It seems that he is not listening to me.

@dpk262006 (56104)
Delhi, India
January 28, 2016 4:33am CST
Hello everyone! Each one of us wants to say something, share our experiences or narrate what happened with us the other day/previous day. However, many a times we find the person whom we wish to talk to is too busy to listen to us. Either s/he is busy in mobile or laptop and does not have the patience to listen to you and rather will try make excuse to go away from us. And even if he is listening, his face expressions and gestures make us feel that his mind is somewhere else and he is nodding just for the sake of it. Do you feel that people around you do not have the patience to listen to you attentively and they are too engrossed in their own activities?
38 people like this
35 responses
• United States
28 Jan 16
I think that more people are doing so now than they did before. We have technology in our face all the time now and it causes us to lose patience with those around us because we feel we need to be engrossed in meaningless things.
5 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
28 Jan 16
Do you feel that people around you ignore you or do not listen to you because they are too engrossed in themselves?
2 people like this
• United States
28 Jan 16
@dpk262006 Yes and it can be quite annoying when all I need is a simple yes or no answer.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
28 Jan 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum - Yes, even when need a brief answer and that too is not given by the listener, it irks us.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (78759)
• Philippines
29 Jan 16
When i want to talk to my husband , i see to it that he would have my attention and the most appropriate is when we are in bed ready to sleep. And that goes with me also . It's the best part of the day for us to talk about the day's activities and other concerns .
4 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 16
Yes, you have chosen the right time to talk to him. When you both are in bed, he will have to pay attention to you because he has no choice to run away from the bedroom. Hopefully, you bolt the door before going to bed, so that he could not run away. During day time you both or either of you remain busy to give each other a patient hearing.
3 people like this
@SIMPLYD (78759)
• Philippines
29 Jan 16
@dpk262006 we are busy with our respective full time jobs .
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (78759)
• Philippines
29 Jan 16
@dpk262006 You made me laugh with you first paragraph .
2 people like this
@Gabugs (1763)
• United States
30 Jan 16
Sadly @dpk262006 this phenomenon is more prevalent today. People, even our loved ones, do not have the time or interest. They seem to be self-absorbed ---especially the younger generation.
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
30 Jan 16
You are very right. I am wondering the way the younger generation is going (concentrating more on technology rather than social contacts/interaction ), what will happen in future.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16717)
• Ireland
28 Jan 16
All the time.. but then I feel the responsibility goes both ways. I need to be engaging as well. If am going on about something they clearly don't care about.. I should change the subject. I often ask people to talk about themselves when that happens, or their opinion on something, very quickly you'll see they will give you their full attention then. It's not communication, if we all just want to talk and expect the other person to do the listening.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 16
I agree with you that it is a two traffic. If we want others to listen to us, we should also be a patient listener. It is a good idea to prompt others to speak about themselves, this way they get involved in the conversation and they would listen to you.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16717)
• Ireland
29 Jan 16
@dpk262006 oh ya, people love to talk about their opinion or themselves. Let them do that first, and it's surprising how much they'll listen to you afterwards
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 16
@Drosophila It is a bright idea to allow them to speak first, instead of we narrating our side of story first.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (152581)
• Switzerland
28 Jan 16
It happens sometimes, but not all the time. I try to find the right moment to speak to people, when they are not busy doing something.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 16
Do you feel that sometimes you need to wait longer to speak them as they remain too engrossed in their own activities?
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (152581)
• Switzerland
29 Jan 16
@dpk262006 Mainly this happens outside my family and my group of friends, especially the young people.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 16
@LadyDuck - Yes, problem is more with younger generation. Those who are part of family and are of the same age group, they will give you a better hearing.
2 people like this
@Morleyhunt (19723)
• Canada
28 Jan 16
I think this is something we are all guilty of from time to time.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
28 Jan 16
Do you feel that people ignore you and they remain busy in their mobiles or laptops to even look around or listen to you?
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (19723)
• Canada
28 Jan 16
@dpk262006 yes, I try not to be guilty of spending too much time looking at a device when I should be spending quality tie with someone.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 16
@Morleyhunt It is great on your part that you value humans rather than technical devices.
