January 29, 2016 6:27am CST
The BBC website reports that the Royal Navy's most modern warships, the Type 45 destroyers, are to be fitted with new engines because they keep breaking down. In a world where the UK is public enemy No. 1 to pretty much everyone, including many of its own citizens, is this really something we should be broadcasting? It's tantamount to sending an open letter to the world saying: "Dear Potential Aggressor, It has come to our attention that our fleet of modern warships is a little bit broken. While we carry out essential repairs it would be awfully nice of you to refrain from engaging in hostilities with us, particularly hostilities of the naval variety (that's the sea, not the belly button!!!). A few months should see everything tickety-boo once more, at which point we would be delighted to indulge all-comers in a spot of sea-faring fisticuffs. Should you choose not to be terribly British about this, you should be warned that we do have a contingency plan in place for anyone who thinks it will be an easy task to enter our waters uninvited. We have engaged the services of the London Mayor, Boris Johnson, who will be patrolling our coastline in a pedalo, armed with a blunderbuss. We would, however, request that you take it easy with Mr. Johnson as his movement is severely restricted by the inflatable rubber ring and arm bands. Your co-operation in this matter will be greatly appreciated. Yours hopefully, Mr. D Cameron (on behalf of Her Majesty's Government)" That should keep the blighters at bay!!
11 people like this
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
29 Jan 16
Nothing quite like announcing to the world that you're defenses have a major flaw at the moment. Maybe it was all a ruse to lure potential aggressors out of the woodwork--and there really is no such engine trouble that needs to be repaired. As a side note, when I got my first Kindle a number of years ago I really, REALLY wanted to jail-break it and have one of my kids make a DON'T PANIC screen for me (I guess I spent too much time reading Douglas Adams...and your title immediately made me remember that.
• Johannesburg, South Africa
2 Feb 16
Tee hee! Fisticuffs , love that word. Oh my word, you would think something important like that would be kept under wraps! @WorDazza maybe all the baddies out there are on vacation, or, uhm, they could think it is a plot to lure them in, and then BHAM they are hit with full naval wrath!