pay some extra attention to me, asking me about my personal life, what I want to do after graduating college, what my career goals are – and also he has given me some special projects. I can’t really explain it but it feels like he sometimes stands a little closer than necessary or pays a little too much attention to me for it to be “normal”. I’ve gotten to know him over the past few months, and we talk about various aspects of our personal lives – hobbies, pets, what we do for fun, etc….The one thing he doesn’t talk about is his wife. I didn’t actually know he had a wife until I creeped a little bit on Facebook and saw their wedding pictures. Needless to say, before hand, I felt myself developing a little bit of a crush on this really nice, cool guy. I was surprised to learn he was married on Facebook (I should have never Facebook-stalked him), because he had absolutely never made any mention of a wife. I feel like most men I talk to, who are married or in a serious relationship, make mention of their wives or girlfriends 99.9% of the time, especially when you work with someone long enough. Is this normal to be married and not talk about your wife or married life? Am I overanalyzing or what?
3 people like this
4 responses
@ricki_911 (18260)
• Toronto, Ontario
21 Jan 16
I use to work with this guy number of years ago (going back at least 8 years). Very nice guy we talked and not just talking like the other people I worked with. But not like he asked me out either, but he was a shy type guy. Turns out he was married and I had no idea (but then common law even as he had no ring). But I think it is a warning sign and he is testing waters.
1 person likes this
@maezee (29511)
• United States
23 Jan 16
You think so? This guy also does not wear a ring. What does that say about a person? I am not trying to be judgey or a home-wrecker...I just can't stop overanalyzing things sadly. Sigh!
@ricki_911 (18260)
• Toronto, Ontario
23 Jan 16
@maezee If they are common law then yes ring isn't necessary. My parents are common law and don't wear rings. But as far as my parents I doubt they are out talking up people lol they sit at home. But the guy I worked with I gather he was in the relationship for many years, and had kids. If ind not all people but most get comfortable, and change. People want the same excitement like when they first dated, and that will never happen again but then they don't want leave what they are comfortable with.
@Scindhia (1971)
• Chennai, India
20 Jan 16
That is a warning sign. A man who truly loves his wife would definitely talk about his wife. You better be cautious with this man. Its good that you found out that he is married before you took the next step.
1 person likes this
@maezee (29511)
• United States
21 Jan 16
Thank you....I always feel like married men naturally talk about their wives and their famillies. Sigh! He seemed so nice. Thanks for your advice.
1 person likes this
@trivia79 (7925)
• El Segundo, California
19 Jan 16
"Is this normal to be married and not talk about your wife or married life?" - If there's no situation to talk about such topic, it's normal. But in your case, you've known him for several months, he should have talk at least once to you about his wife. And i think, he's not hiding anything from you. It doesn't mean that he don't talk about his wife, he's keeping a secret to you now.
1 person likes this
@maezee (29511)
• United States
21 Jan 16
I thought so too, thanks so much for giving me your opinion - I wasn't sure if my crush was making me overanalyze things or if it really was abnormal..
@MALUSE (34563)
• Denmark
19 Jan 16
It's definitely not normal. Leave him alone and look out for a worthy partner.
1 person likes this
@maezee (29511)
• United States
21 Jan 16
Thanks, I hate to say it, but I believe you are right. Darn. Have a great day - thanks again for your input.