@sofssu (14467)
1 Feb 16
I would never share my thoughts with people who have no time for me. I always like to make time for my friends. It could also be that you didn't pick the right time.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
1 Feb 16
Yes, you are right if others do not pay attention towards you, there is no need to share anything with them.
2 people like this
@yalul070 (1754)
• Manila, Philippines
31 Jan 16
Oh yes! but sometimes it's not because of some gadgets interfering, it's just that because of not talking for a long time, you already lost that connection. i don't know if you know what I mean. but sometimes you just don't understand each other anymore.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
1 Feb 16
How come you lose connection with anyone because either you or s/he or both are too busy to get in touch with each other. Not understanding each other is a different kind of problem. It means that a person is not able to convey his thoughts in a way the other person could understand. He needs to use better communication skills.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (21222)
• India
29 Jan 16
Lol !!! Can I add that I came here to share my views coz I felt that everyone around me is just lost in their respective activities and then technology??? I fear we all are losing touch with each other.......
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
30 Jan 16
Yes, you are right that when we find that everyone is busy in his own world, we join platforms like mylot to interact with others.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (53539)
• United Kingdom
29 Jan 16
That does happen, but we can always come on here and have our say
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
30 Jan 16
Yes, you are so right that we all have a platform like mylot to interact with each other and to share our joys and sorrows.
2 people like this
@Bluedoll (17071)
• Canada
18 Mar 16
Yes they are and we should pick up on it. It is not unusual for me to say I see you are busy perhaps another time. I'm not upset but can see I don't have their attention so see you later.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
18 Mar 16
It is wiser on your part to clearly point out to the listener that he is not paying attention towards you, therefore, you will revert to him later.
@Bluedoll (17071)
• Canada
18 Mar 16
@dpk262006 The people I know usually drop their sight from what is on the screen and give attention but strangers might just ignore. Who knows perhaps what is on the screen is more important? Have you been in stores spending your money only to find that your service is interrupted because the phone rang? How do you deal with that?
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
18 Mar 16
@Bluedoll - Yes, I can understand your point that strangers behave oddly and they keep staring at the screen instead of paying attention towards you. Yes, you it has happened many a times, when I went to a store and found instead of attending me the salesman/saleswoman was taking a call on his/her mobile phone. Certainly, I felt offensive. If I found that phone call was too long, I did not mind telling the salesman that I was waiting and he should attend me.
@wiLLmaH (8251)
• Singapore, Singapore
23 Feb 16
My husband and I set aside the mobile phones whenever we are home (unless there is call at the phone). I hate that feeling of being ignored! Hmp!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
23 Feb 16
Nice to see you here. You both are wise that you keep aside your mobile phones, when you are together at home. Frequently checking mobile phones could ruin a good relationship. All the more if only you two are there at home, you need to interact with each other rather than keeping yourself busy in laptop or mobile. I agree with you that no one likes to be ignored. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@wiLLmaH (8251)
• Singapore, Singapore
23 Feb 16
@dpk262006 I am quite busy this past few days. That is why I am not I can't keep up with myLOt. I pity those people who always have phone on their hands while with they are with their loved ones.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
23 Feb 16
@wiLLmaH - Understandably your office has been keeping you busy? or something else also? Yes, you are right that now a days people have started giving more importance to mobile phones, rather than their loved ones.
1 person likes this
@OKennedy (1145)
• United States
21 Feb 16
Yes it happens all the time and it is quite frustrating if you are attempting to share something important or special. The best thing to do is to make sure that you have their undivided. Sometimes you have to say hey I need to tell you something and I need you to pay attention to me no devices I will make it quick. It will only take 2 minutes of your time. If you don't want to or can't right now just say so. That way we can set out another time to do it when you aren't busy. You want to and actually can do it. I want and need your full attention. Don't be afraid to speak your mind with others. If you do you won't get the results you want. If they can't then don't waste anymore time don't get mad simply say okay thanks and move on. Find someone else to help you even if it is a stranger which I think most times can be more honest anyway. Let me know if it works out for you. Be assertive your thoughts deserve to be voiced and heard.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
22 Feb 16
You have suggested a very good idea that to seek others' undivided attention, we should just ask them to spare their 2 minutes for us and if they agree, we could go ahead with the conversation. Of course, there could be some, who are not interested to even spare 2 minutes for us, in that case we should move ahead. I have not tried the idea of talking to a stranger. One fears that s/he may give some strange reaction, so it is better not to shary or say anything to complete stranger. Thanks for very useful suggestions. Nice to meet you.
1 person likes this
@OKennedy (1145)
• United States
23 Feb 16
@dpk262006 This is true but its nice to sometimes get an objective opinion from someone who doesn't know us so that there is no bias attached to the feedback. Can always say you are doing an experiment or its for work or school.
1 person likes this
@OKennedy (1145)
• United States
23 Feb 16
@dpk262006 It's nice to meet you too! I hope it works for you let me know if you give it a try see how it works.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (76154)
• United States
26 Mar 16
It sounds like you're talking about me when I'm on myLot. I just shooed my hubby away! Lol! Actually, we are both retired, so have plenty of time to talk.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
28 Mar 16
I did not know that I (mistakenly) mentioned 'you' when I started the post.. I did not have any idea that when you are mylotting, you do not want to listen to your hubby . I hope that he does not complain you much about this issue?
1 person likes this
@DianneN (76154)
• United States
3 Apr 16
@dpk262006 Lol! He disturbs me when I am trying to read and enjoy discussions.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
4 Apr 16
@DianneN - lol! You could introduce him to mylot and request him that he could share about his special hobby of collecting antiques with us. He might find some other mylotters who share the same hobby.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Mar 16
I have a teenager, so what do you think? Though I wonder if he just suffers from selective hearing loss...You know where the parent asks the child to take out the garbage, but the child didn't hear the parent. Yet when asked if the child wants some ice cream (In a quieter voice even) that teen is right there and know exactly what he was asked.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
22 Mar 16
I think some children are careless and do not like to obey their parents. You could just guide them and lecture them that they should share the household responsibilities and attend to errands. If they do not listen or do not obey, there is no choice but to accept the situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 16
@dpk262006 Actually when he doesn't listen, especially if he knows better, like doing his chores, then there is something I can do, I remove his privilege for using the computer.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
23 Mar 16
@Carmelanirel2 - Ha ha ha ha.....that is a good idea to deprive him of his computer.
1 person likes this
@T_gray (7821)
• Salina, Kansas
15 Mar 16
I notice this a lot
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
15 Mar 16
When and where did you notice?
1 person likes this
@T_gray (7821)
• Salina, Kansas
15 Mar 16
@dpk262006 I notice it everywhere. With a lot of different people. Friends. even family. It's like people only care about themselves anymore and don't care to listen to what you have to say. It takes a lot to find someone who actually cares enough to listen...ya know?
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
15 Mar 16
@T_gray - Yes, it is true that it is difficult to find people who are ready to listen to us. Everyone wants to speak, everyone wants to say his story but does not want to listen to you. Are you a patient listener?
1 person likes this
@much2say (38813)
• United States
2 Mar 16
Even before all the technology we have "today", I have found that some people just do not listen - or at least do not listen well. They are too busy being concerned about only themselves. So these days couple with technology and gadgets, there is a physical distraction which makes the whole non-listening situation even worse. I have this friend who MUST work, so she must be with her laptop and wifi if we meet during the day. We often meet at a coffee house and there she is typing away on her laptop working while we are trying to chat. She has to stop the conversation every now and then because she has to "do something" on the computer for work - and oh the visit is often such wasted time (for me). And unfortunately she is one to not listen well to begin with. Can you believe this is how it is when I visit her home too? Work work work. But she is a good person otherwise and that is the only reason why I tolerate it. I also expect not to have in depth conversations with her. I've been a listener all my life - too much of it perhaps. I've been hurt too many times by others not reciprocating. And so now my attitude is this: If I find that someone is not listening, then I don't bother giving them any information anymore. If they are too engrossed in their own activities that they do not even notice that I am now being silent, well, then that tells me something right there. Then I do not go out of my way to do anything more until they decide they need me. Then I may or may not listen to them
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
4 Mar 16
@much2say - You have summed it up very well. Technology has certainly affected our life. People are more busy in laptops and mobiles rather than conversing one to one. What you have stated about your friend seems very ridiculous that even in a coffee shop, instead of conversing with you, she is engrossed in her laptop. Even if she is a nice friend/person but if you go to her home and she does not pay attention towards you, it makes no sense. Had I been in your place and if I happen to visit her and she ignores me because her work is more important, then I would have straight away come back. Yes, your point is understandable that if you are good listener, it is but natural that you would expect others to reciprocate and if they fail to do so, it is better to not to listen to them. Image courtesy - The Public Speaker : quickanddirtytips.com PS - I hope you are doing well and weather would be bearable over there. Have a nice weekend ahead.
1 person likes this
@much2say (38813)
• United States
4 Mar 16
@dpk262006 Your photo here actually reminded me of another occasion with the same friend. Again, we were at a coffee house. We had another friend with us who was visiting from another country - he was not working, but he was fidgeting around with his phone. Unlike your photo here, no one was making eye contact with each other . . . they were both looking down at their gadgets (she with her laptop, he with his phone) and I was looking at them like WHY did I even bother to meet these friends - what was the point. I know, I know, it's not good that I put up with this. But this is the way it is with these particular friends. I have let too many friends go in my life - and I just don't care to get rid of anymore - it hurts too much. And so, I tolerate. But under normal circumstances, it does disturb me highly that people are more engrossed in their screen time rather than real life interaction time. We are doing well! It was hot as you know, but lately has cooled down. They say it will rain in the next couple days, but as you know we never know if they are right or not until the time comes. How are things for you over there? Thank you and hope you have a lovely weekend as well!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
7 Mar 16
@much2say - It was unfair on the part of both your friends that they were busy in their respective gadgets without giving any importance to your presence. Had I been at your place, I would have also felt offended by their behaviour in the Coffee Shop. Yes, if their behaviour does not change, you have no option but to severe ties with them. It is better to have no friends rather than uncaring and rude friends. Nice to hear that you are doing fine, however, weather is hot and you are just coping with it. Here also, winter is over and weather is turning hot and day temperature is rising gradually, day by day. My weekend was fine. I hope your weekend was good.
1 person likes this
@just4him (113414)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Feb 16
That's been going on for a while. I'm used to it.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
29 Feb 16
No one listens to you?
1 person likes this
@just4him (113414)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Feb 16
@dpk262006 With my kids - it's in one ear out the other. Not paying attention.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
2 Mar 16
@just4him You should pull up their ears, if they do not listen to you.
1 person likes this
@Ishani08 (495)
• India
6 Jun 16
I have experienced this head nodding thing a great many times. It took me some time to realize that people who are nodding head are not really listening to me. I guess nowadays, everyone is too occupied to hear to anyone else.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
7 Jun 16
Yes, if anyone is nodding or just smiling in front of us, it is difficult for us to guess whether s/he is actually listening to us or just nodding without understanding our point. If we have doubts, we should say in between our conversation - "Hope you are getting my point" so as to make sure that listener is actually listening to us. Have a nice day !
1 person likes this
@Ishani08 (495)
• India
7 Jun 16
@dpk262006 I think that's a good idea and I will certainly try it. It might just help! :)
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
8 Jun 16
@Ishani08 Yes, you could give it a try, it is likely to help you.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (63528)
• India
18 Mar 16
Depends on how interesting that topic is for the one you feel should listen to you.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
18 Mar 16
Yes, you are right if my topic is not interesting, others will not listen to me. But am I supposed to keep interest of others in mind while speaking? Should I refrain from speaking because if the topic is not interesting they are not going to listen to me?
1 person likes this
@allknowing (63528)
• India
18 Mar 16
@dpk262006 It works both ways
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56104)
• Delhi, India
18 Mar 16
@allknowing - What is you say is correct. Let me clear my point by giving an example. I come to your house as friend say only for 2 minutes. I say to you - "I was just passing from this place, so I thought I should quickly say hello to you". And will you say - "No, I am not interested in receiving greetings and you should not stop by and disturb me". It is imaginary and please do not take it otherwise. In this scenario assuming that you are going to be disturbed by my presence, should I not convey my greetings to you?
1 person likes this